Natalia

It feels like velvet, his lips under mine, his hands in my hair and the taste of probably the unknown. For a few seconds at least. Until I realize what I did here.

"Jesus, what did I do?! I am sorry! I am so sorry!"

I break away from the kiss almost violently and run.

"Natalia, wait..."

There were lots of voices, his, Fiona's, Mia's, but I am not registering any. I just run. I run till I reach the tube and drive around for hours.

How the fuck could I? What was I thinking? Since when did I become so irresponsible to kiss a stranger on top of be betraying James the way I did?

I mean yeah, he annoyed me but problems should be solved together, you don't just run off, get shit face and make out with someone else.

Now I am one of those people. Great... After everything James did for me.

I need to tell him... He will be fuming and hold it against me forever but I guess I deserve that.

Finally at about two a.m. I unlock the door of our apartment and step in heavy hearted.

Almost unwillingly I recall the day we met, our first kiss, when we moved in together and all the good times. I fucked up so badly.

"James, are you home?" I ask in a low voice after finally gathering the courage.

"You fucking whore!"

James comes up to the hallway stomping. His eyes are red and he smells of weed and alcohol. I didn't expect a great welcome but this is a bit abrupt.

"James, I..."

"Who the fuck is Alex? Is it the bouncer? Did you fuck that bald head?"

"I don't know who Alex is."

"If you would like to finish the drink. Alex." He reads out loud mockingly from an ivory colored business card or so. "This was in your purse, so do not even try to deny it. I picked you up from the streets, you cunt."

So his name is Alex and yes, I am a cunt.

I keep staring at James, taking in all the details, all his moves but unable to move my frozen in place body.

Even when James's fist hit my face I cannot move. All the martial arts lessons and the muscle memory necessary to not let myself be hurt, yet I cannot move.

"You whore; I took you in! Where is your fucking phone? You must have more in there." James Topps the fabric purse all art and grabs the cellphone proceeding to slam it against the table almost bending it. Pieces of glass fall to the floor.

My lip is bleeding, I can taste the iron and my right eye is throbbing.

"I am sorry! So very sorry, James. It was a mistake. But we only..."
Another fist hits my face, and then another.

I deserved this, I deserved all of this.

"Get out of my house! "

And I do because I don't think there is anything else that can be done at this point. Dizzy and bleeding, walking barefoot into the night, I experience first hand what stupid, rushes horrendously bad decisions can do to one.

I walk till the sun comes up, till my feet hurt and the sunrise finds me on a park bench.
London's streets aren't beautiful anymore when they are the only place you can be. After some time I fall asleep on that bench and wake up to tourist laughter.

No, it was not a dream.

My face is still hurting as a reminder. The fuck can zi do now? Homeless, penniless, and with a dissertation to present in two weeks.

I need a phone to call Fee. Her parents will not like it if I ask to stay with them for two weeks but I don't really have a choice.

It's the first time I actually enter a payphone cabin in London after searching for one for hours.

This is Fiona Walsh's voicemail. I must be currently on my way to the Maldives so leave a message after the tone.

"Damn it! Fee, if you listen to this, I am in big shit. Sorry for ditching you at the party. Something happened. James kicked me out and I have no place to go. He smashed my phone and I am calling from a damn payphone and have only three pounds left. I am sorry I have to bother you again."

Beep!

"Fuck." There go my three pounds.

James might hate and rightfully so but he has to at least get me get my stuff.

But I suppose he needs to cool off first so I walk to Malik's place. He is sharing a one room apartment with his mother and father. Another person will be beyond uncomfortable but desperate times...

I ring the bell, knock and ring again. Nothing. After ringing once more the door is ripped open by Mr. Adebayo wearing only shorts and looking pretty drunk and rather angry.

"Hello, Mr. Adebayo. I am uh, searching for Malik. Do you know where he might be?" I ask timidly.

"Don't know. Went away with wife. Both of them useless. Told them to never come back. What you want?"

Oh. Shit.

"Do you happen to know when they are back?"

"No but if come, will show them..." He lifts a giant in the air demonstratively.

Good Lord.

He mumbles some obscenies in either English, Yoruba or both and slams the door shut.

Ok, I might have done shit but I need my stuff. I am not only s whore but a shameless one on top. But what my mom said before she died was 'never give up' and that I should be a good girl and graduate so all the sacrifices wouldn't be in vain. So I take a deep breath and walk towards our apartment more decisively.

It seems he already thought about that. In front of the apartment door is a box. I open it and smother a scream.

Inside are my clothes and laptop. In pieces.

I have not cried since Mom died but now tears run over my cheeks. He fucking hates me. And this is the best way to hit me where it hurts. Without that laptop I cannot graduate. All my stuff is on it. Fuck!

He also isn't home and doesn't come for hours and my key doesn't fit anymore. I think in irony that he would never have changed the lock so quickly if I asked him to.

Malik also seems to remain away, so after a few hours of waiting I take the box and walk not sure where. If we see each other now it won't end well.

There is no other option than a park bench for the night... again. I lay down on a bench under better light, hoping it will be safer.

What might by-passers think? A barefoot girl in an evening dress sleeping on a bench. Probably that I got wasted at a party. Which isn't wholly untrue. If I wouldn't have, I wouldn't be in this mess.

Alex... Jesus, he must be creeped out. And what was he doing there? He left me a note asking for a date of sorts. That's a bit weird. He is clearly out of my league. And then he turned up at the party...

I should never have gone there, then none of this would have happened. It wasn't a good deed but boy is this an expensive price to pay.

Now I am on a park bench, dirty, hungry and with a bruised face.

I must have fallen asleep but wake instantly at the sound of distant laughter coming closer.

Six men looking shabby, holding bottles of liquor are only a few steps away. I stand up to leave.

"It is a pretty dress you have, honey," says one of them.

I don't answer and try to walk away but another grabs my arm.

"Leave me alone! I don't have any money."

"Well neither do we. What shall we do now?"

They all started laughing.

I yank my arm away and walk another few steps holding my box.

"I don't think you are going anywhere. You will entertain us a bit." Two of them step in front of me. There isn't anybody in sight.

Can this get any worse?

"Go away. I don't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me? You are such a cute little thing."

He grabs my chin. They all look a bit drunk, maybe in their forties, smelling really bad.

One of them grabs my arm again. It seemed there is no other way. I let the box fall and kick one of them in the groin, another in the stomach and punch a third in the face so hard he screams.

The fourth pulls out a knife.

Worse and worse and no end in sight.

I kick the one to my left to the ground and another again in the balls but the one with the knife slams it in my upper arm. My other fist hits him the face badly, probably shattering his nose bridge.

There are only two left. Wait where is one of them?

*

My head is pounding and I see only shadows.

"Where am I?" I mutter. Everything hurts.

What the heck is this? It looks like the navigation board of a spaceship.

"Am I crazy, or dead?" I mutter. Maybe it's a car. A really modern one.

"Is this the fucking batmobil?"

*

I am... In a bed? An extremely nice bed; the sheet under my feet feels like silk. It's dark but to the right is an all glass wall and after my vision clears, I can see the sky.

Oh wow, there is the whole London skyline unfolding under my mesmerized gaze. Saint Paul's, the Thames... Am I dead?

It hurts all over so I guess not.

But seriously now, where the hell am I? The last thing I remember is that I was fighting some homeless guys and one had a knife. They were six but I was doing fairly good until one must have hit me with something because the back of my head is throbbing.

I try to touch the spot and feel a bandage. There is one on my arm too.

Is this a violin playing or am I hallucinating?

Meanwhile my eyes get used to the darkness. The room I am in is sleek and minimally decorated, probably worth a fortune and completely foreign.

So I do what every stupid character in a horror movie does. I follow the music to the source and for a few seconds just stop and stare. Tall, lean, and muscular with the face of a god become flesh, playing violin with closed eyes is my new acquaintance... He is wearing suit pants and a white shirt with two buttons undone.

"Hello, Alex... That is your name, right?"

He looks up and smiled.

"You are awake. How are you feeling? Are you dizzy? You have a little concussion. It should be fine but it is good to be cautious. You should get it checked out again if you keep feeling dizzy or have persistent headaches. For now, the doctor said it is fine."

"The doctor?"

"Yes, you were unconscious and had a head injury. In those situations one should exclude brain bleeding. So you got a CT. But everything seems fine. You didn't wake up and I was concerned but it turned out that you were pretty hurt also from before that one fight and had very low blood sugar so it was not good but understandable. You were whispering 'no hospital' a lot of times, so I allowed myself to not let you stay there, since the visit was half illicit to begin with."

"Half illicit?"

"Yes, a very good friend of mine is an attending surgeon at St. Thomas, hence how I could get you in and out of there without being related at all."

"I am not sure what to say. I took six guys in a fight but then stayed fainted from exhaustion. Something between badass and pussy."

He laughs. It sounds enchanting. Is it weird that I think that? Maybe.

"You are very funny. I like funny girls and I rarely meet any. It's also admirable that you can make jokes right now."

"Life's hard. Humor is sometimes the only thing you have left. Hmm... but how did you find me? You cannot say it was a coincidence."

"It was not; I was searching for you. But it took quite some time to find you since your cellphone died at some point. Luckily you have a remarkable appearance and didn't travel far from your home. A policeman saw you in the park. But you went missing again, and in the meantime you had that unhappy encounter."

"OK, I need to process this. Did you try to trace my phone? This is generally kinda' creepy. You saw it was dead, then alerted the police to search for me. You took on a lot of trouble. I will let go of the creepy part because of that. Don't make me regret it. Hmm, thank you... I guess."

I am in the house of a total stranger. Should I be afraid? Common sense says yes. Yet I was very much fainted with him so...

This situation is awkward to say the least. If he is a serial killer I will learn soon enough.

"Yes, I agree. It was the first time I did it and I wouldn't in a normal situation but you looked so distressed when you left. Which confused me a bit. It seemed that well... you were enjoying yourself."

I feel the blood creep up my cheeks. I totally forgot about that part and how strange it might have appeared to him.

"No! I mean, yes I did! I mean no. Christ, I profusely apologize!"

He comes closer and I am not sure what to feel. Except a bit uncomfortable because I still wear that dress and am rather dirty.

"Well I did. A lot. But I think I might have misread the situation."

"No..." I sigh. " It's my fault. It was me drinking and doing shit. I am very sorry for the way I acted."

"Oh, absolutely no need to apologize but... Um, do you maybe want to talk about it? Because you don't seem well and didn't seem to have been well before our encounter. By the way, the box you were carrying is here too but given that it was full of scraps of things..."

I take a deep breath.

"I uh... Can I have a shower first. I feel filthy in more ways than one."

"Only one objective way. Come with me." He gives me a half raised eyebrow and a smirk, then turns the lights on with voice control and I need a bit of time to adjust.

"Your place is... impressive."

"Glad you like it. I do too but unfortunately I need to travel a lot for work and am rarely here."

"Like is an understatement. Do you mind if I ask what you do for a living? I bet you are a finance guy."

Six five, blue eyes... He sure cuts it.

"No, not at all. And no, I am in tech."

"Hehe, the irony. I would have asked you shamelessly to fix my computer if there were still something to fix."

I am left alone in bathroom that is probably the size of my former apartment. Life is strange. Might be my last hours so I snoop a bit around. It looks exactly as he said: not used often. But there is stuff like unpacked spare tooth brushes. Means my friend here has sometimes ladies over. Then again why not...

I grab one and brush my teeth for at least five minutes till they finally feel clean and then shower very carefully to not wet the bandages. Easier said than done.

Feeling clean on the inside is another issue but I don't think that matters as I don't plan on having any relationships anytime soon or ever again.

I find an oversized bathrobe and out it on. The dress is pretty damaged and dirty. Such a pity... It was so beautiful.

"Alex?" I scream into the void of this house.

"In the kitchen. Just walk straight to the left."

In the kitchen... Where the knives are?

"What are you doing?"

I am looking at this guy in half business wear stiring in sauce and at the same time taking my very damaged laptop even further appart.

"Pasta. With shrimps and Mediterranean sauce. You are looking at me as if you saw a ghost."

"Don't you have more casual clothes?"

"That is your issue?"

"And the fact that my laptop is there in even more piece."

"Hmm I do have other clothes but I need to leave for the airport in about two hours so I am in a hurry. And your device here is a challenge and a very fun one. I haven't done this since I was a kid but, even if it looked desperate, I think it's solvable. As a matter of fact, your stuff is being copied right now from this very damaged drive I managed to somehow glue together to work for a little while."

I am, I think the world is a bit smitten, with his slightly peculiar behavior. He actually looks like having fun in a very nerdy way this all contrasting the way he looks and dresses and the sometimes stern mimic.

"So you didn't lie. You do like tech."

"I do," he answers but focuses on the little chip in his hand. "Are you alergic to something? Say shellfish?"

"What? No. Or I don't know; it's too expensive and I never tried."

This is so very surreal, how this guy I met two days ago is now setting two plates with very gourmet looking food that he cooked for me at the very stylish looking bar-like kitchen counter for us.

"This is... Very damn good."

"Thank you! I'm flattered. I haven't cooked in a long while but it would have been rude to ask someone to come to cook for me at three in the morning."

I watch him in silence. This is certainly out of my confort zone, hell even the country of remote comfort.

"Natalia, I know this situation is strange."

And there is again this thing. The way he says my name.

"Understatement. But call me Nate," I say. "Like the boy's name."

"Why? I like Natalia. Am I saying it wrong?"

"No. No. You are saying it too right."

He raises an eyebrow.

"Hmm. My mother used to say it the exact same way. So very... Not British. I like it but it makes me think of her."

"And is that bad if you think of her?" He gives me a small half smile and again I smile back.

"I guess not. It's bitter sweet. Whatever, call me as you like."

The smile gets a new inflection and I blush. Again. He really is ridiculously good looking. And so far... friendly. So very friendly.

"Can I ask why you were in the park?"

One of his hands moves to my chin and brushes slightly over the bruised lip. Shit. I feel it in my whole body. Is he telling me he knows?

"Because I got drunk and kisses you and my boyfriend got understandably angry."

"Telling him was a choice," he says simply.

"No. There wouldn't have been any other option. You know, trust and shit..."

He smiles.

"Yes, Natalia, it was the right thing to do, just not the convenient way. You chose the hard route."

And look where it brought me.

"Were you happy?"

The question stuns me because I never had to answer it so directly.

"I don't know. I was... Not alone and not on the streets. Why do you ask?"

"Because I doesn't look like it."

"It's complicated, Alex."

"Yes, it sometimes really is."

The sun is coming up slowly giving him half a hallow.

He stands up and takes another look at the computer attached to the ruin that mine is.

"The transfer is completed."

"This is one of the nicest and most unexpected things someone has ever done for me. Thank you! For everything."

I stand up from the stool and he puts his hands on my shoulders.

"I have to leave now. You can keep this computer the stuff is now on. Take it as a graduation present. And you need some clothes. Andrew, is working for me. He will bring you some in a few hours and after that he will drive you wherever you tell him to."

I take a deep breath and my eyes fill with tears for an unknown reason.

He sees it too and his arms move down from the shoulders and wrap around me.

I feel so impossibly strange, as if I can breath again and the tears just stream, not sure for what I am crying though.

"It's okay," he says and wipes them away one  by one. And again his face is so close and I feel warm all over, like I were floating.

We look into each other's eyes. His pupils are dilated and it feels again like the time stands still.

"This one's on me," he says and brushes his lips lightly against mine and I can't breath.

__________________________________________

Thoughts?