You know you are in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. ~ Dr. Seuss.

Chapter 38.

A Beauty and a Beast.

The ball had long been over and all the guests sent back home. Beatrice had changed and let loose her hair from the tight, painful hairstyle. She had gone to bed like everyone in the family, but she could not sleep. At last she gave up trying and slipping out of bed, went over to her closet. Dressing warmly, for the weather outside was still frosty and bitter, Beatrice went to her window. Argos whimpered but Beatrice shook her head at him. She couldn't take him this time.

Climbing down as quietly as she could, Beatrice only allowed her self to breathe easily when she was safely down on the ground.

The stables of course were locked for the night, meaning she would have too walk.

"Hopefully it's too bitter a night for vagabonds to want to be out catching people," Beatrice hoped to herself. "You are a reckless, silly girl, Beatrice."

In this she was correct, but that didn't stop her. Setting out, Beatrice walked through the night chill and the bitter wind, away from the manor, past the hanging tree that loomed bitter and ghostly over her, and at last she was at the Llys Gwyn castle.

It was around four in the morning, meaning of course Captain Fleets was not up at such an hour. Beatrice couldn't explain why she had come out here, but after that note, that gift, she just had to. The preparations of the birthday ball had made her unable to go and see her captain for an entire week and a half, and Beatrice found she missed him more than ever.

Even while still at a distance, Beatrice noticed the light in the tower. He was up? Already? Or still? At any rate, if there was a light that meant the captain was awake and perhaps it would be alright for her to come over at such an ungodly hour.

At the entrance, however, she hestitated.

"You've never been shy before, Beatrice," she chided herself. "What has gotten into you now?"

Maybe it was because she'd never gone visiting in the dead of night. Whatever the reason, the shyness clung to her and Beatrice found she could not open the heavy door and come into the tower. She stood wondering what to do next when the door opened from the inside and the figure of Elwyn appeared in the doorway.

They blinked at each other for a couple of seconds.

"Do you often go for midnight walks?" Beatrice sputtered at last, glad for the darkness that hid the deep blush on her face.

Elwyn chuckled. "I never go for midnight walks, nor is it midnight. I saw you from my window."

"In this dark?"

"Having sat in darkness for such a long time, my night vision is almost better than my day vision. But what are you doing here? It is rather too early for a social call."

This produced a nervous giggle from Beatrice. "Captain Fleets...I...well...I don't know why I came here at this strange hour, but I just had to thank you for the gift. It really could not wait."

His smile broadened. "It is cold, Miss Morton, do come inside."

Toegether they walked up the stairs and to his room. Raj, for the same mysterious reason as Elwyn, was not asleep and was preparing tea for the guest.

"Why are you up so early?" Beatrice questioned.

"I couldn't sleep," Elwyn explained. "And Raj will never go to bed unless I retire. That man is devotion itself. I do not deserve him as a friend or as a servant."

Raj shook his head, muttering under his breath.

"He doesn't agree with me," Elwyn added with a chuckle in his servant's direction.

Beatrice settled down in the chair by the fire and accepted gratefully the tea Raj passed on to her. Elwyn also took his seat and for a long while they sat in silence, drinking and gazing at the blaze.

"How did she get you to do it?" Beatrice asked at last.

Elwyn tried very hard not to smile any wider than he already was, but it wasn't working very well. "It was a strange moment when she arrived," he confessed. "A vulnerable moment I guess one could say."

Beatrice set her tea cup on the floor and put her hands on her lap, leaning forward a little at the same time. She sought out Elwyn's gaze and at last caught it. Their eyes locked. Everything Catrin had told him about Beatrice's fondness and devotion came flooding back to the Earl in disugise. The cold wind of the night outside, the fire burning brightly in, the beautiful, smart, talent woman gazing so earnestly at him, it caused his heart to suddenly start beating a little faster than it ought to.

"Vulnerable?" Beatrice softly echoed.

Elwyn fought to find his voice. "Yes," he kep his tone low, as if anything louder would ruin everything. "I must confess, Miss Morton, that more often that they should, my thoughts wander off to a dark place. I look at my life and I see nothing, and in those moments I want to just end it all. End it all," he echoed softly.

The words tugged on all the heart strings Beatrice had, but she could not find words to speak.

"I was toying with the idea yet again when your stepsister came. She was gentle and sensitive. Never once did she reprimend, never once did she correct or lecture. All she did was kneel and in kind words show me that suicide is a selfish act, and that all the while I was thinking of myself and not of others. I was sure that no one would care if I died..."

"But I would care," Beatrice cut him off. "If no one else, I would care." She blushed at her words, but did not regret them.

Elwyn looked down, the flames casting dancing shadows on his smiling face. "That is precisely what Miss Llewelyn said. I gave her the knife, and instead we turned our thoughts towards you. I do hope you liked the gift."

"Liked it!" Beatrice burst out. "It was the only beautiful thing about that whole birthday affair. I cannot begin to describe how much it means to me. I used to have his entire collection, it belonged to my father. We brought it all the way from Oxford, where we used to live when I was a child. But then...well...I suppose you could say the dragon burned it all."

There was a slight pause. Elwyn lifted his gaze back to Beatrice, who had never taken her eyes off of him.

"Miss Morton," he asked. "About the dragon. I hope you will not think it rude of me, but...well...when you refer to the dragon, do you really mean...your mother?"

Beatrice caught her breath. "Did Catrin tell you?"

"No." Elwyn shook his head. "I figured it out on my own. The things you said, the things she said. It was ony a wild guess of mine, but is it true?"

Beatrice poked the fire and let out a sigh. "Much like the dragon in your life, it's not a topic I am comfortable talking about, but yes, you have guessed correctly."

"And that is why you think it a losing battle?"

"Captain Fleets, please, can we not discuss my mother."

It was obviously a painful topic. Why was her mother the dragon in her life? Was she really something so terrible? Miss Llewelyn had said she was a woman of strong character, a woman who had kept the little Llewelyn heiress locked up on a manor for a long, long time. He wanted to know so much, but just like his scars, it was a subject better left alone for now. Perhaps they weren't ready to discuss their dragons with each other just yet.

"I am sorry for bringing it up, Miss Morton," he apologized.

Beatrice's features relaxed. "It is alright. I was never angry. How can I be? When you have made me so happy today. Captain Fleets, please, if you ever feel you life has no value, just remember what a friend you are to me, and I should miss you dearly if you decided to end your life."

"Thank you, Miss Morton."

There was another silent pause, then Beatrice stood up. "It is late...or early...either way I do not want to keep you up any longer than I must. Besides, I should get back. It would be dreadful if somehow they realized I was gone. Why did you not go to bed? Did you think I would come?"

Elwyn shrugged. "I can't say. I just...wasn't in tired. Perhaps somewhere deep inside I knew you would come, even though the thought never truly crossed my mind. How will you get back, Miss Morton? Did you come by horse?"

"Of course not," Beatrice laughed. "The stables are locked for the night. No, no I came by foot."

He wondered if he would ever understand the woman in front of him. "On foot?"

"Yes. Don't look at me like that. I just had to come and see you, I can't explain why."

"And you want to get back on foot?"

"How else?"

"What of robbers? Vagabonds?"

"They do say Llys Gwyn is full of them," Beatrice agreed. "But I like to think today is to cold and windy a night for anyone to want to be out."

Elwyn shook his head. He could not let her go back out there alone. It wouldn't be right. Normally he would of course have told Raj to go with her, but this time, this time was different.

"If you will only wait, Miss Morton," he said, rising. "I will escort you, at least half the way."

"Captain Fleets..."

He gave her a look that said arguing was futile, fetched the heavy winter coat from his trunk and opened the door.

Beatrice decided not to point out that to escort her he would have to go 'out into the world'. Why mention it? He wanted to walk with her; what was more, she wanted to walk with him. It was dark and lonely out there, just like her own life, and what better thing than to walk in the dark with a friend. Thus she took the arm he offered and the went out of the tower and into the night.

Despite what she had said earlier, Beatrice was in no rush to get back. Everyone would sleep in late anyway, and she didn't want to lose the captain's company earlier than she had too. Arm in arm they walked down the road.

"When were you brought to this tower?" Beatrice asked him.

"1811," Elwyn replied. "We were still fighting will Napoleon, I was rather frustrated when Colonel Blethyn came later and said Napoleon had been defeated and sent in exile. I had fought in the campaign, but never was a part of the end result."

"I am sorry," Beatrice sympathized. "I have no doubt you were a valiant officer."

Here Elwyn laughed. "Valiant? No. You yourself guessed that I was a womanizer and a show off. True, I never flinched at the thought of battle or at the sight of war. When we went to fight the frogs I put my all into the fight, but I could never call myself valiant. Brave, perhaps, but not valiant."

"I see. Then I suppose it is lucky that I met you now and not then."

"Yes, I seem to recall you telling me how you would snub me. But do you think there would have been no possible way for me to...well...get you to be a friend?"

"With the way you were back then? I think not. I never did like that type, the roguish, rakish sort of fellow. Oh I cannot begin to describe how they annoy me."

At last they reached the old hanging tree.

"I can easily find my way from here," Beatrice stated, turning to Elwyn. "Thank you ever so much, Captian Fleets. Thank you for everything. For helping me make amends with Catrin, for the books, for seeing me safely back to Derwen Goch."

"It was my pleasure, Miss Morton. I do hope I shall see you again soon?"

"Of course. Perhaps tomorrow even."

He kissed her hand and let her go. The wind was howling around them, the branches of the Old Hanging Tree creaked and groaned as they swayed. The clouds parted a little and a few tiny stars shown down. Beatrice took a step foward, but suddenly turned.

"Captain Fleets."

He looked at her expetently. "Is something wrong?"

Beatrice bit her lip, then instead of speaking, she stood on her tiptoes and placed a kiss on his lips.

The mask sort of got in the way, but Beatrice hardly noticed. She let the kiss linger for a little, before breaking away.

Elwyn stared at her with wide eyes, hardly know how to react.

Beatrice, blushing all over from her action, but feeling very pleased with herself as well, turned to go, but Elwyn held on to her hand.

"Miss Morton," he sputtered, still quite stupified.

"Is it really so surprising, Captain?" Beatrice replied. "I should have thought you would have guessed by now." She gave him a coquetish smile. "Goodnight, Captain sir," she whispered, her eyes shining. With a firm yank she released herself from his grip and ran off. Elwyn stood watching until she was completely out of sight. Then slowly he turned and began making his own way back. He still wasn't completely sure of what had just taken place, all he really knew was that he could still feel the gentle pressure of her lips and that she had been the one who had initiated the kiss.

Lost in their bliss, neither Beatrice nor Elwyn heard, much less saw, the lone rider, who had been watching the entire encounter from a distance.

Iestyn's face was hard as he watched his nephew stride home in a careless manner. The nephew who was supposed to be dead two months ago. And now at last he knew the reason why that useless Earl was still breathing. What was more, he was walking around, going outside, kissing women in the starlight.

Half of him was ready to just ride out confront Elwyn, but he thought the better of it. Turning his horse, he rode off in the direction of his home.