A/N - Hi, don't play the song until I tell you to :) I love you all, thanks for the votes and the comments!

CHAPTER XII

The Deep End

in which a red-headed girl experiences the beggining of the end

Two weeks after the second "carrots" incident

Anne had almost got back to normal after Matthew's death. It had been a month and she was trying to get used to her routine: going to school, helping Marilla with the house, teaching Jerry how to read and write, attending the story club with Diana and Ruby, practising every school subject with Gilbert...

She was sitting on the floor of the now empty classroom. The boys were enjoying lunch break outside, and the girls –including her friends– were outside too, enjoying an oddly warm February morning. The school boys from Avonlea were gathered together under a tree. Gilbert Blythe was there too, something that was quite surprising since he usually spent breaks with his nose stuck on some medicine book.

She stood up and silently made her way towards the window, looking out of it and spotting her friends near the water stream. They were probably gossiping and laughing at absurd things, as always. Anne exhaled dramatically, wishing to be able to laugh in such an unpreocuppied way like she did before.

Yes, she had gotten over Matthew's death. More or less. She had assumed that he was gone and nothing could ever possibly bring him back. However, her soul was... darker, tired. She was not the cheerful, extremely talkative girl she used to be.

Maybe I have finally matured, she thought, as she looked out of the window, watching her friends enjoying themselves under the burning sun. Maybe this was the way I am supposed to be. Silent, serene, restrained.

Thinking about how she did not recognise herself anymore, she thought about how she missed her old self. She had not had the guts to be Princess Cordelia over this past month, which had gone by so slowly yet so fast at the same time. Anne felt as if she had lost track of time; everything that had happened in her life after Matthew Cuthbert left this world felt blurry and imprecise.

I don't think anyone has noticed that there is something wrong with me, she thought. She had told her friends that she wanted to stay indoors during lunch breaks because she wanted to revise every school subject. It was not an excuse, partly, considering that her grades were going downhill.

She was immersed in her own thoughts when she noticed that her bosom friend was waving at her from where she was sitting outside. Anne waved back timidly, provoking a worried smile that crept in Diana's face. There was still time left of lunch break, but Diana and Ruby got up from the circle of girls and walked up to the schoolhouse. Anne went back to her desk as quick as she could, trying not to worry her friends.

"I honestly can't wait for next Winter Ball!" a very excited Ruby Gillis exclaimed as she abruptly opened the schoolhouse's doors, quickly startling Anne.

The red-headed girl knew, of course, about the upcoming Winter Soirée that was being held withing a few weeks for St Valentine's day; she could not care less. Truth is it seemed appealing due to the romantic nature of the event, but considering how things were in her life at the moment... she was not feeling thrilled for some idiotic dance.

"Charlie asked me" Diana whispered, as she sat beside Anne, just like she had done all those years ago. Anne nodded in response with a shy yet true smile. She wished she could feel ecstatic for her friend, but she could not help feeling a bit guilty because she felt, well... jealous.

Anne tried to shake her thoughts away as Josie Pye walked in with the rest of her friends, joining the conversation. "I'm going with Billy, he asked me this morning" she said, uninterested as she took a seat.

"Who are you going with, Anne?" Tillie asked, making the girl lift her gaze. The freckled girl was going through some notes on Geometry that she had borrowed from Gilbert a few days ago.

"Oh" Anne just said, before going back to the complex and confusing numbers written in the papers that lay neatly in her desk. "No one"

"No one's asked you? How surprising" Diana shot a glare at Josie Pye's remark. The girl had stopped tormenting Anne, but she still had some hurting comments. It was part of her nature, she often said, but Diana thought that someone needed to put her in place. "That's ridiculous, Anne" the raven-haired girl said, now turning her back at Josie and looking directly at Anne's eyes, while taking the redhead's hand in hers. "I'm sure Gilbert is going to ask you" Anne tensed at the mere thought of her and Gilbert attending a ball together.

"What? No, he's not, Diana. Besides, Ru-"

"I don't mind" Ruby said. She was rather unbothered by Diana's words. Yes, Gilbert Blythe was drop-dead handsome, a gentleman and all, but she was a mature young woman now. She couldn't forbid Anne to be "friends" −that's what she insisted in they were− with Gilbert. "He's not going to ask me" she said "And even if he did, I would politely decline his invitation"

"WHAT?" all her friends, including Anne herself −who had almost dropped her notes−, screamed in shock. "Did Ruby Gillis just say that she would decline Gilbert Blythe's invitation to a ball?" Jane Andrews said, almost dropping her lunch because of the impact. Not a soul in Avonlea would have seen this coming. "You had even planned your wedding!" Tillie added.

"There is no point of planning a wedding with someone that does not even notice me" Ruby said placidly. "He only has eyes for a certain someone" she added, directing her eyes in a not-so-subtle way to Anne.

Anne just blinked and stared at nothing in particular.

"You can go with him as friends, Anne" Ruby suugested "Aren't you two friends now? I heard that you've spent the whole summer together"

Friends. Anne scoffed. Diana looked over at Anne, raising one of her eyebrows with a knowing smile plastered on her face that made Anne aware of what their friends were truly suggesting.

"Stop it, Ruby, seriously!" she said coldly as she got up from her desk. "We're not friends"

"But Anne-"

"I'm not interested in wasting my time with Gilbert Blythe" she said, trying to bury her feelings for the boy, if she did have any. She had been so confused about him for a long time and know that she was not even feeling herself she could not deal with this constant situation of her friends teasing her over Gilbert Blythe. She had enough with her personal dilemma to even think about figuring out her feelings for her friend. "He's just my rival, that's all" Anne was furious. "We were never friends and we will never be anything else!"

"Anne!" is all that Diana was able to say before her friend stormed out of the room.

[Play Deep End - Birdy !!! It's right above]

But when she opened the door...

There he was, Ruby's former prince charming.

A very, very hurt Gilbert Blythe, who was looking at her in disbelief.

Anne wanted to tell him, to reassure him, that what he had probably just heard was not true at all. But instead of doing so, she started walking, making her way towards Green Gables, where she would feel the safest.

"Anne!"

Of course, he was following her. How could she even expect him not to do so?

"Anne, wait!"

He had been following her for so long; ever since they met that morning in the woods almost three years ago. The girl winced at the memory of younger versions of themselves in that clearing; how he had come right to her rescue, promising that he would slay dragons for her.

She closed her eyes as she quickened her pace. She did not want to face him right now. "Will you ever, stop chasing me?" she shouted.

"No, not until we've discussed this!"

She kept walking, ignoring the boy's words.

"Where do you think you're going?" he shouted, seeing that the girl was not talking to him.

Why does it feel like it always goes back to the beggining? Gilbert thought as she watched the girl he liked running away from him. Everytime it seems like we are moving forward into something else, there's something that leads us back to where we were before I left Avonlea. He stopped walking and he stood in the middle of nowhere, looking at how the image of the girl disappeared into the fields. Maybe I should've never come back.

No, no way. He thought. I came back for her, and she's going to hear me out.

He started running faster, trying to reach the girl. "I'm chasing you because I think you're the one that has some explaining to do!" He had finally reached her, and he was holding her wrist firmly. "Don't you?" They had just gotten to Green Gables' porch. Marilla Cuthbert was not home at the moment, and there was a silence that reigned over the farm that would have made anyone shiver.

She let go off his grasp. "Me?" she scoffed. "Why were you there, eavesdropping in the first place?" she asked, defiantly, as she tried to open the door.

"I-I... I was going to a-ask you to the Ball" his voice was trembling, and she knew for a fact that Gilbert Blythe's voice never trembled.

The girl turned back to face him now.

"Why don't you ask Ruby? I'm sure she'll be delighted"

"Anne, Ruby's a charming girl, but I have no interest in seeing her right now" For a second, he doubted. Should I tell her how I feel?

"Why not? She's beautiful, sweet, caring, and more adjectives I could think of" she said aphatically as she tried to close the door.

Gilbert stuck his foot between the door trying to stop Anne from closing it. "She is, but I'm still not interested"

"You should like her" Pools of tears were starting to form in Anne's blue eyes, but she wiped them away with the sleeve of her dress trying that the boy would not notice. "Even court her at some point"

He noticed.

"Don't you think that should be my choice?"

"What?"

"It should be my choice" he said, trying to sound as calm as possible, although the girl's stubborness was getting on his nerves; Anne Shirley-Cuthbert could be so obstinate sometimes. "Who I like and who I court in the near future? That's a choice for me to make, not you"

"Then make the choice of liking a beautiful girl like Ruby, she likes you and I bet you two would make a good couple, I-"

Gilbert was starting to feel anxious and desperate. "I STILL DON'T LIKE HER". He ran his left hand through his dark curls as a habit of nervousness.

"WHY?"

"BECAUSE SHE'S NOT YOU!"

They stared silently at each other for a few seconds; both breathing heavily and processing what the boy had said.. Even Gilbert himself was astonished at his own recent words. This is not the way he had wanted to tell Anne how he felt about her.

"Stop lying to me!" she looked at him; eyes filled with both anger and tears. "Why don't you go away again?" she asked sarcastically "That's what you always do anyway!" she pushed him away and went inside, sheltering herself behind the door.

"Anne, if you close that door, don't expect me to ever come back to you!" he said, although he did not really mean it. Did he?

"What makes you think I want you to come back?" she said before slamming the door.

Anne stood firmly with her back against the door, now that Gilbert was finally gone. She heard his loud footsteps disappearing against the snow-covered ground.

This is it, this is the end, she thought as her body crumbled onto the floor; the tears she had been trying to contain this whole time, rolled down her face. The end of us.

But how can something end when it never started?