CHAPTER VIII

The Secret

in which a certain curly-haired boy finds a confidant

The morning after the storm, Gilbert Blythe was woken up by a very surprised Matthew Cuthbert. The old man had walked into the living room early in the morning to find the figure of the tall boy snuggling in the tiny uncomfortable sofa. He was wrapped in a messy pile of several blankets and Matthew guessed that was probably Anne's idea. He smiled at the sight of the young boy before poking his arm awkwardly.

The boy jumped out in fear, startled by the touch. "Well, uh, good morning, Gilbert"

"Mr. Cuthbert!" he said with a husky, jumpy voice, sitting now cross-legged in the sofa and unwrapping himself from the blankets. "I'm so, so sorry, I can explain what I'm doing here"

"Oh... it's alright" the man said with is usual shy voice. "You are always welcome at Green Gables" Gilbert was already silently getting up from the sofa when a voice came from the staircase, making both the boy and Matthew look towards that direction. "Do you want to stay for breakfast?"

"Anne" he whispered.

Gilbert looked at the girl standing in the staircase, trying not to think about the fact that she was still wearing her night gown with her hair down. Think of something else, Gilbert. But then he thought about the previous night. Their glances during the dinner. How he told her how highly he thought of her. Her hair. The touches. Their walk back home. Their two figures standing closely in that exact staircase. How he had leant in... Damn it!

"Er, no" he said abruptly, tearing his eyes away from Anne, which was now frowning at his answer. "I should go home, Bash and Mary are probably worried". Gilbert walked out of Green Gables as fast as he could. Lots of thoughts ran his minds and he did not like half of them. An unfamiliar voice startled him.

"What are you doing here this early?"

Confused, he turned around to face Jerry Baynard, the young boy the Cuthberts hired to work in the barn. Gilbert and Jerry had talked just a few times, mostly over that past summer when Gilbert showed up at Green Gables out of nowhere to propose some random plan to Anne.

"Ah, nothing" he said with indifference. "Good morning, Jerry" he nodded politely before walking away from him. However, the french boy did not seem satisfied with the answer, so he started walking after Gilbert. "Bonjour!" he greeted him. "Tell me the truth"

"What do you mean?" Gilbert looked at him, his eyes narrowed, probably because of the early morning sun hitting his eyes, or probably because of the other boy's words. Despite Gilbert being a very polite and educated young man, he was not quite fond of Jerry, and he was not able to hide it. He had heard from Ruby Gillis and other girls at school that him and Anne were very close. Honestly, what does Anne see this annoying kid?

"Say it" Jerry said, now walking beside Gilbert, who was starting to get annoyed. "Say what".

"That you like Anne"

"I don't like Anne" Gilbert's face was now a contrast of exasperation and blushed cheeks.

Do I like Anne? As in a more-than-friends way?

"Ha, l'amour est dans l'air" Jerry's laughter filled the cold morning air. "What?"

It's not like he had not thought about it before. Those nights in which he had lay in bed unable to sleep, he had thought about her. About him. About Anne and him, together. He had always felt unsure about his feelings for her, though. He really admired the girl, yes, she was different than anyone else he had ever met. But did he like her?

She was cute, for sure. That's the first thing he noticed when he first saw her that time in the woods, almost three years ago; that burning red hair of hers. Her freckles. Her blue eyes, filled with terror as she faced Billy, excited and sparkling with joy when she read something she felt passionate about.

And then, the first time he ever listened to her reading out loud. She was beyond smart. And she felt so passionate about literature. She was good, invested. Brilliant. He had never seen anything quite like her.

Ever since the day he laid eyes on her, he felt curious.

His thoughts were killing him. He looked at Jerry bitterly, before running away from him. The french boy just stood there, shocked by Gilbert's reaction. He'll tell her someday, he hoped.

Gilbert ran through the fields as fast as he could, until he needed to stop to get some air. He needed to talk to someone about this situation. He couldn't stop thinking about Anne and it was destroying him. He would usually go to her for advice or just talking, specially since the summer they'd shared together. But considering the case, he figured he must go to the person he would make the happiest if he told them his feelings for Anne.

Diana Barry.

"Diana!" Mrs. Barry called her daughter, who Gilbert guessed should be in her room. The woman studied the boy's face, who had just knocked at their door. A hint of a smile crossed her face. "There's a handsome young man who wants to see you!". The boy blushed at Mrs. Barry's remark and glued his eyes to the ground as the played nervously with his feet. He suddenly regretted coming here. He had not even planned his words.

The noise of a girl rushing through the stairs startled from his train of thought. "Gilbert?" she said as she walked towards the door with a confused yet polite smile.

He was indeed, handsome, but she expected Charlie Sloane at her door. What is Gilbert doing here? she wondered. "Uh, hello, Diana" he said. "Would you like to go for a walk with me?" he asked her, straight to the point, however, his hazel eyes travelled to Mrs. Barry, who nodded in agreement.

"Don't be back late, Diana". As the two teenagers left the Barry's residence, Mrs. Barry stared at them from the door. This must be about Anne.

They both walked in silence until Diana's calm voice spoke. "Gilbert, is everything alright?" Diana was perplexed about the fact the boy had asked her for a walk. They were friends, for sure. They had known each other since they were five, but they had never done anything just the two of them alone. The girl feared that something was wrong.

"I" he started, but then realised he did not really know what to say. He clenched is jaw.

"Is this about Anne?" the girl asked, although the question was quite obvious. He would not have come to her if whatever troubled him had nothing to do with her bosom friend.

They had reached the Barry's pond, or, how Anne liked to called it, The Lake of Shining Waters. The image of the girl appeared in his mind again, and he groaned in desperation, running a hand through is face. He thought of her more often than he would admit, and he liked to think about her, but right now, it was consuming him. "I'm not sure". The raven-haired girl looked at him, trying to decypher his thoughts.

"Why does everybody think I like Anne?" Bash. Mary. Even Diana herself. Charlie. Billy. "It's like- every single person in this town looks at me as if-"

"It does not matter what people say or think" she told him. Her aunt Josephine had told her those exact same words a few months ago. "The question is" Diana paused for a second "... do you like Anne?" she asked, emphasizing the word "you". It was almost a rethorical question, of course. She knew he liked her. She knew since that day he called her carrots. It was so obvious. Had it been another situation, Diana would have shot him a playful smirk about him liking her best friend. However, the girl noticed the boy's frustration and decided to keep her excitement to herself. Finally, at least one of them is starting to realise it.

He stared at nothing for a few seconds, not knowing how to answer. "I think you need to think about it, Gilbert" Diana said, placing one of her delicate hands in his arm. He looked at her with soft eyes, thankful for the girl's understanding words. He nodded before looking at her. "Please, don't tell-" he tried to say. "Your secret is safe with me" She offered him her pinky finger. He blinked in confusion before letting out a light chuckle. Anne was right, he thought. Diana truly was a good girl. She seemed like a potential kindred spirit for him as well.

A week after Gilbert's talk with Diana, a certain redhead sat cross-legged right in front of him. The boy was leaning his back against the sofa, sitting on the floor too. They were at Green Gables's living room. Marilla and Matthew were in Charlottetown for the day, due to Matthew's regular doctor check because of his heart condition. He was alright by then, but his heart still needed to be checked at least once a month. Gilbert had reccommended who used to be his own father's doctor, who always received Matthew in his clinic for free.

The boy was switching between an anatomy book and the actual homework for a boy his age. Multitasking, really, because he gazed at Anne sometimes too. She was too clueless to notice, for she was completely inmersed in the story she was reading.

Gilbert hated this situation. He despised the fact that he could not enjoy Anne's company the way he did before for now he was always thinking about her or looking at her. It's not like he did not do it before, but he was more self-conscious of it now that he was questioning if he did have a crush on her or not.

It had been over a week since he had walked her home under the pouring rain. And things between them were... tense? Anne had noticed that there was something wrong with Gilbert. He was writing something down as Anne scrutinized him. He was chewing the inside of his mouth as a habit of nervousness.

"Anne" he lifted his gaze, catching the girl's attention. "I've ran out of paper"

"So?" her eyebrows raised, questioning him.

"Can I have some paper, please, Miss?"

"I'm busy over here, Blythe" she rolled her eyes before lying them back to her book. "Go get it yourself"

"So, am I supossed to walk to my house, in the cold, to get some paper, and then come back?" he asked in amusement. He did not felt as confident around her as he did before, now that he was trying to figure out his own feelings. However, he still liked to tease her. That will never change. "Oh, you're cruel"

Still not tearing her eyes from the book, she replied. "Just go to my room, it must be in one of the desk's drawers". Without saying a word, the boy got up and headed upstairs. He felt nervous again. Her room? He had never been in her room. The stairs creaked at his steps. First one to the left, Anne had told him. He placed his hand on the door knob and opened the door softly, as if he was entering some palace or castle. Well, at least it was Princess Cordelia's chamber, he thought with a foolish smile plastered on his face. Of course he knew about Princess Cordelia. Anne had never told him about her sort of alter ego, but Gilbert had heard her told Diana or Ruby once and... maybe he had heard Anne's reciting some poem in the woods once. Maybe.

"Can't the smartest kid in class find something as simple as paper?" the girl's pitched voice shouted from downstairs, so he figured he must have been daydreaming about her. Again. He shook his head in frustration. "Second smartest!" he shouted back as he opened one of the desk's drawers.

"What is this?"

And then Gilbert felt a hint of a spark inside of him. No, it can't be.

He took what he had found in his hands, caressing the surface of the object. It was broken now. Well, it had been broken since the day he met Anne. He remembered it so clearly. How could he forget? She whacked him over the head with it. The slate. He also remembers how Marilla had had to buy her a new one the following day, which is the one Anne had been using all these years. Why did she keep it?

The spark, again. What if she likes me?

He put the slate back in the drawer where he had found it. He touched the right side of his head, from the cheek up to his dark curls. He was not lying when he said that Anne Shirley-Cuthbert was a passionate individual.

Going back to his task of trying to find some blank paper sheets, he found something else that caught his attention. It was Anne. Not her, physically, in flesh and bone... but Anne. Several drawings of Anne lay messily in the drawer. Others where on top of the wooden desk. They were signed. C.M., Cole McKenzie. Gilbert clenched his jaw. The spark he had felt a few minutes ago was gone, and all he felt was disillusionment.

He remembered when he came back and Charlie told him how Anne had kissed Cole on the cheeck while playing some stupid game at school. There is no way on earth that she could like me, he thought. She's never kissed me. All she ever did was hit him with a stupid slate because he was being just twice as stupid. And she hated him for so long. She probably still does. I'm just a friend. And I had to beg her to be my friend.

We're just friends.

Had Gilbert looked closely in that desk's drawer, he would a found a neatly folded letter that had never been delivered, nor sent.

It was adressed to Gilbert Blythe, Port of Spain, Trinidad.

_________

A/N - HEEEEEEEEEY, this was meant to be uploaded tomorrow or even the day after tomorrow, but you are all so cute and kind with the comments and everything that I decided to update sooner than expected, hehe BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT

this chapter is a bit emo :( poor gil

ANYWAY don't forget to vote and to comment!!!!!!! ily <3