Ash

"Hurry, or we'll miss him!"

Eunbi drags me out of my studio and down the corridor, to one of the producer's studios, one which has a recording booth. She had rushed in, barely two minutes before and explained to me breathlessly that Namjoon was recording at the second. And now, I'm running beside her, heart beating out of my chest.

Even though I've been at the company for a while now, I've never once heard Namjoon rap live. Sure, he sometimes raps when he's doing a dance practise, but this is the real thing. It's seems funny that the man does rapping for a living and I'm only just going to get to hear it now.

When Eunbi pushes the studio door open, the producer inside glances behind at us and gives me a smile. I've met him before, since we work together and I return the smile, before turning towards the recording booth. Namjoon stands in the room, a microphone stand in front of him, and he seems to be casting his eyes over a piece of paper, which no doubt has his verse on it. With out any warning, he starts to rap, his eyes fixed on the lyrics and everything stills as I recognise the song. It's Lights, one of the songs I got to hear early on in the making.

I'm in a trance, enraptured by his smooth vocals. The charisma in his voice draws me in and there's a slight rasp to his tone. Everything about this screams realization, the lyrics meaningful. I find that his voice embeds the message within me, the message that it's alright to be you and to accept all your flaws, and suddenly I know why he's such a respected and loved person around the world.

Who wouldn't love him, when he taught you how to love yourself?

Before I realise it, it's over. Namjoon stops and he looks up from his sheet of paper, probably to check that it's alright with the producer, but his dark, gentle eyes skip over to me and widen. And then, his lips spread into a bright smile, dimples appearing and I have never felt so starstruck. Eunbi pats my shoulder and nods her head, as if she can completely understand how I feel at the moment.

"He's quite something, isn't he?" She comments, voice completely serious.

"I want to kiss him so bad right now." Is all I say in response and she laughs.

"I don't blame you."

The producer talks to Namjoon, although I don't catch any of the conversation because I'm too busy being wrecked by how amazing my soulmate is. A few minutes later, Namjoon starts rapping again, this time not breaking eye contact with me the entire time. When he finishes, there's a teasing grin on his face, like he knows exactly what he's doing to me.

"He's trying to kill me." I whisper to no one in particular and Eunbi nods her head sagely.

"It does look that way. Don't worry, if you spontaneously combust, I'll make sure that your gravestone says, Ashley Dexter, died after hearing her soulmate rap and disintegrated."

I smile slightly at her words, "Thanks. Great to know that you've got my back."

It seems that Namjoon is done with recording and he comes out of the recording booth, thanking the producer, before coming over to Eunbi and I. I don't hesitate to wrap him in a hug.

"Do you think it'd be impolite if I kissed you in this studio?"

Namjoon chuckles at my question, "How about we go back to your studio and then you can kiss me all you want, in privacy?"

I pull myself away from him and take his hand, leading him out of the studio. Eunbi follows behind us, but when we reach my studio, I shoot her a glare.

"Ah, you want to make out in peace?" She nods her head, before sighing, "God I miss Sooyun."

With that, she turns around and goes back the way she came, leaving just the two of us. I open my studio and push the door wide, dragging Namjoon in with me. Once the door has shut, I let go of his hand and loop my arms around his neck, rising onto my tiptoes. Namjoon's grin fills my vision, before I close my eyes and kiss him. He is pliable under my touch, hands curling protectively in my t-shirt's fabric at my hips. We've kissed so much, his taste is distinctive, but every time I kiss him feels like the first time. Through this kiss, I try to portray how much I adore him and how thankful I am for him coming into my life. His scent surrounds us and I'm so lost in him, I'm sure the world could stop and I wouldn't notice.

I'm the first to pull away, as I'm struggling to breathe slightly and when I let my eyes flutter open again, I see a heavenly sight in front of me. Namjoon's dimples are on full show, his eyes sparkling with an emotion that can only be identified as love.

"I love you." He says against my lips, as he kisses them again and again and again. The blissfulness of this moment is nearly enough to send my head spinning, but when my eyes connect with the clock on the wall behind his head, I unwillingly pull away from his soft mouth.

"I love you too, but if we carry on like this, we'll miss our meeting."

"Meeting?" Namjoon tilts his head and he's confused for a second, before a light clarity fills his expression, "Oh, that meeting. Right, well, I'd better stop now, or I won't be able to stop later."

I smile up at him, as he lets go of my t-shirt and pulls his phone out of his back pocket. Whilst I settle down on my sofa, he opens the vlive app and then comes to sit down next to me. I suddenly feel nervous and I find that I fidget, hands tucking and untucking my hair behind my ears. Namjoon stops me and brings my hands down, giving me a supportive smile.

"You look perfect. Don't worry, they'll love you."

I nod my head, steeling myself and before I know it, Namjoon has started the vlive.

Today, we have two meetings: one with ARMY and one with my mother. Since that interview a while back was a disaster, we decided that instead of getting some interviewer to interview us, we should just do a vlive and get ARMY to ask us some questions. I watch as comments scroll down one side of the screen and they go so quickly, it's hard to see them, but I do manage to catch some positive words.

"Hi everyone." Namjoon waves to the phone with his spare hand, "We'll wait for more people to turn up, before introducing the reason for this vlive."

I continue to try and read the comments, Namjoon's hand finding mine and gripping it lightly. It's just the encouragement I need and soon, we start talking. After I introduce myself, we start to read through the comments as best as we can, only answering the ones which are appropriate and kind, although I don't see many mean ones. As the vlive goes on, I get more relaxed, leaning my head on Namjoon's shoulder, which ARMY seem to love. Before I know it, we're waving goodbye and the vlive is over. Namjoon slumps next to me and lowers his arm, phone falling onto the couch beside him.

"See? I told you that it'd be alright."

I turn my head towards him and smile, "That wasn't as hard as I expected it to be."

Namjoon smiles in return, "Well, one down, one to go. When is the call with your mother?"

I glance at the clock and stretch, before getting up.

"Very soon. I'll set up."

I get my laptop out of the bag by my main desk and then I get the stool, placing it opposite the sofa and in the middle of the room. I put my laptop ontop of it, opening it and turning it on. I unconsciously smile when I see my lock screen, a picture of Bangtan, Eunbi and I, which is from our first date. After typing in my password, I open skype and find my mother's contact. I settle down next to Namjoon, whose arm loops around my waist, pulling me to him. I look over at him and grin slightly.

"You're nervous aren't you?"

But Namjoon doesn't have time to answer, as the familiar sound of an incoming skype call fills the air. I lean forwards, accepting the call, patting Namjoon's thigh in reassurance just as my mother's face fills the screen.

She smiles widely when she sees me, but then that smile falters as she sees Namjoon. I shift closer to Namjoon, as I wait for her to speak.

"Ashley Willow Dexter, is there something you need to say to me?" She says in perfect Korean.

I chuckle at her straight forward manner, "Mum, I might have found my soulmate."

One of her eyebrow's raises and then there's a wide smile lighting up her face. She grins and I can't help but smile back.

"Ashley, am I getting too old? Because to my eyes, your soulmate looks like Kim Namjoon from BTS."

I laugh at her words and shake my head, "That's because it is Kim Namjoon of BTS. I bonded with him about three months ago."

Her eyes widen, "Three months? Why am I only hearing about this now?"

"I've been busy with work Mum. Besides, I was going to tell you at some point."

My mother sighs, "Tell me honestly, you forgot to tell me, didn't you Ashley?"

"You know me so well." I reply and she just smiles.

"Well, it's fine. I know now, so it's all good." She stops speaking for a second, before her smile turns into a playful one, "But Kim Namjoon? You're a very lucky woman."

"With all respect Mrs Dexter, I think I'm the lucky one." Namjoon speaks up for the first time and I watch as my mother freezes, before grinning.

"I like him. Feel free to come back to the Uk anytime, but remember to bring your soulmate along." She says.

"Well, actually, he's my boyfriend as well." I say and blush when my mother's eyes widen.

"Boyfriend? Really?" She nods her head, taking in this information, "How did he ask you out? I bet it was romantic."

I turn to look at Namjoon and chuckle at his expression. Evidently he didn't expect my mother to be so accepting and I can tell he's feeling a lot less nervous now.

"It was really romantic. He set up this day long surprise, where the members of Bangtan would surprise me with a red rose and a card with sweet lyrics written on it. And then at the end of the day, we had a date ontop of the Big Hit building. I don't know how he did it, but he managed to persuade the rest of the members to be our waiters." I say, smiling up at my soulmate.

My mother's eyebrow's raise, "Even Yoongi? Wow, that is quite some feat. He obviously cares about you then. I'm glad that you've finally found someone to rely on."

Namjoon smiles at this, "I'm very much in love with your daughter Mrs Dexter and as much as Ash is relying on me, I'm also very much reliant on her."

My mother gasps, her smile getting wider.

"He's so charming! How on earth do you manage to keep a straight head around him?"

I laugh, "It's a struggle I have everyday. Just changing the topic, how is JJ?"

Her features turn serious and the sigh that she lets out is a sad one.

"Not great. Admittedly, she's better than she was when she first came to stay after the break, but not quite there yet. She's taken to practising even more and I've had to buy lots of different creams to help with her sore muscles. I think dancing is her way of outputting her emotions and for that reason, I haven't tried to stop her. We don't mention his name at all."

I nod my head, understanding what she's saying. Since JJ is a dancer, it helps her express her feelings and whenever she's stressed about something, she tends to practise a lot more. I can only think about how much time she spends practising at the minute, as she's probably really stressed.

"I'm glad she's a bit better. It'll take a while for her to get back to normal though." I say, but my mother's lips are pulled into a grave expression.

"To be honest Ashley, I'm not sure whether she'll ever get back to where she was before. That's unless she manages to find her true soulmate. She's so down hearted, I'm pretty sure that only bonding with someone else will bring back her smile. She hardly ever smiles now and when she does, it's a pained look. She's so different from the bubbly young woman I used to know." My mother finishes and I bite my lip, trying to hold back the stinging at the back of my eyes.

"Alright. Well, thank you for looking after her."

My mother nods, "Well that's a given. She's like a second daughter to me, so I hate to see her like this. Speaking of JJ and her bond break, are you alright? She told me what happened with you and him."

I snuggle closer into Namjoon's chest, his hand tightening around my waist securely. Even though I've been getting better at coming to terms with the memories, thinking about it is still painful.

"I'm fine. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to worry you. Luckily, it wasn't as bad as it could have been, since Namjoon got there so quickly. He brought a team of police officers along, so.......... so he couldn't hurt me." I decide to leave out the two wounds he inflicted on me, knowing that there's no point worrying her further. What matters is that I'm alright now and the wounds don't hurt anymore.

My mother smiles gratefully, "Thank you Namjoon, for saving my daughter. I don't know what I would have done if she was hurt."

Namjoon nods his head, accepting her gratitude. The rest of the call passes by relatively quickly, with my mother asking us about what we've been doing and filling us in on her daily life as well. Although she smiles the entire time, I know that she's worried about me and what happened with Henry. She knows that I tend to find it hard talking about things if they've really impacted me, so the fact that I haven't told her before now, shows that I'm not as alright as I pretend to be. But with Namjoon and the others, I'm getting better, so that's a start. It'll take a while for me to tell her the whole thing, but I will get there eventually. I end the call with an I love you and my mother's face blips out of sight.

Namjoon lets out a long breath from behind me and I turn to him, to see a relieved smile on his lips.

"That went very well. I like your mother, she's lovely."

"She is, isn't she? I had a feeling she'd like you, but I wasn't completely sure. I'm glad she likes you."

Namjoon smiles wider, "I am too."

Just looking at him now, I'm struck by how far we've come. From him saving me in the road and pouring rain, to shy and awkward touches, to being completely safe and relaxed around each other. If someone had told me earlier on in my life, that I'd have a relationship like this, I wouldn't have believed them. I'd have laughed in their face if they'd told me it would be a relationship with Kim Namjoon. But here I sit now, my soulmate's arm around my waist, in my own studio at Big Hit entertainment. Not only have I come so far in my relationship with Namjoon and the rest of the group, I've come far in my self-confidence and learning to love and accept myself. I can't believe I listened to those hurtful, untrue words before and I feel so much freer now that I accept myself. I may not be at the stage of loving myself yet, but with Namjoon and Bangtan supporting me, I know I'll get there.

"You've gone quiet. What are you thinking about?" Namjoon's calming voice sounds next to my ear. I turn to look at him and smile slightly, hoping my emotions will be expressed through my eyes.

"Thank you for saving me that day. You know, the day we bonded and you pulled me out of the way of a car."

Namjoon smiles back at me, "You don't need to thank me for that. Besides, I should be thanking you. I feel stronger in who I am and my emotions, now that I've met you."

"Okay then, let's just both say that we love each other, otherwise this will turn into a thank you competition." I say and Namjoon chuckles.

"Alright. I love you."

I grin as I lean up to kiss him, "I love you too."

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{I have come to love myself for who I am, for who I was, and for who I hope to become - RM}

QOTD: First BTS song that made you cry?

Mine was Epiphany. I cried every time I heard that song for the first 3 months of listening to it. It still remains one of my favourites.

Alys xx