Ash

Sore.

That's the first thing I think when I wake up. As I try to stretch in Namjoon's bed, I notice that my limbs are aching and my head feels fuzzy. My sinuses ache and when I open my eyes, they instantly complain at the brightness of the light. I'm aware of Namjoon getting up beside me, but I can't seem to keep my eyes open for more than a few seconds.

"Ash?"

Namjoon's voice is slightly muffled, as if he's distant, far away. My mouth feels like sandpaper, dry and when I try to speak, no sound comes out. I raise my hand up to my throat and massage it, going to speak. When I manage to speak, my voice comes out as a croaky rasp.

"Ow."

I concentrate on opening my eyes, straining and fighting with my eyelids and after a few minutes, it becomes easier. My eyes focus on the sight of my soulmate peering anxiously down at me.

"Ash, what's wrong?" He says.

I open my mouth, struggling to pinpoint one thing wrong. My whole body feels like it's on fire, muscles sore and as I move to sit up, my head spins. I nearly fall to the side, off the bed, but Namjoon reaches out and catches my arms, slowly pulling me back onto the bed. I try to protest, as he makes me lie back down, dark eyes filled with worry.

"Just lie down, don't do anything. I'll get Jin Hyung." Namjoon says, pulling the duvet back over me. Sinking into the pillow and the soft touch of the duvet, my eyes slip closed and within minutes, I've fallen into a fitful doze. I wake up barely a few minutes later, as Seokjin and Namjoon come back in, the rest of the group following behind. Seokjin crosses over to the bed, a frown on his face. He presses his hand against my forehead and I watch, bleary eyed, as his frown deepens.

"She's got a fever, her temperature is high." He says to no one in particular, before speaking directly to me, "How do you feel?"

"Sore......... dizzy......... tired......" I get out, my words slightly slurred.

Seokjin nods his head, expression grave, "Well, I suggest you don't go into work today. I'll get you some pills, which should help, but I think you should stay lying down for a while. Also, someone's going to need to stay at the dorm, to make sure you're alright."

"I'll do it." Both Jimin and Namjoon speak at the same time, and Namjoon sends the younger a glare.

"I'm her boyfriend, I'll stay at home."

Jimin shakes his head, "Hyung, you have an important recording today. Besides, I've got a day off today."

When Namjoon's eyebrows crease into a frown, Seokjin decides to step in.

"Joon, Jimin's right. This recording has been scheduled for weeks, you can't skip it or reschedule it."

Taehyung places a supportive hand on Namjoon's shoulder and Namjoon sighs, knowing there's nothing he can do.

"Alright." He says at last and the rest of the group take it as their cue to go. They all leave with lots of get well soon's, leaving only Namjoon in the room. I think they could all tell that he wanted a few minutes alone with me.

Namjoon comes to sit down next to me, the mattress dipping slightly under his weight. His hands find mine and he grips them softly, expression disheartened.

"I don't like it, but there's nothing I can do." He says quietly, "I'm sorry I can't look after you."

I shake my head fractionally, "Not....... your....... fault....."

He pouts and sighs, squeezing my hands, "I'll be back as soon as I can."

With this promise, he leans down and presses a gentle kiss to my forehead. When he pulls back, I can clearly see the guilt written in his tender dark eyes and I want to reassure him, but I can't. I can't get the words out.

Stop beating yourself up Namjoon.

***

The morning is a blur. Jimin sits on Namjoon's desk chair, next to the bed, looking through something on his phone. He's been so sweet and kind all day, fetching water and making sure that my temperature hasn't gone up. I remind myself to pay him back generously, when I'm better. Between falling in and out of sleep, I listen to the BTS piano playlist that Jimin has playing softly out of the speakers in Namjoon's room.

Sometime around midday, I'm awoken by Jimin shaking my shoulder gently. My eyes sting as I open them and I'm met with Jimin's round hazelnut eyes.

"I've got lunch. Do you want to eat now or......?"

"I'll..... I'll eat now." I'm surprised to find that my voice is stronger.

Jimin nods, "Okay. Let's get you sat up."

I cautiously sit up, limbs protesting the whole time, Jimin's hands out in case I fall sideways. Once I'm sat up, he passes a tray over to me, with what looks to be a small stack of pancakes. I put the tray on my lap and turn to Jimin.

"Pancakes?"

He smiles, "I didn't want to get you anything that you could spill onto the sheets, so that crossed ramen and noodles out. Plus, there's a place nearby that does really good American pancakes. Also, it's not too sweet or rich, so if you're feeling queasy, it's should be find for your stomach."

My heart melts at his considerate thinking and I look back at the pancakes. A smile finds it's way to my lips and I suddenly feel better than I have all day. I pick up my knife and fork, cutting them up into small manageable bites, but I pause when I realise that Jimin doesn't have anything.

"Aren't you going to eat?"

He shakes his head, "I've already eaten, don't worry about me."

His words bring a frown to my face. Usually Jimin's lunches consist of small portions of food, most of it healthy and not very fulfilling stuff. He's always conscious of his weight and some days he eats well, but others he barely eats anything.

"Are you sure?" I ask, worried that he hasn't eaten properly.

Jimin gives me a sweet smile, his eyes creasing into crescents.

"I had Jjajangmyeon."

I relax, glad that he's eaten properly and go back to my pancakes. I take small bites, chewing whilst listening to the piano version of Serendipity. Jimin doesn't seem to be on his phone, instead looking at me, gaze hazy. I get the feeling that he has something to ask me. I stop eating and look over at him.

"Jimin?"

"Hmm?" He seems to jolt out of a daze, "Oh sorry Noona."

He blinks and looks away, but there's still a faraway expression on his face.

I sigh, "Jimin is everything alright? It's just that you seem a bit out of it."

Jimin turns back to me, a question at his lips, but there's uncertainty in his expression. He takes a small breath, his features now filled with resolution and he speaks.

"Noona, can I ask you a question?" When I nod my head, he continues, "What's it like, having a soulmate?"

I'm surprised by his question, having expected something else but I try and answer it all the same.

"What do you want to know Jimin?"

He fiddles with the cuffs of his long sleeved t-shirt, not really meeting my eyes.

"Just............. What it's like. I tried to ask Namjoon Hyung, but he just went sappy and started talking about how perfect you are. Not that you aren't great, but that wasn't really my question." He replies, his words slightly rushed in the last sentence. It's evident that he's nervous and he's possibly been thinking about this for a while.

I set my fork down, which has a square of pancake pronged onto the end and cross my arms. After thinking for a few seconds, I start to speak, my voice quiet and thoughtful.

"Well, I don't know what you know about the actual bonding moment, but for me it was like a certain clarity. I felt like I'd been missing something my whole life, but never realising and when I saw Namjoon, I felt complete." I pause for a second, glancing over at Jimin, just to make sure that I'm answering his question correctly. From the curious, focused expression on his face, I am.

I lift the tray on my lap up and place it on the duvet beside me, freeing my legs and I curl them up, pulling them close to my chest.

"Having a soulmate is amazing. There are times when you can almost feel their emotions as well as your own. In terms of the relationship, I think it's the people that influence the bond. Obviously your feelings are amplified by the bond, but how you go about loving each other, it's up to you. In that way, it's like a normal relationship. Expressing your emotions is different for everyone, just as it is in normal relationships. For example, Joon and I show our love and emotions through our actions and skin-ship." I blush slightly as I say this, my mind recounting all the times when instead of talking, we've communicated by holding hands, hugging or kissing.

Jimin snorts, "I've noticed."

I nod my head, concentrating on the question, "But that's just how Namjoon and I express our feelings, your relationship might be different."

Jimin takes in this information and nods his head, an unreadable expression on his face.

"But what if they only like me as a friend, Noona?"

My eyebrows crease into a frown, "I'm pretty sure that can't happen. Your soulmate is your fated, they are meant to fall in love with you. While it might take a while and some people may fight their bond, due to personal reasons and experiences, they are supposed to fall in love with you. But I can understand why you might worry about that. I also doubted Namjoon's love for me, back just before my kidnapping."

Jimin's eyes widen and he pouts slightly.

"If you were worrying, you should have talked to one of us."

I chuckle, "I did. Hoseok found me and made me spill everything. He managed to reassure me and it was only later that I found out why Namjoon had been acting so distant."

"Right, I remember." Jimin says, but then there's that unreadable expression again, "What about your friend, the one who lives in the Uk? Her soulmate bond broke, didn't it?"

"It did break. But she has another soulmate out there somewhere and I'm willing to bet that they will be her true soulmate. Sometimes the path to true happiness is long and has a lot of dead ends, but I think the next time she bonds, it'll be to someone amazing. They'll erase all of the bad memories and help her get better. But the likelihood of your bond breaking is finite. JJ is a different case." I say and Jimin looks slightly relieved, "Have I managed to answer your question?"

Jimin smiles, "Thank you Noona. Much more helpful than Hyung's answer."

This brings a grin to my lips and I laugh.

"Oh don't worry, I'll choose some other time to wax lyrical about Joon. When you get your own soulmate, you'll find it hard to keep your thoughts about them to yourself. I always feel like talking about him, wanting the world to know how amazing he is and I'm sure he's the same."

Jimin giggles, "When I find my soulmate, I'm going to drive everyone crazy."

"You do that. In fact, I'll join you and we can set up an appreciation club for our soulmates and hold meetings. How does that sound?" I ask.

"That sounds like a great idea. We are going to annoy everyone!" Jimin giggles again, his face beautifully lit up in an expression of pure joy. I'm glad that I'm making him laugh, since he seemed anxious not too long ago.

I look at my tray of pancake squares and pick it up, placing it back on my lap and I start to eat again. For some reason I feel hungrier and more awake than I have all day. When I move my arms, they feel less achy and my head feels clearer.

"Are you feeling better Noona?" Jimin asks once he's stopped laughing.

"I am, thanks to you." I reply, before stuffing more pancake into my mouth.

Jimin grins, "That's good. I feel like Namjoon Hyung might have glared me into another dimension if you weren't feeling better by the time he got back. I know he's just being protective of you, but he can be scary when he wants to."

"I think he looks attractive when he glares." I say, without really thinking.

Jimin chuckles, rolling his eyes, "Of course you would think that. Well, now that you're feeling better, do you want to do anything? Read? Watch something?"

I contemplate for a second, "I'll watch something. I'm going to try and go through some of your old performances, so I can figure out what kinds of beats are good for dancing to."

Jimin's shoulders slump, as he passes me my phone from my bedside table.

"Work, really? Hyung is going to kill me if he finds out that you're working whilst you're ill."

"Don't worry, I won't tell him I've been working." I reassure Jimin, as I unlock my phone.

Jimin smiles, "Alright, if you're feeling better, I'd better go eat lunch."

My eyes widen and I stare at the younger, as he gets up and goes over to the door.

"You lied to me?!"

"Sorry Noona." Jimin gives me his trademark angelic smile, before exiting the room.

***

I'm sitting up in bed, watching a performance of Blood, Sweat and Tears on my phone. I've been working my way through the comebacks and the stage I'm watching, has all the guys dressed in fancy silk pyjama shirts. My eyes keep straying to Namjoon, who is wearing a flowy white shirt, the neck dipping down deeper than normal. With his hair styled like that and the movements for his rap verse, I'm finding it hard to keep my blush down. I think if he ever performed this song in front of me, I'd spontaneously combust on the spot.

I'm jolted from my thoughts and look up, as the bedroom door opens. I quickly click off the YouTube app, just in case it's Namjoon. I don't want him knowing I've been replaying his verse in BS&T for the last 10 minutes.

My soulmate walks into the room, dressed in tight jeans and a fitting t-shirt. His dark eyes find mine instantly and I'm not surprised to find that they're full of worry. With a couple of long strides, he's by the bed and is sitting down on the mattress. His hands find mine and squeeze them gently.

"How are you?" His words are quiet and careful.

"Better. How was your recording?"

Namjoon frowns slightly, annoyed I've changed the subject.

"It was fine. But I don't care about that, I want to know how you're feeling." He strokes a thumb over the top of my hand, "I've been worried about you all day."

I relax against the headboard, "I'm alright. I'm feeling much better than this morning, so you have nothing to worry about anymore."

His frown deepens, "Are you sure?"

I give him a smile, and squeeze his hands slightly.

"I'm sure."

Namjoon gazes at me for a second, dark eyes searching mine to make sure I'm telling the truth. Whatever he sees seems to reassure him and his concerned expression breaks into a relieved smile. He raises our entwined hands up to his lips and presses a soft kiss to my knuckles. When he speaks again, his tone is substantially lighter.

"So what have you been doing today?"

I smile at his change in tone, "Well, I mostly dozed through the morning, then Jimin bought me some pancakes for lunch and we had a chat. I then spent the rest of the day watching things on YouTube."

Namjoon's eyes widen, "You had pancakes?! Lucky."

I chuckle, "I am, aren't I?"

Namjoon lets go of my hands and gets up. I'm surprised by his sudden movement, but he shoots me a smile.

"Don't worry, I'm just going to change my shirt into something comfier and then we can carry on talking."

He heads over to the wardrobe and opens it. In one swift movement, he pulls the t-shirt he's wearing over his head and bundles it up into a small ball, which he holds in one hand. I hastily glance away, my cheeks heating up instantly at the sight of his bare back. Namjoon seems oblivious to the fact that I'm in the room as he's changing and rifles through the wardrobe, his tanned skin on show. He finally takes out a fresh t-shirt and pulls it over his head, before turning back to me. Once I'm sure that he's covered, I turn back to look at him, my cheeks still flushed. There's a cheeky grin on his face which tells me that he deliberately did that to make me flushed, and between that and watching the Blood, Sweat and Tears stage, he's definitely succeeded. It's like he knew I had been watching that beforehand.

He's trying to kill me.

He puts his old t-shirt in the washing basket, in the corner of the room and then makes his way over to me. He moves around the bed and comes to sit down on his side of the bed. He pulls the covers up and slides underneath, one hand looping around my waist and pulling me towards him.

"W-What are you doing?" I hate how I stutter, but the image of his bare skin is etched into my mind.

When I look up at my soulmate, he's pouting.

"Can't I cuddle my girlfriend after a hard day's work?"

I blush even harder at the word girlfriend. Namjoon takes my silence as his answer and snuggles up closer to me, so that my back is pressed against his chest. I'm still staring up at him and without any warning, he's leaning down and kissing me softly.

The intimacy of this kiss sends me overboard, so that I'm sure that I'm bright red. Namjoon's lips are sweet and slow, oozing passion and it's all I can do to keep a straight head. His familiar scent clouds my senses, making my head spin as the arm that is around my waist tightens. His other free hand moves to tilt my head up even further, giving him better access to my mouth and I melt into his strong, yet soothing touch. Lips hot and loving against mine, I find that I never want this moment to end.

But soon, too soon, Namjoon pulls away, mouth pink and lips slightly swollen, his gaze heady and alluring. He leans his forehead against mine, dark eyes slipping closed.

"I missed you. I'm sorry I wasn't able to look after you today." My heart jumps at how raspy and low his voice is.

"You're here now." I say and with how flustered and warm I'm feeling, it's all I can get out.

Namjoon kisses me again, the comforting taste of his mouth, swallowing me. I struggle to breathe under his soft, leisurely and intoxicating kisses, my heart ready to beat out of my chest. His plush lips are so captivating, I almost complain when he pulls away again, but he places a kiss to my forehead, eyes sparkling with a giddy light.

"Why did you stop?" My words are barely more than a whisper, but he catches them all the same.

"Because," He says against my forehead, "I think you might faint if I continue. You're really red."

Ironically, this only makes me blush harder. Namjoon moves away from my forehead and grins down at me, his expression teasing and beautiful.

"I think you could give tomatoes a run for their money at that colour." He jokes and I playfully glare at him.

"You're annoying."

He tilts his head, "But you love me?"

I let out a deep sigh, "Yes, I love you. Now distract me so I can stop blushing."

Namjoon raises a single eyebrow, the action alone making my cheeks colour even further.

"Distract you?" He repeats.

Rolling my eyes, I look away from him.

"You know what I mean."

There's a loud, low sound from behind me and I take that to mean Namjoon is laughing.

"Oh, I know what you mean."

"Namjoon!" I groan, as he pulls me closer, mouth hovering dangerously close to my neck.

"Alright, I'll stop teasing you." He finally says, "What do you want to do?"

Now that I'm sure he's stopped teasing me, I relax against his chest, snuggling closer to him.

"I'm not really sure. What do you want to do?"

Everything is quiet for a few seconds, as Namjoon thinks, but then he moves, his hand reaching out for something on his bedside table. When he pulls it back, I see that there is a book in his hands, the title in English.

"Charlotte's Web?" I ask and I feel Namjoon nod his head behind me.

"I've always wanted to read it, but I've never had the time."

"Okay," I reply, "Are you going to read it out loud or.........?"

He chuckles, the movement echoing against my back, "Yes, I'll read it out loud. You ready?"

I shift, moving closer to him and I bring his arm further around my waist.

"Sure."

A few minutes later, I'm listening to the sound of Namjoon's smooth English, as he reads through the first chapter, both my mind and my heart at peace.

I could definitely get used to this.

---------------------------

{Don't worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try – Jack Canfield}

QOTD: Favourite BTS photoshoot concept?

Mine is the dark angels from MOTS7 version 2.

Alys xx