Ash

I sit in my studio, legs curled up, in my armchair. I haven't touched my computer for hours, instead I've just been thinking. I haven't even eaten lunch.

What Namjoon said on the roof, or more specifically what he didn't say, has been bugging me. He's evidently going through a hard time, it's obvious to everyone, but he pushed me away. I know that he's just not great at the moment and that he probably doesn't mean it, but he's been keeping things from me. It's not just my instincts telling me, but a feeling in my heart as well and whatever it is, is bigger than just some small work worry.

I know I shouldn't, but I feel hurt, rejected even. When he shut himself away from me, I felt irrelevant and unwanted, and I feel that as his soulmate, I should be the one helping him. Maybe after a month he's realized that he doesn't like me after all and he doesn't want me as his soulmate.

I run a hand through my hair, tugging at the strands slightly. I bury my face in my knees, trying to shut out the thoughts overtaking my mind. I stay in that small, cramped position, controlling my shallow breathing, when there's a knock at my studio door.

"C-Come in." I hate how feeble my voice sounds.

I hear the door open behind me and someone walks in, closing the door behind them. Their steps come closer to me and suddenly a hand's on my arm.

"Ash?"

I look up to see a concerned looking Hoseok standing over me.

"Yoongi told us what happened on the roof. I just wanted to see how you're doing."

I give him a fake smile, "I'm fine Hoseok."

He gives me a disapproving look, raising his eyebrows.

"We both know that's not true. Tell me everything you've been thinking."

He pulls a stool from out of the corner of the studio and sits down next to my armchair.

"I'm a mess." I start off, "I know that he's not great at the moment and that I shouldn't react so selfishly like this, but I feel really, really hurt."

Hoseok frowns at my words.

"You're not being selfish. The way he acted wasn't nice and you are allowed to react and feel upset."

I nod my head, not really believing him.

"Carry on, I know there's more." Hoseok says.

I sigh, "I think it's me. I had a talk with Seokjin a day or two ago and he says that Namjoon usually worries about the other members. He said that everyone was fine, so he thought it might be me that he's worrying about."

"Alright, go on." Hoseok prompts when I pause.

"I-I know this might just be stupid, but I feel like he's having second thoughts about me. Like he's realise that I'm not enough for him or that he just truly doesn't like me in that way-"

"Ash, you know that's impossible, he's your soulmate." Hoseok cuts me off and tries to reassure me, but by now tears are pricking at the back of my eyes.

"But you hear of cases of the soulmate bond breaking, because of something big o-or if one falls out of love with the other. I-I'm not saying Namjoon loves me, but I'm not even sure whether he likes me."

I don't realise that I'm shaking until Hoseok takes my hands in his, gripping them tightly.

"Ash, did Namjoon say that he likes you?"

I nod my head shakily, nearly choking on tears.

"If Namjoon said that, then he meant it. He's not one to lie to people and if he was having second thoughts about you, then he'd talk to us. So far as I know, he hasn't talked to anyone at all."

"B-But....."

"Listen to me Ash. Namjoon likes you a lot and I know this because I can see it. He looks at you like you're his whole world and there's such love in his gaze. He barely leaves your side back at the dorm and he's fiercely protective of you. If there's one thing that I'm certain of, it's that he likes you."

Hoseok rubs his thumb over the back of my hands soothingly, not breaking eye contact with me the entire time. I'm suddenly very grateful to have such kind people in my life.

"It's a thing that Namjoon tends to do when he's got too much on his mind. He pushes us away from him, almost to the point where he ignores us. Because he has such a smart brain, he thinks that he needs no help trying to solve tricky problems, when in actual fact it's too much for him to handle." Hoseok says quietly, "I worry about him a lot. Back before the roles for Bangtan were decided, he was more carefree. Being a leader has made him more serious and stubborn. He feels like he's failed, unless he's handled something by himself. In his thinking, if he can't handle one thing, then he isn't fit to lead Bangtan. He puts too much pressure on himself."

I just stare at Hoseok, surprised by his intimate knowledge of how Namjoon thinks. Hoseok catches my look and gives me a soft smile.

"Don't look so surprised! I've lived with that tall goofy idiot for nine years or so. I know pretty much all of the members back to front and whilst you don't know him as well as I do yet, you're the one who will stay with him for the rest of your life. You have plenty of time and I promise you he's not going to leave you."

I choke out a laugh, through my tears.

"H-Has anyone ever told you that y-you're really good at reassuring and m-making people feel better?"

"Come on, I'm the hope of Bangtan. I wouldn't be doing my job properly if I didn't make people feel better." Hoseok jokes and smiles widely when he sees that my tears are drying up.

"T-Thank you."

He grins. "Anytime. My door's always open. Well, metaphorically. Do you need some time alone to pull yourself together?"

I nod my head gratefully. "I'll come home a bit later. Don't worry, I'll only be about an hour, I just need to gather my thoughts."

"That's fine. Take the time you need. I'll tell the others that you're coming home later." Hoseok gives my hands one last squeeze, before letting go and rising to his feet. He walks back out of my studio, shutting the door quietly behind him.

***

I feel like walking to the dorm instead of taking a taxi, so I'm now walking the twenty minute journey back. The night is just blossoming, so there's still a hint of light in the sky and the stars aren't out yet. The streets are unusually quiet today, as I turn onto a smaller road. Tall apartment buildings loom up either side of me, their shadows covering my small figure. A street lamp flickers out of the corner of my eye.

I glance around, unsure of my bearings and turn to Google maps for help. I whip out my phone and open the app, only to find that I'm going in the opposite direction of the dorm. I must have turned the wrong way a couple of roads back.

A cat scampers past me, evidently in a hurry, it's coat smudged with dirt. I let out a long sigh and consider just calling Yoongi to pick me up, but as I'm going to open his contact, the streetlamp flickers out.

I become acutely aware of a presence behind me and a chill runs down my spine. Their breaths are loud and even, and I curse myself for thinking that walking home at this time was a good idea.

I decide to face them, so that I'm not caught unawares. I spin around slowly, only to see a figure looming out of the darkness, from under the broken streetlamp. I back away, taking small steps as they advance. It's only when they're closer, do I freeze, a familiar face coming into view.

"He-"

They jump at me, somehow wrapping their hand around my neck and spinning me back around. A wet piece of fabric is pressed against my mouth and nose, and I fight to not breathe in, a sharp chemical smell overtaking my senses. My eyes start to droop and before I know it, I've passed out.

***

I wake up to a throbbing headache. It takes me a few seconds for me to realise that I have no idea where I am and how I got here. My mind is foggy and I go to reach up a hand to massage my forehead, but freeze when I can't move them. I glance down, to see that I'm completely strapped to a wooden chair, my whole body tied up with coarse rope.

I'm panicking now, resisting the urge to scream, when I hear a door open from behind me. A figure steps into my view, casually playing with a kitchen knife and I remember.

Henry.

Henry's usually carefully styled dark hair has fallen limp over his forehead, his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbow. His creepy grin seems to have grown even more and I have no doubt that he's the one that kidnapped me.

"Hi Ash. It's been a while, hasn't it?" His tone is light and playful, but there's a resident darkness in his eyes that warns me not to provoke him.

"It has," I reply politely, "Would you mind untying me?"

I'm proud of myself for not stuttering, when right now my mind is going into overdrive and I'm scared to the core.

Henry laughs jovially, the sound chilling.

"But that would spoil the fun. Now, Ash, talk to me properly. I won't touch you if you talk to me properly."

"What do you want to talk to me about?" I say and flinch as Henry slams the wall next to him with his hand.

"Stop it! You always talk to me like I'm some sort of idiot, talk to me properly!"

"Look, if you just wanted a talk Henry, then you could've just asked me. I would have been happy to meet up with you."

Henry turns his head towards me. "Ah see, Ash, I know you too well. You'd never agree to meeting up with me alone. You'd just make up an excuse saying that you were busy every time I'd ask. You don't trust me and you definitely don't like me. You only put up with me because I'm JJ's soulmate."

I drop the polite façade and glare at him.

"You're right. I would never meet up with you alone and I definitely don't like you."

A wicked grin flashes over Henry's thin lips and then he's moving closer to me.

"Finally, you're being honest with me. But unfortunately for you, being rude doesn't count as talking to me properly. Haven't you ever read a book? If the protagonist is rude to the captor, it doesn't end well for them."

He brandishes the knife in my face, the blade glinting in the lamp light.

"Where should I start? You can choose, shoulder or thigh?"

He's seriously mentally unstable.

"You've got three seconds."

I feel fear bubbling up in me and I start to shake. There's no way that I'm going to choose.

"Three....... Two......... One. Times up." Henry says and cocks his head when I don't say anything, "Not going to choose? Alright then, shoulder it is."

In a sudden move, his hand flicks up and I feel a stinging and raw pain ripping through my shoulder. Tears roll down my cheeks unbidden and I risk a glance down to my shoulder. Henry has cut through my t-shirt and there's a long red cut marking my skin, blood welling in the wound. I feel like throwing up and then fainting.

"Oh, Ash we've barely started, don't go passing out on me yet."

"T-Tell m-me wha-at I'm d-doing h-ere." I demand, my words coming out shakily and breathy.

Henry pulls back from me and stands up, moving away.

"Do you recognise this room at all?"

I can barely bring myself to look around, what with how faint I'm feeling right now. I shake my head imperceptibly, but Henry catches it.

"Interesting." He walks back to me, twirling the now red stained knife in his hands, not even reacting to the blood that's coating his pale skin, "This isn't just for you. I'm doing this so that oaf will learn a lesson."

"N-Namjoon?"

"DON'T SAY HIS NAME!" My hearing almost goes, because of how loud Henry is, and a second later I feel a sharp pain in my thigh. I look down, my head swimming, to see a deeper cut on the top of my thigh, rouge blossoming out of the wound.

"Sorry about that," Henry collects himself, looking away from me for a second, "I lost control there. I'm sorry."

He turns back to me, with what he probably thinks is a calming smile, but instead looks like a painful grimace.

"Where was I? Right. I don't know whether you know this, but I've been stalking you for years."

I stop breathing, my mind halting instantly at these words.

Henry has been stalking me? How did I never notice?

"Ah, you didn't know. Well, when you decided to move to Korea, I wasn't just going to give up. And when you bonded with that idiot, I had to step up my game. You see, he didn't realise that you already belonged to me, so I had to show him that I was in control. For the past month, I've been sending him anonymous letters, some of them with pictures."

He pauses, a manic look on his face and I have never been more sure that I'm going to die than now. The throbbing in my head, the burning in my shoulder and thigh is leeching me of all my energy. I know there's no way that I'm going to get out of this by myself, so I just have to hope that Namjoon and the others are looking for me.

"I told him that if he told anyone, you'd disappear. He's been obedient, until today. He told someone today and so I had to act. That's the reason you're here, to show him not to mess with me. When he gets here, he'll see my marks," Henry gestures to the cuts on my shoulder and thigh, "And he'll know that you belong to me."

For some reason, relief fills me now that I know that this was what Namjoon has been worrying about. Seokjin was right, he was worried about me and it wasn't that he didn't want to tell me, it was that he couldn't. I let a small smile flicker over my lips, knowing that Namjoon has never doubted me.

And then my foggy brain realises something.

"W-When h-he gets h-here?" I manage to get out and Henry grins.

"Oh, I've sent out a little invitation to him. If he's smart enough, he'll be here in a few hours."

I hate how pleased he looks with himself for coming up with this plan.

"As much as I've loved this little talk, it'll make a better impression if you're unconscious when he gets here. I'm sorry about this."

I look up, just as something is slammed against my head and I fall unconscious.

---------------------------

{"The harder you work for something, the greater you'll feel when you achieve it" - Unknown}

Sorry about the cliffhanger!

QOTD:  Favourite BTS song lyric?

Mine is:

Loving myself might be harder
Than loving someone else
Let's admit it
The standards I made are more strict for myself

(Part of Yoongi's verse from Answer: Love Myself)

Alys xx