Fingers tapping delicately against the keyboard, I signed onto my mother's computer. Quickly going to the option for Facebook, I logged in and began to check my messages. To my surprise, I had three new ones from Jordan.

I moved the mouse to click on them and see what they were, but before I could open the chat window, my heart squeezed tightly with an overwhelming sense of dread. I looked at my computer screen, trying to find some sort of bad thing on my Facebook that I needed to hide in order for my mom and dad to not suspect anything going on with me, but my eyes picked up nothing out of the ordinary.

I went to open the chat window again. A sense of impending doom washed over my mind and body. I hesitated for a minute. Uneasy, I looked around for anyone watching me, but there was no one. Everything seemed perfectly fine. I shook off the feeling and opened the chat window.

The texts from Jordan all accentuated that she had something important to tell me. Fearful, I typed a quick response, my heart pounding harshly against my rib cage. I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged them to me as I waited for her reply. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was very wrong. My brain was telling me to run away, but I couldn't. I had to hear what she had to say.

Finally, Jordan responded. There were two or three parts to the message, but my eyes only caught onto the first part.

I'm breaking up with you.

That one sentence drove a stake through my heart. I was overcome with a raw, harsh sort of pain. I could almost hear my heart cracking right down the middle and tearing at the seams.

I stared in disbelief at the message.

How can this be happening?

I thought she loved me.

We were going to be together forever.

I guess forever doesn't last as long as usual for us.

I can't believe this.

Why did I let myself fall?

Why did I let myself believe?

Why did I put everything on the line for her?

It was a stupid mistake.

This is my fault.

If only I had been a better girlfriend.

If only she could have loved me.

Why?

Why am I never good enough?

I could feel the tears stinging at the back of my eyelids, and I was on the verge of sobbing hysterically, but I knew I couldn't. My parents were still awake and I didn't want questions or comfort from either of them.

It took everything I had, but I forced the tears down. I tried to shove the breakup to the back of my mind, but it was difficult. As Jordan and I went through the ropes, her changing our chat nicknames and the emoji and the colors, and apologizing, and me masking the pain I felt by pretending that I was okay with all of it, a deep pain settled into my heart. It filled me with a horrible emptiness.

Even as I reassured Jordan that we could still be friends, I knew that the night would leave a mark on my heart that no one could truly erase. My second love had just broken my heart.

After Jordan and I's conversation was over, I went to my diary and wrote,

December 27, 2016

Jordan broke up with me tonight. What she doesn't know is that she broke my heart, too.