alyssa

I recognise the section of beach where Elliot and I met, right as this section of raised cliffs lowers and reveals dunes in its stead.

"Oh my gosh, the origin of my all-original cheesecake flavor!" I tell her, and Elliot smiles over at me. She bites her lip a lot when she smiles; her teeth drag along her bottom lip for just a second, such a small, small second that I missed it about a thousand times before I even realised any lip-biting really occurs. But, it does. Every time. And it is ridiculously, ridiculously cute.

"We can go over if you want," she says to me, and I find stretching out my legs. Which, somehow, haven't ached at all over the past few hours.

I smile. "Sounds perfect."

-

The two of us end up racing through the surf, running along an empty portion of the beach, away from a few people with boards or on towels with books. My new flip-flops lay abandoned next to the pair Elliot lent me, and the sand is scorching on my feet whenever I step out of the tide.

I splash Elliot. In the sand-packed surf, I can't control where my feet go as I run away. The wind tears through my lungs. Salty air hits the back of my throat. I'm screaming, and I feel absolutely unstoppable.

Elliot catches up to me with ease though, and when she pulls me into her arms, tight against her chest, I can feel us both laughing and trying to catch our breath all at once. I'm aware of her hands on my waist and stomach, of her warm breath against the back of my sea-sprayed neck, of my feet dangling useless above the water.

"Sorry," she breathes, but doesn't move to put me down.

Crap, I really can't catch my breath. Still, I'm smiling. "It's fine," I manage between my own panting. Air has abandoned my body entirely. My heart is beating too fast. My whole body is on fire. Air. I need air.

"You good?" Elliot asks, finally setting me down softly.

My feet sink into the cool, wet sand. My legs are unsteady beneath me, and she grabs my waist again. It steadies me, and I manage to look back at her with some tiny ounce of confidence. "Fine," I say. "I'm super fine."

By the time we're back at the Camry, my feet are covered in sand, and my clothes and hair are damp. The heat of the day beats down on the back of my neck. I lift my hair away from the back of my face and groan.

"I'm way too hot," I complain.

"That's the name of your sex tape," Elliot retorts, sliding into the front seat, starting the engine, and immediately rolling down the windows. She flops her head back against the headrest, and I watch her chest heave. "Why does my AC suck so bad? Whyyyy?"

I laugh with breath I don't have. "You know where has AC? My house."

Elliot returns the breathy laugh. "Ugh gimme a second. I need to be not-dead-inside."

We sit there for a second, breathing in tandem. After a few minutes, Elliot rubs her eyes tiredly. "Fuck, why am I so tired?"

"I mean," I say, fiddling with the air port thingie, "we were up kinda late. A little late."

She laughs. "I know. I got home, and my parents decided we should watch Kill Bill."

"You watch a movie with them every night?"

"Yeah, most nights. Usually I enjoy it, but my parents keep rewatching the same stuff recently, and I don't even get a say in it. It's fine." She rolls her shoulders back. "I just have been super tired, that's all."

I nod a little. "I get you. Um, my dad and Tanner and I used to all watch a movie together every night when we were little. After my mom left, though, the tradition kinda died."

"Oof," Elliot says. "That must have felt weird. Do you guys do anything nowadays?"

"Not really, no. Tanner and I have this giant Minecraft city we've been building over the past year or so, but we haven't worked on it since we moved here."

"A Minecraft world? Tell me more."

I'm quick to lose myself in the explanation of me and Tanner's post-apocalyptic city that we spent months on and are now devoted to "fixing up" in an attempt to go Mad Max chic. I tell her about our apartment building of different biomes, and our Ambiguously Queer Flock of sheep, each dyed a different color. I tell her about all the YouTube videos I had to watch in secret because Tanner was naturally good at being creative with all the tools we were given, but tutorials became my friend. Then the mention of YouTube game tutorials sends us on a Poptropica and Thinknoodles kick, and I've laughed so hard, I can feel every inch of my lungs.

"Seriously though!" Elliot says, flapping her hands in the air for stupid emphasis. "That Jersey Devil island literally terrified me, and I don't know why."

"I didn't play that one," I admit. "Tanner probably did. We wanted the bragging rights of having completed the entire thing, but he started to outpace me, so I had him complete some of my islands that I didn't want to do so that we'd be the same again."

"Is that a twin thing?"

"No, I'm just pedantic and creepy."

"Ahhh, I thought so. I looked at you at the beach when I first saw you and was like, 'Wow, that's one pedantic and creepy gal.'"

"I do give off those vibes." I find myself leaning forward. "What did you think of me, though? That night."

Her eyes widen, and there's that lip bite again. "I thought you were really witty and sharp, and, um, really cute. Like, in the light of the fire, you ... uh. Yeah."

Heat crawls up the back of my neck, even though the AC is finally running. I shouldn't have asked. I'm about to change the subject when she says, "I saw you crying, and I felt terrible."

"What?" Crying? I cried?

And that's when I remember: Max. Buttercup by Hippo Campus. Their call. Honestly, I'd completely forgotten. It's completely strange to me now. Like, that Alyssa who had cried was a different person or something. It's weird thinking the difference a couple of days has made. Maybe moving on is as easy as Dad and Tanner had made it out to be.

"Yeah," Elliot says, tugging at the back of her hair slightly, a subconscious nervous tick. "I should have said something to you that night, asked if you were okay. I was going through some weird shit, though, and I didn't. I'm sorry."

I don't know when she looked over at me or when I looked over at her and what came first and who did what when, but suddenly, our gazes are locked, and I can't breathe. Kiss me, I think, and I can't believe it, but I think it. Kiss me. Now.

She doesn't move, though. Doesn't blink. After a few seconds of crazy intensity, she bites her lip and looks away. "I guess we should head to your house, huh?"

I take the excuse to turn away and buckle up, all to avoid her piercing, warm gaze. "Sure thing, my dude." Fuck. Why did I say 'dude'? I don't want to friendzone her. I want her to kiss me, dammit.

We pull out of the gravel parking lot and back onto that road with the view, and my head is spinning. She saw me crying. And she apologised for not saying anything? That's not something Max would have done. I don't even know if Max would have realised I was crying, actually. Sometimes they were like that—I didn't have any problems. Nothing to ask about. Really, when I think about it, the phone call that night was the first time Max had ever asked me if we were okay.

It wasn't sometimes.

Elliot doesn't say anything as I take out my phone and subtly go to check Max's Instagram. I'd been avoiding everything to do with them since we moved here, with the exception of the night on the Front. I'd dodged their texts and calls till they'd stopped coming. I'd restricted them on all social media and ignored any notification that bore their name. It was easier. But now, the curiosity is too much.

I've been idolising them in my head, I think. And that might need to stop.

The first new thing I notice is the higher follower count. And then the higher post count.

And then, the posts themselves.

I remember vaguely that Max had mentioned their new roommate. Asian vlogger chick. Those three words clearly aren't enough, because this girl—the girl who is suddenly the focus of Max's feed, this girl who is constantly on their lap, this girl who can't seem to unpress her lips from their cheek—is everywhere. And she is the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen.

I feel like I'm choking on my own throat. They've moved on. They've moved on and found someone better, so better that I can hardly believe it. She's so beautiful. Her smile is too vivacious to be believed, but the look in her eyes is so sincere and warm that I can't not believe that it's genuine.

I've been replaced. And she's gorgeous.

"Hey," Elliot says quietly, "are you okay?"

I glance up, blinking this stinging fuzziness out from behind my eyes. I refuse to cry. I will not cry. "I'm fine," I say, and it comes out all weird and strangled and sad. "Super fine."

"Sorry, did I bring up something that made you—"

"It's not you," I say. "It's so super not."

She looks over, unconvinced. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." It's harder to fight back the tears now.

"Okay then," she says quietly. "What's wrong, though?"

I rub my nose slightly, staring down at my phone screen. I've clicked on a post, purely by accident, but I start scrolling. Look at this queen, says one caption. How can one woman be this beautiful? says another. I can't with this fucking babe. Love you, Teenie. Teenie. Teenie Tiny. They used to call me that.

"Um, Max," I start. "Max is, um, dating their roommate, I guess."

Elliot doesn't say anything for a second, but I see her hands tighten on the steering wheel. "For real?"

"Yeah."

"I'm really sorry, Alyssa. That's got to be hard."

"Yeah." A rogue tear rolls down my cheek. I rub it away before she notices, even though I think she still might.

"I'm seriously sorry."

"It's okay," I assure her. "Seriously. For real." It's not, I know, but the more I say it, the more I become convinced that it is.

"Also, why are you sorry?" I continue. "You didn't do anything. Max and I—Max and I are done. We weren't ever getting back together."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," I say before I can stop myself, "Tanner wiped their memory."

"Oh." The car shifts gears as she slows down. Elliot's expression is completely blank. "He can .... Tanner can do that?"

"He only did it the once." My fingers drum against my thighs in some rhythm that I can't quite place.

"Oh."

"It was seriously only because it was emergency. Max was freaking out. They-they were going to tell someone about my tail. That's why we moved. You know that."

"I know that," she says. "I just didn't know that you wiped their memory."

"Elliot."

Her eyes don't drift from the gently curving road, but she says, "What?"

"I would never do that to you, okay? That was an emergency. Do you know what could happen to me if the wrong someone finds out about this tail?" My voice is soft and scratchy. "Because, I don't. I don't know anything about this, and I'm terrified of it, and I'm sorry, but Max is completely fine."

Elliot takes a moment before responding: "Okay."

"Okay." I sigh.

"Oh okay, yeah, abrupt subject change," Elliot says, and I can feel the energy in the car shift slightly. "You'll never guess who I told off today."

A/N (August 12, 2021) - EYYYY, ANOTHER ROUND OF UPDATES ARE UP, LET'S GOOO! I hope you guys are enjoying!!