When you finally got home, your dad was sitting on the bottom of the stairs, just like Kid had been the night before.

"Hey, Dad," you said, setting your keys in the bowl by the door.

"Hey, sweetheart." From the tone in his voice, you knew a teary-eyed apology was on its way. You groaned inwardly as you shut your eyes. "I...I wanted to apologize for last night."

"It's not a big deal, Dad," you said, opening your eyes and putting on a smile.

"But it is." He pushed himself off the stairs and took a few hurried steps forward. He stopped when he saw you flinch and step backward. Tears brimmed his eyes and he covered his mouth with his hands. "I hurt my baby girl and my boy and I...."

He broke down into tears, falling to one knee as he sobbed. You grit your teeth, trying to blink away a few tears of your own. He did this almost every time. He either pretended like it never happened or he cried, there was never another option. You preferred the first because you never felt obligated to comfort him, like you did now.

"Dad." You walked over to him and dropped down next to him. You wrapped your arms around him and he leaned into you, clinging to your arm. Every piece of your heart shattered as you heard him cry. His tears soaked through your pajama shirt. You hid a sob of your own by planting a kiss onto his head. Keeping your breathing steady, you slowly peeled him off of you, putting your hands over his teary cheeks.

"There is one way you can make it up to me," you said, plastering on a smile.

"Anything," he choked out. "Anything."

"Sarah is having a get together tonight and she wants me to come."

"You...go out?"

You heard the concern in his voice so you pushed harder.

"You know how much I like Sarah, and I know you want me to make better friends. This is me trying." When it was clear he was still mulling it over in your mind, you pulled the last stop you knew would guarantee a yes. "And...Rafe will be there tonight."

"Rafe?" The tears were immediately gone from his eyes. You nodded, though your stomach sickened. "I thought you hated him."

"He's not as bad as I thought." A lie. He was worse.

"Well, if someone responsible like Rafe is there...." You resisted the urge to laugh. "As long as it isn't a party, you can go."

A grin spread across your lips. You leaned down and kissed your dad on the cheek, just one more foot in his goodwill door.

"Thank you, Daddy."

You helped him to his feet and brushed away a few of his stray tears.

"I love you, sweetheart."

"Love you."

As soon as you were upstairs, you vomited the words out of your mouth.
While you were glad that you had been given permission to go to the party, you hated how low you had to go to get there. Making your dad bend to your will was generally easy and very rarely did you actually feel bad about it. After all, his favorite past time was beating you senseless, so why couldn't you manipulate him to get the things you wanted? It seemed like a pretty fair game.

You brushed your teeth twice before heading back to your room to start homework. As soon as you opened your computer, you knew that you were going to get very little done. Your mind went, as it usually did these days, straight to JJ. You weren't sure how to feel. You fought the last time you spoke to him, but you also spent the entire night thinking about seeing him at this party. And then you saw him kiss another girl and then spent the entire day wanting to murder him. And now you were just double confused because he seemed ready enough to introduce you to one of his best friends. Your mind was all over the place and none of those places was homework.

In hopes to drown out your own thoughts and focus better, you turned on some music. But then the song that you and JJ 'danced' to came on and you were thrown into all over again. You found yourself humming and tapping your foot instead of typing out your essay. Eventually, frustration overcame you and you tossed your computer onto your pillow and shut off the music.

You spent the next few hours trying to not think about JJ and focus on your school. It had never been hard to focus before. You knew you needed to go to a good school to get a good job to be able to take care of Kid once your dad was out of the picture, and that meant getting good grades now. Homeschooling wasn't too hard for you, but if you didn't get most of your work done today, you were going to suffer for it later. JJ and his stupid smile were really throwing a wrench in every single one of your plans.

The time came for you to pick Kid up from school, but he texted you asking if you could pick him up from a friend's in an hour or two. As long as you got him home before Dad got home, you usually let him go and do whatever he wanted after school. You wanted your brother to have the social life you never did. You didn't have a big sister to cover for you or pick you up from wherever when you were his age. But that didn't matter. You were going to be the big sister that you always wished you had.

You somehow managed to focus long enough to finish the essay and start on your math homework. It didn't take long for Kid to text you to tell you to come and pick him up. The entire drive there and back, you were worried that you would somehow run into JJ like you had before.

"Are you okay?" Kid asked, looking up from his comic.

"Hmm? Yeah, oh yeah."

"Why do you keep looking out the window?"

"No reason."

Now consciously aware of your wandering eyes, you tried to keep your gaze fixed on the road ahead. The sun was starting to go down and the only thing you should be worried about right now was getting Kid home quickly and finishing your work, not JJ. Luckily, you made it home without any unwanted visitors and a few minutes before your Dad got home.

Kid sat on the ground in your room munching on some potato chips while the both of you worked on school work. You heard your Dad pull into the driveway. You and Kid glanced at each other and shared a knowing smile. It always felt like a victory when Kid was able to do something without Dad finding out.
After a few minutes, your dad knocked on your door and opened it.

"Hey, Kiddos."

"Hey, Dad."

"Tacos good for tonight?"

"Sure," Kid said.

"Elm?"

"I'm going over to Sarah's, remember? They'll have food there," you said with a smile. Your dad's face fell for a moment.

"Ah, yes."

"And I'm sure if I don't get enough to eat, Rafe would be more than happy to get me something," you added, praying that your dad worshiped Rafe enough to not double back on his word.

"Rafe, yes. I'm sure he will." He sighed.

"How was work?" You asked, hoping to change the subject.

"Good, good. Busy."

"That's good."

The air went stale when no one said anything else.

"I'll call you when dinner is ready, Bradford," your dad said, looking down at Kid. He nodded, returning to his homework.

"Thanks, Dad," you said as he turned and shut the door.

You spent the next hour finishing up as much homework as you could before getting ready. You couldn't remember the last time you put real effort into a party outfit. But this time you tried on at least five different outfits, asking Kid each time if it was alright before finally landing on something you liked.

"Is that boy going to be at Sarah's?" Kid asked, now sitting on your bed as you checked yourself out in the mirror again.

"What boy?" You eyed your brother carefully.

"That boy that was here a few weeks ago. The one who snuck out when Dad and I got back from our trip?"

You let out a deep sigh.

"I don't know," you said, mentally punching yourself for overthinking things again. It didn't matter if JJ was going to be at Sarah's party because you had no intention of talking to him. Either you were going to end up crying (again) or you were going to punch him, and you were sick of crying. Even if JJ was there, you weren't sure why you put so much attention into your outfit. You dropped to the floor, pressing your hands against your eyes.

You heard Kid climb down from your creaky bed. He sat next to you and bumped your shoulder with his. You let out another sigh and leaned your head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, afraid that your voice would break if you spoke any louder.

"For what?"

"For bringing my silly drama into your peaceful Friday night," you said, lifting your head and trying to give a smile. Kid shook his head.

"You go get prettied up for this boy, El."

A smile broke out on your face and you felt your cheeks heaten. Kid bumped your shoulder again and you scrambled upward to grab your makeup from your bathroom. Kid turned up the music and jumped back onto your bed. You bobbed your head, sitting in front of your mirror, as you finished your look. It was nearly seven by the time you were finished.

"Ready?" You asked Kid. He looked up from his comic and pursed his lips, checking to make sure everything was in place.

"Ready," he confirmed with a smile. You walked over and kissed the top of his head, an unusually cheery bounce in your step.

"Bye, Kid," you said.

"Be back by 12!" Kid said, deepening his voice to mimic your dad. You laughed as you slung your bag over your shoulder on the way to the door. "Bye!"

You hurried down the stairs, smile glowing on your face.

"You'll be careful tonight?" Dad said from the kitchen. You startled and turned around.

"Yeah, Dad. It's just a few girls, there's nothing to worry about."

"And Rafe?"

You were about up to your ears with all the talk about Rafe, but if it meant you could go to this goddamn party, you would kiss up as much as you needed.

"Yes," you said, trying not to let your dad see the exasperated sigh you wanted to let out as you said it. "And Rafe."

His final nod said that you had made it past the last wall of permission. You had to keep yourself from running out the door as fast as you could. Once you were outside, you bolted from the door all the way to your car. Blasting the music in your car got you singing at the top of your lungs as you drove, probably faster than you should have, to Sarah's house.

Tannyhill wasn't very far from your own house, only a 15 minute drive, but with anticipation gurgling in your stomach, it felt like forever. By the time you reached the house, you could tell that the party was in full bloom. A sudden spark of anxiety shot through you. What exactly were you supposed to be doing here? The only person you really liked was Sarah, but she had all of her own friends.

So you sat in your car for five minutes before finally plucking up the courage to go inside. You were beyond thrilled when the first person you saw offered you a red cup with vodka.

"Please," you said and downed the entire thing. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to be taking alcohol from strangers at a party, but your nerves were already so fried from worry that you didn't care who you took what from, as long as you were buzzed before anyone started talking to you.

It didn't take long for you to find Sarah, and to your surprise, she actually left her friends to come over to you.

"Elma!" She said with a smile.

"Just call me Elm," you said as she neared. "Elma is a stupid name."

Sarah giggled, already plastered, and handed you another cup of alcohol, which you gladly took. She dragged you over to her other friends, who gladly accepted you. You could tell they were all drunk off their asses because they took the time to speak to you, which wasn't something most Kooks took pleasure in doing.

Two hours later, you heard hollering from outside that could mean only one thing; the pogue take over.

Like the idiot he was, JJ was the first one in the door with a kegger in his hands. How he managed to carry the thing on his own like it was nothing was beyond you. Everyone in the house was silent for a moment and part of you was afraid they would all attack. But then a large cry of cheers erupted and you knew for a fact that everyone was drunk out of their minds.

You were going to join in on the cheering when you saw the girl that JJ kissed yesterday walk in right behind him. Maybe it was the alcohol or the deep-rooted, unresolved trauma you buried deep in your chest, but you stood in a sudden flurry of anger and marched outside. You were on your fifth cup of beer and you could feel it affecting you. You should have tried to find the place where the music was loudest and dance out the alcohol, but all you managed to do was step outside and breathe in the weed smelling air.

You just needed to breathe for a moment, you told yourself. You were being overdramatic and you needed to calm down. Of course, the universe was still punishing you for whatever the hell it was you did wrong because your moment of calm was soon interrupted by the one boy you assured your father would protect you, but who was also the same boy who was most likely to kill you.

"What are you doing here, Elma?"

You heaved out a disgusted sigh and hung your head.

"I'm enjoying the party, Rafe," you said, taking another drink from your cup.

"I don't want you in my house."

"First of all, this isn't your house. Second, your sister invited me here. And lastly, as you can see-" You motioned up to the sky. "I am clearly not inside."

Rafe grabbed your wrist from behind and you spun around to face him, whatever joking mood you were in fading instantly to anger.

"Don't touch me," you spat.

"Get out."

"You can't tell me what to do."

"What are you going to do, hit me again?"

"Yeah, I might."

You were seconds away from doing just that, when someone interrupted.

"Let her go, Rafe," JJ said, standing a few feet away. You rolled your eyes, downing the rest of your beer.

"This is none of your business, pogue," Rafe said, not taking his eyes off of you. You tilted your head to the side, one of the worst ideas you ever had popping into your head.

"Rafe-"

"Hey, Maybank," you said, turning to look at him. "Shut up and learn to read the room, maybe."

Without giving him the chance to say anything, you stood on your toes and kissed Rafe full on the mouth. Did it make you want to vomit? Sure. Would you have rathered punch him in the face? Yes. Did it make you feel any better at all?

Hell no.

Especially when Rafe kissed you back. You waited to hear the door open and shut again before pulling away from Rafe. He lingered where he was for a moment, eyes shut and lips puckered. You cringed at him and wiped your lips with the back of your hand.

"God, you're pathetic," you said, walking away from him. You went back inside to grab another drink, taking one shot of something before grabbing another cup of beer.

You walked away from the house, wind stinging your eyes and making them water. At least, that's what you told yourself to convince yourself that you weren't about to cry. You walked out to the docks where you hoped you could be alone. You sat on the edge, kicking your feet back and forth over the water, your untouched beer beside you. Your mind was like mud, an unfortunate side effect of not spending your drunk energy on dancing. You could barely finish one coherent thought, which was never good.

Finally, after a few minutes of trying to have a dramatic existential crisis without being able to think properly, you had enough. You slid off your sandals, setting them beside the beer. Taking a few steps away from the edge of the docks, you ran and jumped into the cold marsh.

The chill kickstarted your system again. It was like a reboot. The mud was washed clean from your mind and you felt the return of your senses. You stayed beneath the water as long as you could. Once your lungs started to scream for air, you made for the surface.

You gasped in air once you broke through, treading water to keep you afloat. Now shivering and wet, you swam over to the dock and reached up to pull yourself out. To your surprise, there was a hand waiting for you, offering your help out.

You looked up at JJ, who stood with his other hand in his pocket. You took his hand and he pulled you out. Standing beside him, you were suddenly unsure of what to say. After spending hours thinking about it, you were silent when it really mattered. You started shivering almost as soon as the night chill hit your skin, but you tried to hide it.

"I have a sweater in John B's car, if you want to borrow it," he said. Apparently your hiding skills weren't at their prime. You nodded slowly and followed as he headed off toward the beat-up, old van that the Pogues drove around in. Neither of you said anything for a while.

"Why'd you drive off this morning?" He asked suddenly. You turned your head to look at him with a cocked brow.

"That's your only question?" He shrugged so you let out a sigh and decided to answer. "Well, the last time we spoke, we didn't really finish on the best of terms and then I saw you kiss that girl and I then I was, well I hit my head last night pretty hard so I was out of it and then Pope was there-"

"Pope just happened to be there."

"Yeah? Well-" You tucked a piece of hair behind your ear as you approached the car. "I guess I just freaked."

JJ pulled open the side door of the car and grabbed his sweater, handing it to you. You held it for a moment, unsure if putting on his sweater was the best idea. You were about to give yourself a full-blown essay about all the reasons it would be a bad idea when a sudden bluster of wind blew past, sending shivers up your spine. You quickly pulled the sweater on over your head. It took all of your remaining brain cells working together to not think about how warm it was or how much it smelled like him.

"I didn't kiss her," JJ said as he slid the door shut.

"What?"

"That girl. I know what you're talking about, but I didn't kiss her." Guilt turned your cheeks red.

"Oh." You looked down as the two of you started to walk away from the van. "I'm sorry then."

"For what?"

You stifled a smile.

"I may or may not have spent that entire day plotting how to kill you and dispose of your body so no one could ever find it," you said, a smile pulling at your lips. JJ laughed and looked at the ground before looking back at you.

"How would you do it?"

"Let's see," you said, pulling your hands inside the sleeves of JJ's sweater. "I think I settled on drowning you. You see, if you kill someone and then throw their body into the water, too much water gets in their lungs. Any coroner could see it from a mile away that something fishy happened."

"Duly noted."

"Yeah, and then I would take you and your boat out somewhere and capsize it somehow."

"Man, remind me to never piss you off again."

You let out a laugh. When the smiles fell from both your lips, you spoke again.
"I'm also sorry I kissed Rafe."

"I'm pretty sure that hurt you more than it hurt me," JJ said with a laugh. You stopped walking and put a hand on his wrist. He turned back toward you and the look in his eyes told you enough.

"I really am sorry."

With a soft sigh, he pulled his hands from his pockets and placed them just below your jaw, tilting your face up toward his. He leaned down and instead of kissing your lips, he placed a long kiss against your forehead. Eyes fluttering shut, you breathed in a deep breath. You saw a flash from behind your eyelids.

A storm must be coming.

You didn't care.

JJ pulled back for just long enough to look into your eyes before dipping back down and kissing you properly. This wasn't like before. It wasn't needy or desperate or full of desire. It was something else. Something softer. Something far more terrifying. There was another flash.

"You wanna get out of here?" You asked, looking up at him with a smile. He nodded and you grabbed his hand, leading him toward your car.

"You left your shoes," he said, pointing back toward the dock.

"Oh, yeah." You took one step in that direction, but he stopped you.

"I'll go get them." Before you could say anything, he took off toward the dock. Watching him run toward your shoes, you felt a smile slowly pull its way up your lips until you were grinning like an idiot. A question floated at the front of your skull, a question you refused to fully ask, even in your own mind. When JJ returned to you, shoes in one hand, he smiled.

"Shall we?"

"We shall."

The casual stroll to the car felt just as natural to you as breathing. Your hand itched to be held in his, but you didn't want to push your luck tonight. Besides, holding hands was way too personal for you. You didn't want to hold his hand. That would be so silly.

You slid into the front seat of your car as JJ climbed in beside you.

"You know, I've never seen a kook with an uglier car," he said, closing the door. You looked at him and let out a confused laugh. "In the best way possible, of course."

"I'll have you know," you said as you put the keys into the ignition and started your car. "This baby could outrun that stinky van of yours any day."

"Hey, don't insult John B's van. We love that thing."

"Yeah, whatever."

You pulled out of the driveway, maneuvering around the other cars without hitting a single one.

"Where are we going?" He asked.

"What, are you afraid I'm actually going to kill you?"

"I wouldn't put it past you."

You let out a mock-hurt laugh, your heart hammering at the sound of his own.

"I'm glad I let off murder vibes," you said. JJ leaned toward you.

"You wouldn't hurt a fly," he said before kissing your cheek.

"Excuse me?" You were trying not to take your eyes off the road, but JJ sitting so close to you and smiling like he was made it very difficult. "Didn't you see me beat the shit out of Rafe?"

"Yeah. Once. And you were drunk."

"Oh, please, I've done it a hundred times. I practically grew up with the guy," you said.

"Really?

"Um, yeah. You really think the only practice I get fighting is when I'm swinging at my dad?" You scoffed. "No, sir. Rafe and I have been beating the shit out of each other since we had the muscle strength to swing our fists."

"Now that is interesting," JJ said, leaning against his closed fist.

"You find that interesting?"

"Interesting, terrifying, sexy. Whatever you want to call it."

"I bet you I could beat your ass," you said.

"Was that a threat or a challenge?"

"Both."

"Pull over and we'll settle this now."

"Hold your horses, bucko. I'm almost to our destination."

JJ laughed, leaning his chair back.

"There's the bucko thing again."

"Shut up."

A few minutes later, you pulled off the main road and onto a narrow dirt road.

"I am starting to feel like you are taking me somewhere to kill me."

"Hey, I already told you my murder plans and we turned away from the ocean, not toward it. For now, you can be pretty certain I'm not going to kill you."

JJ turned to look at you with a smile.

"For now," he said in a fake ominous tone.

When you finally came to a stop, you were parked on an empty plane. With nothing but grass below you and nothing but stars above. You reached into your backseat to grab a few blankets you kept stored back there for the times you and Kid did this exact same thing.

You slid out of the car with a giddy grin on your face, JJ following after you. You tossed the blankets on the ground but had no time to do anything else before JJ tackled you to the ground from behind.

"What the hell?" You cried, trying to push him off of you but only succeeding in getting more tangled in the blankets.

"I thought we were going to see who wins a fight?" JJ said, pinning you down and hovering over you. You glared at him.

"Oh, it's on."

You spent the next few minutes rolling around half in the blankets, half on the grass. The fight ended when you found yourself straddling JJ, your hands against his shoulders to keep him pinned.

"I think," you said, breathless. "I think I win."

"I let you win."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah."

You breathed heavily through your nose and sat back, moving your hands from his shoulders so he could move if he wanted to. But he didn't.

"Can I tell you something?"

JJ sat up on his elbows.

"Go for it."

"The reason I was so quick to think the worst about you when I saw you with that girl, I guess-" You paused to give yourself a moment to breathe. "I guess it was easier that way."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, if I could convince myself you were just messing around with me I felt like I could still walk away without feeling hurt. I figured that I could just forget everything and move on and go back to living like I was before. I'm just...not used to caring about someone other than Kid and especially not so quickly," you said.

"So you care about me." JJ smirked and made a face at you. You rolled your eyes, not even trying to keep down a smile.

"Well, shit, Maybank," you said, mimicking his smile. "What else am I supposed to do when you kiss me the way you do?"

"Can I tell you something?" JJ asked.

"Only if it's appropriate."

"I spent the first week after I was at your house trying not to think about you," he said. Your heart started to pound, lost somewhere deep in your stomach. "Kinda failed at that one, didn't I?"

"Look at us, two people with emotional issues talking about our feelings." You needed to say something to cover up the fact that your stomach was currently doing turns like some kind of freaking ballerina.

"Aw, hell. The world's going to end."

JJ lay back, placing his hands on your hips and looking up at the stars.

"Do you wanna know something?" He glanced at you instead of answering. "I don't want to kiss anyone else. Just you"

JJ worked his way to sitting up, sliding you into his lap. He moved one hand to your cheek, running his thumb along your cheekbone.

"Purple," he said. You tilted your head to the side and blinked. "My favorite color. You asked me to think about it and I decided my favorite color is purple."

You smiled, pulling your lower lip between your teeth to try and cover it up.

"Purple is a wonderful color."

JJ pressed his lips against yours. Instead of the ocean, this time you felt the expanse of the sky above you. Maybe the universe hadn't been trying to lead you away from JJ, but push you right toward him. The kiss was short, leaving you wanting, but it was obvious that JJ had something else that he wanted to say.

"I don't want to kiss anyone else either," he said, his eyes still closed, almost as if he was afraid to say it to your face. This time you didn't smile and instead pulled him in for another kiss. Nothing else mattered. You were sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean, but you could breathe perfectly fine. You were no longer drowning.

You weren't exactly sure when the kiss shifted from something like a contract to full of macking, but it did. Maybe it was when JJ moved his other hand to cradle your head or when you pulled his shirt off...somewhere in there.

If you had still been in the car, the windows would have steamed up from how hot your breath was. When JJ dropped his lips to your neck, he moved his hands down as well, lifting his sweater just enough to get his hands against your stomach and back. His hands were calloused, rough, but it felt good against your skin.

"JJ," you breathed. You could tell that he appreciated being called by his first name from the way his hands curled against you, his teeth grazing your neck.

"Do it again," he whispered, his lips ghosting over your skin as he made his way back up to your lips.

"JJ."

You knew it was dangerous to push your limits like you were. The last two times this happened, you had gotten out of this before the anxiety took over completely. Last time JJ was aware of what he was doing, in control of how far he was going. But now, by where his hands were and by the way he clung to you, you weren't sure he was thinking about that right now. And you weren't sure you could stop yourself before you were overcome.

At this moment in time, there was no fear, there was just JJ. You would have pushed and pushed and pushed until you were right on the brink. But you were already overboard, why not go deeper?

Luckily, the universe was looking out for you.

A deep thunderclap echoed across the sky, making you jump and a quiet shriek flew from your mouth. JJ laughed, just as out of breath as you were.

"Don't tell me you're afraid of a little lightning?" He asked. You glared at him.

"I was preoccupied," you said, putting your arms around his neck. Just before you kissed him again, the sky let out another burst of thunder. You sighed, closing your eyes.

"I guess Mother Nature is cockblocking me," JJ said. You dropped your forehead to his shoulder before rolling off of him.

"I guess."

"We should get in your car before it starts to rain."

"Man, I really wanted to look at the stars," you sighed, starting to collect the blankets off of the ground.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have gotten distracted."

"Maybe you shouldn't have been so distracting."

He helped you move the blankets into the car. You barely had time to shut the front door before the rain started to pour. You pulled a mirror out of your purse and caught a glimpse of your neck, which was absolutely riddled with hickeys.

"Dude," you whispered, tracing one with your finger. You glanced over to JJ, who was hiding a smile behind one of his hands. He shrugged at you. You smacked his arm, revealing the laughter he was trying to keep in. "You're lucky I carry concealer or I would be murdered in the morning."

"Hey, listen-"

"What? What's your excuse?"

"You have very nice skin."

"My skin is nice so you have to give me a million and a half hickeys?"

JJ shrugged again, laughter shaking through his body.

"I'll give you more if you want them."

A bolt of lightning split open the sky.

"I think Mother Nature said no to that one," you said, peering out of the windshield at the sky above.

"Whatever." JJ leaned his chair back and put his hands behind his head. "Where to next?"

"I can drop you off wherever before I head off." You weren't one hundred percent sure if JJ was staying with his dad or not and you didn't want to be pushy.

"You're not going to tell me that you turn in at 12? The night is still young!"

"If I'm not home, my dad will have my head on a platter," you said, starting the car and beginning to pull out.

"Live a little, remember?"

"Yeah, well, if I live too much it's my little brother who pays for it, remember?"

"Right."
"So, where to?"

"I've been staying with John B."

"Alrighty then. To John B's."

When you pulled up to John B's house, you weren't surprised to see that the van was still gone.

"Kiara, Pope, and John B must be having the time of their lives," you said with a laugh. "I hope you don't feel too excluded."

JJ laughed.

"None of them are having as much fun as me," JJ said. You rolled your eyes.

The rain had begun to dwindle as you parked, so the two of you ran inside as quickly as you could. For a moment, you just looked around. This house was like nowhere you had ever been before. For the first time in a long time, the word home popped into your head. But, then again, you weren't sure if it was the house or JJ's arm that was hooked around your waist.

"I've never been to a house on the cut," you mused, running a hand over one of the cabinets, looking at all the wall hangings.

"Well, it's not much," JJ said, grabbing a bruised apple off a shelf. He took a bite.

"It's...." You looked around again and finally shook your head. "Anyway, I should get going."

As you turned toward the door, JJ gently grabbed onto your wrists.

"Ellie-"

"JJ."

"I want you to stay."

"I can't. My dad-"

"Just for once don't think about you dad!" JJ walked past you, running his hands through his hair. "There's so much more out there than him. You don't have to be afraid of him."

"I'm not...I'm not afraid of my dad. I'm afraid for my brother. If I'm not there to take it, he deals it out to Kid. I can't let that happen."

"So, you just act as your dad's personal punching bag?"

"Don't you?" It was clear that you were both at an impasse. You weren't sure if you had gone to far, so you carried on in hopes that there was a chance he would understand. "I know that you've only ever had to take care of yourself when it comes to your dad, so I don't blame you for not understanding, but it's...it's different when there is someone else that depends on you. I mean, who am I to enjoy things like watching the stars or parties or hickeys when it's my brother who has to pay for it?"

JJ tightened his jaw, but nodded slowly. You stepped forward, taking his hands in yours.

"Please, JJ, just-" You closed your eyes and sucked in a deep breath. "Just give me some more time to figure everything out, alright? I want nothing more than to be able to stay with you tonight and just forget everything else, but I can't. I just can't."

You begged him with your eyes to understand. You didn't want to finish this night the same way you had the last time you talked. Finally, JJ nodded, squeezing your hands.

"I got you," he said.

"Thank you."

You started to take off the sweater he loaned to you but he shook his head.

"It's cold out there," he said. "And you don't know when it'll rain."

You nodded, leaning up to give him a kiss on his cheek. Before you got back down from your toes, JJ grabbed your face for one last kiss. It may have been one last attempt to get you to stay, but you couldn't. This was one whirlpool you couldn't risk jumping into.

You stepped back and left the room before he could say or do anything else. When you made it back to your car, you felt like crying. Leaving JJ alone in that house felt like leaving a puppy on the side of the road. It felt wrong and it made you sick, but you couldn't leave Kid to the wrath of your father, so before the tears had the chance to fall, you reversed and started the journey back home.

***

I am so sorry that these chapters are so long haha. I really hope it's okay! I tried to find a way to cut them up and make them shorter, but it didn't really work. Let me know if they're too long and I'll try again. 

Thank you much for you support! 

As always, stay safe, stay healthy, stay groovy, my friends!