TW: This chapter deals with abandonment and briefly mentions sexual abuse. If these things are damaging to your mental health, please be cautious!

"A storm's coming," Kid said, looking out your window. You looked up at him from your book He was looking dramatic, head resting against the wall, hands laced together in front of him. You knew he was planning a music video out in his head and you tried not to laugh.

"It's more than a storm, Kid," you said with a sigh, turning the page despite not reading a single word on it. "It's hurricane Agatha."

"Are we going to be okay?" He asked, eyes shifting away from the window and toward you. You nodded, eyebrows pinched together.

"Of course we are, Kid," you said. By his downcast eyes, you knew that he didn't really believe you. You set your book down and patted the bed beside you. "Come here."

Kid scurried across the room and jumped up beside you onto the bed. A dull ache pulsed through you, the bruise on your side not yet fully healed. You put an arm around Kid.

"We are going to be fine," you said as firm as you could manage. "This house is well built, sturdy. In the morning, things might look a little haggard, but inside the house we will be perfectly safe."

As you said the words, you thought of all the houses you saw in the cut that were nothing more than shacks. Your heart tightened in your chest thinking about what might happen to them all. Maybe you could convince your dad to let you help in repairs once the storm was over.

But you couldn't think about that now. All that mattered was Kid and making sure that he was safe. Nothing else was more important.

You had been mulling over how to get rich fast without your dad getting suspicious for nearly a week since you were thrown down the stairs. Any practical ideas had yet to pop into your head. Not that it mattered much. You were barely seventeen, almost a whole year until you could even vie for full custody of Kid. Still, your nerves ran wild with bad ideas.

Become an escort. They get rich fast. But that would involve sex or at least something close to it and if you could barely let JJ touch you, how were you going to let a wrinkly old man that smelled like cigars even breathe anywhere near you?

Join a strip club. Just dance, no touching. But there was no guarantee that would get you enough money.

Get another job. You were already exhausted as it was, but getting another job was the only thing that made any logical sense to you. That meant less time with JJ and the Pogues, less time with Kid. What would you be sacrificing by getting a second job? Any chance at a real relationship with JJ, sure. But you would also be distancing yourself from the only family you had ever known. Was it worth it? Leaving Kid at the house even longer just so you could make more money?

A few more fantastical ideas passed through your dreams; join a mob, become a high class thief, murder your dad in the middle of the night and inherit his money, marry fast and marry rich.

You were ten times more inclined to kill your dad than marry any of the rich pricks that lived on Kildare Island, but still, murder was risky and you couldn't chance getting put away and leaving Kid on his own.

Even as you sat beside Kid now, all you could think about was getting him away from your dad. When rain started to pitter against your window, your heart lept at of your chest. Your dad wasn't home yet and if the hurricane hit now....

Death by hurricane. That was a natural cause and it would still mean you could inherit the money. But you were too young. They would still put you both into foster care.

When you first heard the knock at the window, you thought it was just the rain getting harder, but when it came again, your eyebrows pinched together.

"JJ?"

You stood from the bed, Kid curling his legs up to his chest. To your surprise, and abhorrence, JJ was sitting outside wearing his shorts, muscle t, and backward hat, as if a hurricane wasn't less than an hour from reaching you. You threw the window open and dragged him inside. He was already soaked to the bone.

"What the hell are you doing?" You ran back to your bed to grab a few blankets.

"I wanted to talk to you, but the phones are down," he said, smiling despite the trembling in his body.

"Phones are down already?" You threw the blankets around his shoulders, rubbing your hands up and down his arms in hopes of warming him up.

"They shut 'em off I think," he said, walking in a small circle before sitting on the floor.

"JJ, you have to get home. You'll freeze to death out there."

"Kie drove me."

"Kiara's out there?" You ran to the window. To your amazement, Kie's car was in fact parked outside your window. You could barely see her through the rain, but you waved anyway.

"Listen," JJ said, standing. "We're all going out on the Pogue tomorrow once Agatha moves on. You're coming."

"I can't."

"Come on! There will be loads of fish and-"

"JJ, I really can't. Not when-" You glanced over at Kid, who was trying not to watch the two of you interact. "My dad will be staying home tomorrow and he'll expect us to help him clean up whatever damage the storm does. There's no way I'll be able to sneak out unnoticed."

"I haven't seen you in forever," he said, putting a hand against your neck.

"For a good reason." He scowled his smile fading as he dropped his hand back against his side. "No, not....I just mean that I can't be doing anything risky right now. Please, tell me you understand."

"Yeah, no, I understand." He started to back toward the window. You ran a hand over your face, squeezing your eyes shut.

"JJ-"

"No, Ellie, I understand." JJ pulled the blankets off of his shoulders and lay them over the back of a chair. "I'll see you soon, yeah?"

"Yeah."

JJ pulled the window open and crawled back out into the pouring rain. You stood in the middle of your room, face in your hands.

"Are you not going because of me?" Kid asked. You looked up at him and shook your head. You walked over to Kid, feet shuffling on the floor. You knelt to the ground at his feet and took his hands in yours.

"I'm not going because there is no way I can get away tomorrow. That's all," you said. "Okay?"

"But I can cover you!" Kid said. "I can help-"

"No, Kid!" You squeezed his hands, giving yourself a second to calm down. "Kid, you never have to cover for me, okay? If Dad ever asks where I am and you tell him."

"But we always come up with a plan."

"No more plans, Kid. If I am gone, you tell dad that I'm out with JJ, alright? You tell him that," you said.

"I don't understand. Why?"

"Because-" Because then he'll want to kill me and not you. "Because it would be better for both of us. You never have to cover for me, Kid. My actions are my own. That means the consequences are mine, too."

Kid nodded his head slowly. It was clear to him that he still didn't understand completely what you were saying, but that was good. You didn't want him to.

A crack of thunder startled both of you. Half a millisecond later, you saw the flash of lightning. You crawled back into your bed, holding Kid close to you. The wind beat against your house, rain pelting it from all sides. With every new thunderclap, you could feel Kid flinch beneath you. You squeezed your eyes tight, running your fingers through Kid's hair in hopes to get him to fall asleep.

The light above you flickered, sparked, and went out with a pop.

Kid gasped, burying his face between your neck and the pillow.

"Shh," you whispered, rubbing his back as you looked at the lightbulb above. "You're okay. It's gonna be okay."

***

There was no power when you woke up. Checking your phone, there was no service. It wasn't as if you expected there to be, but still, you had hoped. Kid was still asleep a few inches away from you. You had no idea what time it was, but from the position of the sun it couldn't have been much later seven.

You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes, yawning, and stretching your stiff muscles. You opened your door, peering out into the empty house.

"Dad?" You called. You remembered that he hadn't been home when you fell asleep. He could have very well died out there-

"Down here!" Your heart plummeted. You peered over the railing down to the foyer. Your dad was surrounded by a sea of candles, none of them lit. "You wanna help me put these around?"

You started down the stairs, the chill of the wood shocking your bare feet. As you rounded the bottom of the stairs, you saw that your dad was smiling.

"Don't you think this is overkill on the candles?" You asked. "The generators will be on soon and we won't need them."

Your dad picked up one of the candles, admiring it for all its generic whiteness.
"What else would we do with them?"

"There are going to be people all over without power, especially in the cut. I think if I could just take some over-"

Your dad stood suddenly and you took a few steps back, flinching.

"I don't want you on the south side of this island ever, Elma, do you understand me?"

"Dad, there are people over that need help-"

"No! All those people are lazy, useless people who do nothing but drag this island into the mud. They don't deserve anything from us."

Your eyes began to swim with tears, chest heaving.

"How can you say that?" You asked, breathless. "Mom always took care of those people when they needed help."

"Don't bring up your mother right now."

"She would never have let those people go without light or food." If you pushed hard enough you might just get him to listen to you. "You don't want to disappoint her, do you?"

Your dad sighed, looking down at the candles.

"You're right," he said finally. He stepped over them and pulled you into an embrace. "I love that you're always thinking of other people, Elma. Your mother would be so proud."

Your nose burned, lips trembling. It was hard to say that you missed the woman who abandoned you and Kid with the man that hurt you, but missing your mother felt like a different matter. In your mind, you could sometimes separate them. The woman who gave food the poor for no charge and stepped in between you and your father many times was not the same woman who forced you to get rid of your child and then left alone.

When your dad finally let you go, he pressed his lips to your head. You tried to pretend it was a gentle and loving motion, but it didn't stop your heart from pounding uncomfortably in your chest.

"I'll pack these into the car and take them to the cut. Get your brother up, will you? Start working on cleaning up outside."

"Sure, Dad," you said, tucking your hands into your back pockets.

"I love you, kiddo."

"Love you, too, Dad."

After helping your dad pack the candles into his car, you spent the next hour attempting to make Kid breakfast before he woke up. There were a few pancakes that you could salvage to take up to him. He was still asleep when you walked upstairs, the stack of pancakes in your hand. Instead of waking him, you left the pancakes on your desk and went back downstairs.

Stepping outside, you heaved out a heavy sigh. Agatha had really done her damage.

"Hell hath no fury," you mumbled to yourself as you bent down to pick up some trash. After another hour, consisting of you picking through the damage and trying to figure out was salvageable, Kid came outside, fully dressed and ready for the day.

"What can I do?" He asked, scanning the yard.

"Just start by picking up trash, if you could. I think that's the best place to start," you said.

"Okay." Kid ran over to you, pulling on your arm, and kissed your cheek. "Thanks for the pancakes."

You beamed.

"No problem, Kid."

He scampered off to get a trash bag. Shaking your head, you turned back to your work.

By the time your dad returned, most of the smaller trash had been picked up and larger things that were no longer usable were in another pile.

"Hey, Elma!" Your dad said as he climbed out of his car.

"Yeah?" You stood up, wiping sweat from your forehead.

"I just spoke to Ward Cameron. Do you remember Ms. Lana and Scooter?" Your dad asked, walking over to you with his hands on his hips. You nodded your head, pulling off your work gloves.

"Course."
"Well, Scooter hasn't been seen since yesterday."

"Scooter's missing?"

"Not missing," your dad said, putting his hands up. "Just...they don't know where he is. Ms. Lana is going to come over in a bit. I want you to have some food ready for her, make her comfortable, alright? Scooter was a good friend of mine, Elma, don't mess this up."

No pressure.

You walked back into the house and quickly changed out of your sweaty clothes into something cleaner. Heading back downstairs, you wondered what you could make that wouldn't require cooking anything. Salad and sandwiches made the most sense to you. You could bring some out for Dad and Kid but also keep some inside for you and Ms. Lana. You also put on a pot of water for tea.

You pulled the honey out of the cupboard and turned it over in your hands. You had never actually been allergic to honey. It was one of your favorite things, especially in tea. But when you came home after a heavy make-out session at a party that was supposed to be just a small slumber party with red and swollen lips, you had to make something up. Your mom had been mildly allergic to tea, and when she had it in her honey, it made her lips swell in a similar way. Ever since, you had to keep up the lie. Still, you drank honey in your tea when you could sneak it around your dad.

You finished the sandwiches and brought two out for your brother and your dad, which they both took gratefully. Just before you went back inside, you saw Ms. Lana pull up in her car. You jogged over to her car as it rolled to a stop. She got out with a weak smile.

"Ms. Lana."

"Hello, El, darling."

You pulled Ms. Lana into a hug.

"Would you like to come inside? I just finished making lunch and some tea," you offered. Ms. Lana gave you a watery smile and nodded her head.

"Hi, Ms. Lana!" Kid shouted, waving his hand over his head.

"Hello, Ford," Ms. Lana replied. A smile pulled at your lips. Kid had been in love with the movie actor Harrison Ford since he was little. He tried to get everyone to call him Ford, wanting to take after his idol, but Ms. Lana was the only one who actually did. Even today, it still made your brother grin. You were glad that Ms. Lana was still somehow able to make your brother happy.

"Lana," your dad said, walking over to her with a sympathetic look in his eyes that almost made you cringe.

"Gerald," she said, shaking his hand.

"He'll turn up," your dad told her. Ms. Lana sniffed, nodding her head slowly. You reached out and linked your arm in hers.

"Let's get you some food," you said.

Having a conversation with Ms. Lana was always a special treat that you took advantage of when you could. Your dad and Scooter had been friends for a long while, but Ms. Lana and your mother had been even tighter. Whenever your dad said anything about the cut, Ms. Lana and Scooter were always excluded. They weren't like the "others". They were civilized.

Or so your dad said.

But Ms. Lana held wisdom that you were always grateful to listen to. She understood you like very few others did. She could hear you screaming even when you said nothing. She didn't know anything about how your father treated you or the true reason behind your mother's departure, but she still cared. Sometimes, that was all you needed.

Ms. Lana had you laughing after only a few sips of your tea. She was like the sun personified, light and laughter emulating from her with every word, every step. But for the past few months, that light had dimmed. The light she radiated was forced. You could feel it especially now.

"How did finals go?" She asked. You smiled behind your teacup.

"Ended with all A's."

"That's my girl!" Ms. Lana said, giving you a high five. "I know that you were stressed about that math class of yours."

"Ugh, yeah, it was tough, but I did it."

"No cheating?"

"Do I look like the kind of person who would cheat?"

"You are your father's daughter."

You hated what that insinuated. You took a large gulp of tea, letting the heat scald your throat.

"So," Ms. Lana said, tapping your knee with hers. "Have any boys caught your eye?"

You coughed at the sudden question, the tea in your mouth spilling out back into your cup.

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm going to take that as a yes." A mischievous smile graced Ms. Lana's face. It was a real smile, a hint of true light shining through the darkness. You couldn't take that away from her by shutting her question down.

"You have to promise not to say anything to my dad," you said, leaning forward. "You know how he is about boys."

"Oh, a secret affair." Ms. Lana raised an eyebrow and your face turned red. "I won't say a word."

"Alright." You leaned in a little bit closer, afraid of your voice carrying. "There is a boy that I have been sneaking out to see occasionally."

"What's his name?"

"Now, Ms. Lana, that is dangerous information. We could both get in a lot of trouble."

"I see. I understand." Ms. Lana tapped the side of her nose with her finger. "But I'm going to take a wild guess here and say that he isn't from this side of the island."

Against your attempts to stay completely unphased, your cheeks turned an even brighter shade of red. When Ms. Lana let out a knowing laugh, you tried to hide your red face in your palms, a laugh of your own escaping your lips.

"That's very Romeo and Juliet of you, Miss El," she said, taking a sip of her tea.

"I hope it ends better than that," you said, dropping your hands back into your lap.

"Have no fear, my girl, I won't say a word to your father." Ms. Lana put a hand over yours. "And if you ever need a cover, you are more than welcome to use my name."

You felt yourself smile, eyes watery. You leaned off of your chair, wrapping your arms around the woman's neck. She startled for a moment, but then put an arm around your back. You tried not to sob into her shoulder right there and then.

"I've got you, darling," she whispered.

"Thank you."

"What's going on here?" You pulled away instantly at the sound of your father's voice. You wiped away a small stray tear as Ms. Lana smiled up at your dad.

"I just needed a hug," Ms. Lana said.

"I hope my daughter isn't keeping you from eating anything," your dad said, looking at the untouched sandwiches and salad bowls.

"Nonsense, Gerald." Ms. Lana waved her hand through the air. "Spending some girl time with El here was just what I needed to calm my nerves."

"That's good to hear."

Ms. Lana sent you a knowing look as your father sat down. You tried to hide a smile.

She left not much later with the sandwich wrapped in plastic and a tupperware of salad.

"Are you sure I can't give you more?" You asked as you helped her to the car.

"Child, you have already done so much for me. This is enough," Ms. Lana said.

"I'll see you soon, Ms. Lana."

"I'll see you soon."

Watching her drive away, arms crossed over your stomach, reminded you of the day your mother left.

You were used to screaming and dishes being thrown, but the sound of your mother crying in the dead of night? That wasn't something you had numbed yourself to. Despite everything, you had never seen her cry. She was the strongest woman that you knew.

You hadn't been able to sleep, the pain in your stomach and your heart far too great. You felt disgusted with yourself, your own silent tears running from your eyes. When you heard her sobbing, you sat up, slowly. Your dad had gone to bed hours ago after a long fight with your mom, but you still crept by his room on your way down the stairs.

When you got to the dining room, you found your mother fully dressed at the dining table, a suitcase by her side. Her head was in her hands, shoulders shaking as she sobbed. You knew immediately that she was leaving. Tears sprang into your eyes and you swallowed a lump in your throat.

"Mom?"

She gasped and looked up at you. When she used to look at you, there was always love in her eyes, always a smile on her face, but now there was only one thing in her eyes; disgust.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, voice breaking with every word, tears and makeup running down her cheeks. "I'm your mother! Why didn't you tell me what he did to you?"

The tears in your own eyes started to fall, hands shaking by your side. You were 14. How were you supposed to tell her what your dad had done?

"God!" Your mother stood, grabbing the suitcase.

"Mom?" You watched her walk right past you, but you felt frozen where you were. "Mom!"

She threw open the door and paused for just a moment, taking one last look at you, before walking out.

She couldn't just leave you. Not when you needed her the most. You ran to the door, calling after her. You didn't hear your father's door open, didn't hear him thundering down the stairs after you. All you could think of was stopping your mom from leaving.

"Mom!" You screamed after her, running down the porch steps. She was already at her car, throwing her suitcase into the back. "Mom, wait!"

She slid into the front seat, slamming the door shut just as you reached it. You pounded on the window, begging her to let you in. But she wouldn't listen, she just cried and turned the car on.

"Mom!" You pleaded, tears and sobs nearly choking you. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry! Don't leave me!"

She pulled the car backward and you jumped away, not wanting to get your toes caught under the tire. You made to run after the car, but before you could get far, your dad grabbed you from behind.

"She's gone, kiddo," your dad whispered in your ear, but it only made you scream louder.

"No! No, Mom!"

"Come back inside, Elma," your dad said, pulling you backward.

"No!" You reached out for the car, even though it was long gone. You kicked out your feet as your dad hoisted you off the ground, dragging you back toward the house.

"MOM!"

***

Returning from the memory was like bursting through the surface of the water. You were in the same place, Ms. Lana's car retreating through the trees. You tried to smile and offered one last wave before she disappeared completely.

It had been three years since your mother left. You tried to pretend it didn't hurt anymore, but you would still sit on the porch sometimes when you couldn't sleep, praying that you would see her car pull onto your lawn. It never did.

"Elma! Let's get back to work."

***

You sat in bed later that night, tapping mindlessly on your computer. You were writing the same letter you had been writing for three years. You had written it on paper, thrown it away a million times. You had typed it out, deleting it a million times. It didn't matter how many times you tried, you could not write the letter you wanted to your mother.

Kid and your dad had gone to bed early. The day had been long and gruesome, so you didn't blame them. You were exhausted, but your mind wouldn't let you sleep. Every time you closed your eyes, all you could see was your mother's tear-stained face, her car pulling away from you without so much as a second a thought.

Anger crackled at the tips of your fingers.

Who the fuck leaves their two, defenseless children with an abusive asshole? Everyone still spoke so highly of her, as if she wasn't just as bad as your dad.

You slammed your laptop shut, but the little burst of anger was enough to trigger a silent outburst. You threw your computer against your beanbag chair, dropping to the floor. You were about to start pounding your fists into the hard wood when you heard a tap on your window. You looked up, eyes overrun with tears to see JJ peering in at you. You sucked in your lower lip, hanging your head for a moment. When he tapped again, you pushed yourself to your feet and pushed the window before dropping into another chair.

"What did he do?" JJ asked, hands curled into fists at his side and his jaw tight as he stared at your door. You shook your head, reaching out to take his hand. JJ turned to you a knelt down on the ground.

"What happened?"

The anger was gone from him instantly as he looked at you.

You shook your head again, feeling like there were a million rocks weighing you down. Instead of answering, you put one arm around his neck, slowly pulling him in as you slid to the ground. He wasn't sure exactly what was happening until you were kneeling in front of him, both of your arms around his neck. He linked his arms around your back, holding you tight.

"What happened?" He asked again. "Babe, you can tell me."

He brushed hair from your face, but you shook your head for the third time, large tears rolling aimlessly from your cheeks. JJ stopped asking you questions, cradling your head as you clung to his shirt. Your breathing shuddered as you tried to calm down.

Once the tears stopped flowing like a river and once you felt like you can breathe normally, you pulled away from JJ, exhausted from all the crying.

"Why did you come?" You asked.

"I have a bunch to tell you," he said, lifting your chin. "Today was absolutely bat shit. Plus, we're having a kegger and I thought you'd want to come."

You tried to smile and met his gaze, your eyes still watery.

"I would love to go to a kegger and hear about your bat shit day," you said.

"Your dad-"

"Screw him."

JJ grinned and helped you to your feet.

"You can tell me whenever you're ready," he said as he led you to the window. You nodded your head once.

"Let's just get drunk, yeah?"

"I can do that."

***

So, when I transferred these chapters from AO3, some of the italics got messed up and I haven't been able to go through and fix it all. If you feel like there should be an emphasis somewhere, feel free to let me know and I'll see if I'm missing something. Thank you so much!

stay safe

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