Art by: ebony
his TH if you wanna see more art:
https://toyhou.se/10160390.jay

His feet trudged home slowly as he adjusted his book bag. He was headed home from school where he had received a message from his mother. It was a simple, small, two word text, but it struck him like a massive dagger to his stomach. He itched the red fur on his neck nervously as he saw his apartment complex come into sight, his gut dropping further. He looked down at his phone, seeing the small bubble that read; "I know". He sucked in one final breath before heading into the complex, staggering up the stairs to the second floor, his legs and paws shaking violently from anxiety.

He slowly turned the doorknob, opening the door and peeking in to see his mother sitting on the small couch that sat against the white wall. Her hands neatly folded in her lap as she focused her eyes on the tv next to him. "Hello..." he greeted, no response. The aging woman only looked at him, sorrow and confusion in her eyes. She hesitated, but eventually patted the cushion next to her, giving him a sad smile. "Come, sit. I think it's time we had a talk." Jay gulped. He set his book bag down and slowly made his way over to the sofa, sitting down next to her.

She pulled him into a side hug and sighed. They stayed like that for a moment, her rubbing his arm soothingly as he leaned into the touch, feeling a sense of security over wash him. "Jay, dear, I got a call from the school today..." he froze, trying to think of something he could've done wrong. "...they said they wanted to change your name on the roster to "Jay". Why?" His throat dried as he searched for words to say. "I.. uh... look, mom." He sat up and turned to her. "I think I have something to tell you..?" She gave him the look of "oh hell yeah you do.", as any mother would.

He let out a shaky breath. "I'm.. im.. trans.." he spoke barely above a whisper. A deathly silence hung in the air. "What?" Was the only word she seemed to come up with. "I'm- im trans mom. I'm a trans man." He couldn't meet her eyes. He knew they would look furious. He was prepared to get slapped, kicked out, anything. He winced as he saw her hands come towards him, his ears folding onto the back of his head and his muzzle scrunching up as he squinted his eyes. But all that came was a soothing hug, her arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders as she whispered; "I may not understand this fully, but with time I'll be able to accept it, I promise."

Tears flooded his eyes as he nodded into her shoulder, sobbing happily, "thankyou." He muttered, "so we can change my name at school and stuff?" His mom sighed, sitting back up and looking at him. She cupped his cheek, wiping a tear away. "I'm afraid we can't. I may be semi-ok with it, but you know your father sweetie.. he would never allow this." It was true. Her words seeped into his brain. His father was scary when it came to the subject of anything LGBTQ+ related. He always yelled about how it was bullshit and shouldn't exist as him and his brother sat there scowling, knowing well that the community was more important than the old man any day.

Sadly, Jay nodded, smiling softly at his mom. "That's alright, thank you for trying." She returned the grin. "Of course baby boy." She kissed him on the head and sent him off to do his homework, in which for once in his life didn't complain about, worried it would bring him down from whatever happiness he felt at that moment.

...

Over the next few weeks, Jay felt safe enough to come out to his brother Julian and his cousin kloud, who happily accepted him as, in their words, "part of the penis gang". Life was good, he was all in all happier. His mother bought him more men's clothing and helped size him for a proper binder rather than the amazon one he used before. He loved it.

Until he didn't.

July 8th, 2008, 6:34pm.

Everyone sat around the dinner table, happily speaking of their days to one another. Julian was telling how him and Jay had hit up the arcade earlier that day, "yeah! And then Jay got this-" he paused mid sentence, thinking of what he said. Panic set in everyone's eyes as they looked amongst each other and then at jays father who looked confused. "Who's Jay?" Everyone visibly gulped as they looked for an excuse. "It's his- I mean her-!" Julian tumbled over words and his father slammed a fist on the table. "His?," he began, poison seeping into his words.

Jay stood up, sudden courage filling his chest. "Yeah dad. His. I'm a fuckin' boy." His dads eyes widened for a moment before he furrowed his eyebrows and stood abruptly, shaking the table. "Don't you dare take that tone with me. And no you're not. Your a girl! A very beautiful one! Why can't you just face the truth? I'm not having some tranny druggy as a daughter. That's disgusting." He sneered and tears pricked at jays eyes, threatening to fall. His tail made its way to rest between his legs as he spoke. "Fine. You don't have to have one." Before anyone could say anything about his comment, he ran out of the house, not looking back. No way he would, at least, not after that.

He was lucky. His phone sat snug in his front pocket of the black jeans he wore, hitting his thigh harshly as he ran down the steps of the complex. He could hear his family calling for him in the distance, but he ignored all of it. The wind echoing in his sensitive ears as his feet scraped against the cement as he reached the parking lot. He wasn't very fit, so the red panda had already been tired when he reached the end of the gravel drive in, but he pushed through the slow burn his legs emitted, threatening to buckle from underneath him at any moment. His binder, pressing against his ribs with every breath. He looked around, realizing he was now on the road his friend lived on.

Mathew. Also known as Matt, had always been one of his best friends. He met him in the first grade when Matt's family first moved from Britain. He was an axolotl that was the complete opposite of Jay. While the red furred boy was a massive softy who just wanted to relax and drink tea, Matt was a hardcore punk head who was loud and loved to run around and have fun, but they both evened each other out nicely. And we're always there for each other. This was one of those times he hoped Matt was on his side with his whole life. He had slowed down by now, now at a quick walking pace. He could see their house in the distance has he raised his hands, resting them on his head, trying to expand his lungs as much as he could.

Their steps were a nice Bruce wood that he always walked up to be greeted by a welcoming family right away. But for once in his life, he didn't wanna walk up the steps. He didn't wanna have to explain why he was there, or why his feet had cuts all over them and were staining the wooden steps. He had come out to them back in the eighth grade, telling them how he didn't want his family to know yet, in which they happily agreed not to tell. He shakily brought his brown furred hand up to the white door, knocking softly. He always had a certain knock apparently, according to Matt and his little sister, that's how they could tell it was him. The door swung open, Matt standing in the doorway with his classic smirk and green Mohawk that reached his nose, "Hey mate, what's goin— woah. You look like shit." He said jokingly, but when he noticed Jays silence and awkward laugh his mood changed instantly as he rushed his friend inside. "Are you alright? I'll get my mum. Stay there and uh— just,, just stay there." He explained and gestured towards where Jay was standing, panic clearly in his voice as he called for his mother throughout the house. "What is it dear?" A elegant voice answered from the kitchen, and a equally beautiful woman to go with it. A black axolotl with pale green hair that reached her shoulders walked out of the room. "It's Jay. But he's not ok. Wait that rhymed- that's not the point!" He cried, "just come look!" He frantically pulled his mother's arm as she hurried with him back to the door Jay had entered.

One glance at his face and down at his feet and she gasped, horrified. "Alright, come sit down. I'll-ill help you. It's alright dear, I'm here now." She said in a motherly tone, keeping calm cause she didn't wanna cause any more anxiety that his sons friend might've had. "I'm... uh... I don't wanna get blood on the-the carpet." He struggled out and Matt's mother shook her head. "It's okay, we can clean it. I don't want the cuts to get anymore infected." He reluctantly nodded, walking over to their nice red couch that lined the whole wall of their large living room. His knee bounced nervously as Matt sat slowly next to him, combing his green locks back, sighing. "God, what did you do to get to this point, man?" Jay stayed quiet, only looking at the ground. He hadn't heard him. His own thoughts filled his ears as the panic finally set in. "Jay...?" His friend called out his name, still no answer. His friend slowly placed a hand on his shoulder and Jay shot up, flinching away from the touch, a terrified glimpse flashing passed his eyes.

Matt quickly took his hand back, putting the other up in a motion to calm him. "Hey, it's fine, it's just me. What's wrong?" Before he got an answer, his mom came back with a bowl of warm water, peroxide, bandages, and a towel on a silver tray. She crouched down, setting the tray next to her.

"Alright, let me see your right foot dear."

After she finished cleaning his cuts and bandaging him, he explained why he was there, and how he ran out on his own out of fear and adrenaline. Just as he seemed to finish, Matt's sister Lucinda walked through the door and noticed the red marks leading to Jay. She panicked, running over to him, hugging him tightly and making sure he was ok. Their mother explained that he could stay for the night, no calls home needed. She had always been kind and understanding towards Jays situation. And he respected that of course. So now him and Matt sat on beanbags in the game room, playing their tenth round of Mario Kart on the wii because for some reason the greenette wouldn't stop until he won a round. In that time frame of an hour and a half, the anxiety slowly but steadily left Jays stomach, allowing him to relax enough to have a bit of fun. His phone charged on Matt's nightstand upstairs, so he was unaware of the constant calls and messages from his brother. But he didn't need that stress at the moment, no, he didn't want it. It would've been to much for him to handle at that point.

. . .

The next morning he had woken up on the couch in the game room, realizing him and Matt fell asleep watching his friends favorite movie, Friday the thirteenth II. Jay didn't much care for it, but his sleeping friend sure did. He got up, stretching. His back popping in a million different places. Standing up, he slowly made his way upstairs where his phone sat, screen dark and reflecting the clouds that shown through the window. He picked it up, hitting the small power button, his heart instantly dropping to his stomach as he looked over his notifications.

Bro bro :) - 36 new messages and 22 missed calls
Mom <3- 72 new messages and 12 missed calls

He couldn't lie when he was a little disheartened that his dads contact didn't appear on screen. He unlocked his phone, putting his thumb to his home button and messaged Julian, explaining he was okay and at Matt's. Instant reply, he wasn't surprised. He was spammed by a bunch of messages by his brother, saying how he scared him and his mom half to death and that his dad was kind of sorry. But "kind of" wasn't enough for Jay to come back so he scowled, turning off his phone and tossing it back onto the nightstand before heading downstairs. It was around noon and he could hear the water running in the kitchen, so he popped his head in. "...ya need help Ms.Douglas? Don't you have work soon?" Matt's mother worked as a lawyer, and was usually busy all week. But on weekends like today, she only worked from one to nine unless she had a case. She shot him a. Soft smile as he walked over. "No sweetie I'm alright, but if you wanna help, you could wake up the others and make lunch if you don't mind. We love your cooking." He smiled ear to ear, nodding and happily skipping of to wake up Lucinda, or as he called her, Lulu, and Matt. He loved cooking, it was his one escape from the world. Just him and his different ingredients.

He woke up Matt's sister first since he knew she would be easiest. "Hey..." He said as he walked into her room, walking on the door lightly as he did so. "It's time to get up,," He said calmly as he softly shook her. She groaned, her pink eyelids squinting together as she opened her eyes. "Get up Lulu, I'm making lunch." When she heard that, and figured out it was Jay who woke her up, she instantly sat up, throwing her legs over the side of her bed. "You better not be bullshitting me Jay." She scolded as she walked out of her room, Jay not far behind her, chuckling to himself. Next was Matt. Oh boy, matt was not a morning person. Everyone knew that all to well. The only person he actually got up for was Jay most of the time. And his mother if he was threatened enough. The red furred boy wandered into the game room for the second time that morning, shaking his sleeping friend. "Wake up man, come on. I'm gonna make lunch and you'll starve." Matt grumbled something along the lines of; "shut the hell up" but jay ignored it and continued shaking him. Matt, finally fed up with his new fuzzy alarm clock, sat up, glaring daggers at jay sleepily. "You're a jerk." He muttered as he got up, stretching the same way jay had that morning before shuffling out of the room tiredly.

After everyone gathered into the dining room, drowsy and ready to eat, Jay got ready to begin preparing lunch, gathering what he needed and might need to make his famous waffles, when out of nowhere the sound of the house phone interrupted everything. He froze and glanced at it cautiously as Ms.Douglas came into the kitchen and answered it with a lovely greeting. Her voice dropped as she said "okay" and "yes, I understand" here and there. Each time her once soft smile turning into a sorrowful frown more and more. Eventually she said her goodbyes and placed the phone back on the stand after hanging up. She slowly turned to Jay, both of them sharing a look that said very clearly "Shit just went down." And she sighed hesitantly. "Jay... sweetie, you're gonna be staying with us for awhile." He felt the air leave his body. "Huh?" Is all he could muster out. She nodded. "Your,, your father called and..." she didn't need to finish for Jay to know what was going on. He had just been kicked out. Tears filled his eyes and sank down his cheeks, onto the tiled kitchen floor as Matt's mother rushed over, embracing him tightly as sobs escaped his lips. He hadn't a home anymore.

. . .

From that day on, he didn't talk to anyone from that apartment but his brother. His mother only called or messaged him on his birthday and the occasional Christmas, but nothing more, and as for his dad, they never talked again period. He was turning eighteen in a few months, and had been saving up the money to move to America. Eventually the Douglas family gave him a room and accepted him as one of their own, rather quickly if I might add, where he stayed for the past three years.

Matt poked his head into the doorway of Jays room as he slipped on his green sweater over his binder. "You didn't wear that overnight, right idiot?" He muttered and Jay laughed, shaking his head. "No mom I didn't. What's up?" He said sarcastically. They both giggled before Matt spoke again, "mum wants us ready in ten. You forgot didn't you." He did. He completely forgot what they were doing today. As far as he knew, he was gonna read the book he bought the other day. He gave his friend a clueless look and Matt let out a heaving sigh. "Your man juice?" Man juice, or, testosterone. Jay had been on T for a few months now and was going to get a refill today. And he forgot. Jay gasped, grinning like an idiot. "Oh hell, I totally forgot! Yeah okay, okay! I'ma comin'." He exclaimed, suddenly rushing to put his eyebrow piercing in, which was just a simple silver barbell. Matt chuckled from the door, pushing himself off the brown frame where he rested and walking off, Jay not far behind.

Lil Darkie blasted from Matt's headphones as Jay excitedly bounced in his seat as they headed to the pharmacy, humming to himself. Lulu sat in the front next to her mother, messaging her boyfriend. They were an odd bunch for sure when you thought about it, but they didn't seem to care, because as long as they cared for each other, that was enough.

...

Moving day. A day everybody loves and hates. All Jays stuff was already in his new, small, New York apartment. Now all that was left was to get him from Japan to the US. Matt has helped him with his English over the past year to prepare for this. He was ready. No he wasn't, he could feel it. Anxiety bubbled in his chest as he packed his suitcase. Matt was helping collect anything the movers forgot. He looked at Jay and sighed, walking over to him, placing a charger in Jays bag, patting him on the shoulder. "We're gonna miss you, mate. Really. No, honestly, I'm gonna miss ya." He said with a saddened tone. Jay smiled sympathetically towards him, patting his hand. "Yeah I know, who's gonna make you breakfast now? You'll starve without me." He joked, they both shared a laugh as Jay checked the time. "Crap, I gotta go. Wanna drive me?" Jay asked as he zipped up his suitcase, preparing to leave. His friend nodded and they headed downstairs, sharing his goodbyes to Ms.Douglas and Lulu who sobbed over him for a good five minutes before he really had to leave or he would miss his flight.

The drive was silent, the only sound being the quiet background music playing in the background. It was a weird silence, one he hadn't felt in many years, and it bugged him to the brim. He pressed the small power button on the radio, and turned to Matt. "You're gonna like, keep in touch with me, right?" Matt only nodded. "Verbally tell me. I don't know for sure unless you do." A quiet hush fell over the car again for a moment, "...of course I will." The axolotl croaked out. Sounding as if he were in the verge of tears. "Hold on... are you crying?" They turned onto the exit towards the airport. Fifteen miles. "No man course not. But I'm bouta. I mean dude, your leaving to a whole ass other country. Why wouldn't I get all jizzy?" He struggled to find words. Jay didn't know how to respond because it was true. They might never see each other again. "...it'll be alright. I'll call often. Or your mom will call me, you know her." He said with a grin and Matt chuckled. "Yeah, true. She'd probably fly there if you didn't answer too." They both laughed. Over the years they had become something close to Brothers but not quite. A bond between the two stronger than steel, and they just couldn't face the fast that steel could break.

...

The intercom buzzed on like a fly you wanted to crush with your shoe. "Flight 1A now boarding." It spoke in its lady-like monotone voice. The two looked at each other one last time, before hugging each other tightly, tears swelling in both their eyes. Jay was the first to pull away, knowing Matt wouldn't without him doing so. "I gotta go." He gave Matt a soft smile and ruffled his hair. "Don't get arrested while I'm gone, yeah?" Matt chuckled and nodded. Jay grinned. "Alright, bye nimrod." Matt smiled. "Bye, idiot." Jay walked onto the plane, and it took off not much later, his childhood friend watching as it left, waving frantically, hoping he could see him. Jay laughed at the sight, snapping a picture and sending it to him before the pilot asked for all phones to be put on airplane mode. "Finally, a new beginning." He thought to himself before slowly drifting to sleep for the trip.

...

A few months later, after a lot of hard work, he finally had his own small cafe up and running on the busy streets of New York. Ms.Douglas was pleased to hear the news, instantly pulling Matt onto the phone to hear about it. Owning a cafe was a lot more interesting than he had thought. He had learned how to make coffees as a kid by his own mother so that wasn't the interesting part, but the customers, that was a different story. Each of them had interesting lives. Like Rosko, a regular at his cafe, was a kangaroo who was into boxing and put up a tough face. But really he was a big sweet heart. He had a daughter who he adored. And he loved sweet drinks, but he refused to tell anyone. So when he asked for a black coffee, Jay knew that what he really wanted was a Irish mocha, extra sweetener, one shot espresso. He spoke of his day as jay served others, and sometimes jay did listen, other times he acted as if he was because it was to busy during rush hours. Life was pretty good to say the least. He wouldn't change it one bit.

Art by: bambam