Hello there! :D

Today we're looking at Alessandra Silvana Adorno, a character submitted by @magam321. It isn't too long, but this doesn't stop us from getting a little snack like a bag of chips (or whatever you like). So lets start right in! :D

(I'll do this chronologically, so when I ask questions in the beginning, to which the answers are told later, I'll still ask them. I'm doing this as I read it the first time, as always.)

Just a note that English isn't my first language, so sorry for any mistakes c:

I'm sure you're doing great, keep going with practice! (It isn't my native language either and I'm still learning new things as well, so I'll probably make mistakes too ;P)

Fandom: Original.

It's an urban fantasy world, with vampires, witches and werewolves being the main three species. There are other ones, but these three are the only ones that are immortal (as in can't die of old age / don't age).

Ok, so by now vampires are the most common species I had to review this far, but good choices. Besides the thing with deaths (I'll probably comment on that later as well, but lets see what exactly you want to tell me about that), I've got one other thing: what do you mean by witches? Humanoid females with magic powers? Or does it include people of other gender as well? Are they human? I mean they neither age nor die of age, so they don't seem to be. Or is this just a case for book-science? ;P

The only way a witch can die permanently is if their heart is burned. Otherwise, they come back after a day or two.

I mean, I know of many gruesome ways to die, but how exactly do you burn a heart? Stab someone with a red-hot piece of iron? Or with a burning piece of wood? Or do you have to rip the heart out of the body (somehow, I mean you do have a ribcage I'm gonna assume) and burn it afterwards? Do you have to burn the entire person (like the old witch-processes in the Middle Ages... is it inspired by that? If yes, I like your work with historical details!) And why exactly is it the heart that has to be burned? I'll assume that it's something like the place where the soul is, but let's see how that'll play out. In itself, good.

Their favorite hobbies include coming back from the "dead", creating horror-y creatures they later hunt for sport or party with, or ruining people's lives.

Do they have a choice to come back from the dead? Or is it something that just lies in their nature? Because If they can't do it by choice and can't enjoy it, that goes against the rules of something being a hobby (I'll cite Wikipedia: "A hobby is considered to be a regular activity that is done for enjoyment, typically during one's leisure time.") I mean, you most certainly don't have anything to do in the afterlife, so that might be a reason, but how does it work/qualify as a hobby?
Do these beings have some sort of consciousness or soul? Do they "reincarnate"? Like, is there a limited pool of souls that (maybe) have been murdered by the ones that summon them or are they an empty husk that doesn't feel or think on their own, only guided by primal instincts?
Aw, that's mean :[

Vampires are human before turning, and even born werewolves live as humans for 18 years - witches, as a species and as individuals, were never human. They live by a different standard of ethics and with a different worldview than humans.

Turning in the sense that they have to be bitten to turn? Or that in vampires sexually reproduce and have a child, that the "vampire-genes" still have to kick in at some point?
Ok, that mainly makes sense, I think. Are werewolves able to control their wolf-form? There are both variants in folklore and pop-culture, so you can't really be wrong
How exactly different? Just being more ruthless and demeaning of others?

The biggest lie vampires ever sold the public is that they're all hot. They aren't exactly ugly, but they aren't models, and they have a double set of teeth and very weird eyes.

Like sharks? I like that, sounds cool. How do the eyes look? Lizard- or catlike? Or like the eldritch horrors beneath?

Most of them have a weird commitment to the Victorian era aesthetic. Most of them aren't from that era.

Is your story set on earth or...? But ok, Victorian era. Don't forget this means excessive ball-gowns and corsets (at least for the ladies), both a little impractical to move in.

They have a strong obsession with counting and a strong hate for odd numbers.

Are we talking about the vampires right now? Seems to be the case, but thank you for including the thing with counting. As far as I know this is a feat most (historically "accurate") vampires share this trait

Werewolves are, comparatively, the least odd supernatural species. Maybe that's why vamps and witches don't like them very much. A witch created this species, the personal project slipped out of control and boom, a new species arised.

... why exactly would you create a human-wolf-hybrid? I won't judge, but it does seem a little weird out of context X]
And how are they "least odd"? Witches are socially weird as far as I can tell, vampires have a weird appearance, and werewolves? Are they for one part (mostly) in a human form that doesn't look weird, and only sometimes in a wolf-ish form?

There's a large subset of werewolf mothers that are your stereotypical soccer mom. They love raw meat.

Oh golly gosh, I most definitely would want to hang out with them. Not. (I've heard some things about stereotypical soccer moms... and very, very, veeery few of them were good)

Only some humans know the truth about supernaturals existing. Most humans that know become hunters.

How do you usually learn of them? I mean, vampires for example could be easily identified just because they look unusual

Name: Alessandra Silvana Adorno

Alessandra means "defender of mankind", but since she's a witch I doubt that she is a hunter trying to delete all supernaturals from the face of the earth
Silvana means "of the woods", maybe makes sense for a mystical beings whose fairy-tale-counterpart often lived in woods
Adorno roughly describes someone with hawklike features or someone who trains hawks.
So her name would be "defender of mankind who lives in the forests and trains hawks". Honestly, it sounds badass, both in this "translated" version as well as in the original form.
(also is she Italian? Her first name is Greek, but her middle name originates in Latin and Adorno also is Italian. Just a question, and if it was done intentionally)

Nickname(s):

Wraith / Boogeyman - the name has become somewhat of a myth within a lot of magical circles, hushed between breaths and with a look over the shoulder.

Oh no, another murderer X] while the concept isn't necessarily new, it does sound cool. Time will show if you can apply it in a way that makes sense in your story

It's a name that has been given to her, rather than chosen. She embraced it, out of necessity and the protection it gave her coven. The Wraith is believed to be a heartless murderer that chooses their enemies at random. While the stories of the Wraith's brutality have been largely overplayed, there is some truth to it - when let loose, Alessandra can be quite destructive and cruel.

Jack the Ripper style?

She has gone through numerous fake names over the years, none of them particularly special.

She goes by "Alessa" or "Less", sometimes

Age: 1087

Assuming the story takes place today, she was born in 936 AD

Gender: Female

Okay

Species: Witch

Also good, though I'm still curious about that thing with different ethical concept than humans, but I'm patient ;)

Appearance: Standing at around 160 cm, she's on the shorter side, with a lean, athletic build and an inverted triangle body type.

Ok, I believe that this is ok. Probably a little standard, but in my opinion not that overused, so I'll give it a go :)

She has dark blue eyes that are a door to her emotions, a sharp jaw and a slightly-roman nose shape.

They say eyes are the window to your soul, so I assume you did this to give an otherwise emotionally unassuming/unshowing character a way to express themselves, everything else is acceptable (not entirely new, but also really not bad)

Her hair is naturally dark brown and wavy, but lately she's been dying it white, and keeping it shoulder-length.

I assume this is in our time, so nothing unusual. Not exactly healthy for dark hair to be bleached constantly (it isn't for any hair colour), but I can't tell you what to do. Does she have another persona this time that she needs this change in appearance or just because she felt like it?

She has a scar, running on top of where her heart is, matching the one on her wife's chest (significance below).

Does this scar establish a connection between the two? Just wanted to give this question a shot since it doesn't seem too far fetched in my opinion :P

Clothing: Stereotypes don't make a supernatural species, but this one has a grain of truth to it - witches pay a lot of attention to having an unified aesthetic when going out as a coven.

I mean, I see the reasoning, it makes sense

So, when going out with her coven, or just simply one or two of her coven members, she tries to uphold that, usually letting the other person(s) pick what style they go in.

Cool! They freely get to choose from anything, or do they have like three different styles of which they pick one?

Outside of that, she jumps in-between styles, with a preference for either a rocker look or a business-y one lately.

A pretty big contrast in my opinion, but good! :D

Personality + Flaws:

Alessandra is the type of person you want by your side.

I mean, I wouldn't want a killer after me, would I? ;P

She's absolutely ruthless to anyone going against her or hers, but extremely loyal and caring to those she loves. She doesn't do anything half-way, and she's a very ride or die type of person.

Seems like a source for problems and solutions to the same extent.

She isn't very fond of humans, because of what she suffered from their hand during the middle ages.

Yeah, that was a thing that happened... many died. So many.

Whether or not witches are human, or a different species entirely, has been an unanswered question, and a hot debate topic in magical circles for centuries, and Alessandra is very firmly on the "not" human side of the argument.

So they look human. Understandable that it would be discussed

She tries to distance herself from the term, at times to the point of playing into her worst instincts for show.

Is this her motivation for killing? It seems to be too shallow for a reason to take a life, but well. Things have and will occur, for reasons too small to be considered a proper motive.

As I said, it's not because of a sense of superiority (though she claims it is) but because all she went through during the middle ages and hadn't addressed - Alessa can't admit she's human, or otherwise she'd admit she's the same as the people that tortured her for decades.

This seems like a very good point to get some trauma or maybe even PTSD rolling, and I can't blame it. The mind is fragile, and takes time to heal, but if you can't start to tend your wounds this won't work as well as it should with care.

The nickname she got - the Wraith, the Boogeyman - isn't just for show. Witches operate on a different set of ethics and morality, but even by witch standards, Alessandra can be very cruel and ruthless and, most importantly, very driven. If she's after somebody, or if someone crosses her, she'll lock onto that person and will go to the ends of the earth to make them suffer.

That will cause trouble. Being so much after someone you forget yourself may lead to your loved ones turning away from you, and, when you got your revenge, can cause so much more damage than the thought of letting them go.
I can't say I can't see her reasons, those are pretty clear, but be careful. Relationships might not last forever.

Which is one of the reasons she has to be 'reigned back', at times. Alessandra tends to hyper-focus on things, especially if those things encite (I believe you meant 'entice') extreme emotion within her, and she can become blind to the consequences it brings to everything and everyone around her.

Just as I already said

She's conscious of this, and is always grateful of her coven pulling her back, even if they have to temporarily kill her to do so.

If you have to go as far as to kill somebody to make them snap out of it, it might be a good thing to get her to therapy. But good that others have an eye on her, letting someone like that run free might be not the best thing to have in a world/city/country

But the thing is, her reputation and temperament are often actually useful. Her coven isn't very well liked, for a variety of reasons, but her reputation scares a lot of them away from going against them.

Others know that it's her? Mass murderers have been convicted of their crimes, being overpowered by a greater mass of others isn't impossible. I don't know how exactly she kills, but I assume she can't kill all of them. Also is the death-penalty still a thing in the magic circles? Maybe, so... are they this scared of her?

And if a supernatural hunter's after them, it makes her a singular target and from there it's easier to pull away the hunter's focus away from the coven at large, and only to her. And so she's stuck in a bit of a doomed loop of wanting to change and be better, and constantly having to forgo her betterment for the good of her coven.

Emotional drama, not bad. This is a great point for character development, so I won't comment on it any more than that, other than you've got a very good opportunity at your hand here.

Because really, there's nothing she wouldn't do for her coven. She had sacrificed herself a lot for them in the past and would do so again without hesitation.

Probably a little impulsive, but you already explained that. I'm not too much of a fan of it, but I still like this trope usually if it's well done

She constantly worries about the coven's future, and is willing to do the dirty work so they wouldn't have to. Alessandra can be sarcastic, and playfully mean, and just a bit too honest at times, but between all that, she has no problem with showing her more vulnerable side to the people she loves.

Good, that is reasonable. I know people like that, so you got a point for relatability.

Alessa's very smart, and has a passion for the sciences. She works as a surgeon at a local hospital, and is a professor of medicine at the nearest university.

At first I was going to question that, but she is over 1000 years old. You might do some things in the meantime. (I'm not entirely sure about this, but isn't being a surgeon a fulltime job? Might get a little tight when she is doing that as well as holding lectures about kidneys or something. And studying medicine takes a while, so this also is a fulltime job.)

She didn't need magic to achieve all that - just decades of experience and a high interest in the field (she did use magic so people wouldn't question her appeared age, though).

What does she look like? 80?

She's just a bit of a mad scientist, and has claimed a part of her coven's basement for a personal lab.

What is she researching there? Was she the one to "breed" werewolves?

Mental illnesses/ Disabilities: Nothing diagnosed

good

Likes: Her coven, old poetry, medicine, bonfire parties, doing magical experiments, fogs and rainy weather, animated movies

Nice, relatable and not too strange

Dislikes: Humans, hunters, history, people touching her without warning, the pigeons in her backyard

Maybe add like three more since you got 8 likes and 5 dislikes, but in itself, good. Also I particularly like the thing with not wanting to be touched without warning, because 1. Being hunted and tortured most likely involving physical contact can and will cause this response to being touched 2. Being killed multiple times will leave its scars. It won't leave you unaffected.

Powers: She's a witch, so her powers are simply magic.

Simply magic doesn't exist. What is normal magic? I assume you mean the Harry Potter kind of magic, but still. Usually, magic is anything but normal, so I'll always ask the question what exactly this means.

As I mentioned, witches can't die permanently unless their heart is burned (otherwise, they "die" for a day or two and simply come back). However, centuries ago, Alessandra performed a magical half-ritual half-surgery which basically "exchanged" her and her wife's hearts - and so now the only way either can die is if their hearts are burned simultaneously (so they can only die together or not at all). The exchange was a secret, known only to her coven.

I completely forgot to ask, are the two happily married? It seems to be, since a literal heart-exchange isn't something you can undo in two minutes

But other than that, her powerset is pretty standard for a witch (spell casting, curse creation, telekinesis, rituals, etc).

Backstory:

Born around 936 in Italy, Alessandra didn't really have an easy childhood.

She is Italian and born in that year, I was right! :D

Her region was under constant disputes for power, and so under constant danger.

I would say that this is a little stereotypical, but history is a cruel thing to begin with. Not that original, but sadly plausible, so it's good.

A lot of her family passed away during those conflicts, and witch hunts that started around there when she was still a teenager.

I wasn't able to find any dates, but it seems possible, and I found a few sources that talk about witch hunts in the 1000's. Also do witches age at the same rate as humans and when do they stop aging?

She moved around with her family, but it was only about a hundred years or so after her birth that they finally left the Italian peninsula. They couldn't agree where to move, and so they split up - her family wasn't big at that point, and the bonds weren't strong enough to not tear under the weight of loss and danger.

As I said, sad, but possible.

Alessa moved to North Africa and travelled for a while there, while the rest of her coven split in other directions.
Being a lone witch in unknown territory wasn't exactly a safe situation, and eventually Alessa got into trouble with another witch.

It had to happen, as being alien to a place and the people there most likely results in some sort of truble

It all turned out well though, as the disagreement shifted into them falling in love and, well, that's how she met her wife, Yasmin. After spending some time together in Yasmin's homeland, modern-day Algeria, they traveled around the world together, enjoying each other's company.

Aw, how cute! :D Plus-point for including a little LGBTQ-themes, representation matters, no matter religion, race, gender or sexuality. Go for it, be yourself. You deserve to be happy.

It was during their travels that they met Alonso, Makeda and Kai, and the five witches ended up forming a coven, and traveling as a group.

I like it, very nice :]

Sometime during the 1300s, they ended up in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

Oh no.

Religiously-driven supernatural hunters, with the firm belief of driving demons out of their world, and surprisingly well-armed, attacked them.

Oh no

Alessa 'sacrificed' herself, staying to hold them back while the others escaped. She spent nearly the whole century in their captivity, as they tortured her and attempted to permanently kill her.

Darn it why can't go things as planned? I needed some nice "r/WitchesVsPatriarcy" vibes. (Btw I love your way of telling her backstory so far, you have me bound to the screen)

Her coven fell into other trouble at the time, and were only able to rescue her with the turn of the century, in 1400.
Alessa never quite addressed that period of her life. She prefers to not speak of it, despite her coven's support and want to help.

I mean it's understandable, and if I hadn't heard of similar cases (or at least I think I heard of them), I'd say that this is unrealistic. But it is possible, despite how unfair and sad this is.

The coven spent the next centuries moving around the world, being much more careful and vigilant.

Good choice

Eventually, they moved to the US. Eventually, Makeda fell in love with a human and to everyone's surprise, became pregnant. She had the child, a daughter, but the coven's happiness for her was short-lived. Hunters found them, and Makeda sent her lover and child one way, and the coven the other way, choosing to stay behind and fight the hunters.

Oh no, that is so sad! D: (I said that so many times by now, but I'm too lazy to count it lol)

My story opens up with Makeda's now-grown daughter, Devyn, discovering her witch heritage and seeking out her mother's old coven. Alessa's place in all this? Turns out she's her professor at university.

Interesting, you've got a great start for all of this! If you play your cards right (and judging by worldbuilding and characters and relationships and writing-style there is a pretty good chance that you do that), this will be a great story!

Family:

By the time they split up, Alessandra had only a mother and an older sister. She hadn't spoken to them since, however, and doesn't know where they are or what they're doing.

You explained it, yes.

She considers her coven her family:
Yasmine Al-Ifriqi - her wife, her soulmate, the love of her life. Yasmine is the leader of the coven and she's extremely cunning and intuitive, magical politics and tactics as easy to her as breathing.

I was just about to ask what makes her the leader, but yeah, those seem good qualities for a leader

She's also a pianist, and a very talented one at that. She's from modern-day Algeria, and is about a hundred or so years older than Alessa.

Good, makes sense, I'll accept it

Makeda Khensa - a witch from modern-day Angola, a bit younger than both Yasmine and Alessa. Before sacrificing herself (she's alive, just considered missing), she was the coven's spy/infiltrator.

Ok

Alonso de Leon - a witch from Spain, slightly younger than Yasmine and Alessa too. He's the coven's main herbalist, and has claimed the roof of the coven's house for his greenhouse. He's a quiet person, but enjoys spending time with his coven.

That sounds a little like someone I know lol
But there are male witches, ok. I usually associate the term with women, so I earlier I was just wondering

Kai Shingen - a witch from Japan, born into a traveling coven. Before they were a teenager, they had already moved around Asia four times.

Are they nonbinary? Inclusion is everything, I love your detailed work!

They picked up traveling from their parents, and had met Yasmine, Alessa and Makeda in India, when they were around a hundred years old. Despite the other witches having travelled too, Kai proved to be the best with the logistics aspect of it - they excel at anything from organizing transport, to getting fake documents.

That's a thing to master, I can't do that for the life of me. X]

Devyn Khensa-Jones - the newest member of their coven. Devyn grew up sheltered away from the magical world, but has moved in with the coven to help understand her nature.

That's cool, might lead into some interesting situations

Friends:

Alessa doesn't really have friends outside of her coven. Her neighbor, the matriarch of a large-ish werewolf pack-family, however, is under the belief that she's great friends with Alessa, and they meet up constantly (Alessa says she just humors her, but in reality she grew a soft spot for her).

Possible, it's good.

Enemies: Supernatural hunters. Her coven's not very well-liked, so she's enemies with a few other covens.

Ok, I think. A little too little information on this one maybe, but since you already explained most of it, it's acceptable.

Other: n/a

So, we're through with this one!

Alessandra Silvana Adorno is a great character as far as I can tell. I've already asked all of my questions, so yeah. Most of her backstory is pretty sad and traumatizing as well. I hope she gets professional help someday, it may help, but it by the things you told me it by far isn't as bad as it could be.

Maybe add a few more hobbies, I didn't find too many things on that, and a few more social contacts (other professors, students). Other than that, I can't even add more things for improvement, at least none that I can think of right now. She is a good character, with a few generic traits but interesting other things about her, which makes her a balanced character. You did a very good job! :D

She gets a great 42 Pride flags out of 3,1415 potion-pots.

For the drawing I challenged myself to only use black, grey and blue. I hope this is ok with you, but I thought it fits her quite nicely.
She also looks a little younger than I'd like, I'm still practicing the thing with drawing age... well.
Since you said "rock and buisness-style", i went witha more tame rock look. The shirt has the emblem of Queen (the band) on it, because it looks cool and I myself like their music ;P It is a little too big for her, which unfortunately in combination with the shorts makes it look like her torso is too long in relation to her legs... sometimes things like that only are noticeable when you're finished and have taken a decent photo. I love my life. :)
The dagger also got a little longer than maybe necessary, but that doesn't matter since it is behind her back.
And the creature behind her is one of those you mentioned earlier, just normally they would be very dark, almost black. I wasn't able to do that here, since in that case Alessa wouldn't be the centre of attention anymore.
I hope I was able to capture her in a way that you like, and I would love you thoughts on it! :D

I hope to welcome you back next time!

See you soon!

And here, have a biscuit 🍪 :D

(I would appreciate it if you would leave a comment and vote, maybe even share with your friends, so that this book hopefully gets seen by more people that help me advancing this :] )