Hello there!

Today we're looking at Amriel Emlen, a character submitted again by @Marina Novkov6. The rules stay the same from last time, and yeah. This also is pretty long (11 pages without my commentary), longer than the previous one, so I think we need a big snack for this. So get yourself a sandwich, fasten your seatbelts an lets go :D

[if I see something after my original question, I'll put the answer in [] directly under my question, though it didn't help making myself look like a fool ;P]

Fandom: An original universe

This universe contains two planets for mythical creatures–Eleira and Aleris. Each is then divided into a couple of kingdoms.

My OC is from the planet of Eleira, kingdom of Clembridge (one of vampires' kingdoms).

Vampires again? Ok, lets see what you do with that

This planet is inhabited by five species: Vampires, demons, ghosts and spirits, mermaids and sirens, and werewolves (and other animal-like creatures). The other, "sixth" species are humans, who came to this planet over some time.

What exactly is the difference between ghosts and spirits? Are ghosts the souls of the deceased and spirits some sort of creation by nature/god/incident that doesn't involve death of a living being? The difference between mermaids and sirens also is a little clouded, but I'd assume mermaids are somewhat peaceful and sirens are more of a thread to those who come near them.

The interesting aspect of this planet is that it has a specific style-a mix between the 19th century (like still using carriages), and the 21st century (like still having mobile phones).

Ok, interesting, this might lead to some things slightly contradicting themselves but we'll see how you work around it.

The planet is divided into various kingdoms for each species (except for humans).

How much do they interact with each other, and do they travel to other kingdoms? Or is heavily restricted to do that? If it is, I'd assume this is a plot-point. Interesting, I like it.

On the first half of it, there are kingdoms with queens and kings, and an Academy for every creature (including humans), on the other half, there are kingdoms for Gods and Goddesses, churches, and special church-schools, that are divided into a church-school for future monarchs (kings and queens, Gods and Goddesses), and a church-school for every other human\creature.

That's creative and very thoughtful, you don't necessarily get a picture of the educational system! I love it! :D

RELIGION

Inhabitants of Eleira need to serve the God\Goddess of their species.

Like Drow in D&D? Looks like it might lead into conflict, but also a good character background! :)

GOD\GODDESS INFORMATION

Most of the time, Gods and Goddesses stay inside of their castles, and rarely make public appearances.

Gods with actual permanent physical appearances? Nice, not seen often (at least not by me) so it's good

They only make them if (and this is also what duties they have to complete daily):

They have to speak with the kings and queens about any problems, or if there is a new-comer—it is Gods' and Goddesses' job to decide, whether or not the new-comer can stay, or solve a very serious problem, that the kings and queens can't solve

Why should a God say "no you can't stay sorry, bye"? But interesting concept, let's see what you make of it

When paying a personal visit to churches, to check if everyone stayed faithful to them

When making important announcements (about wars, or about any other sort of big problems)

When a special event occurs (such as a wedding or a fighting tournament)

Do they come to the wedding of everyone? Or just the "higher caste"? Imagine being a poor farmer or something but you still have this mighty god of e.g. vampires who shines in a divine light and yeah. That'd be weird for me, but if it's an established concept in this world, why not.

Other than in these cases, Gods and Goddesses don't leave their castles.

VAMPIRES

Kingdoms: Clembridge, Kialing.

King and queen: Itachi Hasegawa, Cecilia Gray Hasegawa.

Princes: Naoki Hasegawa and Devill Hasegawa (twin-brothers), however, as of now, Naoki doesn't want to take the throne, and Devill is on Earth.

Earth? How does this planet come into place? Did vampires invent space travel? Or do they teleport there? (Scotty, beam me up!)

God: Amriel Emlen.

Hey, I know that name! Were talking about a god I see... wow, things are gonna get spicy. If he is the main character, heck, if he is an important side character, make sure he isn't overpowered, but I didn't get to his powers yet, so I'll come back to that topic.

-The vampires are divided into two types: normal vampires (half-bloods, and others), and Draculas.

Again, what's the difference? Half-bloods makes it seem like normal vampires are created by sexual reproduction, and Draculas are made by sucking ones blood I'd assume?

-Normal vampire's eyes don't glow red. Dracula's eyes do, specifically when they have their "thirst insight".

Ok, not bad

-Normal vampires can go on without blood for a very long time, Draculas, however, can't. Their downside is that if they grow thirsty for blood, they'll develop a "thirst insight"-a state, in which a Dracula is, if he's\she's thirsty for blood, and their thirst goes far beyond their limits, where they can't hold back anymore.

I guess that makes sense, just a little explanation on why that is and why it doesn't affect the normies would be nice. Also how long is "a very long time"? Two weeks? Five years? Until the end of the current millenia?

If Draculas won't get the blood in time, they won't die because of it, however, they will "suffer" in the "thirst insight" for a long time, until someone offers them blood. If that happens, Draculas turn into unstoppable blood-sucking "monsters", to put it bluntly-but, of course, it depends, for how long the Dracula lasted without blood. They will drink the person's blood until they've fully quenched their thirst.

Good, maybe give a few examples on how long it takes until a dehydrated (debloodated?) vampire is dehumanized/devamipirized. Also on a less "criticizing" note: It reminded me of "you're not yourself when hungry. Eat a snickers." X]

"Thirst insight" happens not too often, but not too rarely either. It really depends on the Dracula, if he's\she's able to hold back his\her thirst, or not. However, it happens to Draculas approximately 1-2 times every half of a year.

Do they... forget to "eat"? I mean, possible, but I'm thinking to turn into a hungry monster half a day won't be enough, and if it is, it might be a little concerning. But I see your intent, not bad.

-Draculas don't really get educated on how to fight with their "thirst insight"—the church-schools believe, that they should learn to deal with it on their own, "as a Dracula should do", and because they are convinced that a proper Dracula should be educated on this topic by their parents, not by the church-schools.

By the things I've heard from the most reliable source on this planet earth – the internet – this is similar to the sex ed teens get in some Christian schools. This is a problem, but sadly not unlikely, so yeah. Also the phrase "Man up" is similar I think, but the previous irl example fits better

-There are also those vampires, that are used to devour not only blood from others (mostly humans), but also their flesh and organs. These vampires, usually, hide their tendencies, and can be referred to as cannibals (for vampires are still, technically, "humans", or also "humanoid" in a sense). One other thing to note is the fact that these vampires evolved enough to be able to digest human's flesh and organs. Humans were chosen because they, as stated by some, are the "easiest to fool" and "more delectable". However, some cannibalistic vampire families still prefer to drink blood from their victims rather than eat them.

Ok, in terms of terms it's ok, believable. But another question about vampires I'll just copy from Ciens review: Do vampires pass as humans? Or are they more pale, dress mainly darker than average humans (though I know that people, vampires or not, will dress in anything, so not really an argument) and maybe look less colourful like an old once coloured photograph?

OTHER INFORMATION (optional, just so that you can get some other information on the world):

I love it so far, detailed worldboulding is something I treasure very thoroughly! *,*

WEAPONS, LIVING AND AGING

All of the species listed don't physically age after a certain age-point (except for humans, if they're not turned into a mythical creature).

Is the age determined? Like are all werewolves e.g. lanky teenagers? Or does it depend on the individual?

All of the species listed are, technically, immortal, however, they can still be killed by magical weapons (guns, knives, even potions, ect.).

Be careful with that, but since elves in The Lord of the Rings technically function similarly, I guess it's ok

These weapons are magical, that not every creature or person possesses-only those, who are of a higher rank (army's generals (and normal soldiers, too), Emperors/Empresses, Gods\Goddesses, ect.), or those who are close to the monarchs (like priests, sometimes even butlers, ect.).

Because these weapons are magical, they can actually kill any creature (including humans). That's why only some people and creatures get to possess these special items.

I mean. Technically. If you got a pencil to be magic somehow, you could stab someone with it. And then they die. On the other hand: are they harmed by things that aren't magical? Or don't they experience the dread of frying something in a pan and getting splashed by those terrible little (unmagical) drops of (unmagical) oil? Are they able to cut themselves with a kitchen knife by accident? If one would fall through a window that is decently high up, would they be cut? Would they break bones? If it would be an open wound irl would it be open there too? Neither the ground nor the window nor gravity itself are magical I assume, so what would happen?

Or does "magical weapon" just guarantee an (more or less) instant death while "normal weapon" still leaves the option of surviving?

MAGIC

Magic (or spells, really) can be used by creatures for a variety of things (only humans don't have magical abilities, unless they're turned into a mythical creature). For example, it can be used for self-defense, or for defense of kingdoms (Gods and Goddesses, kings and queens, and also Emperors and Empresses use magic for this purpose—they create magical "shields" over their kingdoms). It can also be added to potions, weapons (potion-makers and weapon-makers are using magic for this purpose), or other items.

Like Harry Potter spells I assume, just without the wands (again ;) )

Magic, in simple terms, is an energy in a creature's DNA—hence why so many creatures acquire it by being born with it. It "flows" from creatures' hands.

Does being changed into something else (e.g. a ghost) alter ones DNA? How? I'll just file this under book-science, because I doubt that this would work irl without massive consequences

The limitations of magic are fairly...grieve. Some species have their own weaknesses to go along with it. But there is one major weakness that all creatures' magic has. Magic can heal physical wounds, that are caused by a normal, human weapon (and sometimes by a magical weapon, too). If it's a small wound, it can easily be healed. However, if it's a serious, big wound, then magic is absolutely useless in this situation—creatures (and, well, humans) will have to rely on surgeries, or, in some cases, just die because of blood loss.

So they can be harmed by normal stuff. Interesting, so how... How?

Another thing it can't heal are mental illnesses—doctors in psychiatric hospitals would have to help their patients trough normal means, rather than with the help of magical abilities.

Would be nice, but I see why you did this, and it makes completely sense. 1 good.

In short, magic can heal physical wounds—mental ones would have to be treated in another way, because, as some say, "Magic can't heal an ill person's mind.".

MILITARY

In the military, each member (privates, generals, ect.) get their weapon—a magical sword, to be exact. Only doctors are those, who don't get them, because it is believed that they "don't need" them, now that they are under the military's "protection" of sorts.

If I was The Enemy I would try to isolate the medic and then kill them. Ok, maybe sounds easier than it actually is, but then again I know nothing about warfare, so might be a stupid idea.

Military doctors also have their own uniform, that is similar to soldiers' uniforms, where the only difference is that they also have a white cross under the epaulettes—this is to show that they are different from others in the army, and to also show, that they are there to help the wounded, or those who are ill or feeling sick.

While not new, this concept is proven to work and yeah. Like it.

It is also worth noting that each army has their own uniforms to wear and distinguishing marks to differentiate them from other inhabitants.

In human history not different from that, has worked, will (probably) work, also good.

"EXAMS"

"Exams" are fighting tournaments for those, who want to join the military. In it, they need to fight with criminals in order for them to get accepted into the army. The rules are simple—they need to fight their opponent either with their bare hands or with weapons until one of them won't be able to fight anymore. The winners then join the army.

These fighting tournaments are also held so that others can be amused at the expense of those, who are hated by the society.

This sounds like the base line for a movie-plot, but I have no idea whether or not this exists at the moment. Gladiator comes close I think, but mainly because "fight each other till one can't fight anymore".

It's called an "exam" because it actually puts the person's determination and strength to the test. During these "exams" the individual has to prove their worth, and just how much they want to join the army.

Is the army that big of a deal that one should aspire to go there? Possible, but I'll view this with a little concern.

However, in the organizer's and judge's eyes it's also a test for the criminals to prove their own worth. He wants to see if they are worthy enough to be a part of his own goals, in simple terms.

The organizer and judge of these "exams" is Ciel Bastien, nicknamed Angel Of Punishment.

Ok, they probably are a bit of an arsehole, but that nickname sounds badass, not gonna lie!

TIMELINE

Species on both planets fully evolved back in the 11th century, when they lived in the "prehistoric"—as humans would call it—times. They led very simplistic lives (just like prehistoric humans did), however, that changed as soon as first humans arrived on their planets.

Until when? We to this day aren't able to get manned space shuttles out of even our own solar system, so... I'll count that as book-science/science-fiction, but not necessarily good.

They brought new innovations that only got better as time went on. Soon enough, the creatures themselves started to make the different things they were introduced to by humans—such as swords, potions and, later on, even mobile phones. This lasted to our days.

Evolution seems to be fast, but hey. "Aliens". Or something. ;P

This explains why some kingdoms decided to go for a specific style in Aleris and why Eleira has a mix of styles, the production and usage of ancient weapons, like swords (alongside modern weapons too, of course), why Eleira has carriages, why the kingdom of Hllera still has a guillotine present in their kingdom, why some religions use a cross as a sign of faithfulness, and, of course, why both planets' inhabitants live in castles and mansions (or normal homes, too).

Ok, the thing with mixing up time periods starts to get a little wobbly, but ok I guess?

The creatures are "honoring" their ancestors, who lived in the ancient times this way, and also, theoretically, are thanking humans for introducing the architecture, culture, weapons, and other things.

Humans had advanced space technologies in the 11th century? My statement from earlier just got solidified I think

SPEECH AND SLANG

I swear if you keep adding these titbits I'll find a way to move there! :D

"Praise the Majesties\Majesty!" or "Praise the God\Goddess of {species}!\Praise the Emperor\Empress (Emperor and Empress) of {species}!"—the equivalent to our "Thank God!", "Thank goodness!", or even "Praise the Lord!". It's used primarily by the inhabitants.

Makes sense, I can accept that

For example, when a creature\human is relieved that something bad passed, they can say, "Praise the Majesties\Majesty!". If Ciel* would feel as though something bad passed, he could very well say, "Praise the Emperor and Empress Of Angels!". If Kaede** would feel the same way, he could say, "Praise the God Of Vampires!".

*Note: The organizer and judge of the "exams".

**Note: A priest and a chemist (additionally a leader and a founder of a religious cult), Amriel's (the OC I'll send) tool for achieving his goals.

Being a priest AND a chemist seems like a lot to me, both take much time to be understood correctly

Even those, who fanatically follow their own religions, say this—either out of lingering respect, or out of habit.

I'd guess force of habit, since that is pretty strong, so yeah

"Praise the kingdom\kingdoms of {kingdom's\kingdoms' name

ames}!" or simply "Praise {kingdom's\kingdoms' name

ames}!"—once again, our equivalent would be "Thank God!", "Thank goodness!", or even "Praise the Lord!". This is used by the monarchs.

Again acceptable

Once again, if Amriel would feel as though something bad didn't happen, he could say, "Praise the kingdoms of Clembridge and Kialing!" or simply "Praise Clembridge and Kialing!". Because monarchs are, well, monarchs themselves, they use the name of the kingdom\kingdoms they're ruling over.

... I thought he was a god? Or is it like with the pharaohs where they become the second they're crowned the son of Ra, the god of the sun?

"{Kingdom's\Kingdoms' name

ames}-forsaken."—our equivalent would be "Godforsaken". It's used by both the inhabitants and the monarchs.

For example, Babette* could ask someone, if she met them in an alley, for example, "What are you doing in this Anfelo-forsaken place?". It could be also used as an insult. For example, if Saeran** would feel angry at someone, he could insult them with "He's a bastard!". It simply means that someone fell so low as to be forgotten by the monarch\monarchs of the respective kingdom\kingdoms and its\their inhabitants. In Anfelo, "Anfelo-forsaken" is also used to describe the fallen ones and the partially fallen ones***—their sin is so serious that they are forgotten by their kingdom and the monarchs.

*Note: Empress Of Angels (later on it becomes her former title), reigns in the kingdom of Anfelo–the angels' kingdom.

**Note: A painter and a Duke from Hllera, the kingdom of humans.

***Note: These are two types of fallen angels. Fallen ones–those who got cast out of their kingdom, and partially fallen ones–those, who followed the sinner.

Erm alright, I guess. Interesting nonetheless, just who is the sinner? And do angels, Fallen ones and partially fallen ones differ in appearance in any way?

Finally, we're at the actual character! But hey, I can't be mad this time, if you keep that quality it's gonna be difficult to give you any feedback regarding "how to achieve perfection" ;P

Name: Amriel Emlen.

Amriel—"Angel of the month of May" (Latin origin).

Emlen—"Charming"* (Latin origin).

*Some people may consider Amriel to be polite and charming on first impression, however, that impression will be shattered as soon as Amriel shows the darker sides of him.

Did your homework, very good. Just one little question out of curiosity: why Amriel? So far I can't see how that would connect to his person, but hey, it does sound dope.

[So, review-me here: and it mainly connects through irony, more on that later]

Nickname (s): None.

*Title: God Of Vampires, or simply God, which is a title that others may use to address Amriel.

I mean yes, God is a fitting title for a God.

Age (+ birthday, zodiac, birth place and his current residence): 50 years old. He was born on the 25th of July, 1970 in the kingdom of Clembdrige. He's a Leo. Amriel, along with his parents (later on only with his father), lives in the castle.

Wow, you really thought him through, didn't you? I love it :D and with 50 years old you've got and age you don't see too often, like it, and yeah. Good choices, I have to admit.

Gender: Cis male, he\him\his.

*Sexual and romantic orientation: Heterosexual, heteroromantic.

Species: Vampire.

Appearance: He is rather tall (about 188 cm) and slim (about 71 kg). His skin is pale (but not too much). He has long (waist-length), straight, white hair, and almond-shaped purple eyes.

Ok, so he is a normal vampire (I paid attention and didn't forget it :D), and yeah. Good, I like it. A little more straight forward than last time, thank you for that :]

Clothing: He usually wears a white and red (or vice versa) men's "kimono" (a special men's dress to the floor), and some simple white sandals. He also wears a golden, flower-shaped necklace (medallion) around his neck.

Fancy, he looks good! :D So far he is one of the best OCs I've seen in a long time, so congratulations!

Personality: He's seen as a kind, polite and a warmhearted man...however, he's like that only to those, who mean no harm\who Amriel personally likes.

Ah, we're playing that game. Not necessarily new, but an old fashioned classic if done right.

If that one person tries to harm him\Velvis, or if that person tries to say something that displeases Amriel, he won't hesitate to kill that person without a second thought.

1. Who exactly is Velvis? [his love-interest and queen of the neighbouring kingom, she's rather important especially later on]

2. Would he kill someone because they said something like "yeah we weren't able to get [his favourite pizza topping], we'll have to do without it"?

That made a sharp turn very quickly didn't it? ;P

He's cautious around strangers, however, can be understanding and polite towards them over time, when confirming that they are not posing themselves as a threat to him or to his beloved.

Ok, somewhat plausible I think, so good to go

He can seem like a good person (which he is...partially), but, if you talk about Velvis, he can turn creepy and obsessive, and if you talk badly about Velvis\him, he can turn cold and maniacal. And he won't forgive you, nor give you a second chance.

He'd kill you. In an instant. It seems like he is like Cien, just when descended down into madness at the price of not not having emotions

He's also manipulative (so he can also manipulate that person, if he did something bad towards him\Velvis, to either stay away, or be "well-behaved in the future") and cunning, so, in case of rejection from Velvis, he can twist her mind, so that she would obey every one of his commands. He would never kill\hurt Velvis physically, but he won't hesitate manipulating her, or anyone else for his advantage and satisfaction.

Oh god, he's terrifying

Previously, before the war in Velvis' kingdom broke out, he used to kill his threats in private areas at night (for example, in a dark alleyway where no one would come looking for them), however, when he met Kaede, he gave the job to him, since he was the one to tell him to stop. From that day forward, he started to manipulate others with the usage of his ability to read minds.

Villain origin story?

However, he's not completely a bloodthirsty Yandere vampire. He also has those moments, when he's not jealous around Velvis or creepy around others that are with Velvis. In short, if he feels, like it's absolutely necessary for that one person to be around Velvis (for example, to protect her, if it's not possible for Amriel personally), he'll calm down, and make an exception (meaning, he won't kill that person, nor manipulate them into staying away from her).

Ok, he has reason, that is good. Still, probably concerning, but hey, he isn't as bad as you made it seem for a short time :P

Another thing that makes Amriel different from other Yanderes is the fact that he also cares for his own wellbeing aside from Velvis'. This is the reason he will turn aggressive if someone dares to insult\hurt him.

Sounds like a rather fragile Ego, but hey, being nerfed isn't a bad thing usually

Those, who actually saw his creepy side (except for Jack) are either killed, or manipulated into forgetting about it completely.

Who is Jack? Eyeless Jack? God of trickery and alcoholism Jack Sparrow (I'm sorry Captain Jack Sparrow)?

[he's his servant]

When it comes to Velvis and her safety, Amriel also tends to be a bit pessimistic at times, and expect the worst possible outcome (which is why he is determined to prevent it, or let someone else prevent it from happening). This shows in the current situation, when Amriel fears losing Velvis, despite knowing that she will be able to sort this out.

He is constantly shifting from "very concerned overworked dad" to "will kill you and make everyone forget you even existed"

As of now, Amriel is mentally broken, however, he's still trying to put up with his duties despite his state. He is putting up the façade of a calm, polite ruler, and yet, when alone, cries his heart out, because of Velvis, specifically.

After quick research I found out that this is common with yandere-characters. I have no idea what to say about that, other than I'm terrified and want to help him so much.

One could say that Amriel is...confused with himself. He wants to save Velvis from the cruel scenario of her being the victim to the war in her kingdom—the thought of it practically rips Amriel apart. But, at the same time, he cannot allow himself to go against her orders, because he dislikes disobedience, and because he doesn't want his beloved to get angry at him for doing so.

I can't put it in words how flabbergasted I am by his weird personality that somehow for some Hllera-forsaken reason makes sense on one plane of existence I can merely grasp the concept of. Deep, but not too deep to be concerning or confusing, so ok?

The internal battle he has with himself between saving Velvis and staying out of this situation turned him into a desperate individual, who can only hope that his beloved will make it out alive.

He seems so distant and proud, and yet so vulnerable and almost human at the same time. A little too different for me personally, but when looking at a greater scheme of events it seems to make sense I guess?

*Strengths: He's good at playing the violin, fighting with a sword (or a knife) and using guns (pistols, to be precise).

Weaknesses\Flaws: He's not good at cooking, because Jack always cooked for him, and his parents were busy. When Jack actually proposed for him to at least try and learn a little bit, he expressed his honest opinion—that cooking is a waste of time for someone like him (since he can't cook). Also, as aforementioned, Amriel tends to expect the worst possible outcome of a situation when it comes to Velvis.

I still don't know who Jack is, but I assume his servant? [he is]

Although he sees cooking as a waste of time and would prefer Jack to tend to it, he wouldn't mind at all if Velvis would be the one who cooks for him.

Also if he didn't mind Velvis to be cooking for him does that mean he would gladly try to learn cooking if she suggested it? At least that's what I'm getting from this

Mental illnesses\disabilities: Mental instability, mental break-down (currently). He also might have a case of antisocial personality disorder (ASPD).

Seems reasonable and fits as far as I can see at the moment. Probably bipolar fits too, but I'm not sure.

Likes:

-Traveling to different places. Ever since Amriel was a child, he always loved to travel to different parts of the two kingdoms with his parents. Even though he knew that this was done so that he could know them more as the future heir, he still loved to getting to know about different people and creatures and about all the interesting places.

Good, human hobbies.

-Having a cup of tea in a cozy atmosphere. Nothing is more relaxing (aside from classical music) than to just wrap himself in a blanket on a rainy day, when he is less busy, and watch the rain pour down as he is drinking a cup of freshly-made tea. He always liked this option of spending his free time if it rains, or if Velvis is currently too busy, and would love to spend it the same way with her one day.

I feel called out, that feeling is just great.

-Admiring Velvis' pictures and spending time with her. Because of his (twisted) love for her, he was always happy to either admire her pictures, or spending time with her whenever he got the chance.

Without the knowledge of his form of love I'd call this almost cute (which it is), and only the things he is capable of doing keep me from doing so

-Japanese fashion and culture. While going through the two kingdoms with his parents, he saw some humans wearing Japanese-styled clothes. Amriel liked this extremely, hence he started to dress the same way. It also got him interested in the Japanese culture as a whole, which is why he wanted to learn some more information—by looking it up at night on his free time.

Can I say he is a weeb? Ok, probably not, but hey, I hope you see where I'm coming from ;]

Four hobbies are good, maybe add like one or two, but since he probably doesn't have that much time for everything it is acceptable.

Dislikes:

-Disobedience. It's his genuine distaste of those, who don't follow orders. He dislikes it, since he, as the future heir, was raised to follow all the laid out rules, while preparing to take the throne. He just doesn't understand why would someone intentionally not follow a concrete order, when their status is even lower than his own.

Yes, you said that... I dunno, maybe not to die from burnout? But ok, I see it, I'll accept it, not necessarily my favourite (Cien got a similar comment if I remember correctly), but ok if you play your cards right.

-Boredom. Although Amriel isn't bored in the current situation (and before it), when he is, he grows extremely annoyed, since he got used to his current position. Whenever someone would tell him to just "not work", he will be, once again, annoyed, and...bored. The reason being that Amriel is the "active" type—always has to do at least something, if he won't, prepare for his annoyed sighs and comments.

I mean, being bored is never that nice, but if it's extreme, maybe add ADD or ADHD to his pool of mental illnesses

-When someone interrupts him, or says something mean about him\Velvis. Amriel is a rather polite individual (to some people—Amriel can only stop being polite to those who insult or harm him or his beloved, that is the only circumstance where he isn't polite), hence disliking when someone is mean (with or without a reason), since he himself would never be like that. Plus, he is obsessively in love with Velvis, hence it infuriates him whenever he hears someone mention something bad about his beloved. Also, he thinks that interrupting someone is extremely rude and disrespectful, and so he looks down on those, who are making it their habit.

Somewhat understandable, yes... would he kill someone if they interrupted him?

Abilites:

Magical (powers): Teleportation, normal magic, mind reading.

Normal: He has a talent for playing the violin, and he enjoys playing it during his free time.

I suppose that this is possible and likely, and yeah, It's good, not too OP, but still powerful

*Family status: Both of his parents are now in a secluded area in Amriel's castle, and they talk very rarely due to Amriel being busy.

Sad, isn't it? But sadly possible, it can and will happen under some circumstances here too.

Both of his parents were alive until a certain tragedy occurred.

Oh god no X] but I assume his parents are rather old, so they could die of natural- wait didn't you say all magical species don't age after a certain point and are therefore immortal? How did parent X die then?

Family:

-Lucius Emlen (79 years old, male) and Kalette Feiva Emlen (78 years old, female), his parents. He loved them and still does, however, he felt a little bit envious in the past, when they were the previous monarchs, because he wanted to become the next God. And when that finally happened, and Amriel took the throne at the age of 20, he was more than happy to do so.

Ok, by now I'm almost sure monarch = god, like pharaohs. Got it (I hope)

As aforementioned, he doesn't contact with his parents all too often, now that he was titled a God, however, when that does happen, they can talk for hours about different topics. His parents can talk about different stories from their childhood, and how they ruled over the kingdoms before Amriel. Amriel, on the other hand, can talk about how he manages to rule, the new rules he added, and...about his adoration for Velvis, and his dream of being with her.

A somewhat good family-dynamic, I'm very grateful for that :D

His parents do know that he loves her dearly, however, they don't know about his obsession towards her, or the things he does for her sake.

I just was about to ask if they were concerned because of the things their son does... :P

Lucius and Kalette do feel a bit lonely, now that they are in the secluded area in Amriel's castle, however, they're understanding towards it—after all, they were just as busy as he is currently, so they don't mind all that much. For this, Amriel feels grateful.

Understanding parents with constructive and understandable criticism is very important, I like it

Because of Amriel's current state, his father decided not to reveal a certain tragedy that befell their family. Lucius doesn't want his son to suffer anymore than he already does. He doesn't want Amriel to completely break down after the war in Velvis' kingdom is over, too. Thus, when everything will settle down, he can come up with a lie or use any other method to tell Amriel about his mother, while, at the same time, not revealing the truth.

I just wanted to ask why you can't specify, but wow, that sounds like a major plot-point so I won't try to dig deeper ;)

The tragedy is Kalette's untimely demise caused by a certain individual. The individual she thought she could trust and depend on. Her demise was the individual's "last sign of loyalty".

Friends:

-Velvis Hersilia (48 years old, female), his former friend and current love interest (obsession). He's obsessed with her and wants her all to himself. Amriel does know about her "kindness" and intelligence, however, isn't aware of her...darker side of her personality, because he doesn't want to use his mind reading ability on her (he thinks it's unnecessary), and because Velvis herself grew to hide it extremely well around him. Discovering who she really is could lead to Amriel being extremely disappointed in Velvis, and being very shocked. Perhaps, at first, he would refuse to believe it, however, will be forced to over some time. It would be certain that their relationship will not be possible with Velvis' true personality. However, even then Amriel would still manipulate Velvis to be with him.

Finally, Velvis. What? Does everyone have two faces? If this again didn't reek of plot points, I'd go on and rant about it, but I've learned from my mistakes. Not again, this is all intentional. Calm down ;P

Additionally, Velvis never spoke to Amriel about some details regarding her own life, so Amriel is absolutely unaware of some events in her life. For instance, she didn't tell him about the Outsider Demons (demons who were forced to leave the demons' kingdom, Aglaral, where Velvis is ruling, for "betrayal" in any form (for example, being vocal about their opinions, which talk badly about Velvis, or even an attempt to kill her)) and how she had a feeling they will come back for revenge (they are the ones who started the war in Aglaral). It was none of Amriel's, the God Of Vampire's, concern, after all.

That is the most confusing sentence I've read today (maybe I'm stupid, but at the moment I also am tired, but I try my best). She is worried that the Outsider Demons will come back for revenge. She exiled them from her kingdom Aglaral for "betrayal", which basically is trying to start a small revolution (?). The demons therefore started the war in her country.

Is that right?

She also never spoke to him about an attempted "assassination" on her, committed by her chancellors' son, Adlai*. Once again, she didn't feel a need to tell him about it.

If I didn't know monarchs shrugging off an attempted assassination was something that happened in our world as well, I'd say that this would leave big emotional scars. But with the whole "being mysterious"-thing, there might be some other opportunity I can't see right now. Or it's just emotional bluntness to some point.

Amriel, on the other hand, never disclosed his actions to Velvis. He never told her about his obsessive love for her (though Velvis does have her suspicions), nor that he is willing to kill and manipulate others just so that they can stay away from Velvis and him. The reason is simple—he doesn't want his beloved to reject him or be afraid of him and thus, he will keep all his actions a secret.

I mean, I'd be afraid of someone if I got information like this. Can't blame him.

If Velvis would learn about Amriel's obsessive side, she will instantly become disgusted by him and will sever all ties with him. The reason is that Velvis dislikes obsessive behavior in others (ironic, considering she herself has an obsession of her own, which she, however, refuses to acknowledge). However, her former friend will surely find a way to stay connected to her and manipulate her into staying with him.

Obsession, some sort of weird love and much mind-control. These are only the discernible reasons I see right now for their relationship not being the wreck it should be X]

In short, both of them have secrets that they don't want to reveal to each-other.

*Note: Adlai didn't really assassinate Velvis, at least, that wasn't his intention. It only looked that way to her, her parents and his own parents. Adlai only wanted to quickly put his research to practice, and Velvis was the first person he laid eyes on.

-Jack Furs (35 years old, male), his butler and friend. Amriel considers him a good and reliable friend...despite keeping a few secrets from him.

I mean, not everyone has to know your deepest, darkest desires... though his deepest desires are way darker than I'd like them to be

Enemies: Anyone who dares to hurt or insult him\Velvis.

I've gathered that by now, weird, but makes sense in his overall personality

*Others:

-His subjects. He does want to protect them, however, it's not as though he would sacrifice himself for them.

You can't save everybody, but I hope he gives them enough reason to stay.

-Other monarchs. He respects them.

Probably smart, as you might have to negotiate with them, and being a giant prick doesn't really help that

-Other inhabitants. He feels neutral towards them.

-His threats. He wants them to be taken care of. In short, he wants them dead.

Not necessarily healthy, as I said before.

-Kaede Ageru (28 years old, male). He sees him as a very useful partner to achieve his goals.

The painter and count, wasn't he? Ok I guess

-The Kialing and Clembridge armies. Amriel doesn't have a strong opinion on them, but does think that they are a useful tool for protection, if any dangers would come upon both of his kingdoms. When the war* between the two leaders broke out, he—along with the king and queen—was left out of it. He was left out because of his state, so that it won't get even worse than it is now (at least that's what Jack told him upon being notified about the leaders' actions, and then told this to the ones who notified him). The king and queen were left out so that they wouldn't intermingle with such "trifle matters", and were told that the both leaders will settle the conflict between them...in their own way. And, surprisingly enough, they decided to leave them be, until matters will begin to get worse (such as deaths of many men). That's when they would have to step in.

About what conflict are we talking? The one between Amriel, Velvis and the demons? I'm confused, I'm hearing this for the first time XD

*Note: The war between the two leaders broke out because of a certain character's manipulation. His name is Vionnet Wendall, a military doctor for the Kialing army. He manipulated the two leaders to wage a war against each-other so that he may achieve his own goal.

He knew that the two leaders were good friends, but could wage a literal war with each-other for...a reason I haven't come up with ^^' For example, if one would badmouth the other, it could lead to a fight between the both of them. Honestly, I imagine them to be that type of friends where even a single bad word from one towards the other can result in a fight ("I thought we were friends and yet here you are badmouthing me." type of situation).

It's ok, take your time :) right now I can't really help you come up with a reason, but if you'd explain it to me like I'm a 10yo I'll try to help :D

In short, Vionnet used this opportunity to shatter their good relationship with each-other and start a war.

-Takeshi Yori (35 years old, male), his parents' personal bodyguard (additionally a Nobleman, Earl). Despite treating him neutrally, for he doesn't serve him personally but rather his parents, Amriel is a bit...surprised, to say the least, about Takeshi's fondness towards his mother. One may even say that he doesn't really understand why Takeshi behaves this way with her and, most of the time, neglects his father. However, he doesn't care about the rumors* that are spreading because of Takeshi's liking of the Goddess. After all, he knows his mother, and he knows she wouldn't stoop so low as to cheat on her husband.

I have no idea who he is, I suppose here you've got multiple (side-)stories running at the same time, so I'll file this and all following under that assumption (or as very detailed side-characters, which both isn't bad)

*Note: There are some rumors regarding Takeshi's and Kalette's relationship. It's said that, since Takeshi is so loyal to her, caring towards her, and smiles only for her, they have a more intimate relationship with each-other. Some say that Takeshi is in love with Kalette. But these rumors are far from the truth. Takeshi is the only one who knows the reason behind his actions and so, he overlooks these rumors while following his Goddess wherever she may go.

-Ayumu Hanzo\Delacroix Razo* (38 years old, male), his parents' (but also other inhabitants') spiritual advisor (additionally a priest). Amriel treats Delacroix rather neutrally. After all, he is just like any other servant of his family. Because Delacroix also serves his parents, Amriel doesn't really care for him all that much. Plus, he has Jack to whom he can talk. He doesn't need any other servants, really.

*Note: 'Delacroix Razo' is Ayumu's fake chosen name. Because Amriel and his parents (and other inhabitants, really) only know him under this alias, I'm referring to him as 'Delacroix'.

Backstory: His parents were the previous monarchs (as aforementioned) which laid out a couple of rules (Amriel later changed them\added some new ones), and when they got Amriel, they decided to hand the throne over to him.

Ok, makes sense I think

They also sent him to a special church-school for future monarchs, where he learned about the history and the rules and "commandments" that the Gods and Goddesses have to follow.

There, he met Velvis, with whom they started to be friends, because Amriel admired Velvis' intelligence. It's what caught Amriel's interest the most, which is why the both of them developed a good friendship. It's a reason as to why Amriel dearly cherishes these memories of meeting her—the love of her life, as cliché as it sounds. He always felt...comfortable around her, and could talk with her about everything and anything. After some time passed, Amriel began to develop romantic feelings towards her, which later, when he took the throne, turned into obsession. He became completely infatuated with her, and wanted to learn every bit of information that there is about her, which he achieved by stalking her himself, or sending his informants. And when he got the chance to spend some time with her personally, he was always extremely happy.

Interesting, does his obsession (partially) originate from him having power and him thinking that he now has power over basically everything including Velvis?

However, when he saw and heard about the state of Velvis' kingdom after a few years, and that it's currently at war, his obsession began to slowly "calm down", and he knew, that he was absolutely helpless, since he wanted to protect her, however, he also knew, that he can't go against her specific orders for other kingdoms to stay out of this situation.

Having a pinch of common sense isn't that bad I'd say, good you included this "insight"

He felt (and still sometimes feels) completely useless, and there was a point in time, when he absolutely hated himself for it, and even threw a tantrum over this situation. The tantrum, during which he screamed in utter despair, and cursed his own helplessness, surprised everybody—his parents, who, at the time, were present in his room for a talk, during which they brought up the topic of Velvis, and, of course, the servants, who were there to serve them with anything they would need, including Jack. Fortunately, they calmed Amriel down, though it was difficult, for Amriel didn't want anyone to touch him at the time, because he wasn't in his right mind back then—all his thoughts were focused on Velvis and the fact that he couldn't help her.

Emotionally very vulnerable, but this isn't too far fetched if these feelings have been bottled up. I just hope that he at least tries to keep his image and doesn't act like a toddler who has been denied the toy they wanted ;P

As of now, whenever he comes into his secluded room, and sees the photos of Velvis in it (along with some pictures of his potential threats), he is absolutely devastated because of the situation she's in, and because of his own helplessness, to the point of falling to his knees, and crying his heart out in front of Velvis' pictures.

He is fifty years old. A grown man – or, vampire. A little toddler-ish, but as you said, he does have strong connections to being a yandere and I have no clue if that is a big theme among those characters.

There was a point in time when Jack accidentally came into his secluded room, and when he saw Amriel sobbing and screaming, he was shocked. Very shocked. When Amriel noticed him, he immediately ordered him to get out and lock the door. So, basically, there's one other side of Amriel that only Jack knows about.

He doesn't brainwash him into forgetting it? Ok, playing it like a human without powers, not that bad :P

Currently, Amriel is trying to continue attending to his duties, and desperately hopes and waits until the war in Velvis' kingdom will end.

Other:

Goals: He wants to confess to Velvis after the ending of war, that's currently in Velvis' kingdom—that's his main goal. Of course, he also wants to protect his subjects from any dangers that may come upon both of his kingdoms, however, being with Velvis is by far the stronger goal that he pursues (some may even call him selfish in that aspect). However, before he does confess his love for her, he has to make sure that there are no individuals who may threaten his relationship with her—hence why he wants to eliminate them, first.

Possessive with a little selfishness, yeah, that sums it up pretty good. Not necessarily very healthy goals, but hey, whatever floats your boat

Desires\Wishes: He desperately wishes to save Velvis, however, he can't disobey her, so, as of now, all he wants is that Velvis will come out of the war unharmed and alive. He also dreams of finally confessing to her and being with her all his life.

I've gathered that by now, but yeah. In itself, this is healthy, just the implementation has a few flaws that aren't that good for him personally in my opinion.

Hobbies: Stalking others secretly, so that one else would notice him doing so, and playing the violin. His stalking of potential threats or Velvis (previously) usually begins at night, if he has the free time to do so. If not, he sends his personal informants.

Maybe add some, but yeah... he is a god/monarch/pharaoh, so maybe he hasn't got that much time for many other things. Wait, if he starts at night, can he go into the sun? I thought he is a vampire? Or did you bend the rules of being a vampire again?

Because he stalked Velvis, practically, all the time, when he was free, it quickly became something like a hobby for Amriel—something he enjoys doing, at least in regards to Velvis. Hence he collected a fair amount of photos to decorate his other room with.

If she ever gets to see his room he sure will have some explaining to do. Might lead to an immediate break-up, but hey

Habits: He sometimes bites his lips, at other times he bites them until they bleed. He does this only when nervous, or in deep thought.

Until they bleed? That is NOT healthy, and takes time to heal. Also did you know that a human bite-wound mostly is more dangerous than any animal bite? Has something to do with infection and bacteria living on our teeth, so maybe don't do that. If he doesn't accidentally kill himself by that and does this to a more or less normal extend it's good.

Fears: He fears a case of rejection from Velvis, though he would get over it soon and slowly manipulate Velvis into staying with him. He also fears losing her to the war.

Education: High.

School: Church-school for future monarchs, graduated.

Occupation: He's the God Of Vampires, so he has his "Godly duties" to attend to—talking with other monarchs, visiting some places for information or other purposes, ect.

And visiting every wedding in his kingdom, no matter how small

When it comes to his duties, he responsibly attends to every part of it—after all, it is what he was raised to do. Amriel feels...happy about his job, although it does get tiring some times. In short, after his work day, he feels tired, but glad that he completed all of his tasks.

That is nice, a job you're comfortable with is very important

Faith\Religion: Well...he himself is a God, so...none. However, he has faith (or, at the very least, hopes) that Velvis will return to him alive after the war.

I still don't really get the thing with being a god, I'll just assume he basically is the (alien) equivalent of a pharaoh

Being titled a God for Amriel is stressful with all the duties he has to fulfill, plus all the happenings with Velvis now, however, he can't say he dislikes being what he is—on the contrary, he feels very pleased that now he gets to also lay out some of his rules, and help and protect his subjects.

Culture: He treats smoking, drugs, and alcohol like something weird, so he personally would never let someone close to him drink, smoke, or do drugs, and he himself would never do that either.

Isn't healthy, I'll respect that

As for art, he treats it positively, and as for his own speech—he can sometimes accidentally curse, however, not too often, since he doesn't think that it's noble.

I see you're a man of culture as well. I'm trying to stop cursing, but I'm miserably failing X] great that at least one is somewhat able to contain himself

Favorite drink and food: Black tea, salads.

Nice and healthy, just don't drink too much of that tea, in greater volumes it isn't that healthy, but like 8 cups a day should be ok without having too many side-effects (if I remember correctly at least)

Victories: When he'll finally confess to Velvis.

Losses: If Velvis died as a result of falling victim to the war, Amriel would be completely devastated. That's what he would consider a loss. He would lose the one he adores and (obsessively) loves.

I believe everyone would consider it a loss when a loved one dies, but yeah, reasonable

Amriel doesn't currently know what befell his mother. And, perhaps, when his father comes up with a way to not reveal the truth, Amriel will remain blissfully unaware of Kalette's death.

Well, that's gonna be interesting

Sports: Amriel used to, just like Velvis did some times, go for a jog (since he met her, he started to jog with her, too, whenever he encountered her jogging outside).

Nice, a good jog every then and now is healthy

Strong memories: Meeting Velvis for the first time, taking the throne.

Passion: Has a passion for different forms of art and Japanese culture.

Personal secrets: He sometimes cries inside of his locked secluded room, before that, he secretly admired his photos of Velvis. Also, the fact that he has a room like this is a secret itself (only Jack knows about it).

If the room itself is a secret, how did Jack find it?

Lifestyle: Attends to his duties daily, visits other places for any reason, collects information about Velvis or potential threats (in the past).

Responsible, good for a monarch/god

Distinctive features: He has fangs just like any other vampire.

Because he's a normal vampire, his eyes don't turn red. Only Draculas have this ability.

Role: One of the main characters\anti-villain, potentially.

I think anti-villain fits better, but just my personal opinion

His favorite colors are white (because it's a pure color (oh, the irony) and because it's the color of snow) and red (the color of love, in Amriel's opinion).

As well as ฿ⱠØØĐ (but good, it fits his overall colour-palette)

His favorite musical genre is classical, since it helps him relax his mind and forget his troubles for a bit.

Not necessarily my personal taste, but good, makes sense :)

Amriel's favorite season is actually winter, because he likes the beauty and the calm atmosphere of it.

Mine too :D

He carries his weapons—a gun and a knife, which he got by ordering Jack to buy them for him when he took the throne—behind the kimono's "belt" on his hips (but only in "special" cases—such as to kill off someone secretly in a secluded place, where no one would see him doing so).

As of now, he doesn't kill, but manipulates others instead. In the past, however, he used to primarily kill (usually when it was dark).

Yeah, I wouldn't kill someone else in broad daylight as well

He has a secluded room from his own with photos of his threats and Velvis (mostly photos of her). He also has a small cupboard inside of this room, where he stores his weapons.

14 pages, even more than last time!

Congratulations!

Ok, so here is my opinion: it isn't really necessary to include it, but I'm in love with the detailed worldbuilding. Some things aren't explained (the thing with gods and monarchs, mainly), but this isn't fatal, I can forgive you.

Amriel himself isn't really what I would call a sane person, he acts more like a toddler-minded- teenager who is trapped inside a 50yos body, and I can't really understand that. On one hand he seems very believable and sane, and on the other hand the exact otherwise. But I assume that people like that may exist irl, and other yandere-characters might share his characteristics (and I know nothing of both of these).

Over all, he is a good, balanced character, with flaws that might inconvenience the flow of writing, but hey, maybe you did it intentionally. For the most part you don't contradict yourself, and this isn't a case for a good therapist, so congratulations on that as well.

I have to admit that sometimes things seem too complicated for me to understand, and I'd be glad if you would try to explain it to me.

He gets a very good 1 week of cherry-blossom out of 72 Yanderes.

As for the painting I actually found my good paper again, so that's a little change. I drew him when he's happy, mainly because I can draw that better :P. What I can't draw is age, so he might look a little younger than fifty, but since he probably stopped aging twenty years ago that doesn't matter. I think I messed up his face a little, but since I liked the rest I couldn't really redo it. For his kimono I went with the cherry-blossoms you said you wanted, and his necklace also is appropriate (I hope), though maybe a little too big. Please tell me what you think of it, I'd love to hear it! :D

I hope to welcome you back next time!

See you soon!

And here, have a biscuit 🍪 :D

(I would appreciate it if you would leave a comment and vote, maybe even share with your friends, so that this book hopefully gets seen by more people that help me advancing this :] )