*everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

Claire : so. who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know

everyone :

Clarissa : ...I did. I broke it

Claire : no, no you didn't. Johnny?

Johnny : don't look at me. look at Brandon

Brandon : what? I didn't break it

Johnny : huh, that's weird. how'd you even know it was broken?

Brandon : because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken

Johnny : suspicious

Brandon : no, it's not!

Elliot : if it matters, probably not, but Roxie was the last one to use it

Roxie : liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Elliot : oh really? then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Roxie : I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. everyone knows that, Elliot!

Clarissa : okay let's not fight. I broke it. let me pay for it, Claire

Claire : no! who broke it!?

everyone :

Cecilia : mom...EJ's been awfully quiet

EJ : rEALLY?!

*everyone starts arguing*

Claire : I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it

Claire : I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick

Claire :

Claire : good. It was getting a little chummy around here