josephine: if you took a shot for every bad or dumb decision you ever made, how drunk what you be?
samantha: a little tipsy
ivy: drunk
cecilia: wasted
clover: dead

avery: is that a dead corpse?
eden: as opposed to a live corpse?

clover: my criminal record? the only crime i've ever committed is killing it on the dance floor
aurora:
clover: well, no, actually. i have been arrested for drug possession, but i made bail!

elsie: do you ever think before you speak?
jordan: yeah, i think "that's fucking hilarious" and then i say it

aurora: hey guys do you dare me to make out with clover
everyone else: no
aurora, shaking her head and chuckling: i can't believe you guys are making me do this
everyone else: we're not
clover: shut up, let her talk

ivy: you can say "have a nice day" without a problem.
ivy: but you can't say "enjoy the next 24 hours" without sounding vaguely threatening
jo, trying to study: ivy it is 4am please stop

diana, answering the house phone: hello?
bad guy: we have your daughter
diana: robin's right here-
bad guy: who do we have then? this kid got into the van immediately said "no judgement but do you need some fashion advice? because i know some great stylists in the area-"
diana: oh my god you have my cousin-

jordan: okay val, but if i win, you call our family and tell them i'm dead
*while valerie's on the phone to their aunt*
jordan: is she crying? is she?
valerie: uh, a little?
jordan, snatching the phone from valerie: you should be wailing, you stone cold bitch! *hangs up*
jordan: okay now call dad-

cecilia: you hacked into a prison network?
elliot: is that judgement i'm hearing?
cecilia:
cecilia: pride

jo: a year ago today, i married my best friend
everyone: awww
jo: my boyfriend's still mad about it, but ivy and i were drunk and we thought it would be funny