- Eric Clapton, Tears in Heaven -

- May 24th -
The doorbell rang. I flipped over in my bed to check the time.
11.30 pm.
Who'd ring the doorbell at this time on a Sunday?
I went downstairs in my pj's and opened to see a panicked Simon and Ethan on my doorstep.

The confusion of seeing both of them.
Together.
With matching tight faces and worried eyes that threw me off guard.

The week since Oddball's intervention had been awkward. We were still practicing and still functioning as a band. Simon had phoned the scout and set up a meeting for us with the recording company.
All systems were set to blast off.

The trouble was that we were booked to play a series of weddings, which generally meant brushing up on our selection of love songs.
With cutesey, romantic lyrics.
Which I had to sing convincingly.
With Ethan stood right next to me, glaring daggers at Simon on a regular basis.
And avoiding looking at me at all cost.
All conversations between Ethan and me were held in single syllables.
Yeah...
Not weird...
At all.

And now they were both on my doorstep.
For a second I worried if they were there to make me choose, but I saw something more serious must be the cause of their late night visit.

"Odd's in hospital!" Simon said before I could say anything.

I nodded and rushed upstairs. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a jumper and bundled my hair into a ponytail before grabbing my keys and rushing downstairs.
My mum peeked out of a doorway.

"Oddball is in hospital," I said as I ran past and out of the door to jump into the backseat of Ethan's car.

"What happened?" I asked as we sped along the motorway.

"Not sure. Car accident. Elsie is badly hurt," Simon said turning to me from the passenger seat.

I reached out and grabbed his hand.
I still hadn't quite reconciled the friendship, but I needed the physical contact. Anything to keep the cold casing of dread from freezing my heart. I saw the tight set of Ethan's face and rested my other hand on his shoulder. I sensed his eyes on me through the rear view mirror but didn't dare meet them.

The rest of the journey was silent.
We pulled up into the parking lot by the hospital and practically ran in.
Clutching Simon's hand while Ethan asked for directions, I felt terrified.
I could not lose Oddball.
I couldn't imagine my life without his hugs, his smile, his awful jokes.
I felt tears well up as Ethan returned and I saw my worry reflected in his eyes.
We rushed along corridors, up stairs and found the right area. Outside a door a bundle of black clothes and long black hair was sat with his back up against the wall. I released my too-tight grip on Simon and went for what became a sliding tackle by the time I reached Oddball. Wrapping my arms around his pathetic form he welcomed me by enclosing me.
Somehow I ended up between his legs with his face into my shoulder as the sobs shook his body.

He was alive.
Oddball was in one piece.
I kissed his cheek repeatedly in sheer relief, untill I realised that sobs still racked him.
I recalled his sister.
Elsie!
I panicked slighhly.
Simon did say, but all I had registered was the part where Odd might have been hurt.
I didn't dare to ask so I just squeezed him closer and ran my hands over his hair. His arms were locked around me in a vice-like grip and his breathing was coming in hitched bursts.
I registered behind me, Simon coming back from somewhere.

"She's still alive. They are fixing her," he said quietly.

I dared to look up at them. Ethan looked heartbroken. Simon was in full action mode looking for something to do.

I eventually managed to calm Odd enough to heave him into a standing position and dragged him into the waiting area where his parents were. Oddball was clinging to me as if I was the only floating piece of plank in the water and the Titanic was long gone.

I carefully sat him down on one of the worn platic chairs and he dragged me into the seat next to his. I rested my arm on his back, stroking the back of his neck, carefully. He was hunched over, still occasionally sobbing but for the most part just sitting still with his face in his hands. I looked up and motioned for Ethan to get a cup of water from the dispenser in the corner. He nodded and returned with the cup. Taking the drink from Ethan's hand, our fingers brushed slightly and I suddenly wished I could give him a hug too.

"You ok?" I asked as Ethan's eyes met mine.

He nodded back and patted Oddball's shoulder awkwardly. The agreement between us was clear.
Priorities.
Oddball needed us to be strong. Whatever was happening with the rest of us was on hold.
I held the water out for Oddball.

"Drink some of this," I whispered. He nodded and drank.

I looked around the room and realised I still didn't know the full situation here. My focus had been all on Oddball and his desperation.
I saw a couple oposite us, holding hands. Both were looking at us. I recognised his warm brown eyes as identical to Odd's. I offered them a faint smile.
She studied me carefully, before her eyes shifted to Simon and Ethan. Ethan was pacing. Simon was sat next to me, with his hand stroking my back.

"George," His mum said softly.

Oddball sniffed and lifted his head to look at her.

"It wasn't your fault!" His mum said and I felt the strong body convulse in another sob under my hand.
He hung his head down again with a shake.

I grabbed his hand with my free one, trying to comfort him. He brought my hand up to his face and kissed the back of it. Then he lifted his face towards his parents.

"I should have looked an extra time," He said.

"That other car came out of nowhere. You could't have seen it," His dad said.

The door opened and a doctor in a white coat looked around.

"Could I ask that anyone not a close family member leave the room?" She said.

I saw the serious look on her face and felt a large, hard, hollow feeling lodge in my gut.

I patted Odd's hand and made to stand, he held me back.

"Izzy stays!" He stated.

His mum nodded with a sad smile. I sat back down, still holding Oddball's hand.

Simon hesitated next to me. Then he pulled me in and kissed the top of my head before standing up. As he reached the door he turned to me.

"Coffee?" he mouthed.

I nodded and he smiled warmly at me. Ethan was glaring at Simon, but followed him out of the room.

The doctor sat down and started talking.

About drunk drivers and organ donation.

Oddball sat stiff as a statue. His parents clung to each other, tears streaming down their faces.
I focused on running my fingers over Oddball's hand. He was crying again. quietly this time. The tears running down his nose and landing on our hands.
There was a world of difference between my happy joking friend and this broken man sat next to me.
The doctor left some papers with Odd's parents before going on her rounds. For the longest time, there was a pressing silence, punctuated by sobs and sniffs.
All I could do was to hold Oddball's hand and pray that he'd be okay in time.
I felt a lump in my own throat.

Elsie.
Little sweet Elsie with the easy smile.
I thought about when we went dresshopping. Her bright smile when we found that one perfect dress and the flush of her face when she saw in the mirror how beautiful she looked.
I remembered how she had sat on the edge of the stage after the formal, waiting for the crowd to leave so we could pack up. How she had sat between Ethan and Simon and soaked up the attention they were giving her. How she had waltzed around with Ethan wearing a happy smile.
Her laughter as we were checing out Ethan's ass.
I had to swallow a raw lump from my throat at the thought of never hearing her laughter again.

Suddenly Oddball lifted his head.

"I want to see her," He said.

His mum nodded. He stood and dragged me along to the door next to where we had found him on the floor earlier.
We opened the door to find a nurse in the process of removing tubes and wires from a small body. Odd held back by the door, before taking the few steps separating him from the hospital bed. The nurse patted my shoulder as she left the room.

I looked at her. A twelve year old girl, with a big bruise on the side of her head and a bandage on her arm. God knows what was hidden under the hospital blankets covering her body, but I had vaguely registered the doctor saying something about spinal trauma and impacted liver.

Oddball sniffed and leaned over her, letting go of my hand.
I went back to running my hand over his back.
I felt so useless. This was Oddball's worst moment and I was completely without any way of helping him.
I studied the girl on the bed. She had the same scattered freckles on her nose and the same dark brown hair as Oddball's roots. She had grown since I first met her, but was still just a child.

"Elsie. Please wake up. I know what the doctor said, but please wake up," he mumbled.

The girl on the bed was clearly allready dead. The monitors around her were all disconnected, the IV-fluids and everything else had been removed.

Oddball crawled into the bed next to her clutching her to him. His tall, broad frame dwarfing her small body, encasing it.

"What am I going to do without you? Who's gonna put the star on top of the christmas tree? I can't teach you to play drums if you're not gonna be there," He mumbled softly as he quietly started to cry again.

I decided to leave him alone with her and went into the corridor again with tears running down my face. I didn't know her that well, but Odd's grief was hitting me hard.
The first person I saw was Ethan. Before thinking I wrapped by arms around him and buried my face in his shoulder.
Ethan was sobbing into my hair.
The whole situation was absurd!

After a while Oddball opened the door and waved us all in. I walked over to Odd again.

He looked at Ethan.

"I know this is weird, but... She'd not even had her first kiss yet..." He sniffed.

Ethan nodded and walked over to the bed. He wiped tears from his cheeks before leaning over her, placing a very demure kiss on her mouth. Oddball nodded gratefully.
Ethan straightened, still looking at her.

I stood between Simon and Oddball watching the boy I loved, kiss a dead girl. It should have been weird, but it felt right. She'd had her kiss from her crush. Ethan's eyes locked on mine with infinate sadness before looking away.
Oddball wrapped himself around me again and kissed my forehead. I looked up at him and saw a gratitude I hadn't expected. I reached up and kissed his cheek, not knowing what else to do to signal my support.

- May 27th -

Oddball was not to be seen in the band room for the next few days.
His mother had hugged me before we left the hospital and asked if I would sing at the funeral service. Feeling the weight of responsibility I was sat memorising the words to the hymn "Abide with me" when Oddball came in.
I tested the words. Wondering which phrases to emphasise when I saw him. He entered with heavy steps and dark rings under his eyes.
I jumped up and instinctively wrapped my arms around him when I heard a sad chuckle reverberating through his chest.

"Can't keep your hands off me, huh?" He laughed softly.

I looked up to see a sad smile.

"Nah.. you're too damned addictive," I replied.

He hugged me back.

"Thank you, Izzy!" He whispered.

I knew it wasn't just a thank you for the hug and the joke, but for being there at the hospital. And for just holding him when he needed me.

"You ok?" I asked.

"Not sure. I miss her. Keep seeing her around corners and skipping along. But it's never her," he mumbled.

I led him to the cushions and sat him down.

"Tell me about her," I asked.

He took my hand.
And started talking, with tears rolling. He told me about the first time he saw her. How his heart had felt like it physically grew a size, just to accomodate her.
How she had used his drumsticks as toys and he'd let her glue glitter on his drumset even though it took a year to come out.
How she had freaked out when he had pierced his lip, and how he had removed the piercing the next day because Elsie had told him it was awful.
How he had run around on all fours being her pony, and how they had made the world's largest lego structure.
A million memories trickled out of him and slowly the tears dried.
By the time he was winding down we had somehow moved into a hug and he was lying down on the cushions with his head on my chest. I was sat up against the wall, his arms around my waist and after a few minutes of silence, I realised he had fallen asleep. I gently stroked his head, humming 'Abide with me', just to get the tune into my head.

I looked up to see Ethan with a mystified look on his face.

"You made him sleep!" Ethan said with a shake of the head.

"Yeah, well... He kinda cried out and zonked," I said quietly.

"Kids, eh?" Ethan said with a dry smile.

I smiled back.

"I'm not sure how to deal with this. I mean... Oddball is my best friend, but I really feel lost here," Ethan muttered as he sat next to me.

I nodded.

"I kinda feel guilty too... I should have done more for Elsie. Not been so... embarrassed?" He said quietly.

"You did what you could. You said she was pretty and you danced with her. You treated her with respect, which is more than her friends get from their crushes," I said.

"I wanna do more for her," he whispered.

I realised that Elsie's death had hit him harder than he had expected.

"I've been asked to sing in church. Maybe we could work on something for that?" I said.

I had to look anywhere apart from straight at him.

"What do you have in mind?" He asked.

"Well. They wanted a hymn, 'Abide with me'," I said.

"Yup. Good choice. I could bring my violin," Ethan suggested.

I finally met his eyes and saw a faint smile in there somewhere.

I nodded.
A heavy feeling lodged in my chest. His smile was friendly. No hint of anything else.
I swallowed the remaining hope and told myself that I'd settle for friendship. The recording contract depended on it. We would have to work together, regardless of how I felt about him. I blinked away a burning sensation behind my eyes.

"And I was thinking maybe 'Tears in heaven'. If you could play that on the acoustic guitar," I suggested.

"Yep. We can do that," Ethan said with a nod.

We were quiet for a while. I couldn't look at him. The heaviness of having to set my feelings for him aside seemed so inconsequential in comparison to Odd's grief, but it still broke me.

"Errm... Izzy," Ethan muttered suddenly.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"With the contract and all... It's really good that we can work together and be professional," he said.

I snorted, trying to make it sound like a laugh.
Professional.

I settled for a quiet "yeah" rather than the full answer still playing on my mind.

"Cos, we're a great band. We work well together and I'd hate to see anything ruin that," Ethan continued.

I sighed.
And nodded.
Yes, Ethan.
I was getting the message loud and clear.
He'd made up his mind.
No need to stomp on my allready bleeding, wounded heart.

I felt Odd stir next to me and registered that he was awake but lying still as if he didn't want us to know. I appreciated how he'd let us have a conversation in peace. The first real conversation I had with Ethan since Simon happened.
I turned my face and placed a subtle kiss on his temple, trying to make it look like I was soothing him while giving him a signal that I knew he was awake.
I felt Odd sigh and give a quick nod into the crook of my neck, before he relaxed back into pretend sleep.

"We're a good team, Izzy," Ethan said quietly.

I raised my eyes to his, trying to control the emotions going through mine.

"We are," I confirmed, pushing back the notion that the "we" in his statement could extend to just us two or to the whole band.

"I don't know how you do that," Ethan said pointing to the apparently sleeping Oddball.

I smiled.

"It's all about being a friend. We all do different things for each other. Oddball always sees the best in a situation, so the least I can do is get him through this one," I said.

Ethan nodded before looking straight at me with a questioning look.

"What about Simon? What does he do?" He asked.

I swallowed a big lump from my throat and tried to ignore my resentment.

"He used to be my best friend," I replied honestly.

"Used to?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah. I don't know. The trust is gone," I explained.

"And me?" Ethan asked picking at a calloused fingertip.

I studied him for a moment holding back the lump in my throat.

"You make the music come alive, Ethan," I said trying to not betray my own emotions.

He nodded.
I felt Odd tighten his grip on me as if he was sensing my conflict.

"Are you happy, Izzy?" Ethan asked.

"About the band?" I asked trying to buy time.

"The band, life, the future," he shrugged.

"I suppose.." I replied uncertainly.

He nodded.

"I mean. It can only go up from here, right? Recording contract and a tour to look forward to," I said, trying to keep it light.

I studied him closely as he sat there with his face turned down. He was breathing deeply, slowly, as if he was controlling himself. He met my eyes with a sad look.

"I'm gonna miss Elsie," he said.

"Me too," I replied.

He stood up.

"Coffee?" He asked.

I nodded gratefully and he left for the cafeteria.

There was a laugh in Oddball's eyes when he sat himself up.

"That was the weirdest dream ever!" He said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well... I just dreamt that you and Ethan friendzoned each other so fucking hard it would take some kind of miracle to fix it! God! Izzy! Why didn't you just fucking tell him?" Oddball asked.

I felt the burn behind my eyes again.

"Hey. I was right there. I actually heard your heartbeat change," Odd said wiping a stray tear from my face.

"If the band is to function. We need to work together. And I can't do that with all sorts of feelings going one way. I'm trying to be an adult here," I said feeling my face tighten up to fight the feelings.

"You should still have said something," Odd chuckled.

"Yeah... with you hugged as close as you were? That wouldn't have been weird," I smiled back.

"I see your point," Oddball smiled and gave me another hug.

-May 29th -

A few days later, Ethan came breezing in a bit later than usual followed by Selma who practically threw herself at me when she saw me.

I had to laugh at her affection.

"It's been so long!" She chatted as she unpacked a flute.

I gave Ethan a questioning look.

"I told her about us playing at the funeral," he said simply while unpacking a violin from a case and setting it on his shoulder to tune.

"He said you are doing 'Abide with me'," Selma smiled and twisted the metal bits into one long flute.

"Yeah... It's what Oddball's mum asked for," I shrugged.

She blew a few whistles and scales and I was mesmerised by the pure note flowing from her instrument. Before I could gather my wits, Ethan ran a similar set of scales on the violin and I found myself simply plonked down on the cushions.

Ethan set up the notes on the band-room's only stand. Selma took up position and played a few bars before Ethan, without even looking at the notes joined in. I had not expected the harmonies and the ressonance from the two instruments and could not tear my eyes away from them as they played.

After running the whole hymn once, Selma turned to me. I shook my heead with a big smile.

"What on earth do you need me for?" I said feeling crestfallen at the beauty of what they had just played.

"We need you to sing," Selma grinned.

They played it throught again and I got up to work out the arrangement of the song and the instruments.

"So... Does all your family plays music or is it just you two?" I asked when we were happy with the results.

"Well... Mio plays the saxophone... Or he used to, and Dina used to play the Cello and the clarinet. Sean is quite good on piano, but he's not that interested," Selma said.

"Which means you play all the above?" I asked pointing at Ethan.

He nodded with an embarassed smile.

"Family houseband..." I said.

"And with you, we'll get a singer too!" Selma enthused, but had her smile turn to a frown by a simple sake of the head from Ethan.

"But I thought..." She started.

"Yeah, well... With the recording contract it is just easier if we're... Not..." Ethan floundered.

I shrugged as Selma looked at me in disbelief.
I nodded with another shrug, but Selma picked up on the tears I was fighting.

"What a pair of idiots!" She huffed.

- June 2nd -
The week later we were gathered in a small church.
Ethan and I were at the front. Him with his acoustic guitar, me with a microphone singing "Tears in heaven".
It felt like such a small tribute. Hopefully it was enough. I sat down behind Oddball once we had finished and rested my hand on his shoulder. He squeezed it in return and held it tight untill the coffin had to be carried outside and lowered into the darknes of the earth.

At the grave, we played 'abide with me' while the coffin was disappearing. The violin and flute fit the hymn perfectly. The words made my heart ache for Elsie and the future she would never have.
Oddball's mum gave me a big hug after we had performed the hymn.

"I am so grateful that George has found you. He needed his girlfriend in this," He whispered in my ear.

Girlfriend? She thought I was his girlfriend. I almost corrected her before I remembered what the situation was.
Sure. I could be Oddball's girlfriend for a few days.
I walked over to Simon after offering my condolences.

"So... Apparently I'm Odd's girlfriend," I stated.

Simon chuckled and lay an arm over my shoulder.

"And here I am, thinking you are all about Ethan! You hussy," He said.

I smiled sadly and dragged him over to Ethan's car for the wake.

Half way through I noticed a boy around my own age over on one side of the room, looking bewildered and slightly out of place. Oddball nodded to him and they stood off to one side for a moment talking. The boy gave Oddball a hug and Odd returned to sit with me with the traces of a smile on his face. I cocked my head.

"Have I got competition?" I asked as he sat.

He stared at the table with a small smile.
I threw a look over at the boy who was heading back out the door.
He was cute.
Dark curls, well built and from the way he looked at Oddball, very, very gay.
Odd was fidgeting with a napkin, his eyes sparkly and his lips curled up.

He shrugged.

"What's his name?" I asked.

"Evan," Oddball whispered.

I nearly squealed.

"Oh.. that is beyond cute!" I said.

He looked at me with a questioning look.

"Odds and evens?" I grinned.

He chuckled softly and nodded to signal that the thought had crossed his mind too.

"Do you think I should have invited him? I mean... We've only been on a couple of dates," he asked.

"Maybe. If you need him here... I'm just really happy to see you smile again," I said.

He smiled a bit wider.

"You know that this means we'll have to break up, right? I'm very jealous and will not have you cheat on me" I said with a straight face.

Oddball laughed softly.

"Yeah... well... My mum jumped to that conclusion by herself. And you do kinda hug me a lot," He grinned.

"That's because I love you," I said and gave him another hug.

"I love you too, Izzy," He said and caught my face between his hands before planting a very dry kiss on my lips.

"Hey... It's a funeral.. No making out!" Simon chuckled as he approached with a set of drinks for all of us.

Ethan came over to join us, followed by Selma.

"To Elsie," Ethan said, raising his glass.

"To Elsie," We all chimed in.

"And to new beginnings," Simon said.

"And to the best friends in the world," Oddball said.

"And to odds and evens," I smiled at Oddball.

He chuckled and gave me another hug.

"To happiness?" I asked him.

He nodded.