- the Cure, Lovesong -

https://open.spotify.com/track/0xSdvfaloELWulSoH67IYD

Sunday after the Star Wars Marathon, I woke up in a good mood. My dreams had featured a certain guitarist with a mysterious smile and I woke up with a big smile at the thought of him.
My mum was at Josh's house, so I was without a car, but I wanted to see him.
Or phone him to hear his voice.
As soon as Simon was gone.

I pulled on my sweats and went down to cook breakfast. The coffee was just brewed when a pair of strong arms wrapped around me and and a flurry of blonde hair surrounded my face. I was squished up against Simon's bare chest.

"You'll get bacongrease in your hair," I said calmly as Simon squeezed me tighter.

"I just needed an Izzyfix," he mumbled weirdly into my neck.

I turned and pushed him away with a laugh.

"At least put a shirt on, you wookie" I said as my hand connected with his slightly hairy skin.

"If you don't like the view..." he said with a smirk flexing and showing off. his hair was lose and hanging down to his chest.

I frowned slightly at him and his weird behavior.

With a pout he put a shirt on while muttering about how 'some didn't appreciate the opportunity'.

He frowned as I loaded bacon and toast on two plates and set on the table.

"Two plates, Izzy? What happened to team Izzymon?" He asked, looking confused.

"About time we grew up, Simon," I shrugged.

All through breakfast he was weirdly quiet, while I was on a high from the day before and was itching for some friendly Simon-flirting. Just to get an outlet.
He was not even trying.

We went downstairs after breakfast and tidied the futon into a sofa and the covers into the cupboard before sitting down with some lazy Sunday TV.
I clicking through channels and ended up on the Princess Bride.

"As you wish? How cheezy!" Simon muttered.

"I think it's sweet," I replied.

"You would," he grumbled.

I studied him carefully untill he turned to look at me. There was a vulnerable grumpiness to him. All sour mood, but with a sprinkle of something he didn't want me to see.

"Okay. Where's the bug?" I asked.

"What?" He asked.

"What's bothering you?" I asked.

Simon drew a deep breath and exhaled heavily.

"What was that with you and Ethan yesterday?" He asked.

I couldn't hold back the grin on my face if I had tried.

"Izzy... please tell me you didn't... haven't..." he started.

I shrugged. Nothing had happened but I was certainly not planning on turning him down if he offered.

"But.... Ethan?" Simon asked, looking wounded.

"Why not? I mean... I get that he's one of your best friends, but you've got Ellen... or you could have if you wanted... and I encouraged that," I replied.

Things with Ethan and me were at the point where I really didn't want to hold back anymore. I wanted to tell him how he made me feel and forget the consequences. Telling Simon was the first step.
The realisation hit me that Simon was one of the reasons I had been holding back.
Simon's opinion mattered to me and I wasn't sure if I could handle his disapproval. But I had encouraged him to go out with Ellen, my best friend, so he really shouldn't have any problems with me falling for one of his best friends.

"Ellen? You think I still want Ellen?" Simon asked with a dark, dry laugh.

"Yeah. I thought you liked her," I shrugged.

"I really wanted to. I like her, but... ," He said.

I frowned.

"You didn't actually like her?" I asked.

"It's not that simple Izzy," he huffed.

"Try me!" I ordered.

"It's been so long since I've actually liked someone. I think I've forgotten how..." he mumbled.

"How long?" I asked.

He cringed and looked at me with an embarassed smile while making a hand gesture between us.

"Oh.." I said.

I lifted an eyebrow.

"Izzy," he said quietly.

Seriously.
As if something needed to be said.

"Yes, Simon," I replied.

"The truth?" He asked.

I nodded, dreading the next bit. Simon looked way too serious.

"Truth is.... I couldn't fall in love with her because I'm already in love with someone else. I just thought if I could fall for Ellen, I might get over.... you," Simon said while intensely studying the tips of his thumbnail.

I fell silent. Trying desperately to process what Simon, my best friend, was telling me.

I stared at him.
Numb.
Hollow.

"I mean... We've been best friends forever and I know that I have wanted us to take that extra step into more for a while," he continued.

I felt gobsmacked. Staring at him I tried to take in what he was saying but he may as well have been speaking in mandarin Chinese.

"Izzy. I'm in love with you. I have been all my life," he said while slowly lifting his eyes to meet mine.

"You fucking what?" I asked as soon as my ability to speak returned to me.

"Izzy. I. Love. You!" Simon declared.

"Have you lost your fucking mind?" I asked.

He looked at me and shook his head sadly.

"You must have!" I said.

"Izzy... I think... maybe you feel something for me too," he mumbled.

"What?" I almost shrieked.

"I mean... You've been single for ages. You have turned down every guy asking you out. You're always hugging me or kissing me. And you flirt with me all the time. I'm just thinking there's a reason for that," he said quietly.

I stared at him, trying to process the words into coherent meaning.

"Simon. I'm not in love with you," I said firmly.

"How do you know?" Simon asked.

There were tears in his eyes. I was panicking. I had to prove to him that I would never feel like that.

"I just don't feel like that about you!" I replied firmly.

The nervous energy was doing my head in, so I stood up and started pacing the floor.

"But what if you do. Deep down. And you're too scared to admit it," Simon said and stood up.

"Now you're being an idiot," I replied

"Please Izzy! Just... I don't know... One kiss. Let me kiss you once and if it doesn't wake anything I will let it go," He begged as he took a step towards me.

"No" I said.

"Just one kiss. Like the one we had that new years eve," He said with the beginnings of a smile and a suggestive eyebrow.

"That was a good kiss, but it was that once and I do not want to kiss you again," I said.

"Just once!" he said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because... If there is even a tiny little twinge of something, you will feel it in a kiss!" he insisted.

I rubbed my face with both hands.

"Dammit! Simon! Can you just leave it!" I told him.

"So I guess.... I'll have to go the roses and chocolate route?" Simon said with a small smile.

I huffed.

"One kiss, Izzy. One!" Simon pleaded turning on his pouty, lash-fluttering, begging face.

Incidentally the same face that had gotten him my popcorn halfway through every single film at the cinema since we were five.

"To prove that you are a mental case and to weird me out?" I asked.

He took a step forward and lay a hand on my cheek.

"No Izzy. To show you that I would be so good for you. That we would be amazing together. That the trust we already have will make everything just perfect," He whispered slowly approaching me.

I looked straight into his eyes and saw the honesty and tenderness in there, but I couldn't find the same emotion inside myself. Shaking my head, I took a step back. Out of his caress and away from the impending kiss.

"I don't want to kiss you!" I stated firmly.

"We're best friends!" He said.

"Exactly!" I said.

"And you love me!" He said.

"I love you enough to tell you to stop being such a damned idiot!" I said firmly.

"So you do love me!" He smirked.

"Yes, Simon. But not like that!" I replied slowly and patiently.

"Just one kiss," he whispered and followed me the tiny step I had moved away from him.

His blue eyes were almost lilac.
The hair was free from the usual ponytail, and hung in enviably angelic waves around his face and shoulders.
Before I could stop him he brought us closer. I felt his breath on my face and had just enough time to register how his full lips looked soft before they brushed on mine.

Taken aback by the unexpected kiss, I gasped.
His hands went into my hair and I felt my own hands move around his body and tangle into his shirt at his sides.
His toungue traced the edge of my top lip and I instinctively caught his bottom lip between mine.
Unaware of my surroundings.
Lost in him.
I responded.
I felt a warm sensation spread as his fingers searched for the skin under my t-shirt.
It had been so long since I'd been kissed.
I craved the touch.

To my surprise I found my own hand in his shirt, stroking the skin on his strong, broad back while the other hand reached into his long hair.

I caught myself.
Long hair?...

His fingers were on my waist, searching, kneading, working up the courage to stroke inside the waistband of my sweats or up along my ribs.

They were broad hands.
Strong, broad bass-hands.
Not the strong slender, delicate hands my mind was expecting.
My hand moved to his face.
And as if I had been drunk, I suddenly sobered.
This was Simon.
And he was kissing me.

And it was a great kiss.
It really was.
My body wanted to respond in all the right ways.
Or the wrong ways.
Considering who I was kissing.
Giving in would be so easy.
I knew from the way the kiss felt that if I chose to continue, being with him would be absolutely amazing.
He would make me fall apart so easily.
But it wasn't the right guy.
He wasn't who I wanted.

He sensed my withdrawal.
My lack of response.
His lips lingered on mine for just a second in a final attempt to transmit some emotion to me before he rested his forehead on mine with closed eyes and shaky breath.
It had lasted only a few seconds, but still felt like I had made the greatest mistake of my life.
A threshold had been crossed and a door had slammed shut behind me.

I felt his rapid heartbeat through his chest where my hand was resting. My other hand was still on his cheek.
Despite the intensity of the kiss, my breath was normal.
My heartbeat was slow.

"I love you," he whispered.

Feeling like an evil bitch I simply shook my head.
I was going to have to break his heart.

"Don't say that, Simon," I replied.

He looked down into my eyes searching, looking.
And I saw the disappointment.
Slowly he let go of me and took a few steps back until he could sit on the sofa.
He rubbed his face a few times before he looked at me with the attempts of a joking smile.

"So fuck-buddies is out of the question too?" He asked sounding light, but looking like he was clutching the last straw.

I gave a dry chuckle and shook my head.

"Chance of a lifetime, Izzy?" He said with a lifted eyebrow and a sad smirk.

"Sorry, Simon. It's just not right," I replied.

He nodded and stood to walk out.

"Just for the record, Izzy. That is the best kiss I've ever had. And if you change your mind..." he said without looking at me.

"I won't," I said.

I heard the front door slam and collapsed on the sofa in a heap. What was I supposed to do?
I wanted to go to Ellen's house, but what was I supposed to tell her?
"Sorry Ellen, but the guy you want kinda wants me"?

And then there was Ethan. I had the phone in my hand before I started wondering what to say.
How do you explain to the guy you love that your best friend kissed you and you kissed him back?
I couldn't phone him.

There was only one person left.
My mum.
But she was at Josh's house. And I was alone.

(A/N
A shorter chapter for you there.

Simon in love with Izzy!
Did you see it coming?

What wre your opinions and views?
What should Izzy do?

Please vote, comment and let me know!)