- No Doubt, It's my life -

https://open.spotify.com/track/19EQUqnUXEeiBrY10JhPEF

- June 22nd -

The week after signing the contract was exam week.
Simon and I had an art history exam and a week to complete any unfinished mandatory artwork.
Oddball had two practical exams. Over in economics, Ellen and Ethan were set up for three exams.
Which meant minimal band time.
It felt absurd. We were due for a year of music, touring, stylists, music video and interviews. The exams felt so insignificant. My dream of visual arts was still there, but somewhat dwarfed in comparison to the adventure we were due to experience.
Penelope had hinted, before leaving the party, about the actual scale of what we had signed up for.
The goal for Mr. Summers was not to get us an album. His goal was to get us to the top.
Fast!
I was scared and exited at the same time. Fame was never in my plans, but somehow I had signed a deal where I would end up in the public eye. There was a relief to think I would not be alone.

I was hauling boxes of finished, assessed and approved art over to my mum's car when a ruffled looking guitarist came out from an exam with his hair sticking up in all kinds of directions.
I had to smile.
I could just imagine how he'd been sat for four hours with his hand in his hair tugging at it when he got to a complicated question.

Balancing the artwork from the exhibition on top of my boxes I started carrying it over to the car.

"Do you need a hand with that?" Ethan suddenly asked behind me, making me jump.

How the hell had he got across the courtyard that fast?

My chin was rested on top of my stack of stuff so I had to actually turn my whole body to see him.

"Or do you want me to fish the key out of your pocket when you get to the car?" He asked with a cheeky grin.

Before I could stop myself I felt my face melt into something between a frown and a deadpan smile.

"Just grab the top box," I said.

With a small nod he took both boxes and the Japanese inspired art off me and carried the whole stack over to the car for me.

I got the key and clicked the unlock button before opening the boot. Wordlessly I put the boxes in and prepared to shut the lid again.

"Can I have one of those?" Ethan asked before I could close the lid.

"One of what?" I asked and opened the boot again.

"I'd kinda like my Grandma to see what you did with her portraits," He shrugged.

"Sure," I said and picked up all my three paintings.

More than anything I wanted to look at him, but I couldn't bring myself to face him out of fear that he might see something in my eyes to turn us from this awkwardly functioning, friendly level.
Baby steps towards a functioning band.
The way my heart raced just from being so close to him was unnerving, while at the same time I felt so calm around him.
Safe.
Comfortable.

He took the paintings from me.

"All three?" He asked.

"Yeah. I kinda based them on your family, so if you want them, they're yours," I said, still studying the tips of his shoes while supporting my bottom on the back of the car.

Quietly he set the paintings on edge up against the side of the car, before he came over and stood next to me looking into the boot, his hands resting on the metal in front of him. His elbow nearly touching my upper arm was causing goosebumps to appear and the only thing stopping me from shifting that little distance closer was the sudden raw, acidic feeling in my chest.
I coud hardly breathe.

He lifted some of my artwork to look at what I had created and came across some sketches I had done.
For fun I had drawn a cartoon, Manga-style, of the band. I had given Ethan dark blue ends to his hair, leaving the rest black, while his eyes were fully recognisable. Grey with golden swirling flecks. Simon's hair had been drawn in a golden blonde back-swept dragon tail down along his back. Oddball had been given a shorter, cropped hairstyle while I had emphasised his freckles. The story was a fairly simple superhero idea where their powers were matched to their personalities. Oddball's power was to make people see his point of view by a simple touch. Simon had a protective, impenetrable cloak he could throw around anyone needing his protection. Ethan had telekinetic powers. Bolts of lightning shot out of his eyes and whoever he looked at could fly.

"Where are you?" He asked looking at the frames.

"Last page," I said and pointed to two other papers poking out of the box.

I had drawn myself as a drab grey bird who with the help of the three guys flashed up like a phoenix in the last few frames after they had given me the confidence to burn, and by Ethan's magic powers, I could fly.

"I made you fly?" He asked quietly, studying my cartoon.

"You made me believe I could," I replied quietly.

"You have way too much faith in me, Izzy," He said with a quiet laugh.

I replied with a shrug.

"Do you think you can live with me being a weak, stupid human?" He asked.

"Only if you can live with my stupidity as well," I replied, risking a look up at him.

His eyes were fixed on the cartoon.

There was a small smirk on his face as he turned to look back at me. I lowered my eyes from his.

"I guess we'll have to deal with both of us being idiots occasionally if we are to spend all that time together," he said with a smile.

"If you say the word professional, I will quite possibly strangle you!" I threatened with a deliberately tight look on my face.

He cracked up into a wide smile before he turned around and rested his bum next to mine on the back of the car.

"I will never, ever ask you to be professional again," He said with a short laugh as he lifted the Japanese paintings up under his arm.

"Thanks for carrying my stuff," I said as I pushed off the car.

"No prob. See you later right?" He said and went over to his car with my artwork under his arm.
Too late I realised he had taken my cartoon too.

Ah well. No big deal. It was only a cartoon.

With a heavy exhale I slammed the boot shut, locked the car and returned to the art studio to finish tidying my stuff and deciding which projects I needed to complete. I felt drained and tired for some reason. As if the air had left me and the colours had drained from me.

"You look knackered!" Simon said as I returned.

"Yeah. This tidying is hard work!" I huffed.

"Look. Why don't you just go home," he asked with concern.

"Tidy, then band practice and I will," I replied.

"Both Odd and Ethan have had exams today... They might appreciate a day off," Simon said.

"Good point. I'll just bin some of these awful sketches and I'm off!" I said, grateful for an afternoon off.

"Looks like you need it," Simon smiled.

"But we're back on tomorrow, right? We need to get ready for Saturday," I said.

"We're more or less set," Simon shrugged.

He was right. We were well prepared for the Academy graduation party and the guys had wanted to take as much time as possible off from band practice this week.

"I suppose it gives Odd a chance to pick up that new van from Mio's friend," I yawned.

"Yeah. The Obstruction van. Let's hope the band name doesn't jinx it," Simon grinned.

"Good point," I said and dumped a pile of sketches into the paper trash.

-June 24th -

After finishing my exam, I headed for the band room. Simon had told me not to bother, because none of them would be there, but I wanted my folder of lyrics so I could get a few details in place for Saturday. To my surprise I heard laughter when I approached.

"I hope you know what you're getting yourself in for," Simon laughed, the sound reaching me through the door.

"I just need it to work," Ethan said as I opened the door.

All three looked at me in surprise as I entered.

"Izzy! What are you doing here?" Simon asked.

"Getting my folder," I said and picked it up from my box.

"But... You're not supposed to be here," Simon blurted out.

"Last time I checked I was in this band," I replied with a mystified frown.

They all looked slightly panicked.

"What are the three of you doing? I thought you were taking today off?" I asked suspiciously.

Oddball jumped up from the drumstool.

"I wanted to show you my new van, come!" He grinned and grabbed my arm before he more or less dragged me out of the room and up the stairs.

"What's the hurry?" I asked as he more or less frogmarched me over to a black Dodge van. It was larger than the last one.

"Look... look... look... new van!" He cheered while childishly clapping his hands.
I shook my head at his juvenile excitement.

He unlocked it and opened the door for me to jump in for a look. It was immaculate.

"The guys already saw it," he said as a response to my confused look towards the area of the band room.

I looked into the back of the van where there was enough room for every piece of band equipment we had.

"I'm thinking of decking it out with a sound system. Portable stage," he grinned.

"We won't even have a chance to stand upright in there!" I laughed at his enthusiasm.

He studied me with a happy little smile.

"Want to go for a drive?" He asked and started the engine before I could say anything.

I fastened my seatbelt as we drove out from the academy and down along in the direction towards my end of town with the stereo blasting No Doubt at loud volume. I was laughing and singing along while Oddball drove with his fingers drumming on the steering wheel.
Before I knew it we were at my house.

"I figured you were on your way home so I'd save you a bus ride," Oddball grinned.

"Thanks. It's a good van. More solid than the old one," I replied.

"Yeah. It's good," Oddball nodded.

"So...?" I asked.

"So what?" Odd asked.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked.

"Nah... Exams," Oddball said with a scrunched face.
I had to laugh.

"It does feel a bit absurd... Having exams in the middle of becoming rock stars," I shrugged.

"Yeah.... Rock stars!" He grinned.

I jumped out of the van.

"Thanks for the lift," I said.

"My pleasure!" Oddball laughed and pulled out of the driveway.

I only realised after he'd gone that he drove off in the direction of the academy again rather than towards his home.

- June 26th -

Late friday afternoon, we were finishing off some of the final art projects required to pass our year. I was focused on mixing primary colours for a project I hadn't completed earlier in the year when Simon started tapping out a vaguely familiar waltzy back beat on his desk.

The rest of the class were out on a break but I usually felt I could focus better without the chattering and chose to stagger my breaks. Simon had stayed as well and continued tapping out the bass-beat.
I couldn't place it from the band's repertoire so I turned towards him.

"What song is that from?" I asked indicating his practiced bass fingers.

He suddenly stopped tapping out before looking at me with a momentarily horrified look on his face.

"Are you figuring out new tunes?" I asked.

"Something like that," he said with a mischievous smirk.

"So... What tune is it?" I nagged.

"You'll find out tomorrow," he said.

"At the gig?" I asked suddenly fearing I'd be set up to do a song we hadn't rehearsed.

With horror I recalled my confusion during 'Bring me to Life' when they had swapped singers.

"I love you guys to death but don't make me do stuff on the fly again. I hate making an ass of myself," I begged.

"You love us huh?" Simon teased.

"You know what I mean," I muttered.

"But maybe you love one of us a liiittle bit more than the other two?" Simon asked with a cheeky grin.

I buttoned my mouth as hard as I could but couldn't stop the blush. I responded with a harsh glare before turning around. I heard a chuckle behind me.

"I knew it!" Simon laughed behind me.

I focused hard on ignoring him.

It lasted the grand total of ten seconds.

"You are crazy!" I snapped.

"Nope. But I think you are... crazy in luuurve," he was still laughing.

I turned around trying to pin him down with a very pointed glare.
He knew perfectly well that Ethan and I were in a silent friendly agreement.
He knew that I had fucked everything up and ruined every possible chance I had.
I was trying so hard to get my head and my heart into the friendzone.
And I was failing miserably whenever I was in the same room as Ethan.
Unconsciously my fingers traced my top lip, remembering how that brief kiss at Christmas had started a fire I just couldn't cool.
He was still everything I wanted. His laughter set my skin on fire and everything about him made my insides come alive.
We had finally gotten to a semi comfortable place as friends and I couldn't risk making that awkward again.
I'd rather have him in my life as a friend than not have him at all.

"I'm right tho?" Simon asked with a chuckle.

I gave him a hard glare.

"Let's do the maths here. You wouldn't be looking at me like that if it was me. And you are way too comfortable with Oddball... which leaves.." he started.

"Oh...Fuck off!" I said trying to stop him but feeling my blushing treacherous face heating up and crinkling into an involuntary smile the way thinking about Ethan always made me smile.

"I'm right... right?" Simon teased.

"Stop being an ass," I replied desperately fighting my tears.
Simon was really pushing me to the limit.

"Izzy... You're still in love with him. Aren't you?" Simon asked.

I turned back around to my project, fighting the urge to punch Simon.

Simon continued his low bursts of laughing behind me.

I groaned and tried to complete my colours.

He sat there laughing for another few minutes at his own remarkable comedic talent.

Simon finished his work and walked across the room to place it with the rest of his work to be assessed. As he returned he stopped by my desk.
We both still had a lot to complete by the end of the next week. Band commitments had eaten into art priorities.

"Don't worry. It's not all bad," he said.

"How is it not all bad," I asked feeling my life slowly pour down the toilet of hell.

"We have the Academy summer gig tomorrow. It will be the best gig we have ever had," he smiled and patted my shoulder clumsily.

I sighed heavily as I dreaded everything about my pathetic stupid heart and the way it felt heavy and light at the same time.