Pilit ko mang ikalma ang aking kalooban ay hindi ko na mapigilan ang pag-igkas ng galit sa aking dibdib. Sa mabibigat na hakbang ay tinungo ko ang main entrance ng Casa de Caballeros. I was too preoccupied that I fail to notice the beauty of the place or to even acknowledge the uniformed staff who greeted me good evening.

Sandali akong napahinto at napayuko, I wasn't aware I'm clenching my fist and my knuckles are now white. I really have to let it go before I see Ethan. I will not let him see me this way. I did my–breathe in and breathe out–routine, stretching my hands open. I tilted my chin. This should be a good night, I'm seeing Ethan and I shouldn't let an arrogant son of a bitch ruin this for me.

"Good evening, Madame."

Another uniformed staff greeted me, I smile at her. "To Kurtney's table, please."

"This way, Madame." She then guided me to where the private dining rooms are. This kind of setup the Casa have is what makes it more popular. The front part is for casual dining, if you want a more intimate and private dinner you have a secluded room, then if you want to get drunk and dirty after dinner, the back part of the place is for you. There's a huge bar waiting for people who wants to get wasted.

We stop right in front of blindfold doors made of woods, she reach for the knob and twist it open for me. I muttered thanks and then she smiled and excuse herself out.

I walked in, the walls are covered with great colours, on the ceiling is a Swarovski crystal chandelier and above the huge carve–oaked table are the food served for dinner. My eyes immediately look for Ethan but it landed to that fucking annoying De Salvo sitting comfortably on one of the seats in far corner. Nagtama ang aming mga mata, tila ba ako isang nakakaaliw na tanawin para umangat ang isang sulok ng kaniyang labi sa pagkakakita sa akin. Inirapan ko siya at ipinagpatuloy ang aking pakay.

Naglakad akong papalapit sa kanilang lamesa, my heels started to make a noise kaya ang ilan sa mga ito ay napalingon sa akin. And finally! The pair of eyes I wanted to see matched mine. Ethan's pair of hazel brown eyes are my favourite browns.

"Gabby!" Si Kurtney iyon, tumayo ito sa kinauupuan upang salubungin ako. Halata ang pagkabigla sa mukha nito. "I didn't know you're coming!"

How would she know? She didn't invite me. Imbes na sagutin si Kurtney ay nginitian ko si Ethan na nakaupo sa tabi ni Romee.

"Hi, Gabby." That's sweet Romee smiling at me. She maybe his date tonight but I have to remind myself that my brother likes this girl so much and she's nice so it's only fair to be nice to her.

"Hi, Romee."

Atsaka ko na nilapitan si Kurtney, I kiss her cheek and greeted her.

Luminga-linga si Kurtney, looking for a vacant seat for me. Ang magkabilang upuan sa tabi nito ay okupado na. The only seat available are the one between Ethan and Rance Dela Paz. Hah! Well there's the luck I don't have to push.

Sasabihin ko na sana rito na ayos lang at doon na lamang ako uupo nang tumayo mula sa tabi nito ang kapatid na si Kade. Offering me his seat.

"You can take mine. I'll ask for another one." He said politely.

Well, this maybe the only time I'm going to hate a chivalry.

"That's kind of you, Kade. Thank you!" Kurtney said. "Come here, Gabby."

Well, I'm left with no choice but to wave bye–bye to that luck I almost had. Naupo na ako sa tabi ni Kurtney, ayos lang ang mahalaga ay nandito si Ethan ngayon.

"Oh, by the way, Gabby. I'm not sure if you already met my cousins, Oxygen and Titanium." Pakilala ni Kurtney sa mga ito. "Well, technically they're our uncle and aunt. Their father –Tito Exodus is our grandfather's younger brother though we were raised as cousins for we're all of the same age." Nilingon nito ang dalawa para ako naman ang ipakilala. "And this is my friend, Gabbana."

"Hi," nakangiting sabi ko kay Titanium na binati rin ako. I didn't bother looking at her brother. Kung hindi lamang ito nagsalita.

"Of course, Gabbana Victoria Vladislav," he mimicked my way of introduction back in the parking lot. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin ngunit balewala naman iyon sa kanya at nagpatuloy lamang. "I've met her before I came here,"

There's an oozing speculations from the people around who looked at both of us from side to side. So, I corrected his vague statement. "At the parking lot,"

Nainis na naman ako rito kung paanong nainis rin ako kanina nang hindi niya ako pagbigyan at basta na lamang layasan. Mabuti nga't hindi nagtagal ay nabakante ang isang space di kalayuan.

"Oh, really?" Si Kurtney iyon.

Tumango lamang ako.

Bumaling ang tingin nito kay Oxygen bago iyon ibinalik sa akin. "He didn't try to hit on you, did he?"

"What?" Nandidiring napailing ako. "No!"

"My cousin –Oxygen is charming but he's a douchebag." She said, not caring if he'd hear it.

"Kurtney, you know I could hear you." Sabi ni Oxygen.

"I did say it out loud."

"Alright, stop it." Sabi ko. "You're right, Kurt, he is a douchebag and I don't get involved with people like him. So, you have nothing to worry about."

"Wow! Ganda ka, girl?" Syempre, si Oxygen ulit iyon.

Tinapunan ko siya ng matalim na tingin. Nakangisi na naman at nang-iinis. He put his elbows above the table, staring straight at me.

"Oxygen, be nice." Sita sa kanya ni Tami.

Inirapan ko siya, wala akong panahon sa kalokohan niya.

"Okay," he said with eyes not leaving me. He cleared his throat and slightly lean forward, extending his arm for a handshake. "I'm Oxygen Terrick De Salvo,"

"I don't care," I said not indulging his play. "Keep your hand to yourself. It looks eeew, with three e and a single w."

"Lah, e 'di nye, with one n, y and e." Ni hindi man lamang ito na-offend na hindi ko tinanggap ang kamay niya, bagkus bumungisngis pang lalo. Nakakainis!

Muli ay umirap ako, ibinaling ang tingin sa kabilang direksyon. Sakto namang nagtama ang mga mata naming ni Ethan, napangiti ako. He nod in recognition. Matapos ay bumaling na sa katabi na si Romee. I heard him looking for Romee's brother –Reid.

Naging abala na ang lahat, maging si Kade na kumuha ng upuan ay nakabalik na. Doon na ito pumuwesto sa tabi ni Aidan.

"Nandito na daw si Lance, nagpapark lang." Paris announced, she had no clue she just dropped the worst news I could possibly hear tonight. Like, seriously?

Rance then raised his hand and signalled the waiter waiting on the far corner, tumango ang huli at lumabas ng silid. Ilang sandali pa ay muling bumukas ang blindfold doors at iniluwa si Lance. In her silk-black romper shorts highlighting her flamingo legs. She's a couple of inches taller than me and skinnier, lalo na at maiksi ang buhok nito mas na nabibigyan pansin ang mahabang leeg. She wore no makeup, hindi kagaya ko na talagang pinaghandaan ang gabing ito. Her freckles are all over her face, ganoon din ako if not with the help of the blemish fix I put to conceal it. It's not the first time I've seen her but it's been forever.

Naalala ko na naman tuloy 'yung headline na nabasa ko kanina. She turned down the offer that I'm dying to get. Brat!

Halos magkapanabay na tumayo si Kade at Rance upang salubungin ang bagong dating, even Oxygen stood up and then changes his mind and sit again.

"Tinatamad akong lumapit, Lance." Humikab pa siya bago ngumisi, napailing na naman ako sa inis. Bumaling siya sa akin at lalo pang ngumisi bago muling lingunin si Lance. "Invited ka pala dito, Lance? Sa tagal mo akala ko pang breakfast na 'to, eh."

"Unlike you, Oxygen, I don't just sit around." Sagot nito bago inokupa ang bakanteng silya sa pagitan ni Rance at Ethan, kung saan dapat ako uupo kanina. Great. That's another thing I want that she gets with no sweat.

I saw Ethan turn and look at her.

Hindi naman nito nilingon si Ethan para batiin o anuman, wala rin naman itong iba pang pinansin. "Let's eat, I'm starving."

"Wow. Paano pa kaya kaming pinaghintay mo?" Si Oxygen ulit iyon.

Lance rolled her eyes. "I texted Paris, didn't I? I told her I'm going to be late because of traffic. I did tell her no need to wait for me, that you can go start without me."

"Oxygen," suway ni Titanium sa kapatid nang akmang sasagot pang muli. Binalingan nito si Lance. "It's okay, we understand and we all agreed to wait."

"Oy, hindi lahat tayo nakaintindi." Sabi ni Oxygen. Palagay ko'y hindi naman talaga issue sa kanya ang pag-aantay, nang-aasar lang. I know I just met him but it's not so hard to notice that annoying people is his hobby.

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin nang maramdamang may sumipa sa aking binti sa ilalim ng lamesa. Oh, I know it's him because when I look up, he's staring at me, grinning like a Cheshire cat. "You are completely annoying!"

"Like Centrum?" Nakangisi pa rin siya. What the fuck is that? "Centrum complete."

"Moron," I muttered turning my attention to other people in this dinner.

"Where's Zach?" Ethan said. The question was meant for Lance who's busy on her phone but I heard it.

She shrugged, lumingon sa katabing si Rance. "Did you order my favourite?"

"I did,"

Since Ethan didn't get a good response, he asked another person.

"Ox, si Zach?"

Maging ako ay napabaling kay Oxygen, expecting him to answer the question properly since it was asked the same way and Ethan look dangerously serious. But this De Salvo right here seem not to know how to be proper.

"Sasa–" sadyang binitin niya ang sinasabi. Nakita kong napabaling sa kanya si Lance, matalim ang tingin. Hindi naman niya iyon ininda, ngumisi pa nga siya kung hindi ba naman baliw. Hinarap niya si Ethan na kunot na ang noo habang nag-aantay ng sagot. "Sasama pala 'yon? Alam ko, hindi e,"

Saktong dumating ang mga pagkain nang tumayo si Ethan, he look worried. Niyuko nito si Romee at may ibinulong. He then excused himself to the group. Tahimik koi tong sinundan ng tingin, I saw him took his phone out of his pocket calling someone, hanggang sa makalabas na ito ng silid.

Hindi naman nagtagal ay tumunog ang phone ni Lance, it actually startled everyone, kaya mabilis nito iyong sinagot bago walang paalam na tumayo at lumabas ng silid.

"War has been declared," Oxygen said in a deep and baritone voice, mimicking those you can hear in video games and stuff. "Choose your warior."

Wala sa loob na napatitig ako sa bakanteng upuan na nilisan ni Ethan. I'm suddenly deaf to the noisy surrounding, then I ask myself why I'm here?

Tonight, I wanted to see Ethan and was hoping to have a small chitchat with him. Probably ask him about his life, how long will he be staying in the country and things like that. But no, I wasn't given a chance. I saw him, alright. But that's it. I want more. More interaction with him.

And I don't think I'm going to get it tonight. Tahimik akong sumabay sa pagkain ng mga ito. Ethan never came back, even Lance and I started to wonder what's happening?

I feel sad. Not that I'm not happy I saw Ethan tonight, I am. It's just that, I've waited so long for this and it happen like a snap. Masaya ang usapan ng mga ito, panaka-naka naman akong sumasali. I don't want them to notice I'm sad and ruin their mood. This is their dinner, I came uninvited and tainting the vibe of this evening is just purely evil.

In the duration of dinner, I noticed Oxygen staring at me. He's not saying anything though.

After we eat, Paris and Aidan invited everyone to continue the night at their place and they all think it's a good idea. Tumanggi na akong sumama pa, kaya lang naman ako nandito ay para kay Ethan, and he's no longer here so no reason for me to intrude more.

"Lance texted, sabi ay susunod na lang daw siya kanila Paris. There's been an emergency, doon na lang daw siya magpapaliwanag." Si Kade iyon.

Binalingan naman ako ni Kurtney. "Ikaw, Gabby? You sure you don't want to come?"

Ngumiti ako at umiling. "Hindi na. Baka mag-alala na si Zander pag gabihin pa akong lalo ng uwi."

I was lying. Sure, Zander takes me as his responsibility but he wouldn't treat me like a teenager with a curfew. Isa pa'y alam naman nito kung nasaan ako.

When the De Salvos left, I went to the powder room. No, I'm not going home just yet.

I don't want to go home and lock myself up in my room crying. Oh, of course I would surely cry because I feel sad. Nang makuntento na sa aking anyo ay lumabas na ako ng private room. Tinalunton ko ang daan patungo sa kalahating bahagi ng Casa –the dark side of it. The rough one. The loud one.

I rest my hand on the rough paintwork that coats the door and push it. Wooden splinters cut into my palm. Like a warning, the hinges squeal, masyado ng maingay ang paligid para marinig pa ang tunog na iyon. Conversations and laughter circulate in a dirty cloud of smoke and it overpowers the jukebox. The stagnant stench of cigarettes hides within the collaboration of mephitic odours. A sharp smell of drink wafts towards me, like black plumes bellowing from the windows of a burning house. There's even a hint of sick tainting the fragrance of the room. The total opposite to where I've been. This right here is the other side of the door. And this is exactly what I need now, noise.

The place is crowded, I find it hard to find a place I could be peaceful at.

At the bar, I settled. The bartender is attending quite a number of wasted people and people who are trying to be wasted. And so, I waited. Then when it's my turn, I ordered a glass of Michelada. Hindi ko plano na maglasing, gusto ko lang uminom.

Maingay ang paligid ngunit para akong nabingi at hindi ko halos marinig iyon. Marami ang tao ngunit tila pa bakante ang aking paningin.

The memories I've buried deep in my thoughts are slowly rising from their grave.

I can't exactly remember when and how I fell in love with Ethan. All I know is that I hated him at first and then he kissed me and it changed everything. After that five–second kiss, everything about Ethan sounds magical for me.

When I was little, I used to dream about how my first kiss would turn out. In a romantic candle light dinner or under the night stars. I even include the mistletoe if in case it happen during holiday season. But no. None of the above happened. Ethan took me by surprise. My years of practicing a kiss in a watermelon was useless. He stole my first kiss along with my heart.

It's already late when I realized how much I've fallen for Ethan. I liked Dashiel then, and I thought that he's a better choice than Ethan. As teenagers, our feelings drifted apart, kumpara sa pagkakagusto ko kay Dashiel alam kong mas malalim ang nararaamdaman ko para kay Ethan.

When Dashiel and I stopped communicating, it was okay. I am okay. But when Ethan, well it's not that we're communicating the way Dash and I did, but when we sort of stop talking into any form all because he's busy with some things, I was deeply hurt.

Years later, I tried confessing my feelings for him. I myself, didn't know how it grows. Halos mabibilang lang ang mga pagkakataon na magkakausap kami ni Ethan, madalas pa'y para lamang mangamusta samin ni Chanel at hindi iyon aabot ng tatlumpong minuto. All I know is that, I have learned to keep Ethan in my heart from then on.

Ethan rejected me in the gentlest way possible. He told me that I have to focus more on my studies, on my modeling career than any other thing. He told me that he's not in for commitments, that he has a lot of things to do, and a lot else that needs focus. I told him that we can at least, try. He said that he has high respect to my father, that if he try me, he'll step up and stood by his decision and he doesn't have time for that.

I've tried rolling into relationships with boys my age, but I always end up comparing them to Ethan. Even the male models I get to work with will pale in comparison to Ethan.

He's the only man I've ever loved this bad.

Isang server ang lumapit sa kinaroroonan ko at nag-lapag ng shot glass sa lamesa sa'king harapan. I thought it was my order, yet it's a shot of Vodka instead of the Michelada that I ordered.

Tiningala ko ito at bahagyang inaninaw sa dilim sa tulong ng patay sinding liwanag sa loob ng bar.

"Excuse me, this is not my order." My voice tried competing to the loud music.

Yumukod ito ng bahagya, ang isang kamay ay iminuwestra ang kabilang bahagi ng bar, sinundan ko iyon ng tingin. "Pinabibigay po sainyo ni sir."

There's a man I can barely see, medyo madilim ang bahaging iyon. All I know is that he's alone in that table, iniangat nito ang hawak na shot glass na tila ba hinahalina akong uminom.

I don't fall for that trick. I ignored it, even the Vodka he gave me. Hindi ko na inabala pa ang server para ibalik iyon, I don't intend to make a huge commotion out of it as long as he'll stay meters away, we're good.

Dumating na ang inorder ko at doon ko itinuon ang aking atensyon. Wala namang masamang ginawa si Ethan, but then I was hurt. He didn't ignore me, he acknowledged me with a nod. I think he was just preoccupied by something na siya ring dahilan kung bakit siya umalis. Though it bothers me. Still, I want to see him again. See him more.

Hindi mataas ang alcohol tolerance ko, kaya naman medyo dizzy na ako matapos maka-dalawang baso ng Michelada. Tumayo ako at nagpasya na makisali sa sayawan sa dance floor. The music moves me like a puppet on strings, my head mashing so hard my brain is in shut down mode. The strobe masks so many of my movements, every clap of my hands like on pause at different moments. Tomorrow they'll be hell to pay but tonight the alcohol keeps on flowing in like it's on IV drip.

Then someone join me, I look up. A man I'm not sure I'm familiar with.

"Mike," pagpapakilala nito.

Yeah, like I care?

"What's your name?"

I let him dance with me, sure. I blame alcohol for that. But to give him my name? Nah.

Nang hindi ako sumagot ay mas naging mapangahas ito. He pulled me closer, 'yung tipong pati hangin ay mahihiyang pumagitna sa aming dalawa. Huminto na ako sa aking pagsayaw at bahagya itong itinulak. But he didn't let me go.

"Let me go!" I said. The familiar shiver of fear hit my nerves.

"We're just dancing, gusto mo naman ito 'di ba?"

"I said let me go," ulit ko sa pilit na pinakalmang tinig. I don't want to create a commotion for people to see.

He grind his hips forward I felt his hard-on. Napasinghap ako sa pinaghalong takot at pandidiri. "I know you want this, too."

"I so not!" I shrieked, struggling free.

"Hey, Mike" said a familiar voice from behind me. Even his scent is familiar, it wouldn't be so hard to guess who he is.

"Oxygen," bati nitong Mike na ayaw pa rin akong pakawalan. "Hey, what's up?"

Kumunot ang noo nito nang kalasin ni Oxygen ang braso nitong nakakapit sa aking bewang at doon lamang ako nakahinga ng maluwag. Hinalinhinan niya iyon ng kaniyang sariling braso at inilayo ako sa lalaki.

"I'd really appreciate it if you go find someone else to fuck. This woman is off limits."

"What the fuck–"

"Off limits," putol niya sa akmang pagpalag pa nito.

He dragged me out of the place and no I'm not exaggerating it, he literally did drag me out. Tuloy-tuloy hanggang sa makalabas kami ng bar, bahagya pa akong nahihilo mabuti na lamang at mahigpit ang kapit niya sa aking palapulsuhan kundi kanina pa ako natumba.

Naaninag kong dala niya ang aking clutch bag, hirap na akong pagtuunan pa ng pansin kung paano niya iyon nakuha. When we reached the parking lot, that's the only time he let me go.

He face me, handing me my purse. "Susi mo?"

I raised him a brow.

"You can't drive–"

"I can!" Matapang kong putol sa kaniyang sasabihin.

"Weh? 'Ge nga, saan kotse mo?"

Agad na nilibot ko ng tingin ang paligid, halos mahilo ako sa aking ginawa. I shut my eyes for three seconds hoping it will make me feel a little better. Where did I park my car?

"'Tamo na, 'di mo alam." Ngumisi siya, tila ba tagumpay na sa kanyang tama siya at mali ako. "Akin na susi mo, huwag ka nang mag-inarte. Kung ayaw mo naman ay tatawagan ko na lang ang kuya mo para sunduin ka–"

"Oxygen, I don't want to go home yet."