Gambling with my mind

each night as I drift

Sleep comes too easily

but so do the nightmares

The horses ride in with little packages of fears and past mistakes

I long to dream in color

and feel in love

more than alone

of course it is no fault of the one I love

but of the setting I am in

I don't want to lose him

fear of the gamble,

fear of whether it will be of fault of his

or my own

a gamble with my heart

with my mind

who will give in to fear first?

Who will listen to the discouraging voices around them?

because he trusts me and I don't want to let him down like my mind keeps taunting me

and saying I will

and I trust him

and hope he won't leave me as he has so many times in my dreams

I long for nothing more than to have him here right now

to talk to him

to hug him

to tell him every detail of the nightmares

to ask his opinion on

the gamble.