‧₊˚✧ ⁝ 𝑪14  ❪ 忘却 ❫ ‧₊˚✧

actions speak 𝒍𝒐𝒖𝒅𝒆𝒓 ...

RIA PICKED AT her food, a sullen and cold expression painted on her face.

     She had no appetite at all, only an empty pit of guilt and despondency twisted within her stomach. Ria kept seeing a hideous image of Ben in her mind: monstrous and inhuman as he choked up his own blood upon the floor. His bloodcurdling screams seemed to claw at her skin like nails ...

     "Ria!"

     She jumped, sending her knife clattering to the floor.

     "What?" she snapped, eyes trained intently on Minho who had shouted her name. The Runner raised his brows, yet genuine surprise shone in his eyes.

     "God, you scared the living crap out me," Ria murmured, her sudden outburst of annoyance dissipating into remorse.

     "Yeah, I'm worried about you." came the short reply.

     Ria scanned the table. Thomas, Vince and Clint were sat around her as they tucked into the steaming hot dinner that Frypan had cooked up earlier. She wondered how they still had an appetite after everything that'd happened. She caught Thomas' eye for a fraction of a second, a quiet contemplation caught in his hazel eyes.

     "You don't need to be worried about me. I'm perfectly fine," Ria announced, swallowing the lump in her throat. She crossed her arms across her chest defiantly.

     "I don't buy it but whatever you say." Minho scoffed, rolling his eyes deliberately at Ria who sent him an icy glare in return. The raven haired boy lifted his hands in mock surrender.

     "If looks could kill ..."

     "I swear Minho—"

     "You two, slim it! You're acting like children. Look, we're all sad about Ben's banishment and all, but we've gotta move on. He would've wanted that." Clint interjected, a hint of certainty lacing his tone. Minho grumbled a response but sent Ria a private small smile, dark brown eyes once again filled with concern. She shook her head, casting her gaze away.

     Vince sighed and cocked his head to side. "What's up with you and lover boy then?" he asked, leaning forwards. Something different shone in his eyes, but Ria could not make out what exactly it was.

     "Lover boy?" she repeated slowly, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

     "He means Newt," Minho stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

     Ria forced her expression to remain neutral. Her eyes fluttered closed for a fragment of a second as she chose her words carefully. "There's nothing up with me and Newt," she managed to stammer, unable to meet anyone's gaze. Her harshness replayed her mind, sharp words ricocheting between her trembling lips. Then, his face. She'd never seen him looked so surrendering, so impotent and it was all her fault. Everything from the slight slump in his shoulders to the crease in his brow resurfaced from her memory and a wave of culpability arced over Ria, cresting with an ardent heaviness.

     "Yeah, right. And Thomas here is the least annoying shank in the Glade." Minho snorted sardonically. Thomas scowled at him across the table.

     Ria ran a hand through her hair, letting her fingers tease the individual strands. "Look, can we talk about something different I—"

     She was about to continue when she spotted him across the Glade, waving through inhabited picnic benches. Ria's heart ached with longing to say something to Newt — to apologise for the way she'd let her emotions feed the flames of anguish and hurt inside. He soon spotted Ria's table and he began to make his way over, his gaze trained on the ground. Her longing soured to anxiousness.

     "Hey, Newt!" Vince called, dropping his fork to wave to the boy. Ria frowned, she couldn't talk to him here. She needed to tell him everything, explain her feelings and the bewildering tempest inside her mind. It was the least he deserved. Not here. Maybe tomorrow?

     "I'll see you guys later, I'm going to get an early night." she lied hurriedly, turning away and walking in the direction of Homestead. Her friends stared after her in incertitude.

     As soon as she'd flung open the bedroom door, Ria kicked off her shoes and let out the breath she didn't know she'd been holding. The girl collapsed onto her bed and crawled under the sheets so no light cut through her miserable cave of darkness. Ria bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut, wondering how everything had turned out so wrong. How it all seemed to be her fault. A prison constructed of iron responsibility encaged her body and she let its coldness weep through the warmth of her blankets and onto the surface of her skin. Jem, Newt, the banishing ...

     "Why?" the word escaped her lips in a soft whisper as she gazed at the ceiling, she felt empty once again. Her reply came after a few moments later in the noiseless call of sleep. A stillness consumed her entire body and her eyes closed sedately. Ria's mind was a starless, dark void of nothingness again.

     This time, she did not open them.

     "I cannot begin to tell you how disappointed I am! How could you be so ... so insolent! Have you got any idea of the consequences of your actions? All our hard work, all our preparations. Gone!"

     The woman's cornflower blue eyes are stormy with irritation as she paces the room. Quiet anger shakes her steps and she eventually turns away from her to the window, placing a hand against the cold glass.

     "I told you she was disorderly!" A man she recognises steps towards her from a shadowed corner. "I told you over and over yet you didn't listen, now look where it's landed us!" he kicks the chair the girl is bound to and an agonised scream rips her throat. The metal restraining her ankles and wrists cuts into her skin like razors. The sting is relentless.  

     "Enough!" the woman whips around from the window furiously. "Enough, Janson. Let me think for a moment!"

     "It's a little late for that, don't you think? She must be severely punished for her actions, God, I could kill her right now!" he kicks the chair again, this time considerably harder. The woman flinches at the dreadful shriek of pain that bounces off the walls.

     The girl's affliction only fuels her defiance. "You can do whatever you want to me! I saved them from you, you hear me? I saved them!"

     A cruel laugh escapes the man's lips and he raises a hand as if to strike her. "You didn't save them, you stupid girl. You killed them."

━━━━━

     Ria's eyes flew open, her chest heaving in the absence of oxygen.

     Stray locks of tangled hair shadowed her line of vision as she lurched into a sitting position. Beads of sweat glistened on her skin and hot tears stained her cheeks. Ria suddenly felt alone, more alone than she had ever felt before. She was just a girl in the midst of a world shaped by desolation. She curled up on her bed and forced her eyes shut, allowing a dark cloak of tenebrosity to invade her clustered mind. Ria allowed herself to cry, tears spilled down her cheeks and heavy sobs rattled her chest.

     The same forlorn emptiness lay in her stomach, unmoving. It was true, she was a terrible person. Jem was right. You killed them. You killed them. You killed them. She let the memory fade until the two faces were a blur of anguish. Their cold words faded into fractured strings of inadequate importance. What did they matter, anyway?

    Just as Ria's sobs were finally weakening and a veil of drowsiness returned, a firm knock sounded against the door. She panicked and attempted to wipe the tears from her face, inhaling shakily before slowly creeping to the door, feeling her way through the darkness. The door swung open before she could grasp onto the handle and an unforeseen relief washed over her body when she acknowledged it was Newt who stood on the other side of the frame.

     "Newt? What are you doing, it's the middle of the night?" Ria whispered, hoping that her eyes were't red and glazed with tears.

     Newt's features softened as he looked at the girl in front of him. He was illuminated by the faint amber glow of a lantern, shirt unbuttoned at the collar exposing a fraction of his smooth skin. "I figured you'd be awake ... oh, Ria." he sighed and Ria could perceive the pain in his eyes, it shattered her heart all over again.

     She couldn't push him away.

     "I—I'm so sorry," she whispered, swallowing the lump in her throat. "I didn't know what came over me, Newt. I didn't mean it, my mind is all over the place and I just ... I don't know what to do."

     Silence hung between them for a moment. Newt didn't move his gaze from her face, a sincere and understanding look shining despite the dark.

     "I know, trust me I know. None of this is your fault and you have nothing to bloody apologise for. All I want is for you to be okay, that's it." He took Ria's hand gently, a feeling of sudden warmth and longing for the girl surging through his body.

     "Can we talk about it all?" she squeezed his hand tightly.

     The familiar smile of Newt's returned as he squeezed her hand back. "'Course we can, love."

     He lead her silently through Homestead, carefully navigating though the hammocks and sleeping bags and out into the Glade. Tranquility encased the atmosphere and the restrained breeze danced over Ria's face, carrying the tears from her cheeks. The night was star—studded, sky flaunting hidden shades of deep violet within the twilight. Light emitted from Newt's lantern, scattering a haze of luminance ahead of them as they walked. Ria's hand was still in his and as she looked down at their intertwined fingers, endearment warmed her body.

     "Where are we going?" She questioned as Newt lead her beyond the Gardens and into the Deadheads.

     Newt pushed a stray branch out of their path. "Somewhere I normally go to clear my head,"

     Ria found herself fascinated by the Deadheads at night — it was simply enchanting. The plants were draped in the milky glow of moonlight and the air carried the sweet scent of nature. For a moment the despondency on her shoulders seemed to sweep away with the wind, rustling leaves and encircling branches. The sound of the quiet rushing of water pervaded her senses as she sighted the small river snaking through the trees that surrounded it. Adorned with a silver haze, the fresh water sparkled like glass. Newt woke from her trance.

     "We're here now, love."

     Her heart skipped more than it should've at the nickname.

     "It's so beautiful." she breathed, captured by the scenery around her. A small smile tugged at Newt's lips as he sat down carefully and placed the lantern in front of him. Ria collapsed beside him, drawing her knees to her chest.

     "It really is, isn't it? It's like my escape from this bloody shucked world of ours," he meant the words to carry a tinge of humour to them, but Ria noticed the sadness on his face.

     "I wish I could go back. Back before the world ended" She replied, gaze fixated on the river as it lapped against the grassy bank. Reaching out, she scooped a handful of water and let it spill through the crevices between her fingers.

     Newt frowned ever so slightly. "How do you mean?"

     Ria inhaled, sitting back. The safety of his presence gave her the confidence to finally let herself go. "I just wish I was never sent here. I wish I was still young, young enough to still have a mother and father. Young enough to watch the sunrise from a window. Young enough to be blind to sadness. Young enough to just live without the constant battle of misery. I wish I knew exactly who I used to be."

     Considering the weight of her words, Newt nodded slowly. His eyes reflected empathy, tinted with flecks of bright mahogany that Ria had never noticed against the warm brown. She wanted to reach out, feel his skin against her's and let all the rest evanesce. The light made him look ethereal and Ria couldn't think straight anymore. The small space between their bodies seemed like mountains separating them, it was overwhelming.

     "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, you know. Who you used to be, it doesn't matter anymore. You're here now and no matter what you're feeling, one day it'll all be so insignificant you'll wonder why you were even worried 'bout it in the first place. I have no bloody idea why we're here, surrounded by these nightmare walls, but what I do know is that you've made everything a whole lot better. Who you are now is perfect. You may think you're broken, weak and all the rest of it but you're not, Ria. You're so far from that and I wish I had a way of showing you just how important you are. Not just to Chuck, Minho, Tommy and the rest ... but to me."

     Ria couldn't remember ever feeling the type of way she was feeling right now. She crumbled at his words, heart soaring to unknown heights of affection. She wanted to weep, collapse into Newt's arms and stay there for the rest of eternity. He could see through her pain, he could see every single thing she was too afraid to unearth. She felt so much for him — admiration, hope, want, infatuation all at once. Nothing else mattered because he was beside her, under the moon and before the gentle crash of the water against the bank. It was a frighteningly mesmerising thing to feel, like her world would fall apart at his slightest touch.

      He shifted closer to Ria, his leg resting against her's and continued in the absence of her words. "Without you, I would have no hope," his voice was quiet.

     She felt her cheeks glow with heat as her shoulder brushed his, a jolt of desire erupting on her skin. "I wish I could put into words how I'm feeling right now. You ... you're just everything."

     Newt smiled, a soft surprise spreading onto his features. Ria noticed everything: the tousle in his unruly sandy hair, the sharp define of his jawline, everything. He swallowed, fingertips brushing over her own. The soil beneath her hand seemed to slip away, leaving only the burn of his touch.

     "We don't have to say anything." his voice was low and husky, sending a shiver of desire down her spine. He inhaled deeply before moving closer, erasing the space between. His breath was hot against her neck and Ria's eyes fluttered closed. He is everything. Her heart hammered against her chest as she leant in until her forehead rested against Newt's. The world around them both seemed to disappear into oblivion.

Silence.

     Before Ria could reply, Newt pressed his lips against her's and everything seemed to fall away. His hands cupped her face gently and Ria responded instinctively by wrapping her arms around the boy's neck and pulling him closer until there was no space left between them. The kiss was passionate, meaningful and long overdue. She felt her lips part as Newt kissed her softly yet deeply, a quiet moan tumbling from her mouth. Ria sensed his smile as her hands moved to his hair, fingers intertwining with his blonde locks. She could almost hear the wild beating of his heart (or was it her's?) as she felt a hand slide under the cotton of her shirt, his touch warm and electric against her skin. It was nothing like she'd ever experienced before and she wanted to stay in the moment forever.

     Once they finally broke apart, Ria was too breathless to speak. She felt flustered, cheeks dusted pink under Newt's euphoric grin. The way he looked at her was hypnotising, a divergence of adoration and wonder so deep it was blissful. They didn't speak for a moment and he wrapped his arm around Ria's waist. She rested her head on his shoulder, heart still racing and she felt peacefully complete. Ria allowed Newt's familiarly earthy scent flood her senses, wanting nothing else but to stay in his arms forever where she felt safe.

     "You're important to me too, by the way." Ria finally muttered into Newt's shoulder. The boy chuckled lightly, subconsciously playing with Ria's hair as he pulled her closer against him.

     "You're bloody perfect,"

     Smiles adorned their faces as they embraced each other under the midnight sky. Ria's strange dream seemed like a distant memory to her and the pain she'd felt washed away like rainwater slipping down a drain. Newt was here with her and that was all that mattered.

     For the very first time, it seemed nothing could ever hurt them again.

‧₊˚✧ ⁝ 𝒎𝒂𝒚𝒂'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆  ❪ 忘却 ❫

oo. ABOUT FREAKIN TIME ε(♡'-')з gosh i really do love my kids with my whole entire heart. #NEWTIA 'TILL I DIE!!! i hope you enjoyed this softness i literally would die for them and im not even joking (this is probably the chapter you've been waiting for hehe) &. thank you so much for the constant voting and commenting!! ੈ♡‧₊˚