Draco's POV

It was already an unpleasant day. The cabinet is so near completion that my anxiety has been sky rocketing. I am supposed to send an encrypted message to the dark lord tonight about my progress. He should be expecting it to be completed in the next couple of weeks. At least, that's the hope.

I have been stalling a little bit. Every fiber of my body has been telling me to not complete this task, to just ignore the wishes of the dark lord, but I know I can't do that.

What would Harry think of me when he realizes what I have done? Will he see it as a betrayal even though I had no choice? I can't let my mother die, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. 

Should I tell Harry? Would that be better than allowing him to find out on his own? Even though he already knows I am a death eater, he has no idea about my plan or the fact I am about to kill someone very important to him.

"Draco, what are you doing out here? It's freezing!" Pansy and Blaise approached me. Pansy had her arms wrapped around herself to protect her from the cold. She was shivering slightly and there were white puffs of air coming out from her mouth as she exhaled. Blaise stuffed his hands into the pockets of his robes and also had white puffs of air coming out from his mouth.

"I'm just thinking," I responded to my two best friends. Sometimes the only way you can find some alone time is outside in the freezing cold. A part of me didn't want them to find me, knowing I can't look them in the eyes for what I am about to do. They don't know of the plan of allowing death eaters to swarm Hogwarts or to kill the headmaster, though I know they suspect something. I don't want to drag them down with me. 

"About Harry?" Pansy asked.

I exhaled deeply. "That's certainly one thing."

"You know he drinks the potion tomorrow, right? What will you say to him?" Blaise asked.

I shook my head. "I don't know. Just pretend nothing happened, I guess and go on hating each other."

"But I know that's not what you truly want," she said, laying a gentle hand on my shoulder. I did not find it comforting in the slightest, at least not with the look of sadness stretched across her features.

"What I want doesn't matter. He has to move on, it's the only way he will be safe from me."

"No. Draco, this is no way to live. I hate seeing you like this!"

"There's nothing we can do!"

"We tell Potter, tell him what really happened," she suggested.

"Have you gone mental? I can't do that! It'll get us both killed!"

"Do you honestly think Potter wouldn't do everything he possibly could to keep you safe?"

"I know he would, Pansy, he's a bloody Gryffindor, but that doesn't matter. It'll just get him killed in the end instead."

Blaise rolled his eyes. "I doubt it, he's the boy who won't fucking die. If you haven't noticed." 

I cracked a small smiled.

"Just think about it, Draco. You can't have love without a little bit of risk. You have to trust Potter," Pansy mentioned. She sighed, exasperated. "I cannot believe I just said that," she mumbled.

"I'd have to go against everything. Who knows what the Dark Lord would do to my family if he found out?"

"That's something the two of you would need to figure out. It's always a risk. Do you think Potter will fail?" I pondered Blaise's question for a moment. 

I have spent quite a good amount of time with the Dark Lord living in my house. I have seen the awful things he has done to others. I know how much he wants Harry dead and technically, any relations I have with Harry won't change that. However, I also have my family to think of, my mother. I couldn't leave her there to suffer. The Dark Lord would torture and kill her for my insubordination. I can't do that to her, but then what do I do?

Do I seek help from Harry? He has already shown how much he wants help me. He knows I am a death eater and yet he still treats me like a friend. Do I think he will survive this? Yes, I do, but will I? What about my mother? Will she survive? Our chances are probably much more thin.

Trust Harry.

Would he know what to do? Would he help my mother and I escape his grasp? I don't know.

"I trust, Harry. I do, but does it guarantee how my mother and I will survive this? I still have to follow his orders if I want to keep her safe."

"I still say that Potter would be able to do something. He won't let the people you care about get hurt. He is better at understanding what it feels like to lose someone important more than any one," Pansy clarified and she's right. Very few people know what it's like to suffer such heavy losses, what it means to truly protect those around them. He may be brainless, but he's not stupid.

I nodded my head at Pansy, still at a conflict, but feeling more persuaded than I did before.

The three of us agreed to go in, away from the cold and perhaps warm up by the fire in our common room. Idle chit chat flowed between us, wanting to bring us out of the depressed state they found me in and into a more relaxed mood. However, on our way down to the dungeons, we were stopped by yelling.

"Draco!" The voice called and I recognized it instantly as Harry's.

Harry and his friends came rushing over to us, panting and red in the cheeks from running.

"What is it, Potter?" I asked, curious as to why they were out here this late. 

"I have to ask you something and I don't want to wait for the potion tomorrow to find out."

"What?" I questioned, confused.

"What did you and Parkinson talk about in the hallway, the day I got hexed?" He asked suddenly, obviously getting right to the point.

I froze in my spot and I am sure the color in my face was draining. Even my friends stilled from beside me.

"Why would you need to know that?" I asked after a moment.

"It's important. Please," he begged, his bright green eyes rimming with desperation.

"We kissed," Pansy responded to the question much quicker than I could even comprehend what to say.

"Pansy!" I yelled, angry that she would just tell them.

"He does have a right to know, it involves him after all." She gave me a pointed look, one that said to explain what really happened, but I didn't have the courage to do it. I am no Gryffindor.

"You...kissed," he repeated slowly and a little hesitantly, like he couldn't believe what he just heard. "That's why-" he cut himself off and turned, wanting to leave, knowing he got his answer. Yet, not the full story.

"That's why what?" I pulled him back by his arm, forcing him to look at me and not leave. I couldn't let him go, not with that pained expression on his face. Something I never want to see again on his features.

"I-nothing, uhm. I better go. Curfew and all."

"Oh no. We told you what happened in the hallway, now you explain to us what's going on," Pansy intercepted.

Harry bit his lip harshly and looked down, I could still see the look of pain flash across his eyes. His friends watched him apprehensively, wondering what to say, what to even do.

"I know who hexed me." He said in a low voice. The grip I still had on his arm slackened and he wrenched it free, taking a few steps back.

A tear cascaded down his cheeks and I knew it was all my fault.

My stomach turned into knots and I felt like throwing up. I have never seen Harry cry, I never want to see him cry, especially because of me.

"Who?" Blaise asked, the breath knocked out of all of us.

He stood silent for a moment. I watched his eyes dart between me and the direction of his common room from where they came from. Debating whether or not he should bolt.

"Harry, maybe you should t-" Granger started, but he cut her off.

"Do you like her?" Harry asked, his voice slightly breaking.

My heart hammered in my chest. I didn't know how to respond. I don't like her, not like that, but how do I tell him that? How do I explain the kiss?

"I-" I fumbled over my words, my heart wanting one thing, but my brain wanting another. "It's complicated," I spilled, but it sounded weak and frail, a sound I am not used to hearing coming from my own mouth.

Harry nodded slowly, not commenting on what I said. 

"Who hexed you?" I asked, wanting the subject off of me.

"Are we at least friends?" He ignored my question, asking one of his own.

"Harry, I-"

"Please tell me it wasn't all a lie! At least that much! That we were at least no longer rivals. Hell, we don't have to be friends, but please tell me we were at least acquaintances," he stammered, his voice shaking a little. There were more tears coming down and I could see the temptation to bolt becoming stronger. "Something other than foes, please." His voice lowered and quivered. 

I broke. "Harry, we are friends! I'm sorry!" I gripped his hand in my own to emphasize my point. I could feel him trembling.

"I hexed myself!" He blurted. "I did it out of retaliation, because I didn't want to hurt anymore. I knew it had something to do with you in that hallway with Parkinson, but I've only now just realized. It's because I was hurt! I never hated you, though I made it look like I did, I cared about you and I didn't want to anymore."

My eyes filled with their own tears and came rushing down my face. A sob escaped my lips and Harry pulled himself out of my grasp and just ran.

I covered my mouth with my hand, distraught from what he just told me. All of it making sense. I had hurt him so badly that he just wanted to forget about me because the memory of knowing was too painful. I did that to him. It wasn't a mysterious person we thought was playing a prank. It was because I knew how he felt and turned it against him. Harry's experienced very little love from what he has told me in this last bit of time spending together and I shattered that little bit he had.

"He's always cared about you, Malfoy. I personally will never understand what he sees in you, but he saw passed the ugly in you. He found something to smile over. Maybe if I had realized it sooner, then I could have helped him not come to this, but at the end of the day, it was in your hands." Weasley's statement only made me feel worse. For him to be so calm and constructed after what just happened made me even more regretful. I wish he would have punched me, it would have been less painful than him admitting what I couldn't admit to myself. That he did truly care for me and it wasn't a spur of the moment or a simple school crush. No, he would've done anything for the two of us. Even sacrifice his own happiness, which he already did.

Weasley and Granger left to find their friend, to comfort him for something I caused, something I should be the one to fix.

"Damn, Draco. I don't know how you're going to fix that one," Blaise observed.

"Well spotted."

I left quickly, heading down into the dungeons and towards the Slytherin common room. I wiped the tears from off my face before entering the large, green room. My friends not far behind. 

There was some people in the common room, which I expected, so I rushed passed them all and made it up to our dorm room. Nott sat on his bed reading a book when I entered.

His face contorted in confusion. "Draco, are you alright?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes and sat on my bed. Finding any form of peace in Hogwarts is a very difficult thing to accomplish.

"Alright. I get the hint. Just don't take over the room all night. I'd actually like to sleep peacefully without you and Blaise whispering to each other," he complained and left the room. Blaise and Pansy came in a moment later when I fell face first into my bed.

"So. What now?" Blaise asked.

I groaned. "I don't know. Where do I go from this? I know I hurt him when I did that, but I didn't think he would be affected this badly. I never thought that his feelings for me ran deeper than I ever could have imagined. He even figured the whole thing out before taking the potion and getting his memories back." 

"Yeah, we warned you."

I glared at Pansy. "Don't need to rub it in."

"Sorry dear, it's just sometimes you don't fully think about how something is going to hurt someone else. The two of you barely had a normal conversation before this, it makes sense that you didn't have a full understanding of how he actually felt for you."

"At least now we know that the hex only erased his memories and not how he felt, like he was hoping for," Blaise added.

"Anyway. I don't think you can avoid this any longer. You need to talk to him. Truly this time. Express how you feel, your concerns, your worries, why you did what you did. Then go from there," Pansy expressed.

"Yeah, you're right."