It is better to regret something that you do than to regret something that you don't do... so here is me... regretting you.
-A. E

-

"Ms. T I presume?" Paulette asks as we arrived at my car.

I pressed my palms against the hood and leant over, trying to somehow gather my bearing but failing nonetheless.

"She's the one that took your soul, isn't she?"

"I."

Stopping, I ran both hands through my disheveled hair, closing my eyes and trying to clear the fog in my brain.

"It's okay, I know how-"

"Let's not talk. I really don't want to talk." I murmured as I made a bold decision to pull her against me and silence any and all conversations of Ms. T.

Paulette didn't seem to have any problems with it because the next few moments were spent doing every other thing that didn't involve talking.

~~~

Denise.

Emotions.

What a terrible word.

What a terrible feeling.

I had plenty of it and no way of expressing them. I didn't want to head back upstairs because I was never the type to take my anger out on a client. I always had to be in control, always had to keep a clear head when dealing with disobedience and being angry was never the right emotion when punishing someone.

Sighing loudly, I braced the wall she just vacated and released my hands from the fists they had formed.

I was mad, I knew that. She had convinced me this life wasn't for her and I was okay with that because I was her first and I was made to believe that I was her only. Now I knew that wasn't true. The blatant display of hickeys on her neck made me all too aware that she allowed another woman to hold and experience the parts of her that only I knew.

She allowed another woman to hear her moan, to watch how she came undone and to see the afterglow of the beauty that was her.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to punch a wall...

I wanted to find her and make her mine...

But all those were just wants. And in this life, we never got what we wanted.

"If I were to waste breath making a guess as to why you look the way you do, I'd say you just got dumped."

I looked up to see the man I called my husband headed towards me and I suppressed the need to fall apart as he came to a stop in front of me.

"What do you want David?"

"Isn't it obvious? You. I've always wanted you."

He pulls me closer to him but I pressed my hands against his chest as I honestly wasn't in the mood.

"Stop."

"Pleading? From the high and mighty Denise? I'm surprised. You had so much resistance."

"David, please, I'm not in the mood."

"For your own husband?! You can whore yourself out for these people but can't even please me. All this beauty and a non-existent heart."

He slips his hands between my knee length cardigan and I tense as he smirked. "I can always count on you being naked, after all, whores don't wear clothing. Bad for business, right?!"

"David, stop."

I tried to push against him but he held both my hands down, pinning my body with his and forcing me to make eye contact since the heels I wore made us the same height.

"When will you get it through that pretty little head of yours that no one wants you. You're beautiful, you're a real talent in bed but let's be honest, no one ever wants you. You're disposable, you're replaceable. You're just good enough for a great fuck."

I push against him once more as the tears I spent years suppressing, was trying to force it's way to the surface.

"Not to worry, I want you. I'll always want you."

He crashes his lips against mine in a harsh kiss and on instinct, I bit him.

"You bitch!" He snaps, slamming my head against the wall and finally drawing attention from the few drunk girls stumbling out of the washroom.

David touches his lips with his fingers as he glared at me and I'm silently waiting for the punches to start.

"You dumb cunt."

He comes towards me at the same time Darcy turns the corner but instead of punches, he just squeezes my side painfully hard before walking away, giving her his signature smile.

"Lady Faye. If you want your job back, all you have to do is ask." I say jokingly, trying to lighten the atmosphere and pretending that that didn't just happen.

"You're being abused by David."

It wasn't a question, it was a statement and one I wasn't ready to answer.

"I have no idea what you're talking about but since you're here why don't we-"

"Don't lie to me! I'm not stupid and I was eavesdropping so I heard everything."

Shit.

"I don't know what you think you heard but-"

"Really! Really Ms. T?" Darcy shouts and yet another set of people turns and looks at us.

Pulling her by the hand I lead her to an empty room before shutting the door. My head was beginning to pound but I'd be damned if I'd allow myself to break out here in the open.

"Lady Faye-"

"I don't work here anymore so that's no longer my name-"

"Darcy-"

"You're such a hypocrite."

"Excuse me."

"You fight for everyone else except yourself. You're helping Sydney get out of an abusive relationship with Kim, telling her how you'd do everything in your power to save her and how disgusted you were at the fact that someone could abuse their power over another. You saved me from my own parents and yet, you've been enduring physical, emotional and I'm pretty sure, sexual abuse from your own husband."

"You're just a child, you can't understand."

"I'm old enough to call bull shit on your diversion tactics!" She shouts and I really want to shut her up if only to stop the pounding in my head but my body had, had enough and try as I might, I had no fight left in me. "You're the strongest woman I know and yet you let some mediocre man make a mockery of you!"

"It's not that simple."

"The hell it isn't. I was never for your relationship with Mrs. Paige not only because she was your client or because she's my girlfriend's mom but because I thought you were married to a good man and I didn't want her or you to ruin that. But now that I know the monster he truly is, I'm all for you dumping his ass and being with the person you truly want to be with."

"Darcy, listen to me-"

"Aren't you the one that keeps telling me happiness is the only reason to live?"

I wanted to believe her, hell, I almost did. They were my words after all but I knew David. I knew who he truly was and I knew what I had done. So as much as I wanted to 'do as I say', I couldn't.

"Thank you for your concern but I need to get back to my clients. I trust you can see your way out." I respond, heading to the door and pulling it open.

"You're unbelievable." Darcy responds before her expression goes blank. "I'll save you just as you did me... I promise."

I wanted to stop her and tell her, her attempts were futile. That he had me in his clutches and intended to keep me there but she was already gone and the floor looked too inviting.

Closing the door, I allowed myself to do the one thing I've trained myself not to do for the past 5 years.

I fell apart.