Month 9

"Aise prove hota hai Pythagoras Theorem, theek hai? Sabko samajh aaya?" Shiva asked the kids, who looked like they'd burst out crying.

"Samjha, par ye prove kyu karna? Itne zamane pehle kisine prove kar diya na, toh hum kyu kare?" An exasperated Satish asked.

"Baat toh sahi hai." Shiva sighed, "But 5 marks chahiye na boards mein, ki ande se kaam chalega? Nahi na? Toh bas, last ke kuch mahine hai, daat kaat ke karlo, phir koi nahi kahega Theorem prove karne ko, okay?"

Just then Raavi tapped his shoulder, holding a cup in her hand.

"Ye le chai!"

Shiva smiled at her. She was glowing a little extra today. "Thanks jaan."

Raavi just smiled and proceeded to walk to her room, when one of the kids chirped, "Ohoooo sir, jaaaaannnnn!"

Everyone started snickering and laughing, while Shiva's face was stuck in half surprise and half blushing state. These kids were way too naughty.

He looked over at Raavi, and she was snickering herself. He looked at her with a "Stop laughing, you're not helping" look and she tried to control her laughter.

"Ae..Tu-Tum... Y-ye.. Padhai wadhai chodke pyaar pe focus kar rahe ho. Padhai pe focus karo, boards hai na!" A flustered Shiva said, making his batch laugh more.

.....

"Mai nikal raha hoon, by- Tu kya kar rahi hai?" Shiva asked as Raavi counted something on her fingers and absent mindedly nodded, looking at her laptop screen.

"Haa?" She asked, pulling her eyes away from the screen.

"Maine pucha tu kya kar rahi hai? Aur ye Mami apne saath kya leke aa rahi hai itna bhaari, jo uski kamar akad gayi?" He asked, looking at the message she just dropped.

"Padhai. Waise bhi ghar pe akeli rehti hoon, logon se kitna baat karungi jaa jaa ke? Toh socha semester join karne se pehle catch up kar loon. Laptop pe books ke pdf hai. Aur," Raavi said, pushing the laptop aside, rubbing her eyes, "Maasi meri college ki textbooks laa rahi hai. Ye laptop se dekh dekh ke aankh mein paani aa jata hai, ek point ke baad."

"Acchi baat hai. Very good!" Shiva smiled, grabbing his lunch that he forgot, "Par mujhse keh deti na, main kitaabe laane ke liye mana nahi karta."

"Arre," She smiled and clapped her hands, "Maasi ko apni khushi manane de. Unke kisi dost ka beta 3rd semester mein drop out kar diya, aur apni girlfriend ke saath bhaag gaya, toh uske 1st year ke books aise chakachak, naye jaise hai. Woh log toh fekne waale the, Maasi ne mauke pe chauka maarke unse woh kitaabe le li. Ek paisa bhi nahi diya unhone." Raavi chuckled, still not believing her Maasi when she narrated this story.

"Waah! Mami ki kanjoosi kahi toh kaam aayi." He shook his head at his unbelievable but somewhat believable Mami. "Okay, late ho raha hoon, shaam ko aa jaunga." Shiva picked up his bag and left.

"Arre sun-!"

Click.

"Okay, bye."

....

The door clicked open, and Raavi opened her eyes slowly. She fell asleep on the sofa waiting for him, and it was 9:30 now.

"Kaha tha tu? Humari 9:00 waali show miss ho gayi!" Raavi complained as he kept his bags near the dining table.

"Sorry, sorry, aaj bohot back log tha, kaise bhi karke khatam karna tha." Shiva apologised, keeping his shoes in the rack.

"Humari date night thi, Shiva! Itne zamaano baad, mujhe nahi lagta anniversary ke baad hum kahi bahar gaye!" She whined, but checked the time again. "Abhi bhi time hai, hum 10:30 ka show dekhne jaa sakte hai. Tu fatafat fresh ho jaa."

"Aaj nahi, please. Aaj thak gaya hoon, kasam se." He sat down next to her, sighing in the comfort of his sofa.

"Toh hum nahi jaa rahe?" She asked curtly, and when he nodded no, she got up angrily and walked to the room.

Shiva noticed the dip in the sofa disappear and he went behind her, and he could tell she was fuming.

Raavi threw her bracelet on the dressing table, shrugging off the earrings she wore and throwing them too.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry na, Raavi. Samajh na, please." He mumbled, hugging her from behind, his arms resting on her shoulders.

"Kyu? Kyu samjhu mai?" She argued, shrugging his hands off her. "3 baar, Shiva. 3 baar maine tujhse pucha tha. Aur tune teeno baar mujhe Haa kaha tha. Toh KYU NAHI aaya tu?" Raavi turned towards him, anger reflecting in her eyes.

"Kaam tha na, Raavi. Mai keh toh raha hoon-"

"Kaam tha? KAAM THA?!" She yelled, stumbling a bit. "Mujhe apne pati se milne ke liye bhi appointment lena padega Shiva? HAA?!"

Shiva noticed her stumble. This was not good. "Raavi, baith idhar, aaramse baat karte hai-"

"Nahi karni mujhe aaramse baat. Mai cheeku, chillao, tujhe kya? Tujhe parwah hai meri ki nahi?" Raavi yelled, throwing the bangles on her desk in a fit of fury on the floor.

Did she just say that he didn't care about her? "Raavi, ab zyaada ho raha hai tera. Mai parwah nahi karta? MAI?!" Shiva yelled back, pointing at himself.

"Nahi karta. BILKUL NAHI KARTA HAI! Warna aaj tu mere bulane pe aa jaata." Raavi screamed back, losing her breath.

This was not about missing the date. This was something else. She wouldn't react like this.

"Ye date ke baare mein nahi hai, hai na? Kuch aur sata raha hai tujhe?" Shiva asked gently, because her face was losing colour.

"Haa. Sata raha hai. Lekin tu kaha hai meri baat sunne ke liye? Actually, KOI NAHI HAI meri baat sunne ke liye, lekin tujhe koi farak nahi padega, as usual." Raavi slid the bottles of perfume, lotions, whatever was on the desk onto the floor, some shattering and some falling with a clang.

She stumbled back near the bed, tears stinging her eyes, hand over her chest as she started heaving. It was getting difficult to breathe.

"Raavi!" Shiva sat down next to her on the bed, losing his mind. She was panicking and not able to breathe. "Raavi, dekh na meri taraf, shaant ho jaa."

"Kaise ho jaau mai shaant?" She sobbed, clutching onto his shirt, as his hand cupped her face. "Tujhe kaise samjhaau, Shiva?"

"Ro mat, please. Tere liye accha nahi hai ye." He rubbed her back, as she buried her face into his shoulder. But she wouldn't stop crying, gasping even harder for breath, and fear gripped his heart.

"Accha accha, sun," He pulled her away from him, "Mere liye nahi, toh at least baby aur apne liye shaant ho jaa. Mai teri har baat, har shikaayat sunne ko tayyar hoon, tu bas shaant ho jaa. Please. Please!" Shiva pleaded, almost in tears.

She was in pain, but not the physical kind. The emotional kind. And he didn't know how to help her.

Raavi looked at him through her tears, blinking them away, following his breathing pattern as he breathed in and out with her.

When she had calmed down, he turned towards her, "Tu pagal hai?! Aise kaun darata hai?"

"Mere darr ka kya Shiva?" Raavi meekly said, looking away.

"Kya baat sata rahi hai tujhe? Baat kar na mujhse!"

"Darti hoon ki baby ke aane ke baad bhi aisa hoga. Jab teri zaroorat hogi, tu ghar pe hoga hi nahi." Tears brimmed her eyes.

Shiva held her face in his hands, making her look at him. "Aisa kyu lagta hai tujhe?"

"Tere kaam pe nikal jaane ke baad, ghar pe akeli hoti hoon mai. Pura din soti hoon, khaati hoon, thoda padhai karti hoon, kuch na kuch karke apne aap ko busy rakhti hoon. Akeli hoti hoon, lekin humesha lagta nahi hai aisa. Mai toh manage kar lungi."

"Lekin agar, bhagwaan na kare, tere absence mein mujhe aur baby ko kuch ho gaya, toh tujhe kaise pata chalega, Shiva? Maasi toh 2 din mein aa jaayengi, 3 mahine mein chali jaayengi, uske baad kya? Tujhe kaise pata hoga hum theek hai ki nahi? Agar iss chotu kaddu ne kuch naya seekha, tu toh ghar pe hoga hi nahi ye sab dekhne ke liye."

"I want you to be there, Shiva. Baby ka har moment share karne ke liye, I want you to be there. Baby hone ke baad, tujhe uss har lamhe ka ehsaas hona chahiye. I need you. With me. Please galat mat samajh mujhe." She rested her head on his chest, his hands automatically caressing her hair.

It was a lot to take in. She needed him. As much as he needed her. They spoke about a lot of things in these months, but she never expressed her fears or loneliness to him."

"Mujhe pehle kyu nahi bataya?"

"Kaha time milta hai. Hum jab ek saath ghar mein hote hai, ya toh tu so jaata hai ya mai. Baaki har Sunday toh aaram karne mein nikal jaata hai. Aur, mujhe koi guilt mein nahi daalna tha tujhe." She wiped her tears and looked at him with damp eyes. "Tu itna karta hai-"

"Kitni baar jataayegi? Aise nahi hota. Mai ye hum dono ke liye kar raha hoon. Nahi, TEENO ke liye kar raha hoon. Jatana bandh kar, shaadi mein ye sab nahi chalta." He pinched her nose and smiled at her.

"Ab, mai zara ye sab saaf kar doon?" Shiva pointed at the mess on the floor, as Raavi looked away guiltily.

....

Once he was sure he had sweeped up the last remains of shattered glass and the floor looked just like before, he kept the broom and dustpan in the kitchen, and entered the room, ready to sleep, when she wrapped her arms around his torso.

"I'm sorry, Shiva." Raavi mumbled against his back, as pulled her in front of him.

"I'm very sorry." She hugged him again, resting her head against his chest. "Mujhe woh sab nahi bolna chahiye tha. Mai gusse mein thi, aur pata nahi kya kya bakwaas bol diya. Maine toh ye bhi kaha ki tujhe meri zara si bhi parwah nahi hai." She looked up at him with pleading, guilty eyes, "Aisa bilkul nahi hai, mujhe aisa bilkul nahi lagta. Tu toh sabse zyaada parwah karta hai meri. Maine bohot hurt kiya na tujhe? Mujhe maaf karde, please!"

Shiva held her by her shoulders and pulled her away from him gently, "Jo hua, usse bhul jaa. Aur so jaa."

"But Shiva, I'm sacchi mein sorry. Aage se aisa bilkul nahi bolungi, mummy kasam." She pinched the skin on her neck between her thumb and index finger.

"Raavi-"

"Mujhe maaf kar de, please, please, I'm sorry na!" She pleaded, eyes getting watery.

"Par mai tujhse naraaz nahi hoon, Raavi."

"Nahi hai?" Raavi looked at him, confused. "Toh ho na mujhse gussa!"

"Idhar aa." He held her hand and laid down on the bed, pulling her next to him, such that her head rested on his arm, as he looked at her sideways.

"Mai gussa nahi hoon, kyuki mai teri baat samajhta hoon. Par mai bhi kya karu na? Chutti leke ghar pe nahi baith sakta. Ye India hai. Yaha paid maternity leave hi milna mushkil hai, toh paternity leave ki baat hi chod de." His thumb grazed her eyebrows. "Lekin tujhe nahi pata, mujhe kitna hurt hua, tere muh se ye sunne ko ki 'Shiva meri parwah nahi karta' " Shiva voice lowered, visibly expressing his hurt.

"I know. I know. I'm sorry." Raavi shook her head, and threw her arm around him, holding him as tight as she could, kissing his cheek to make up for everything.

"It's okay. It's okay."

They cuddled for a few minutes, before Raavi looked up from the crook of his neck. "Shiva."

"Hmm?"

"Mujhe pyaar kar na."

"Huh?"

"Pyaar kar na mujhe."

Shiva let his eyes roam over her face, she had the smallest mole near her nose and chin. Her cheeks flushed red, as if candy apples were placed on her cheeks.

"Roz hi karta hoon. Ab bhi kar raha hoon."

"Emotional wala nahi. Physical wala."

He raised his eyebrows, as her doe-like hazel eyes looked at him so innocently, he would have melted had he not heard her request.

"Physical wala? Tujhe biology nahi aati kya? Ye jo chota bandar hai na," Shiva pointed at her stomach, "mujhe kuch karne hi nahi dega."

"Tune humare bacche ko bandar bulaya?"

"Ab bandar ki maa bandariya, toh baccha bhi bandar hi hoga na."

"Par mai toh chipkali hoon."

"Bandar ki biwi bandariya hogi."

"Chipkali hoon."

"Toh?"

"Bandar ki maa chipkali hai, bandar ka papa bandar hai, matlab bandar ka beta bandar."

"Par bandar aur chipkali kaise-"

"Woh tu jaane."

"Animal kingdom mein locha karna hai iss chipkali ko."

Raavi chuckled at his statement, kissing his cheek one last time before snuggling close to him.

Shiva peppered her face with soft kisses until she was snoring away in his arms.