At first, you felt everything.

Pain.

The slow pinch of a silver-lined prick, left by one poor, hazy, last minute decision you were supposed to regret.

The tight, rigid grip in which your stomach was held, clenching and relaxing at the worst of times. The aftermath of your "regret."

The steel-toed kick to deadened, gray senses, signaling life to cycle once again,  leaving your "regret" nothing but a cloudy memory.

And of course, the sharp, thick pounding that snaked its way around your throat and temples, pulsing against papery skin, constricting hectic thoughts and wheezing breaths. A consequence you did nothing but deserve.

You felt it all, every last inch of blinding pain,

But the pleasure. The pure, unsoiled, kiss of pleasure that would hit your ashen skin, washing you in waves of warm, tender joy, sinking down inside coiled muscles, melting into a much needed escape.

The unsolicited happiness it brought you, a ray of gold that would dance around a freckled face, eyes trailing along as a smile tugged at numb lips.

The unbothered ignorance it folded into you, your mind swept away by whispered promised and tantalizing touches. The same, silver-lined touch that had just brought you so much

Pain.

You remember it.

The late nights, sky void of stars, your pupils as dark as the world, quickly growing to become just as large. The early mornings, unusually quiet, lacking life, much like you, too far gone to hold even the smallest spark.

The only spark you could ever muster was on the inside, locked in a dense, clouded room you were only able to reach when your body was limp and your face was soft, any trace of personality wiped clean by the solid turned fluid that often ran marathons in your bloodstream.

That spark was what made you feel everything.

The room it hid behind pick-locked by that lovely fluid, releasing your tainted, desperate glimmer, traveling straight to your eyes, projecting beautiful ripples of bright, illuminating color, mixed together with the real world, the one outside your radiant, blazing brain.