Summary:

He wants to run, far and far away. His heart wants to stay; now, everyday.

Chapter Text

If you give Seungri a million dollar now, he will go to the nearest airport and book a flight to Africa. If you give him hundred million dollar, he will get himself an Apollo to take him to Mars. Heck, even if you give Seungri a burnt sandwich right now, he will still use it as an excuse to fly himself somewhere.

Somewhere without Kwon Jiyong, who is now sitting in front of him, wearing the same humble smile Seungri had seen enough of for almost his entire life.

"What do you think about it, VI-san?"

Seungri blinks his eyes, as clueless as ever at the sudden question. Only now he realizes that they're talking. Well, what else actually people supposed to do in a meeting?

"Ah well," he tries his best not to stutter and his manager rolls his eyes at the charming smile he attempts to break on his face. "It's G-Dragon anyway, so everything, anything, will be great."

To his relief, the producer smiles at his ridiculous answer. The staffs must think it's funny too because they laugh and Seungri wears his proud grin once again.

"Right, it's G-Dragon," someone says that and everyone hums and nods in acknowledgement.

"Seungri always says that," Jiyong shakes his head, but him too, also smiling. "I'm not that good, Seungri-ya."

Seungri's throat burnt from the way his stage name still rolls perfectly from Jiyong's lips, from the fact Jiyong said that in Korean instead of Japanese, from the way Jiyong's eyes stare at him, from the way he said 'always' like Seungri always said that, even though for the past four years, they barely talked to each other.

***

Seungri isn't a big fan of coffee. It's just too bitter for his liking. Seunghyun often teased him that Seungri should be able to handle the bitterness because life wouldn't be as sweet as he wanted it to be. Seungri laughed at his statement, but later then he thought that it's true though. Life wouldn't be that sweet and Seungri should try harder to like coffee.

"No juice?" Jiyong's eyes find his and Seungri freezes for a moment. He still has that power with him, the power to look at Seungri and make him feel like he is good, great enough, or even worse, the only one. "I don't know you like coffee now."

"You don't know anything about me," maybe, Seungri wants to hurt him.

"I don't. I wish I do, though."

"Their juice isn't good either," perhaps, Seungri doesn't –can't –hurt him.

Jiyong nods. "I see you're doing well," his expression brightens as if he's proud of him, of what Seungri had done. As if it was one of that Gatsby party Seungri had and Jiyong was invited in it; in Seungri's life.

"I am," Seungri says quietly because it's not only them two. It's just as he promised, coffee and waffles treat for the staffs. They aren't talking about secrets, Jiyong isn't talking about secrets, but Seungri feels like it is. "I'm fine."

He's used to keep many things as secrets. He's used to keep Jiyong as a secret.

"I'm going to see Daesung after this, do you want to go with me?"

"I can't, I have an appointment at eight," Seungri glances sideways and feels relieved because his manager is too busy to notice his lie.

Jiyong doesn't say anything although he knows it's only twelve and if Seungri has an urge to ask why Jiyong is here right now, why nobody told him that Jiyong would be there, he doesn't say anything either.

***

"Are you mad at Jiyong-hyung or me?"

Seungri laughs at the whiny tone Daesung put in his voice. "Neither of you actually."

"Then why didn't you come along?"

"I have appointment at eight."

He made appointment at eight, with loneliness and half bottle of wine.

"Sure," out of all people, Daesung is always the hardest to lie to. "Make sure you eat something."

"Awww, are you my girlfriend now?"

"Yes, I'm your girlfriend now, oppa~~" Daesung uses his high pitched voice and it never fails to crack Seungri up. "Cause I am your girlfriend, I'm your one and only~~"

"Nah, thanks, Seunghyun hyung will kill me."

"Ah, let's just don't tell him," the older man laughs. "He is still a big whiny hyung."

"Agreed, he fits your secret fetish of being babysitter."

"Excuse you, I don't have it."

"Uh-huh, sure."

"My ideal type is Jiyong-hyung, I told you. I've told the world."

Seungri smiles. "Okay, girlfriend."

Daesung doesn't say anything for good minutes but when he does, Seungri wishes he didn't.

"But Jiyong-hyung's ideal type is you."

"Funny," Seungri pinches the bridge of his nose and starts making mental notes of things he should buy. He's running out of eggs, butter, toothpaste, aftershave, beers, and definitely cans of beers. Probably he should ask Seunghyun for wine recommendation soon. Very soon.

"I think so too," Daesung speaks again but this time, he makes clear that he wants Seungri's attention. "That's funny that you're Jiyong-hyung's –"

"–I was," Seungri cuts him off. He's not sure of how many things he can handle. Or that he will ever be able to handle it. It's still a struggle for him to wake up everyday and think that he's alone. "Probably not even was."

"I told him that you're mad," his hyung sighs. Seungri is glad that mad was the word, not sad. "I told him that he deserves that."

"He listens to you. Jiyong-hyung listens to you."

"Not really when it's about you. Jiyong-hyung often thinks that he knows everything about you."

"He doesn't," Seungri feels stupid because he used to think that he knew everything about Jiyong too. "He doesn't know me."

***

Seungri can't forget one night in early 2017. He was practicing some Chinese words when Jiyong barged in to his room, eyebrows knitted together and Seungri swore that there's steam coming out of him.

"Hyung?" he flipped his book closed and Jiyong marched toward him. "What's wrong?"

It didn't hurt when Jiyong pulled him up until they stood face to face, barely ten centimeters away from each other's face.

"Why did you say that?"

Jiyong seemed like he was torn between anger and sadness, Seungri didn't know what to do about that.

"Say what?"

"That you're not good. No good. You're just –additional fucking something?"

Seungri could think of thousand reasons to turn this into comedy, into lame Osaka gagman joke his members often teased him about, but Jiyong was fumed and his eyes weren't sparkling, so Seungri told him the only honest answer he had.

"Because I am not. I can't do things like the others, I can't –I can't even dance."

If it sounded ridiculous, Jiyong didn't laugh. He pulled Seungri instead, in a big bear hug and Seungri snuggled to his protection almost immediately when he received it. It's been years since the last time they cried together so maybe it's okay to savor a moment of closeness when time spared them some.

"I need you, as Seungri, as Lee Seunghyun, as you. You're great for me, for us. I will never let you go."

Seungri clutched onto the words harder than he wanted. "Never?"

"Never."

Even after he found out that it was a lie, Seungri still remembered that night.

***