These are too fun

--

DAZZLE: So what color are the walls of your room?

RODGER: My walls are white I think.

OOFITY: They’re lying, I’ve been to their room, it’s pale yellow.

RODGER: No, it’s white. It just looks yellow because of the ceiling light.

OOFITY: Your wall looks like someone rubbed butter on them.

WATARU: Your walls look like someone threw dandelions at them.

ROSADO: Your walls look like someone put post-it notes on them for 3 hours.

ROBERT: Your walls look like you bought a can of yellow paint, and instead of opening it, you just sat there thinking about the possibilities.

OOFITY: The color of your walls is the La Croix of yellow.

--

KID RITZ: Many people are mildly dehydrated and don’t realize it. You should drink at least six glasses of water per day.

ALONZO: No, eight glasses!

TOTES: I heard ten.

SCRAPS: You need to drink at least five glasses of water per minute.

*later…*

SUCTION CUP MAN: Okay, I just read through every study I could find to try to figure out whether low-grade dehydration is even a real thing.

KID RITZ: What did you learn?

SUCTION CUP MAN: If you spend all day doing research and forget to eat or drink, you start to feel pretty bad.

ALONZO: I’ll get some water.

SUCTION CUP MAN: But how many glas–whoa, feeling dizzy.

WATARU: Maybe you should just drink straight from the tap.

--

RAZZLE : Oh, to be a bored heir to the throne who keeps rejecting marriage proposals due to being secretly in love with the cute gardener.

ROSADO: Oh, to be a cute gardener who secretly places roses in the heir’s room because they are in love with them.

STEVEN: Oh, to be the palace guard who discreetly helps to boost the cute gardener up the wall for their secret deliveries in the middle of the night.

RODGER: Oh, to be the heir’s best friend witnessing the two fools dance around each other while knowing damn well that the two like each other.

SCRAPS: Oh, to be the noble suitor from another royal family who comes to know of their love instantly and plans an entire plan to get them their happy ending.

TOTES: Oh, to be a medieval peasant who knows nothing about the heir’s personal life and who dies of dysentery at age 23.

( ... is this razzado *dies immediately* )

--

RAZZLE : Time for plan G.

TARANZA: Don’t you mean plan B?

RAZZLE : No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

CLOOWNIE: What about plan D?

RAZZLE : Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

KID RITZ: What about plan E?

RAZZLE : I’m hoping not to use it. RODGER dies in plan E.

OOFITY: I like plan E!

--

*The Cast™ is playing Minecraft together*

DAZZLE: Ooh, a village! You know what that means!

ALONZO: Hostile takeover?

SUCTION CUP MAN: Genocide?

OOFITY: Steal everything!

DAZZLE: No, I meant-

CLOOWNIE: I didn’t know we would fight the ender dragon this early! A village worth of beds isn’t enough!

TOTES: WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING?!?!

DAZZLE: …I was going to say move into the village and become the mayors…

CLOOWNIE: Ohhhh! That sounds like a better idea.

TOTES: Agreed.

--

OOFITY: Hey TARANZA, can you give me the opposite of these words?

OOFITY: Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.

TARANZA: Never, Going, To, Give, You-

TARANZA: The fucking satisfaction.

--

RAZZLE : What starts with F and ends with Uck?

SHIRO: No it doesn't.

KID RITZ: Firetruck!

CLOOWNIE: FUCK!

--

RAZZLE : A decision had to be made.

TOTES: And you fucked it up!

--

YUAMU: You’re charged with…..breaking into a pet store?

KINGER: I thought the animals might be lonely.

--

OOFITY: Just so everyone knows, don't ever try to climb a tree at night carrying a strobe light, owls DON'T like it.

NULL: ...what happened?

OOFITY: I made a VERY bad mistake.

--

*ROSADO is cleaning the house and they find an empty bottle of orange juice*

ROSADO: Clear orange juice?

ROSADO: Oh, it's empty.

OOFITY, who has been watching the entire time: I live with an idiot. I live with an idiot. I live with an idiot.

--

ROBERT: TOTES, what is the ONE thing I asked you NOT to do tonight?

TOTES: Raise the dead.

ROBERT: And what did you do?

TOTES: Raise the dead.

--

YUAMU: I’m telling you, my team is competent.

STEVEN, rushing in: YUAMU! ROBERT tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

--

OOFITY: You need a hobby.

RAZZLE : I have a hobby!

OOFITY: Hitting TARANZA isn't a hobby

--

CLOOWNIE: Y'know, I once knew a man who said to me: “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” He also had a pair of sideburns that would cause even Jude Law’s face to weep in forfeit. You put those lemons in a sack and beat your enemies with ‘em! And maybe if you beat ‘em hard enough the bag will split open and lemon juice will spray into their eyes, causing intense burning pains as you crush them into a citrus-y pulp!

ALONZO: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Their heads or the lemons?

CLOOWNIE: Whatever caves first!

--

*SUCTION CUP MAN gets a phone call*
SUCTION CUP MAN: Hello?

ALONZO: Hi, is STEVEN there? I need to talk to them.

SUCTION CUP MAN: No, STEVEN is dead.

STEVEN, very much alive next to SUCTION CUP MAN: SUCTION CUP MAN WHAT THE FUCK

--

SCRAPS: Hey RODGER, check out this funny .GIF I found!

RODGER: It’s pronounced “jif”.

SCRAPS: Huh?

RODGER: “Dot jif”, like the peanut butter. The creator said so.

SCRAPS: That’s dumb, it’s Graphics Interchange Format.

RODGER: The P in .JPEG stands for “photographic”, but I bet you don’t say “J-pheg”.

SCRAPS: “P” on its own isn’t pronounced like “F”, that’s totally different!

RODGER: It’s exactly the same!

SCRAPS: Name one word that starts with “G” pronounced like “J”.

RODGER: Gentrification.

SCRAPS: Shoot, should have thought of that. I was just in San Francisco.

RODGER: For your logic to be consistent, you’d have to say “skuh-bah” (scuba) or “lah-seer” (laser)!

SCRAPS: Yeah? Well, you’d have to say “J-pej”!

SCRAPS: …Wait, “laser” is an acronym?

RODGER: Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation.

SCRAPS: Huh. Didn’t know that.

SCRAPS: You’re still wrong, though.

RODGER: You just hate me because I’m right.

SCRAPS: I just hate you in general.

RODGER: You mean in “geh-neral”?

SCRAPS: Ugh, I’m “joing” to kill you!

--

OOFITY: Can we go to a haunted house?

SUCTION CUP MAN: What’s wrong with the one we live in?

OOFITY: Wh-what?

SUCTION CUP MAN: Goodnight, OOFITY.