a/n: so basically i saw that this book was updated a year ago and i was like oh..shit..
omg the previous chapter wtf am i doing🤢
this book needs some fixing up — all of them do, so sorry that it's bad !

"I should go." changbin announces in a firm tone to felix, the younger only tilts his head. the twinkle in his eyes suddenly vanished as they returned to the lifeless stare thatt felix once had before. "I...I'll be back some other time."

"say it back," felix says before changbin can take his leave, the boy grips onto the ravenette's wrist and holds him tightly. changbin felt as if his circulation was going to be cut off, so his face muscles lift from the agonizing touch. "say it back changbin!"

"I...I don't love you felix, in that way. felix, you don't love me, you're—"

"of course I do! what makes you think I don't!"

changbin tugs away from his hold, gently massaging the area that was furiously red. "you're using me in order to forget jisung, don't you understand that?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," as the boy suddenly denies his words. though, they were correct. the thoughts in his mind only pushed reality away as felix needed changbin's company to keep him stable, that's what they told him. as changbin believed felix was taking baby steps to finally speak out about the previous events, he snapped and created something else. "just leave, you're pissing me off now."

"felix, come on—"

"just go!"

and just like that, changbin had left. he shut the door, gliding two fingers across his lips as a kiss or two was stolen from him. he shakes the idea off, the yearn for pressing lips onto another should be kept for someone special he reminds. he walks off to his father's office as he wanted to report the situation as quickly as possible. that was until he met eyes with jeongin down the next hall, the boy roaming freely with a little smile plastered over his face. "oh, changbin!" the ravenette tilts his head, letting out a giggle as he found someone to play with. "did you just leave felix's room? such a shame I can't see him."

"you won't be seeing him, ever."

jeongin raises a brow, circling around the boy as he observed his body language. changbin was obviously tense, he did his best to not display it but with his clenching fist and stiff upper body — he gave himself away. "someone's cranky, did lixie give you a hard time?"

"that's none of your concern," changbin begins to walk but jeongin was quick to block his way. he spread his arms out horizontally to ensure he can't get his way around. "jeongin, please I need to see my father."

"oh mr. seo! can you tell him I said hi then?" the taller requests, changbin nods his head as he believed that's all it would take for him to pass. "binnie, why can't you supervise me throughout the day? why did you get paired up with felix?"

"jeongin, please just let me—"

"what's so wrong with a few questions?" jeongin quickly shuts him down, raising a brow as he stared into his soul that was slightly fearing the older, "come on. if you answer i'll let you go."

"why are you out of your room?"

"I was let out, I told them I wanted to walk."

changbin lets out a scoff, "I bet you're charming the staff members with that fake pureness of yours."

"mhm, you're so smart and know me so well." jeongin praises, which leads to the older shivering from his words. "do you like felix? I won't give you a hard time."

"felix..." he starts off softly, changbin's thoughts begin to drift off back to the situation he was in, "no... it's not that." he tried to be firm with his lie, knowing that jeongin was able to detect anything. "I'll be going." the ravenette ducks underneath jeongin's arms and takes this chance to run towards his father's office. jeongin, who doesn't try to go after him lets out a groan as changbin was no fun.

"silly boy, he's probably more dangerous than me.." jeongin laughs, walking back down the hall he came from to go about his day.

once changbin entered his father's office, mr. seo looks up as he was welcomed with a loud slam. "changbin, what's wrong?"

"it's felix...I don't think I'm making a good impact on him."

"why do you think that?" as his father questions him with full concern, changbin didn't want to explain the situation that occurred only minutes ago. merely because he would have gotten in big trouble.

"I just think he's trying to use me as a way to forget jisung. he isn't properly grasping onto the fact that he's passed. sure, he knows that he's dead but that doesn't mean he's fully accepted it." changbin shortly explains, mr. seo's lips shortly part as he understands the sudden events. "I want to help him, I really do but, I'm sure felix was in love with jisung so he'll only get himself confused. right now, I'm being used as a substitution. it isn't right!"

"okay, I understand changbin." mr. seo stops him there, the older man then searches for felix's file and sighs, opening it up. "if you don't want to visit felix for the time being, that's fine. I won't call you in."

changbin lets out a sigh, "I'm just worried. I know he's a good kid deep down inside, it's just...he needs some help comprehending that jisung wouldn't want him doing these things...."

his father gives him a firm nod, "I know you are. but, if you're afraid that your presence is interfering with felix's well-being. do you want to stop seeing him?"

changbin's eyes widen, "um..well..."

"you don't need to tell me now," he shortly tells, "just give me a response once you're solid with your answer."

"okay..."

after that, their meeting ended and changbin left his office. down the hall, felix's room stood perfectly with a broken individual inside. he wished for a better solution, but, with the three words felix had admitted only so long ago were not true.

felix didn't love changbin, he loved the idea of him being there with him.