THIS BOOK IS NOT ROMANTICISING DRUGS OR ADDICTION.

-LINA'S POV-

As Arianna and Rhiannon chug their shots, I take a sneak peak at the area around me, making sure no eyes are on mine. I quickly swallow a pill; sadly it's my last one for a while as Patrick is being pissy about the mishap from this morning, like it's my fault.

I take another sip from my oasis, fiddling with the hairband on my wrist.

Anger.

I feel this at not only myself, but Sin too.

I slept with him. It happened so fast, one minute we were arguing and the next...

Then he has the audacity to tell me my skirts too short! After years of degrading comments, I finally pluck the confidence to wear a revealing outfit, and he remarks like that. Not 'you look so sexy' or 'wow, you look hot', no not that at all.

I tug at the ends of my skirt. Do all the people in this room equally think I'm a slut?

Am I a slut?

Sin always bickers with me, pointless bickering yet he gives me slight attention and I spread my legs like that. God, maybe my sperm donor was right- I am one hundred percent a slut.

"Cat, are you okay?" Rhiannon asks, tapping me on the shoulder, her voice squeaky.

I shake my head at her. "Rhiannon, you twat, you've been drinking?"

I realise that I watched her chug the shots, but my brain just didn't process this information. I hand her a glass of water that I haven't touched.

She downs the water, a guilty look on her face. Arianna has another shot, unbothered by the situation she put our friend in.

"My baby will be okay, right? I don't know how this works. Oh my god. What if I've killed it?" Rhiannon rambles, but in the nicest way possible I really couldn't care.

I want her to stop- she's talking too much. The constant chatter, blablabla, it's hurting my head.

Or is it her hurting my head? The sudden, intense migraine filling my mind tells me otherwise: the pills have kicked in.

My teeth chatter and my eyes roll as I choose to engage in my friends new conversation about babies. Luckily, Rhiannon only had one shot, so my niece or nephew is going to be okay.

An orange circle dances above their heads, causing me to giggle as it skips across Arianna's nose.

"Cat, what have you taken?" Arianna asks me, looking genuinely concerned despite her lack of sobriety.

I shrug with a giggle. "Ecstasssy. You know, the yummy scrummy one. It's um, um, um," my hand hits my head violently as I search my brain, in an attempt to remember the word, "it's stronger! Yes. Stronger, that's the word."

Rhiannon pulls my phone out my pocket and taps in a number with her pink acrylic nails. They're so sharp, she looks like a cat on crack.

"Cat on Crack. Except, I'm not on crack!" I let out a long giggle as Rhiannon speaks to whoever is on the end of the phone.

Arianna hands me my oasis and I sip it delicately, despite my sudden extreme thirstiness.

"This is niceeeeeee." I tell her and she nods, her arm around my neck.

My neck. My neck feels hot. Why does my neck feel hot?

I stand up, the world around me blurry, the smurf in the corner of the room laughing at me, mocking me.

Then I walk outside, away from the scary hallucinations I'm seeing in the pub. I don't get why this pill is affecting me so much, when it's practically part of my daily routine now, but oh well.

Rhiannon and Arianna don't follow me outside, which surprises me.

I sit on the floor of the car park and smile, remembering my day with Sin when we went to his pub and go ape. He's sweet, he is.

Sin.

I clap my hands together as I grab my phone out my pocket (Rhiannon returned it) and press Sin's number.

Lina: Sin! Heyyy, Sin.
Sin: Little red? Are you okay?
Lina: What do you mean am I okay? Do I not look okay? Do I not sound okay? I'm okay! Are you okay?
Sin: Jesus christ, Lina, what have you taken?
Lina: Es-Es-Estasy. No, not estasy, that's not a word.

I giggle at my stupidity, and the fact my words sound so strange. I'm squeaking, like that mouse from Tom and Jerry. Hm, what's it's name....

Sin: I'm nearly here, okay? Have you got any water?

I look around to see if there's any water near me. A puddle, but part of me knows that that's not what he meant.

Lina: No. I have oassssssis. Oasis? Yes, oasis.
Sin: Okay, can you drink that for me, little red?
Lina: Yes, I can do that.

I undo the lid to my oasis and continue to drink it, although there isn't much left.

Sin: Okay, can you see me, Lina? I'm by the entrance to the carpark.
Lina: How did you know where I-I was?
Sin: A little birdie told me.

I skip over to him, a huge smile on my face. I wrap my arms round his neck and embrace him in a hug, causing him to smile to.

He puts an arm around my waist. "Let's get you home, silly."

"Home." I repeat the word with a yawn, it's not a word I say often and it rolls off my tongue easier than it should.

When we arrive back at the apartment, I've sobered up slightly and am mortified by the way I acted. Sin lets the girls know I'm back at the apartment (well, room) whilst I lean over the toilet.

"I'll hold your hair back, but you need to let yourself be sick, okay?" Sin tells me as he strokes the little hairs back, whilst holding the high ponytail.

I shake my head, disagreeing. "Get out, Sin. No way am I being sick around you."

But my body denies me as I am sick, not once, not twice but three times.

Sin lets go of my hair and re-emerges with a bottle of water, which I want to down but he tells me only to take 'constant and light sips.'

After my drink, I change into my onesie and lay on my bed, opening up my laptop.

"Can I join you?" Sin asks, crawling onto my bed.

I glare at him.

"Not like that, you freak, I meant we could watch some of the 100. Or a movie? I don't know."

I want to say no, but I think about how nice he's treated me today, apart from that misogynistic skirt comment. I let out a sigh, then nod, shuffling up so he has a tiny bit more space.

I load up the 100, we're now on season 3 and I want to personally choke the main antagonist of this season, but sadly that's not possible.

"I don't ship Clexa. I don't know, they just don't seem to have much chemistry." Sin comments, and I nod my head in agreement.

"Yessss. It's too rushed, Bellarke however should've been endgame."

He nods and smiles at me, his eyes examining my face. I look at his dirty blonde/brown hair, then my pupils fixate onto his lips.

I lean forward, kissing him. He responds with a passionate twist, his tongue darting and dancing urgently.

Then he pulls back.

"No. We aren't doing this, your still high and I know you already regret last time, I don't want you to regret it again. I want you to want me, Lina, actually want me."

I nod, already feeling ashamed, then rest my head on his shoulder for the rest of the series.

He dozes off at some point, his arm left round my waist, my head still on his shoulder.

I sigh and shut the laptop lid down. This is the second time he's fallen asleep beside me, and once again I feel guilty because he looks so peaceful.

Normally, I wouldn't let somebody this physically close to me (apart from sex, which sometimes I'm still nervous about) as I feel like moments like this contain emotion.

Emotion is my biggest fear.

No attachments, no feelings. That's my motto, a motto I've sworn by for years (an exception being Rhiannon) as since my madre died thats been the safest way to go.

Yet, looking at Sin, I can't deny that something is there.

Something.

Something is dangerous. It could be nothing, or could cause you to loose everything.

I let out a yawn, I'm exhausted but my thoughts are keeping me awake.

Letting my eyelids close, I let the dangers of the something run loose in my mind, overpowering my dreams and nightmares.

~~~~~~~

Lina is starting to admit her feelings, slowly!

What did you think of this chapter?

I think the way Sin helped Lina is so cute. She needs help, my baby really does.

Till next time,

anonymous a <3 xoxo