Song for this chapter:

Fix you

-Coldplay

Ashton

Sleep didn't come to me and it was after 5 am now. I watched her sleep the whole night as I sat on the bed, stroking her hair, pulling those beautiful locks and wrapping them around my finger. She wasn't at peace. I could tell that pretty well by the way her chest rose and fell in unease and how she kept turning from side to side. 

"How could you do that to her? You loved her. You loved me. Didn't you?" She whimpered in anger, clenching her fist. 

What the hell?

Nightmares?

What... the actual fuck was happening?

Loved her? Loved me? Who was she was she even talking about?

Who the fuck messed her up?

The curiosity kept growing inside me like some kind of hunger. I kept drawing connections, joining all dots but no solid conclusion came up.

We were inside a never ending maze, trying so hard to escape.

I needed to know everything like it was the end of the world. I knew something bad... something horrible.. something heart-wrenching was coming soon but I was ready for it. She even woke up in the middle of the night and started searching for something on the bed, running her hands on the sheet. 

I gave her my hand which she held close to her heart and immediately went back to sleep.

"Don't leave me, Ashton. Please," she murmured like a little baby kitten. 

"I don't want to. I won't let you go," I responded back to my girl. Knowing she felt safe with me was literally the best feeling ever. It made me want to keep smiling all my life. The man in me felt alive with Hope. Despite all that, her complicated and dark life kept bothering me. 

Feeling thirsty, I went downstairs to fetch myself a glass of water and the images of Jane almost shattering down in front of me came back. My mood darkened and I scrolled through my phone, looking at candid pictures of Hope. She was extremely happy with me in those pictures and her face was bright just like all the colors in the snaps. I really wished she wasn't keeping a false appearance. I repeated everything in my mind; from the first time she cried in my arms to the time she told me she lost that melodious voice once in her life.

I was pacing back and forth, my heart feeling all the pain almost as if being sucker punched.

"NO..NO. NOOOOOOOOO... Don't," I heard Jane scream so loud, it could have woken up the neighbors if we had any. 

Dropping the glass, I ran to her as fast as I could. My heart and soul nearly dropped as I heard a thud, almost as if she fell off the bed. I was so worried she had collapsed or hit her head because her screams stopped right after that. 

"I am coming, Hope! I am still here!" I roared back to her. 

Yep, she was definitely having night terrors. 

"No.. Don't burn her plea..please.. she's my mommy, don't burn my mommy.. I don't wanna be alone," She begged.

WHAT???

"NOOOOOOOOO!! You bastard..don't touch her!"

Another scream came, the vibration and intensity of that noise was so much that a normal person would straight away go deaf if anywhere close to her.

Almost tripping, I kneeled down in front of Jane who was now sitting on the floor weeping, her shoulders were slumped as she looked down. I could hear soft sobs, whimpers and what not.

There was just too much pain in the room.

"Go away, Ashton. You can't see me like this," she peered at me for a second and looked back at her feet again. Her eyes were flooding with tears and her hair was sticking all over her face, covering it completely.

She was trembling. 

I froze with fear.

I wanted to cry with her.

I wanted to cry for her.

"Jane, please. Let me? This is killing me," I said, grabbing her by her wrists and slowly pulling her into my arms. My eyes were watery but I wasn't going to give up Hope.

She screamed again. It was louder than the last two times and she pushed me away with all the force she contained. 

She was becoming uncontrollable.

So lost.

"I couldn't save my mother! JUST ANSWER ME. WHY? Why am I so hopeless?"

Another scream came out of her. It was so frustrating that even the walls echoed back the noise, reflecting on her pain and suffering.

"He burned her alive again and I couldn't do anything about it. Someone, please put out the fire.. my mommy is in there.." 

Her whole body was quivering.

"What? Baby girl, I am here with you. It is okay, it is all okay. There's no fire here. Just you and me. Just us, " I assured her, trying so hard to cope up as I walked towards her again. 

"I loved him... he was my hero.. the only man in my life..daddy, you said you would always protect me but you killed mommy," she cried like a little broken hearted girl. The moment she spoke those words, I realized I was doing it all wrong. Jane wasn't talking to me. She was still dreaming about something horrendous. 

Was that what actually happened to her or was it just a random dream?

I really hoped that the latter thought was true. 

I quickly seized her shoulders and lifted her off the ground with one swift move. At first, it was hard to keep her in place because she was trying so hard to get out of my hold. 

"Shush. I will fix you," I spoke against her hair and shoved her straight into the shower. I helped her stand back on her feet, holding her tightly against my body. I didn't care if my grip on her was too tight, I couldn't let her run away right now. I turned on the shower and the cold water almost took my life away. Jane gasped and took a sharp breath, her pupils flaring open. She was no longer trying to thrust me away, instead, she was a lot calmer and a little too embarrassed. Hope was back. She was finally in control now.

Seeing her reaction, I turned on the other faucet. The warm water flowed through our soaked clothes and we relaxed against each other. Hope was not looking at me. Her eyes were stuck on the ground and I knew she was feeling weak and vulnerable. I cupped her cheeks between both of my hands and lifted her face towards mine. We looked at each other in other in pure silence, not knowing what to say.

"Don't I scare you?" She whispered, breaking the silence as her breath touched my lips.

"I am still here. This means you don't scare me one bit. I am only scared of losing you."

"I was dreaming Ashton. Not really, though. I mean I went through all of that shit and I just can't stop reliving it. It is like I can't let go of my past which keeps haunting me." Her voice was extremely hoarse. 

My arms went around her waist and I hugged her for a few seconds before pulling back and removing the mascara stains from under her eyes. I slowly peeled off her soaking wet blue t-shirt off. Next, I massaged her shoulders and kissed her collar bones as the smooth skin made my heart throb like crazy.

"Let me take away your pain." My eyes met her's again, afraid I would miss something if I looked away. Worshiping her beautiful curves, I bent down on my knees and undid her PJs. She jumped for a second then threaded a hand into my hair, gazing at me with desire and love as her cheeks flushed.

"I can't stop calling you beautiful, Hope," I spoke against her skin as I ran my fingers over her silky thighs, caressing them and kissing her stomach all the way up, not leaving any part untouched. She was so responsive, shuddering against each touch.

Cradling her waist, I got up on my feet again. Slipping out of my clothes, I squirted out the shampoo in the palm of my hands and lathered it into her hair. As she moaned, the noise pushed me straight towards ecstasy.

"Feeling better?" I smiled at her as she nodded, keeping her seductive eyes shut.

When the water washed away the soap, Hope slipped her arms around me and rested her head against my chest. She was listening to my heartbeat and I swallowed the lump in my throat, inhaling her scent.

Fuck.

 I loved her. I fucking loved her. I was so damn sure. I wanted to scream it to her. To tell her she was loved by me. I loved my Hope. My fragile little girl.

"My dad killed my mother," she spoke under her breath and my grip on her tightened. My heart was feeling all sorts of things. From love to rage and anger.

How could anyone do that?

He ruined Jane. He ruined my Hope.

"Hope, I-"

"Shush, listen to me. I need you to listen to me," she trembled, looking at me. There was an unusual fear inside those eyes.

I nodded obediently, kissing her forehead. Her eyes were red now. She was crying again.

"I was six. My parents were perfect," she laughed in a sad tone," at least I thought they were. Then what would a little girl know about her parents?"

"Don't stop. It helps me focus and don't look at me till I complete my story," she toyed with my hands, bringing them back to her hair and making me rub the conditioner into them.

"I was sleeping, you know? The fire.. yes..the fire.. it was all dark and the smoke was everywhere. They tucked me into bed the night earlier and they made me believe in magic. Urghhhh! Can you imagine?" She started shaking again and stomped her feet into the ground, digging her fingernails into my skin. I didn't stop her even though it hurt me so bad, I thought I would bleed.

"I woke up coughing, Ashton.. then I went towards the basement, calling out to my parents and guess what?" She stopped, throwing her head back in so much anger, it almost banged against the wall behind it. 

The entire time, I was trying so fucking hard not to shiver. I was fucking scared and I knew it would break her if I didn't provide her with comfort and security. My girl had to bear all the pain alone. Now that she had me, I was not letting her away from me. 

"She was so pure, she was wearing a white gown. That bastard had her tied to a chair. She was crying..begging him to leave her.. but he wouldn't listen. Was she this useless? I can still hear her voice. I was so scared, so scared, Ashton," she cried in rage, her laboured breaths hitting me, pulling me closer to her.

"I have been dead since then. I was never loved. I stopped myself from feeling anything. You are the only person who makes me feel alive," 

"I am so sorry, Hope. You don't deserve to feel the way you do. I'm so fucking sorry you had to go through all that. I had no idea, baby. But I promise you, I will put back those broken bits and I will make you whole, Jane. This is the last time that son of a bitch is making you cry. When we leave from here, I want you to smile and keep bringing me back to life like you alway do. You are too precious for me and I will fucking ruin the world if it tries to put a frown on your face." I promised, looking deep into her bright red eyes. What happened next happened totally out of my control. I was crying for her. Tears were streaming down my eyes too. I couldn't contain the pain she was holding inside for so long.

I lowered my head to her's and she rubbed my back as we stood there, holding each other till the deep seated pain washed down the drain.

Today I felt Jane's pain and it made me feel absolutely worst than I ever had.

***

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