Repression

It is the exclusion of distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings from the conscious mind. Often involving aggressive urges or painful childhood memories, these unwanted mental contents are pushed into the unconscious mind.

Repression is thought to give rise to anxiety and to neurotic symptoms, which begin when a forbidden drive or impulse threatens to enter the conscious mind.

Sometimes these repressed thoughts and memories come back through a triggering event. It can come back as a dream or a hallucination.

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Flashback (Jane)

It has been forty-five days ever since monster daddy set mommy and my perfect little dollhouse on fire. I even stopped looking at the calendar because time did not matter anymore; I didn't care about which year I was in or what was the date today. My life changed from the moment my daddy laid hands on mommy and threw his entire matchbox at her.

Bringing the stool towards the sink, I stood in front of the mirror and plucked out a hair out of my head. I hissed, closing my eyes. It hurt so much, my hair was thick and it would take three to four attempts to get it out. I plucked out a long hair every single day to remind myself of how long it had been since that particular moment. I had collected forty-five already and wrapped the shiny, golden strands around the hair-sticks I stole from my mommy's dresser on my way out.

"Yeah, she is asleep right now," I heard the familiar voice of my Aunt and the footsteps approaching upstairs towards my room.

"I am so sorry for your loss. You both must be too close and poor Jane must be traumatised," the manly voice replied. I quickly hid the hair-sticks under my pillow and got in bed. I liked pretending to be asleep, saved me from a lot of trouble.

I couldn't speak anymore, the doctor standing in the white coat said I had lost my voice because I was going through the aftershocks of a very horrendous incident. He kept sighing every two seconds later. According to his expert diagnosis, I was a speech loss patient but he also reassured my Aunt that I would soon be okay with proper therapy. Little did the doc know, I screamed all the time. My voice might not be loud but it was loud enough to make me sore on the inside.

"A common symptom that often comes without warning is the numbness or the tingling sensation, in the face. This could be relatively minor - likened to pins and needles, or more severe loss of feeling. Weakness could also occur at the same time. Her voice will come back but I cannot tell you when or how long it could take." My eyes were shut but I kept squinting them to see their face. His name was Dr Vessels. Whenever I heard his name I would see small red creatures with tentacles crawling in my mind. Gory name.

They woke me up after a few seconds of grieving over my mother's death. Dr.Vessels examined me completely, inserting a weird, cold, steely thing in my mouth while his other hand held a pen with the torch on the different end. The doctor wrote something on his notepad, smiled sympathetically at Aunt Maggie and left off.

A few minutes later, I lifted the covers of my powerless blanket and closed my eyes. The phone in the living room downstairs rang, making me cringe as it woke me up from my sleep. I was too tired of staying up, Vessels gave me a yellow star shaped chewable tablet so I could sleep at night.

"We need to keep her," Uncle Tom shouted so hard my ears almost bled. I sat up on the bed and wrapped my hands around my knees. I was scared. I placed a hand on my heart; it was beating fast, almost throbbing out. Was he going to kill my Aunt just like daddy killed mommy? I sobbed silently. I couldn't see their faces, I was too afraid to walk down the stairs. This seemed like something mommy called Deja-Vu.

"Shh, keep your voice down, Tomlinson. Do you want her to hear us? Are you out of your mind? We cannot possibly keep her! She is her spawn. It will haunt me, I don't want to exhaust myself," My Aunt hissed.

"We need to keep her, Maggie. That is my final decision," he yelled even louder than before. "Mayor is missing. Where is he? Do you know where he is? If I ever find out you had something to do with his disappearance, then help me God I will kill you with the gun locked in my nightstand. And you think I have forgotten everything just because you begged me to forgive you? I know you have always wanted Mayor more than you have wanted me. I know he came to visit you a few minutes before the fire incident." There was a long pause.

"Stop throwing things around," Aunt Maggie begged. Even I could hear the thrashing of things from here and there.

"You despised their wedding, you hated Selena's guts. I saw your tongue in his mouth. I am saving your ass because I fucking love you even after all the shit you have planted. We need to keep her to wipe your dirty deeds. Besides, I have always loved her and you know it. She is the child we never had. We don't have kids and after what you did to your sister-" He stopped as he groaned.

"No, don't say it," she yelled. There were too many violent and roaring sounds coming from below, it made me feel nauseatic. I turned the cold door knob and walked outside, tip-toeing and sucking my magic blanket;thinking it could keep me safe. My Aunt's hand was against Tom's mouth; stopping him from completing his sentence.

She started weeping on the ground, in front of him."Oh, no, you don't get to do this drama now. I remember everything all too well. You know you are too good at making those fake tears roll down your cheeks. I saw you doing it as we buried Selena without Mayor," he laughed, mocking her.

My Uncle's eyes shifted towards me. When he saw me sitting in the dark, on the steps of the stairs, he walked towards me and took me into arms. "Hello Janie," he nuzzled softly against my hair and kissed my forehead. When he picked me up, I kept my head on his chest, shivering from the terror erupting inside me. I wanted to scream for mommy, but my voice came out as a whisper; I couldn't say a word; I was only showing my emotions through the tears falling from my eyes but my guardians failed to understand who I wanted.

"You think I am going to expose your dirty little secret to a six-year-old? You need help, Maggie. I will tell her when she will grow up because she deserves to know," he whispered.

"I cannot love her, Tom..she will remind me of Selena every day."

Uncle Tom turned around, rebelliously.

"That is what your sorry ass deserves. We will keep her," he gritted his teeth. I was too frightened to look at him.

She will know over my dead body," my Aunt replied as she snatched me from my Uncle's arms and ran towards my room.

"Oh, this is the last time you will treat the girl like the little piece of shit you are," Uncle Tom shouted back.

When she got inside my room, she threw me on my bed, making my heart stop for a split second. My elbow touched the corner of the headboard and an electric shock ran all over my arm. It hurt so much, it seemed as if I was electrocuted. Every part of my body hurt a little too much.

My Aunt removed my pillow and grabbed the hair-sticks from my bed;

"Is this a lock of Selena's hair? I knew you were up to something," She passed a smug smile, venom spitting out of her mouth. I mouthed a few words but no sound came out of it. With that, she broke the sticks in half and threw them out of my window. She tossed away forty-five days as if they were worthless. Following that, she turned off the lights, leaving me in the pitch dark room.

Fountains of tears clouded in my eyes and I cried all night wondering what happened to Aunt Maggie? Maybe, mommy was right to call her Maggot. She really was rotten and diseased.

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NOTE: So basically, repression exists. This was Jane's but she getting these memories back because the texts from her Aunt triggered them. You will know how it happened etc in the upcoming chapter tho. :D

Also, both these chapters are like parallels.

DO YOU LIKE THE DIRECTION OF THE STORY? WHAT DO YOU THINK HER AUNT DID?

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