Warning: I have used the F word too many times in the first few paragraphs. I am sorry but I had to do it to show the frustration felt by Ashton.

Ashton

Have you ever stared at someone for too long that your eyes start to hurt? Your eyes cry, sob, weep and blubber. Whatever you call it. Fuck. I had been staring at her pale face since the past fifteen minutes. She was thin, way too thin. So weak, but still so gorgeous. I brushed a strand of her hair and planted a kiss on her forehead.

When I entered the room a few minutes back, the stench of medicines hit my nose. The sight of her hurt me, she did not look rested. Why couldn't I just lift her right away and run back to North Carolina, where things were so good.

No, wait, even good is an understatement. Fuck you cancer. Fuck you. I curled my fingers into a fist, ready to throw a punch. If cancer was a person, I would have been a murderer by now.

Her chest was heaving up and down and her breathing was soft. Actually, I could hardly hear her soft snores. 

Mrs. Juliana Anderson-the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

As I said those words in my head, a tear formed in my eye. It dropped from my left eye. Never knew tears had so much significance. Huh? They say when someone cries and the first drop of the tear comes from the right eye, it is happiness and when it's from the left eye, it is the pain. And right now all I felt was pain, brutal fucking burning pain.

PAIN..

P    A     I    N

P

A

I

N

"Ashton?" A soft, familiar voice called out to me. She was whispering, but I was still able to sense the comfort in that voice. I was so lost in the pool of my pain that I did not even notice her entering this room; the door was the noisiest in the entire ward but this time, it didn't even make a sound. It seemed like the door was silently grieving with me. I turned my head to the left and lifted my eyes on Jane.

Suddenly, the word pain stopped whirling in my mind and got replaced by the pieces which were clinging together;

H.O.P.E

HOPE

HOPE

HOPE
 

She came at a time when I was lonely.

She was all I needed.

I smiled and so did Hope.

This girl had a surreal effect on me. The presence of her didn't drift away my pain entirely, but her caring voice made me feel safe; I did not feel isolated anymore. I talked to my best friend Harold a while back, but it was not enough to make me feel better. Emily was also not here with me. It was too hard for her to digest everything that happened today. The blazing pain I saw in Em's eyes broke me. She felt sick so I dropped her at the neighbor's house before meeting mom. I could not even cry in front of her; who would she look up to if her only brother became weak himself?

When I saw Jane at the door, I felt like wrapping my arms around her. I wanted to sob and hurt my eyes so much that they never make me feel the pain with this much proximity ever again. I was aching for comfort and I knew she was lonely too. My doubts became vivid today after Emily told me the things about Jane. She told me about her parent's death. This saddened me, but it also provided me a gateway to Jane's life. Although I didn't have her all figured out, I was still happy because I did pick up her ruptured pieces just by looking into those pale blue eyes. 

Jane was the serene kind of loneliness, the one which provided a safe haven to me without even trying. Maybe it was just her spirit. Never before had I looked into a person's soul, but she made me do things I had never for anyone. I mean, I sang for this girl as if she was my muse. 

We shared a moment of pure silence together, her quivering and worry filled eyes were looking directly into mine. It was an intimate moment for me, she was so easy to understand today. Her transparency was unfamiliar. 

What changed about her in just two weeks?

"Jane?" I turned around and smiled weakly. The boy who acted like a rock to support his family was breaking and the girl who could soothe the pain was standing a few inches away from him. My Hope.

"I am so sorry, Ashton."

Sorry? Sorry? Sorry? For what?

She stepped closer to the bed, her eyes were still holding my sight. Jane reached the side of the bed and held my mom's hand between her delicate fingers. Her eyes no longer observed me and she sighed heavily while kissing mom's hand. As odd as it was, that unique gesture relaxed me. My mouth fell open and she looked back at me.

"What? I am a medical assistant. I am just reviewing her medical history and recording the vital signs of her seizures." There was a hint of embarrassment on her face. Perhaps it was because she didn't like getting carried away by her impulse. 

"No, I am just shocked," the muscle in my jaw twitched. 

Should I tell her that I am shocked that she showed so much compassion towards my mom? Nevermind, I will look like a creep.

"What?" She questioned as if she was not satisfied with my answer.

"I am just shocked to see you here," I confessed.

"Why? I am just doing my job," her expression closed up. 

Ouch!

Silence lashed on to us all over again, but this silence was peaceful. It seemed as if we both were analyzing one another by taking an advantage of this tranquility.  

I studied her the entire time she was entering the details in her files. I was not even embarrassed about the fact that she was standing at the opposite side of the bed and I was shamelessly staring at her. The best part about this was that she didn't even object. She was so complicated at times. 

"You know, she reminds me so much of my mother?" Sadness clouded her features, her eyes were still buried in her files as her pen moved swiftly.  

"Really? Why so?"

"Just look at her, Ashton. She is so beautiful, so peaceful even when she is suffering," her voice had a shiver in it as if she was flooded by emotions.

I shrugged my shoulders and sighed heavily.

"What happened to your mom?" I tried to sound shocked. I didn't want Jane to know that Emily gave me this news earlier today; I wanted Jane to open up to me all by herself. 

She froze for a few seconds and gulped. Her pen started inking the paper quickly, almost tearing the page.

After a few minutes, she looked up and glanced at the couch which was present at the right corner of the room, her pen was nibbling on her bottom lip.

"Do you want to talk?" She asked while stepping closer to me. 

Okay, another shock.

"Sure," I smiled.

***

Note: So what do you guys think Jane wants to talk to Ashton about? I felt so sad while talking about all the emotions. Ashton makes me cry!! Also, I didn't want Jane to soften right away. I didn't want to break her character haha.  Who else wants to hug Ashton? I do!!

Don't forget to vote and comment. I write just for you guys.

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