I leaned against the pale headstone, a nearly empty bottle of Vodka perched between the heels of my feet. "I lost him, Dommy," I whispered, staring at the city far below the little hill. "I lost my baby. I don't know what happened for sure, but the doc says I went into early labor due to stress, probably because of that damned car accident."

My words were meant for a man who could never hear them, but speaking them aloud—pretending that he was listening—somehow eased the torment etching itself into my heart.

"You know what the funny part is? I was really starting to look forward to the little mongrel. Even bought a crib and a stroller. I was as ready to be a parent as I'll ever be—and I lost him." I unscrewed the lid from the vodka bottle, taking a swig before lowering it again. "I think the gods are fucking with me, Dom. First they take Julie, and then you, and then, for a split second, they give me something. Sure, at first, I didn't want a kid, but the second I start loving the damn baby, they take him away?"

Another swig.

"I held him, Dominic. I held my son for a minute, not even, forty-eight seconds, to be exact, before his heart stopped. It just...stopped." Another mouthful of vodka disappeared from the bottle. "Eight months, almost a full pregnancy. Everything was going perfect. I even picked out a name—Gabriel Dominic Jonas—and for what? I signed a birth certificate, Dom, and right afterward; I had to sign a death certificate. Who does that? Who buries their kid before they even get to know them?"

Pulling my knees up, I folded my arms over them before taking another sip of vodka, the liquid burning my throat as it traveled down. "He was perfect. He was goddamn perfect. He looked like me, Dom, and I swear, I never thought that would be a good thing, but that boy—my Gabriel—was flawless."

A single tear escaped its prison as I recalled the face of my son, a face I could just barely memorize before it was snatched away. My boy, my salvation, and now...now he was gone.

"Toby knows. I asked Lisa to tell him...I'm not sure he cares, but I figured he had a right to know that his wish came true. He's not a dad anymore."

Pulling my sleeve down, I used it to wipe the tears from my eyes. "I can't do this anymore. I can't do any of it. I'm tired of this life, and of the people in it. I just...I want out."

I picked at my nails, ignoring the empty feeling where my son was mere weeks ago. "I have nowhere to go, but I can't stay here anymore. Not without you and definitely not without my boy. I'm done, Dominic."

___

Thank you for deciding to give my story a chance! I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I do writing it, and I hope it stays with you as it has with me.

This is, by no means, a story meant for children. It will include mature scenes involving sex, violence, and themes in relation with suicide and depression, so if any of the aforementioned bothers you, please don't read on. This is also a story that contains LGBT+ characters, so if you have any issue with that, then this is not the book for you. I will not tolerate any hate towards the LGBTQ+ community. Feel free to comment your opinion, but any advertising or insulting comments will be deleted!

That said, I hope you enjoy reading my story. Please comment your thoughts along the way, I'd love to know what you think! I'm a pretty friendly person (or at least, that's what they say!) so don't be afraid to talk to me :)