It had been just over a month, and John still hadn't talked to her.

Robin wasn't quite sure just why John was so angry, but ever since he saw her kissing Ant that day after their date, he'd not been able to look at her the same way. It was as if that kiss had been unforgivable, as if he'd seen her commit some sort of crime. She wouldn't mind his anger if he'd just tell her what was wrong, but he was skipping classes again, hanging out with different people at college that weren't as studious or focused as Stuart. His new group spent lunchtimes in the pub, so that's where John spent most of his time. It was like the first time they'd argued all over again, yet this time Robin felt so much worse.

"He'll get a grip eventually," Stuart kept promising her each night they stayed late at college to finish work, but even he sounded doubtful.

Robin felt as though this time John had really fallen out with her. Part of her thought it was pathetic, that he needed to pull himself together. He was so insistent that he didn't like her, defensive anytime she joked that he was flirting. If he was so against her why would he care if she was kissing another boy? If he was a good friend he'd be happy for her. Her actions didn't deserve this treatment. She'd told him once before that reacting in such a way to her wasn't on, so if he was going to do it again, she was ready to call it a day with their friendship.

Another part of her though felt bereft to be without him. She missed him. After their last fight she'd gotten used to the comfortable banter between the two of them. She'd come to expect him at the bus stop each morning, she enjoyed being with him in class and she liked when he was out on the garden having a smoke because she could join him and just talk about nothing in particular. John was good company, and Robin liked who she was when she was with him. She felt like her true self, the reserved yet bold girl who was still so new to having friends. John brought out the best in her, bits that she didn't even know about herself. Not that she would tell him, but trading John as a friend for Ant as a boyfriend wasn't a worthy switch.

Ant was, so far at least, a good guy, but didn't listen to her like John did, he didn't make the same jokes or make her laugh like John. He was caring and affectionate, but he was more serious. She'd thought he'd been joking at first about being her boyfriend, thought he'd been kidding about meeting her after work the next day, but there he was, standing outside the restaurant, introducing himself to Kay and her boyfriend as 'Robin's boyfriend'. It was a little too sudden and fast for her liking, but there was nothing terribly wrong with Ant, so why should she protest?

Ant at least wanted to be with her, and wanted to be seen with her. Whenever they went to the pub and any of his friends appeared he was quick to introduce her, quick to give her the title of 'my lovely girlfriend', and though Robin didn't particularly enjoy the way his friends' eyes often lingered on her or the smirks they exchanged about her, she liked the way he seemed proud of her. Even if she felt cautious at first, she could probably learn to like him the way he felt about her.

If she could learn to love Ant, she could learn to get used to John ignoring her too, she told herself repeatedly, though that was tricky each day he actually showed up for college. That afternoon in particular, she walked into their lettering classroom early, hoping to use the supplies from the cupboard for one of her Christmas coursework pieces, the deadline looming ever closer. She'd not expected John to be there, but yet he was, sat on their table, his guitar on his lap, and though he looked up the moment the door creaked open, he immediately looked down as if he couldn't even bare to look at her.

What she didn't realise was that his reluctance to look at Robin was to save himself from thinking about what he'd caught Ant doing to her. It was just a kiss, but just a kiss was exactly what he'd wanted to do to her that night. She'd not shown up for their gig, he thought just because of work, so he had a bold plan in mind that he was going to stand out in his garden all night and wait for her to want a smoke and finally tell her what he realised the morning after the party, tell her that he was mad for her, but instead someone had got to her before him, and of all people it was Ant.

Thinking about that utter idiot kissing Robin, touching her, talking to her, even knowing her, made John feel a sense of rage that he'd never felt before, so he thought it better to avoid Robin. If he couldn't tell her that he liked her he wasn't going to tell her anything, and he'd remove himself from the situation to save them all the trouble. Hiding from her wasn't easy, especially when he saw her enter the classroom, her hair tied up in a ponytail with her usual makeup applied, wearing a black buttoned shirt, a short green skirt and woollen tights with black heels. She looked beautiful, as always, except he wasn't allowed to think that; it was Ant's job to think she was beautiful now.

"Alright?" Robin called, not able to help herself as she set her portfolio down on the desk in the centre of the room, unfastening it and taking out her sketchbook.

John didn't answer, instead plucking at a few of the guitar strings. If he could just pretend she wasn't there, just ignore her as if she was just some other random girl, maybe he'd be alright. He didn't see the way she clenched her jaw in irritation, or how her cheeks flushed bright red in annoyance, and he clearly didn't realise just how angry his aloof actions were making her.

Robin decided to take a leaf out of his book. Pretend he's not there, she told herself firmly, focusing solely on her work. That was, of course, the sole reason she was there at college. Get an education, get all the necessary qualifications, then get out. She'd already begun saving up her wages for a camera, and she'd been doing research into art schools abroad. Liverpool didn't have to be her life forever, so by extension, neither did John.

As she got on with her work quietly, Robin had almost forgotten that John was sat opposite her, until she heard the sound of his guitar playing. Out of habit she looked up to him, cursing herself for being so interested in his music before she looked back down to her work. Even so, her focus was disrupted entirely, especially as John cleared his throat.

"Oh, ain't she sweet, well see her walking down that street, yes I ask you very confidentially ain't she sweet?" he began to sing, his voice almost soft compared to how rough he usually sounded. "Oh, ain't she nice, well look her over once or twice, yes I ask you very confidentially ain't she nice? Just cast an eye in her direction, oh me oh my, ain't that perfection? Oh I repeat, well don't you think that's kind of neat? Yes I ask you very confidentially, ain't she sweet?"

Robin wasn't quite sure what to do. She tried to carry on with her work, but she found herself overwhelmed by John's singing. She always liked listening to him perform, even if she'd never admitted it to him, but the context of this was confusing. Was he singing to distract himself that she was there, ignoring her as usual, or was he singing at her? It felt like he was singing to make up for the lack of conversation, finding the words through song, and as angry as she was with him, she struggled to understand exactly how she felt.

Rightfully she should still be annoyed at him, but she remembered the last time they'd bickered, and he'd told her all about his struggles with his feelings. Was he singing for her forgiveness? Part of her didn't want to give him that just yet, but when he finished singing, she let out a long sigh. Putting down her pencils, she looked up at him, and even though he was avoiding her gaze, she offered him a small smile.

"Pretty song," she remarked after a moment of silence. John merely shrugged, so she continued with, "What's the problem with me, John?"

"What you going on about?" he frowned, daring to look at hr but instantly cursing himself for it, forgetting how pretty she looked whenever she was annoyed. "There isn't a problem with you,"

"Then don't keep ignoring me, I don't like it," she told him. "Or just tell me if you've got a problem. I don't need the aggravation,"

"Fine, you want me to talk, then let me ask you this," he practically snapped, setting his guitar aside as he got up from the desk, not breaking eye contact with her. "Why, of all the people in this fucking city, did you have to choose Ant to shag?"

"Bold of you to assume I've shagged him!" she snapped back, folding her arms across her chest in anger. This was the first time they'd spoken in a long time, so she thought it was right to get it all off her chest. "It was a kiss, John. He asked me on a date and I said yes. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes, because he showed an interest in me. He calls me pretty, he says I'm smart, and he doesn't ignore me! You did this the last time, after the bus and the portrait you found, and I told you not to ignore me again, yet you have done! Does our friendship really mean shit all to you for you to do this to me again?"

"Fuck sake, Robin, I'm not ignoring you, I'm just..." he muttered in frustration, avoiding looking at her while he ran his fingers through his messy hair. "I can't fucking stand that lad. He gate crashed my party that night, I was so pissed I didn't even know he was there until someone mentioned it to me a couple days after. He's a right smarmy git, y'know, he calls all the girls pretty until he gets what he wants. He's a proper wanker, Robin, he doesn't like not getting his own way, he might be all nicey-nice right now to you, but you watch, he'll show his true colours eventually! I thought Stu would've at least told you that,"

"Well maybe Stu's a good enough friend to support me through my decisions," she said, not backing down in her anger. "I don't see why you're this bothered. You clearly don't care enough to tell me yourself, otherwise you would've done weeks ago, before he was even my boyfriend,"

"Thought you had better taste than him, thought you were smarter than that!" he muttered, sitting back down at his desk again in a huff. He wasn't thinking his words through, it was like the last time, his anger completely taking control. "What happened to the little bird from steel city who was too scared to have any friends let alone not realise when someone's trying to use her just for a quick shag?"

"Oh, fuck you," she spat out, clenching her jaw.

Without a second thought, she spun around and quickly threw all of her things into her portfolio, not caring if her drawings would get smudged or torn. She didn't care she was that hurt, feeling as if she had been physically injured and she was ashamed to feel tears pricking at her eyes. She bit onto her lip hard, forcing the tears away before they could even show, desperately trying to hide just how betrayed she felt.

For once it would be her skipping class, but she didn't care. She just wanted to get on the bus and go to work, and for the first time in their month-long relationship, she couldn't wait to see Ant after her shift. Maybe she'd even take him up on the offer of going back to his house, anything to just forget about John and his cruel words. For the first time since she'd moved to Liverpool, she wanted to get as far away from John Lennon as possible.

As she stormed out of the classroom, she left John behind, unable to hear him bitterly curse himself in regret for letting his temper get the better of him, spoiling his friendship with Robin once again, this time for good.

***
No matter how hard she tried, Robin couldn't forget John.

The expression on his face of utter rage as he'd finally told her his thoughts was imprinted in her mind, making her want to cringe and hide away in anger and disappointment. At the same time though, she couldn't forget the way he'd sang, so soft and almost vulnerable, no part of his usual rock and roll persona present. It had been so unlike the way he usually tried to act, so much like the John she sometimes got glimpses of, the John she admired, and part of her wanted to forgive him. She knew how his temper could overtake him, and she knew she wasn't the best at staying calm either. If he hated Ant so much for some reason, it was no wonder he was upset. As much as she wanted to forgive him though, the way his last comment made her feel was unbearable, and so she went to work and told herself that she would be the one ignoring him from now on.

Kay wasn't working that night, which was a bit of a relief because Robin knew that if she noticed something wrong with her she'd probably breakdown crying. In her place for that shift was Susie, who's standoffish attitude was for once a welcome change, almost enjoying the way she barked orders at her. It felt like being at home with her mother when she was in one of her moods, and at least if Susie was constantly going on at her, giving her new jobs and reprimanding her for not waiting a table quick enough, her mind was full of work, and not John.

It was a relief too to see Ant waiting outside the restaurant for her. Albert spotted him first when the two of them were leaving, and he knew something was clearly going on as Robin untied her hair, glancing at him nervously, her bitter confidence from before disappearing.

"Who's this lad then? He's been hanging about quite a bit lately," Albert pointed out as he noticed him waving at Robin the way he always did. In response Albert glared protectively.

"Just a mate," Robin shrugged, until she got nervous that Ant would overhear her referring to him as a mate. "Maybe something more, I don't know. Please don't be mad or tell my Mum, will you?"

"Robin, I'm not gonna be mad if at seventeen you have a boyfriend," he tried to laugh as he usually did, but it sounded more forced. "As long as you're being careful and watching out for yourself. Some lads aren't the best lads,"

"I know," she muttered, thinking about John. "Is it alright if I go off with him? I'll be back before dark?"

That was a lie. It was mid-November, and there was only half an hour before sunset, but Albert felt as if he had no choice. As with everything concerning Robin, he felt as though she had enough hardship for him to deny her a bit of fun with a friend, so he nodded encouragingly, trying to hide his lack of trust for the boy who waited across the road.

"Do you have enough for bus fare home?" he asked, and when she nodded, patting her skirt pocket to make the coins inside jingle, he gestured for her to go. "Have fun, see you later,"

She waited for Albert to go off to his car before she went to greet Ant, though he didn't notice any sort of hesitation, instantly putting his hands on her hips and pulling he in for a kiss. Even after a month she still wasn't used to that, kissing or embracing, it still felt a little strange, but instead of letting John's words get to her she put it down to just never having a boyfriend before, and as she pulled away she offered him a small smile.

"Hello, pretty girl," he greeted, linking his arm through hers as they went walking towards his car. "How's your day been?"

"Managed to get some coursework in, one of my tutors suggested I sign up for an advanced class next term so I've got a list to pick from, and then work was steady, only a few tables in but Kay wasn't around so it dragged a bit," she told him as she got in the passenger seat, watching as he did his seatbelt and began to drive, trying to pretend that everything was normal and she wasn't still bogged down by John's words. "How 'bout you?"

"Oh, same old same old," he dismissed, his eyes not leaving the road in front of him. "I don't see why you should have to work there to start with, your uncle's rich enough isn't he? Can't he just give you an allowance?"

Ant was right, technically. Albert was, compared to Robin's previous living situation, quite rich. That restaurant wasn't his only one, since he also had shared ownership over a few other smaller places across the city, but he never acted like a rich man. He reminded her a lot of her father, the two of them sharing the moral value that success came with hard work, which wasn't really something Ant seemed to understand. His family were rich, and he reaped in their success, expecting Robin to do the same and take full advantage of Albert's wealth like he did with his father's.

"That's not the point," she shrugged simply, not bothered to get into that discussion. "I'm thinking of signing up for Advanced Portraits. I'm good at them anyway, so it'd be playing to my strengths, but it'd be nice to learn some new techniques and stuff, y'know?"

"You've started sounding like a scouser!" he laughed, ignoring what she'd actually said to instead focus on how she'd said it. "Goodbye to that Leeds accent then, ey, love?"

"Sheffield," she muttered firmly, frowning as she tried to figure out if he was playing a joke on her.

They drove in silence for the rest of the way back to his house, his hand resting on her knee whenever it didn't have to be on the gearstick. They got to his house, and despite it ony being a few estates away from her Uncle's, it was considerably grander, to the extent it made her tiny flat back at home seem like nothing. It was even more intimidating when they went in, heading straight upstairs to his bedroom and she got glimpses of the house, realising that even with his occasional boasts, he'd underplayed his family's wealth considerably.

No one else was in, as Ant told her quietly that his mother volunteered down at Church in the evenings during Winter and his father was still working at the law firm. She thought he was going to give her a tour of the house, considering he was so proud of his class status, but instead they were straight to his bedroom. It was twice the size of hers, and much neater. There was all the usual furniture, double the bed, a wardrobe and a desk, with a gold-framed mirror right above his bed's headboard. Everything seemed to have it's rightful place, unlike hers which was tidy until it came down to her art supplies, scattered all around the room. Apart from the mirror there was nothing on the walls either, which were painted a cold beige, and as someone who liked to express her personality all throughout her space, it was different, Ant's room seeming much more basic, less personal, like it could be anyone's room.

While Robin was looking around the room, Ant had already shut the door, by the time she realised there was nothing really worth looking at, his hands her on her waist and he was kissing her. She'd expected his kiss, so she tried to kiss back, opening her mouth a little as she felt his tongue swipe along her bottom lip. Ant, as usual was enjoying it far more than she was, as her mind drifted to how strange it all was, the fact that his breath was hot in her mouth and she could taste tea on his breath, or maybe it was coffee, she wasn't too sure. The fact that he was trying to kiss her so passionately and she was trying to decide what drink he'd had earlier made her want to laugh, but he didn't notice, thinking that she was enjoying it all.

Part of her was. Kissing Ant was different to anything she'd ever done before, it felt like she had grown and matured from the person she was nearly three months ago when she moved to Liverpool. The Robin who moved to Liverpool was stubborn and secretly scared, she would never have dreamed of calling a lad like Ant her boyfriend, and she would have never thought it possible to be kissing him and be beginning to like it.

Even as she became breathless, Ant's kisses didn't cease, his hands trailing up from her waist to her chest, one of his hands cupping over where her breast was, hidden under a layer of clothes and her bra. That was fine, she wanted him to touch her, he was her boyfriend, he was allowed to. She realised then that she'd not been doing anything with her hands, so, unknowing what else to do, she moved her hands to his hair. His blonde hair was a little too short for her to run her fingers through it, and for some odd reason her mind instantly went to the thought of how nice it would be to knot her fingers through John's messy quiff. John's hair was nothing like Ant's, longer and thicker and a nicer colour too, brown until the light caught it and highlighted the little red tinges.

No, she shouldn't be thinking about John. She cut her thoughts off, angry with herself that after earlier he would still be on her mind, especially in such a complimentary way. She'd not realised that in her shock of thinking about John she'd also pulled away from Ant until she met his eyes and noticed he was frowning. He seemed more annoyed than concerned, though she noted his hand was still holding on to her chest.

"What's the matter?" he asked bluntly, though she just shook her head.

"Nothing, just..." she told him quickly, drifting off as she realised she couldn't really tell her boyfriend that while they were kissing she'd started thinking about another man. "Still new to kissing,"

"I like that I'm your first kiss," he smirked, one of his hands moving from her chest back down to her waist, stroking her curves. "It's like you're all mine. Have you really never had a boyfriend before?"

"No," she shook her head, trying not to blush as he let out a quiet laugh, feeling as though he was making a spectacle of her innocence. She wanted to change the subject, so she asked, "How many girlfriends have you had?"

"Does that matter?" he responded quickly, his tone hot and harsh before he seemed to instantly cool. "A few. But they mean nothing to me, you're the only thing I care about at the minute, alright?"

She stayed quiet, nodding as she thought his words through. No one had ever really said that she mattered, perhaps only her father, though that sentiment was shown more through actions than words. Her father constantly worked to provide for her, paying for her art supplies and complimenting all of her pieces. He saved up his wages and whatever didn't go on bills, rent or other essentials he put away to buy her a season ticket for football games, and that was her joint birthday and Christmas present. He made sure she knew that he loved her, though not by telling her. She knew Albert loved her, and her mother too in her own unconventional and often cruel way, but ever since her father had died there had been a void of love in her life. She hated to acknowledge it, burying it in the many other layers of grief, but Ant's words had reminded her of it.

Would her father like Ant? She hoped he would, but she knew her father was always a good judge of character. What would he think to this new life she was trying to make herself in the city he had grown up hating? What would he think to her college, to her job, to her new friends, to the person she was becoming? It seemed to instantly hit her that a lot of the stuff she'd done since moving had been to distract herself from the numbing pain of his loss. Smoking, drinking, trying to make friendships, they were all subconscious distractions. Was Ant a distraction too, or was he something special, special like a boyfriend should be?

She didn't have the chance to try and figure out the answer to that, not as he practically picked her up at her waist, and before she knew it he had tossed her down onto the bed. She was there for barely a moment before he was moving to sit on top of her hips, leaning down on her and kissing her lips again, his hands back on her chest. She closed her eyes, giving in to his kiss, deciding for the time being that she didn't need to figure out if he was something special. He was her boyfriend, and she wanted to do this. She deepened their kiss, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer if possible, feeling as though she was finally feeling the passion. She might not know a lot about relationships, but in that moment she felt as though Ant really cared about her, his words true.

Her eyes were still closed, but she felt hyper-aware of everything around her, his weight on her hips and his lips on hers constantly reminding her that he was there. For a brief moment she felt something push up against her stomach, something hard, and she wondered if things were really going to progress to that point, until she felt his hands move to the collar of her shirt. His fingers seemed to move at rapid pace, undoing each of her buttons until her shirt was fully open, and the moment it was he pulled his lips from hers so he could look at her chest properly. She felt her cheeks going hot again, especially as he began to kiss her neck and she shivered slightly.

"Look at me," he whispered hotly against her neck before his hand went to her chin, moving her face so her eyes met his. "Robin, open your eyes,"

Robin obliged, but the moment she looked at him she felt all of her confidence disappear. He was looking at her with so much desire, as if she was the most amazing thing he'd ever seen, like he wanted her right then and there, but she knew her expression didn't match his at all. She didn't need to look in the mirror to know she looked nervous, maybe even scared, though Ant didn't seem to notice, as he instead smirked down at her. As she felt him adjust his position on top of her, she dared herself to look where his hands were, seeing that they were on his belt, undoing his buckle with similar speed to how he dealt with her shirt buttons, and his fingers seemed to quickly be undoing his trouser button before they were on his zipper.

Robin felt her stomach flip, her chest tightening, her head spinning, and she quickly decided she wanted to stop. She refused to negotiate her feelings, refused to let herself believe that this was just her being nervous because she was a virgin, she didn't want to be with Ant.

Things seemed to be going so fast, and she had been fine going along with them, but now she was certain she wanted it all to stop. She wasn't sure what had made her suddenly realise her doubts, but as soon as she set her mind on not wanting to sleep with him, she knew she needed to stop things before they went too far.

"No," she said quickly, sitting up though he didn't move off her. "Sorry, but can you get off me?"

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, with the same frown as before.

"Nothing's wrong with me, I just don't want to," she spoke firmly, putting both of her hands on his chest to push him off, though he didn't seem to move at first, mostly in confusion for how quickly the mood had changed. "Get off me,"

John's words appeared in her head again, so she pushed against him and this time he moved, so she got off his bed in a hurry, quickly doing up her shirt and straightening her skirt once more, daring to glance in the mirror. She had been right, her face flushed and her eyes wide in nerves, though that wasn't helped by the fact she could see Ant looking up at her angrily.

"What's wrong with you? You're my girlfriend!" He exclaimed in outrage, and she couldn't help but wonder if he thought that title entitled him to whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. "You're meant to have sex with me,"

"That's not how relationships work," she reasoned, smoothing her hair down, though her words were like flipping a switch inside of him.

"How'd you know, you freak?" he snapped, jumping off his bed, his hand grabbing hold of her shoulder sharply though she didn't flinch, staring him down stubbornly. "You've never even done this before, why're you acting like some expert? You should be flattered someone like me wants to sleep with someone like you!"

"Someone like me?" she raised her eyebrow, pulling out of his grip, desperately trying not to think of John saying 'told you so'.

"Well look at you, you're piss-poor if not for your uncle, and you might be pretty but have you ever heard of exercise?" he sneered, his true colours appearing just as John had promised. "You're not as clever as you think you are, you're just some halfway good-looking dumb bird that's never gonna go nowhere in life. You're never gonna get better than me, Roberta,"

She remembered being in the classroom only a few hours before, trying to defend Ant to John, and she remembered just how insulted she'd been when John tried to make her see sense in his own, cruel way. He'd said Ant wanted to use her, and she'd been insulted. She'd told John to 'fuck off', and even though his words had stung, she felt like a fool. It should be Ant she was cursing at, because why would she believe in someone she barely knew over John, who despite his terrible temper was the best friend she'd ever had? His behaviour to her was inexcusable, but she should have trusted him and his judgement. It should be Ant she resented, not John.

"My name's Robin, and it's never go anywhere, learn basic grammar before you call me the idiot," she said simply, keeping her face cold from any sort of emotion.

With that she turned and stormed out of the room. Hearing his footsteps behind her, she practically sprinted down the stairs and out of the door, and before he could catch up to her she was out onto his front garden, running down the path onto the street, desperately trying not to sound out of breath to prove his mean jibe about her being unfit true. Once she was out the garden gate she turned to see him watching her with a bitter scowl, stood in the doorway, so as a parting gift she raised him her two middle fingers before she continued running off down the street.

***

Word count: 5538

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