Ashton

I took Sam to Luka's dance class, out of sight from security guards and cameras. Upbeat pop boomed on the speakers. Kids in colorful clothes jumped like little minions, following Luka's instructions. 

I pulled Sam against a wall. "What the hell happened? Are you high?"  

"I am not!" She crossed her arms. "Shouldn't you be proud? I finally don't give a crap!"

I expected a mortified response. Her signature gesture when she hid behind her hands, saying how horrible, how embarrassed she was. But she looked... different. Yes, her cheeks were flushed like bricks. She was breathless. Pupils dilated from adrenaline. But she was glowing.

"There you are. Where'd you go?" Mom interrupted, dad tagging behind. "Oh, hi, dear!" 

My parents made it impossible to talk. Then Cara joined. And Luka finished his class. Sam kept close to them, sneaking glances every now and then. We made our way out into the parking lot, where everyone got in the car except the two of us. 

For a moment, we just stared at each other. 

The wind blew Sam's hair and dress aside, but I appreciated the breeze on my sweaty back. It was hot enough to fry an egg on the hood of a car.

I shielded my eyes. "You free later to talk?"

"I have a night shift from 9 to 2," she answered quickly.

"I finish around 3." 

"I can stop by after my shift is over?" 

Nice. I'd refrained from suggesting the same thing, hoping she would. "Sounds good." 

"I'll see you soon, then." She gave an unsure smile before spinning toward Cara's car.

Okaaay, it was awkward. But what did she expect? That I'd fall on my knees and act like nothing had happened? No. What I really wanted, was to grab her and kiss her to make up for all the weeks I hadn't. Kiss her like it was final. That she was mine. No doubt or argument about it. 

But I didn't. Couldn't. Because it didn't matter. At the end of the day, I could give her my heart on a silver platter. It didn't mean she'd take it. And there was nothing I could do about it. 

So the whole ride home, I weighed the pros and cons. Pros. She'd grown. Now that I knew her stage outburst was sober and she didn't regret it, I was quite proud. She'd finally let go of her obsession to impress people who didn't matter. 

Cons. I had no clue whether this newfound confidence was short-lived. Could've been a meltdown high. Then she'd crash and go back to her old ways. Or, if she was actually becoming more confident, what did that mean for us? 

Did she still want me the same way? Because I didn't want to be a crutch anymore to ease her insecurities. I wanted to be more. A lot more, but I wasn't sure if she could handle it.

I dropped Luka off at our parents. Drove home and showered. Took a quick nap before work. Then changed into my usual clothes: black jeans and shirt, with silver rings and sneakers. My fucking hair had grown so long. I looked like Justin Bieber with dark under eye bags. 

I'd even been skipping the gym. Might as well have stocked up on buckets of ice-cream and cried to chick-flicks in my pajamas. No, too much. Well, I did eat salami in Sam's room two nights ago. Whatever. I reached for the electric razor. Time for that buzzcut I'd been thinking about.

Work dragged like hell. Worse than hanging out with Luka, no offense to him. But, damn. I was jittery like I'd injected coffee into my veins. Kept checking the time. Sneakily drowning vodka shots a few times. Which Lenny, my manager, scolded me for.

Around 1, my hand was itching to text Sam. What if she didn't come? What if she had changed her mind? I felt like such an idiot! Thankfully, the customers doubled, leaving no time to dwell. I was finishing up the third drink in a row, when I whirled to swipe a credit card. 

That's when I saw her.

Sitting in the same spot the first night we met. When I'd pretended she was my girlfriend to get rid of a bride-to-be. I'd never forget the way she tried to run and how I had to lure her back. 

"Why didn't you tell me you're here?" I yelled over the music.

She snapped her wide-eyed gaze from her phone and chuckled sheepishly. "Oh! I, uh, I didn't want to bother you. It's okay, you're still at work." She waved me off.

Not much had changed, huh? "How was work?" 

"Mine? It was good! Yeah. Gah, so exhausting, though. Now I get why you're always so cranky."

"I'm not cranky?" 

"Sure, you're not. You're a ray of sunshine." She smirked under her lashes. Her white lace top popping in the deep blue club. "You have a customer waiting." She pointed over my shoulder. 

I cursed under my breath and turned to take the order, throwing the drink together as quickly as possible before sending them on their way. 

Back to Sam. "Yeah. You were saying?"

She scooted over the counter, pushing her tits closer. I folded my forearms parallel to hers. "My work? It sucks," she reminded. "Yeah, they make me throw away bags of food. Can you imagine? I'm talking, trash bags the size of me. Filled with freakin' cheesecake and baguettes. And I have to throw them away!"

"Yes, 'cause it's a liability. Why don't you just take it home?" 

"I do!" She fiddled with her fingers. "But still. It's a lot of food..."

"Please, I've seen you eat. No need to be coy." 

For a moment, she looked wounded. Then she snickered and scrunched up her nose. 

"Asshole." 

"The one and only." I winked, smiling back a little. Because how could I not? When she made it so easy. No! Hold back, dude. Keep it cool. "Anyway, what would you like to drink?"

"I'm good, really. You don't have to worry." 

"Well, you're taking the spot for a paying customer, how can I not worry?" 

"Oooh..." She played along with fake regret. "I am, huh? I should probably order something."

"I mean, if you're not a freeloader."

"Can I have some water, then?"

"What kind of water?" I raised my brows. "Tap, sparkling, still?"

"Do you have a diamond shaped one?" She tucked her hands under her chin cheekily. 

"Sure. Let me open my pirate treasure chest. One of the dwarfs from Sleeping Beauty fetched it earlier." Horrible, horrible joke. But hey, she was laughing. "What do I get in return?"

"Wow, I don't remember having this negotiation the first time around." 

The rest of the hour was occupied with serving customers. I tried to check in with Sam in the midst of it, but it came out rushed. Thankfully, it didn't take long to clean up and close. 

Outside, sellers wheeled their hot dog carts down the dirty streets. Heels clicked on wet concrete and rushed inside their Uber rides. Ambulance alarms blared a couple of blocks down. Helicopters whirred. Sam hugged her arms, the drugstores behind her glaring neon lights. 

"Where's your jacket?" I asked.

"I left it at work," she mumbled. 

With a begrudging sigh, I pulled her against my chest. Covered her shivering body with my arms and pushed my cheek on top of her head. To warm her for a moment, nothing else. Nothing else. The faint scent of her fruity shampoo wafted my nose and I murmured, "What do you want?"

"To eat?" 

"No, to shit. What do you think?" 

She giggled, arching her neck back at me. "Well, I'm still vegan, so—"

"I knew it was too good to be true." 

"Hey!" She smacked my chest, laughing harder.

"You want McDonalds?" I tested again. Would she dare to say what she really wants?

She chewed on her cheek. "I guess, if you want."

"I asked what you want."

"Well, I want your potatoes! But... isn't your new roommate home?"

"I don't have a new roommate." I furrowed my brows. "Who told you that?"

"I—I just... assumed..." She trailed off, her voice softening. "You don't? But it's been over three weeks. What about your rent?"

"What about my rent?" I was still so confused. She thought I'd just move on?

"So you live alone?" 

"I was waiting for you." 

Fat tears blurred her eyes, like a cartoon kitten in the rain. Don't kiss her. Don't. Kiss her. Not yet. 

"You ready?" I placed my hand on her low back, standing beside her.

"I'm so sorry for everything, Ashton..." She whispered as we walked down the street. "I'm sorry for pushing you away. And for being such a scared chicken."

"I'm sorry for lying about how much the rent was. And for walking away from you like that."

"Oh, I don't blame you for the last one."

"I do. You were already hurting and I added to it. I'm sorry I made it about myself." 

I had rewatched her blindfolded video (couldn't do it more twice). It made me feel like such shit. She was clearly forced into it. Yes, I was mad she put herself at risk, but I could've done better. Instead, I let my jealousy get the best of me. I had acted selfish, and it was stupid of me. 

The apartment hadn't changed much. The rainbow mat was still in the bathroom. Her colorful knives and glasses in the kitchen. Fake candles and string lights everywhere. We chatted about what we'd been up to while Sam sat on the counter and I sliced potatoes beside her. 

The heat from her body was seeping onto me, buzzing like electricity. The hair on my arms rose. My ears sharp on her soft breathing. The ring of her laugh. How she watched me work, squeezing her legs every now and then. Meanwhile, I trained my eyes on the potatoes. Flipping the golden wedges. Distracting myself as much as possible with the sizzling oil and the starchy aroma. 

"Mmm, smells amazing." She salivated as I poured in a serving plate. "I just wanna—Ouch!" 

"Don't touch it, dumbass. It's still hot." I scolded as she sucked on her finger. "Let me see." I turned her hand in mine, inspecting the inflamed spot. "It's a little burn, you'll survive."

She gasped when I pressed my lips against it. Our eyes locked. I had to tense my spine not to attack. 

"Ashton?"

"Hm."

"Do you still... want me?" She asked like the words hurt to come out. 

Oh, no, sweetheart. We weren't playing this game anymore. 

I lifted her chin with my fingers. "Do you still want me?"

She made a 'mhm' sound that might as well have belonged to a mouse. 

"Use your words."

"I want you..." 

"Why is that?" 

"Because—" Her breathing faltered as I put my hands on each side of her. It seemed to send her over the edge. "Because, Ashton! How can I not, I mean, have you seen yourself? You're perfect. You're..." She was furious red and I couldn't help admiring how she pushed through the shame. "You're really kind and thoughtful. And you're the most honest person I know. You always make me laugh, even when I don't want to. Even when I think it's impossible to. You're always there, and I don't mean that in a selfish way, but I just..."

Her eyelashes stuck together as she looked at me all broken, but fuck if she wasn't beautiful.

"I don't know, I feel like you let me be who I am... and you help me be better, too. But in a way, I'd never known before. Without judgement. And it's so... it's such a blessing, I can't." She started sobbing and I wrapped her in my arms, kissing her hair and rubbing her back.

"Shh, it's okay. It's okay, I know what you mean. I know what you mean, baby." 

"I'm not trying to be a cry baby." 

"She says as she continues crying."

She laughed breathlessly and so did I. The uncomfortable weight dissolved off my shoulders. I ruffled her hair and wiped the mascara smeared under her pretty eyes. 

"Don't cry. Save some for later." I winked.

"You perv." 

"You love it."

"I do." She offered a shy smile. "Because I'm a perv too."

"Oh, I know." I widened my eyes like I was reliving the horrors, which caused me to get hit on the arm. I cradled her face and kissed her forehead. "You're my horny little girl."

"Shut up!" More smacks on my chest. 

"What else do you like about me?" 

"You're really sexy..." She bit her lip. "When you want to be."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, sometimes you're a caveman." She rubbed her eyes, voice congested from crying. "What?" She chuckled at my shocked reaction. "You are! You smell like pork, seriously, Ashton. You need to stop eating so much salami. It's not good for you."

"Hey. Leave my salami alone. You tofu freak."

"Okay, pork breath. Don't be surprised when I refuse to kiss you."

"Listen." I grabbed her throat and pinned her against the shelf. Our noses touching. "Do I talk shit when you drink your stinky green juice every morning?"

"Uh, yes? All the time!" She giggled. Like I was petting her hair and not threatening to choke her.

"Keep rolling your eyes at me, see what happens." 

"In that case..." She did the most exaggerated eye-roll. "Whatchu goin' to do about it, punk?" 

I clicked my tongue. A slow smile. "You've become such a bad girl, you know that?" 

Before she had a chance to reply, I crashed our mouths in an insatiable kiss. My hands dug into her hips. Releasing her moan like a white waving flag. 

It was as if she burst into flames. Her arms and legs clung onto me. She scratched my scalp, murmuring how good my buzzcut felt. The tingly sensation shot goosebumps down my arms. I groaned into her mouth, then devoured her neck. Glass shattered to pieces by my feet.

"Nooo! Poor potatoes!" Sam cried out as I threw her over my shoulder and out of the kitchen.

"Shush, people are asleep."

"You might want to text Luka, I don't intend to be quiet."

"Nasty ass pervert, he's not home." 

"Oh, good!" She cheered as I threw her on my bed. 

I hovered my finger over the lamp switch, my voice hoarse. "Lights on or off?"

She lifted her chin with all the pride in the world. "Off." I turned it off. "No, on! On. I want us to see each other." I turned it back on. "Or maybe off. What do you think? What's more symbolic—"

"My cock. My cock is symbolic. Get on your knees," I snapped, to which she laughed. Yanking my shirt down for another kiss. 

Good luck to our neighbors, honestly. 

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Xoxo, your blunt weirdo.