I didn't sleep much that night again. Between worrying about Mason and wondering what might be on the voicemail, it took forever to actually get to sleep. Once I was, my usual nightmares made an appearance.

When I woke up, I decided to at least hear Irene out and listen to the voicemail she left. I knew that avoiding it wasn't really going to help get it off my mind so it was better to listen and know what I was dealing with. 

"Hi Charlot– uh Charlie," Irene started. I raised my eyebrows in surprise at her correcting herself. "I know you're still taking time..." it sounded a little snarky but she took a breath before changing her tone. "But when you are ready, I would like it if we could try talking again... It um, could be nice if you came over. I'm sure your sister would love to meet you as well. Let me know. Hope you're doing well. Bye."

I let out a breath that I didn't know I'd been holding as I stood there in the kitchen. It was a lot to digest in the minute voicemail. It felt like she was trying to be different, but I was so scared that it wasn't as real as I'd want it to be. I was scared she would turn around and hurt me once again. 

I stared at the phone as if it was magically about to broadcast a clear decision I had to make for a moment. When it inevitably let me down, I sighed and made myself a cup of coffee, as if I'd find the answers at the bottom of a mug. It was still early, so the house was quiet. While sleeping in may be an ability for some, it didn't feel like it was within the realm of possibilities for me.

Instead there was coffee.

I brought it up to my room and closed the door behind me. After a few sips, I found myself perched on the window sill, mug in hand. The cold air felt nice on my face. It made me feel like I could think a little.

I wondered what Irene would say now that would make this feel any less awful. And if we could really make up for lost time. I wondered if she could make up for some of the ways she'd treated me, now and then. And if she actually wanted to get to know me or if she really was just looking for a cheque.

Then there was the question of my little sister. Would I be able to handle meeting her? Would Mason think I was selfish if I didn't want to meet her? Here he was deeply missing his sister and wishing he could see her again, while I had one and didn't know if I wanted to see her. Would it even make a difference if she met me? I wondered if she even knew about me. Knowing Irene, she probably didn't actually know I exist.

I took another sip of coffee and stared out the window. My stomach was in knots as I thought about it.

As I sat there, I remembered what Linda had said to me the day I cried in the kitchen.

"You are a part of this family no matter what happens. If you were to decide to move across the world, or even down the street you'd still be a part of this family... I'm not going anywhere... Maybe something good can still come of all this."

I hoped it was true. Linda, Lorraine and Jay felt like home to me and I didn't want to change that. And maybe Linda was right. Maybe there was something good that I was supposed to experience after all of this. I was so hellbent on convincing Mason to talk to his mother, but maybe it was time I did the same.

____

Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed this chapter! What do you think is going to happen next! Let me know in the comments!

Merry Christmas and happy holidays next week! I hope everyone has a happy and peaceful time xo!