I sat down at a seat by the window in the coffee shop I'd agreed to meet Irene at. I was shaking with nerves as I waited for her to arrive, but tried to hide it as I held the coffee I ordered in my hands. I sipped it slowly, hoping to remain calm while Irene explained herself, because I really did want to understand her.

The moment I saw her walk in, I felt my heart rate pick up. Irene looked around and spotted me. Her face was then contorted with a look that fell somewhere between hopeful and worried but she committed to walking over to me.

"Hi," I said quietly.

"Hi," Irene repeated with a small smile. I motioned for her to sit down, which she did. "I'm glad you called." I didn't say anything, unsure how to respond to that. "I suppose you've got a million questions and accusations, but I just want you to hear me out and ask questions after."

"Okay," I replied simply. I did come here to listen so that was exactly what I was going to do.

"So, first of all, I'd like to apologize for abandoning you the way I did," Irene began. "You were a child. You didn't understand why your daddy was killed and at the time, neither did I, so I put the blame on you for making him leave the house that night. I know apologizing doesn't make it right or take away the hurt, but it's all I can do now. During that time I was so devastated I knew I couldn't take care of you, so I thought it'd be better for someone else to. I was so depressed and I wasn't sleeping, so I wasn't ever thinking clearly." While I wasn't sure how I felt about that being her rationale, I waited for her to continue.

"Once you were gone many things happened... I found out that the murder wasn't as random as we thought. It was actually racially motivated... The murderer had a rap sheet of smaller crimes, and when they investigated further they noticed it was a pattern of those crimes being against Black people, and Black-owned businesses. It didn't help that the murderer was also on drugs, so he just went for it when he saw your father at that gas station. I know that it doesn't bring your dad back but at least you know it wasn't your fault. He could have picked any Black man that day, and unfortunately it happened to be your dad."

I swallowed hard at that but gave her a slight nod. It was helpful to have an explanation, but didn't necessarily give me as much peace as I hoped. A racially motivated hate crime felt more painful than I anticipated. The only benefit to this information was that it felt like more of a reason, than a random accident. I took another sip of my coffee and waited for her to speak again.

"Something else happened too. Since I wasn't sleeping very much or taking care of myself, I was pretty much in a haze... I didn't even notice the weight I was gaining was abnormal." I looked at her in confusion as to where she was going with this. "But, about three months after dropping you off at the orphanage, I realized I was pregnant with a child from your father."

To resist screaming "what?" I bit my tongue as hard as possible. She was raising a new child after she abandoned another one? I was so upset, my face felt hot and my heart was hammering in my chest. I was glued in place, however, waiting to hear what her justification could possibly be.

"When it was confirmed I was honestly so much more depressed than before because I knew I would be raising a child alone. I know I should have taken that as the time to go get you back but at that point I didn't want to raise kids. I wanted my husband back," Irene said with a sigh. She ran her hands through her red hair that gave me mine, which felt painful to notice as she talked about not wanting to raise me. "I know it was so selfish but I couldn't see past the grief. All I did was stay in bed and cry or wallow. I only ate because I had to keep the baby alive. Anyways, flash-forward to a year and a half after you were at the orphanage, I'd begun sorting myself out and hoped to get you back, only to find that you were gone. While I thought you were adopted, you'd actually run away. So initially I wrote that first letter and sent it in. When I hadn't heard anything, of course I was heartbroken, but at least I thought you had someone taking care of you. Then about a year later, I got a call from someone who adopted you, explaining that you'd run away, and been all by yourself.

"Of course, I was relieved that now you had a good home, but I wanted to see you. When Linda said that I couldn't, I thought I lost you. I began drinking a lot, and sometimes forgetting to take proper care of your little sister. The times I came to see you, I left her with a babysitter and tried to find you really hard. I'm so glad I did, because I can finally say that I'm sorry for saying such horrible things to you – drunk and sober – and for making you feel as if your father's death was your fault. I'm sorry that I was selfish and abandoned you when you needed me the most. You're my baby and I hope that we'll both never forget that again Lottie Bear."

At the nickname I froze. My body just seemed to become numb at this. Never did I think I'd ever hear anyone, let alone my mother be the one to say it. It was my dad's nickname for me, though Irene used it occasionally when I was little too. It was why I didn't like being called Charlotte anymore – it signified my old life; one I knew I wasn't getting back. I broke eye contact with Irene, feeling way too many emotions at once to be comfortable.

"I-I, uh, I need time to process this," was all I could manage to say before getting up to leave the coffee shop. 

Author's Note: Oh, snap! What a jam packed chapter! What do you think about Irene's explanation? Or Charlie having a little sister? How do you think Charlie will react once she processes it all? Do you think she'll want to talk to Irene again? Comment and let me know!! 

New chapter coming next week! Stay tuned to see if your predictions are right! <3