Lizzie was not one to leave things in the yard. So when she found a book laying around, she picked it up. She didn't give much thought to what kind of book it was.

"Hello, we just wanted to welcome-", Lizzie begins as a dog jumps up Mike's legs.

He doesn't mind, though, and pets the cutie. "Hello there," He says, mostly to the dog. When he turns his attention away from the dog and onto the girl, he only realises how gorgeous she is.

"Down, Gertrude, down," She says, as she pulls the dog down. "I don't mind, really." Mike says, and the girl seems surprised at his American accent. He is surprised at her Irish one. She has pretty eyes.

"Oh, no. No thank you, we're not on the best terms with Jehovah in this house." A woman, who looks like the older version of the beautiful girl, practically shouts. Mike assumes they are mother and daughter. Inside the house, he sees another girl. She also looks like these two like two drops of rain. Only she has pink hair.

"Taggie, just shut the door." Mike smirks as Lizzie finally realises what she was holding.

"Oh, it's not mine. I found it on the lawn." It sounds so much like a lie that it had to be the truth. "New English?" The older woman asks, but not very clearly. "Is it the New English Bible?" She then repeats, and Lizzie nods. "Ye- Yes."

The pink haired girl is now standing in between her sister and mother. "Daddy says it's a literary abomination. He must've thrown it out the window." So it was theirs, it seemed. Funny.

"I'm Lizzie. I live down the valley." She said, with an awkward smile on her face. "And I'm Michael." Mike said, trying to sound cool and suave. By the disinterested look on Taggie's face, he knows he wasn't cool.

"I brought you a bottle and some eggs." Lizzie holds up the basket. Now Lizzie's finally speaking the mother's language. Mike vaguely remembers Tony mentioning her name was Maud, Declan's wife and an ex-actress.

"Okay," Lizzie says, as the two of them follow Maud O'Hara inside. "Come on in," Taggie says, smiling at Lizzie but not even acknowledging Mike. It's infuriating to him. Why doesn't she want to talk to him?

Once inside the kitchen, Maud begins to pour the wine into teacups. Mike grins at it.

"We haven't found the wineglasses yet." She explains, though it needs no explanation. Taggie isn't as interested in her mother's wine teacups. "What time is the second post here?" She asks, and Lizzie answers instantly. She doesn't even give Mike long enough to think about the answer for himself.

"Oh, there isn't a second post," Lizzie answers, a neutral tone to match her neutral face. The second daughter – Caitlin, as Mike had learned her name was, giggled. "Taggie lost her virginity this summer to one of our son Patrick's university friends." Maud said, and it made Mike feel kind of bad for Taggie.

Because if his dad would just go announcing that to random strangers, he wouldn't be very happy.

"He's in the south of France right now and now writing many postcards," At first Mike had thought that Maud was talking about her own son, but she was talking about Taggie's beau it seemed.

"Mummy," Taggie says, clearly embarrassed. But then again, who wouldn't be?

"Aw, it must be so lonely for Rupert now he's not showjumping," Caitlin buts in, and Mike can hardly keep in his laughter.

"I can assure you, if there's one thing Rupert's not, it's lonely." He thought about the fact that his dad preferred random women over him, but he couldn't let it bother him. He preferred women (and some men) over his father as well.

"The only thing that persuaded Caitlin to leave all her friends in London was the thought of living opposite Rupert Campbell-Black," Maud said, and it then struck Mike that none of the knew he was Rupert's son. Funny. Everyone always knew instantly, because he looked so much like his dad. His mom's genes didn't really put up a fight.

"I want him to ravish me," Caitlin then says, and Mike is borderline freaked out.

"How old are you, Caitlin?" Mike asks her. "You can't be older than what, eighteen?" She nods.

"I turned eighteen half a year ago." She says, smiling as if that makes it okay for the fact she wants a man in his forties to ravish her.

"He's 44. He's old enough to be your dad." He's my dad! He wants to shout, but he keeps his cool. Caitlin shrugs. "I will want him to ravish me."

"He's a middle-aged MP, Caitlin." Mike is happy that at least Taggie doesn't find his dad attractive. It kind of sucks when the girl you think is hot prefers your dad. Mike totally isn't speaking from experience.

"I'm so cross. I'm off to boarding school and won't get first crack at him." Caitlin says. "He's bound to fall for Taggie or even mummy." Isn't their mum married to their dad? God, this can't get any messier, can it?

"Rupert Campbell-Black doesn't fall for anyone. That man doesn't even know what love is." Mike says, letting out all his frustrations. "Mike, be nice," Lizzie says, and Mike nods slightly. He won't back down, though. He only will if Caitlin will, which he knows she won't.

"How do you even know so much about him, then?" Taggie asks Mike, and Mike is so happy that she finally had said something to him that he'd just let it slip. "He's my dad." Caitlin looks so surprised.

Mike can feel Maud's eyes checking him out. Once she knows, once they all know, it's easy for them to notice the similarities between himself and his dad. How could they not. Mike is reminded each time he looks in the mirror.

"You're Rupert Campbell-Black's son?" Caitlin screams. Mike only nods. "So you can introduce me to him?" The grin on her face fades as quickly as it came.

"Fuck no." Mike says. "I'd like for there to be a few women around here who haven't done my father. It's quite awkward, I don't know if you can imagine." He says and he hears Taggie mutter something under her breath, though he can't hear what exactly.

"Have you shagged Rupert, Lizzie?" Caitlin asks, and Lizzie starts to blush a little. "No. I'm one of the few women who hasn't been ravished by Rupert." Caitlin looks at Lizzie like she has some sort of romantic life.

"Is your husband fiercely protective?" No, he's fiercely an asshole, Mike wants to say. But he doesn't. He has to be on his best behaviour. Mike then notices that Taggie holding two books, one of which is Lizzie's. So he says exactly that.

"That's Lizzie's novel." Lizzie smiles at the words. She's clearly happy with the fact that at least someone likes her book. "I wrote that. Have you read it?" Lizzie asked Taggie, easing back into the conversation after Caitlin's comments about Rupert and James.

Before Taggie herself can even answer, her mother dismisses it. "Oh, no. Taggie doesn't read. Uh, she's dyslexic." She almost sees happy to share this information about her eldest daughter. "For a long time, we thought she was retarded." Taggie wasn't retarded, though. Mike was fucking certain of that.

"Oh, He Took What He Wanted. I loved this." Maud then said, grabbing the book from Taggie. Taggie wasn't so happy anymore, and Mike could understand why. "Talk about getting ravished," Maud said, winking at Mike. Gross. This woman was old enough to be his mom, and yet she had just winked at him.

"Isn't there a very naughty bit with some dock leaves?" The two women giggle as Mike walks over to Taggie. She was in the corner organising the books from the movie boxes. It was weird that seemingly Taggie did everything. Mike had not even said a word when those suspicions were confirmed.

"Tag, I need a shirt and some fucking socks." Declan O'Hara said as he walked in, as he fastened his belt, half naked. Sadly, it was the upper half that was naked. Mike understood better now how Taggie was so attractive, seeing her dad.

"Daddy, that's Lizzie." Taggie said, and then Mike decided he wanted to be a gentleman, just for a moment. "And I'm Michael, sir." Declan shook his hand. "You're Rupert's boy, yes?" Apparently Tony had been talking about him. Probably how much he hated him, and how much he was like his dad. Mike knew he was a lot like a his dad, but that didn't mean he liked it.

"I live just down the valley," Lizzie said, as Mike nodded. He lived across from their house, which was really good. He really wanted to ravish Taggie, as Caitlin would say. God, he'd known the girl for all of ten minutes and she was already infecting his way of speaking.

"She writes dirty books, Daddy," Caitlin then said, giggling. "Nice to meet you," Declan said, clearly not very interesting. "You're wearing my socks, Cat." Declain said, tickling his daughter's feet.

"They're warmer than tights." Caitlin said, as Taggie handed her dad a shirt and some socks. "Sorry, still unpacking." Though to Mike it made no sense why she should have to apologise for the fact that he handed unpacked his own shit yet. "Thank you, love." He said, and at least that was kind of him.

"How easy is it to find help around here?" Maud asked Lizzie, but her husband didn't seem so happy with that question.

"We are not forking out for a cleaner." Declan said as he put on his socks.

"Well, stealing a woman's help around here is worse than stealing her husband." Maud turned to her husband at Lizzie's words. "What if you stole both?" She taunted him.

Lizzie chuckles, but she's the only person who does. By the look on all three of the O'Hara's faces, this is not just some lightheaded joke. Taggie had just finished ironing her dad's shirt.

"Thanks, Tag." He grabs it and puts it on. "Right, I am going to buy 30 pairs of socks in such a disgusting colour that none of you will ever pinch them again. Nice to meet you, Lizzie." He says kindly. He then turns to Mike, a serious look on his face. "Michael." He walks off.

"Good luck, Daddy." Taggie says, a sour look on her face. "Give 'em hell!" Caitlin shouts and Declan shouts back yeah. As soon as he leaves, Maud grabs the wine bottle again.

"All right, let's get smashed." She fills Lizzie's teacup again. Lizzie exhales sharply. "Welcome to Rutshire." She chuckles as she raises the cup and brings it to her mouth, chugging it in one sip.

Mike was really glad he'd taken a half day for this.