The apartment, the living room.

"Watch this, it's really cool. Call Leonard Hofstadter." Howard try's.

"Did you say, call Helen Boxleitner?" His phone asked.

"No. Call Leonard Hofstadter." Howard try's again.

"Did you say, call Temple Beth Sader." His phone answered.

"No." Howard answered.

"Here, let me try. Call McFlono McFloonyloo. Heh-heh." I tried laughing.

"Calling Rajesh Koothrappali." Howard's phone said then Raj's phone rings.

"Oh, that's very impressive. And a little racist." Raj answers.

"If we're all through playing mock the flawed technology, can we get on with Halo night, we were supposed to start at eight, it is now 8:06." Sheldon tries.

"So? We'll start now." Leo answered.

"Yes, first we have to decide if those lost six minutes will be coming out of game time, bathroom time or the pizza break." Sheldon carried on.

"We can split it two, two and two." Raj says.

"If we're having anchovies on the pizza we can't take it out of bathroom time." I stated there is a knock on the door.

"Oh, what fresh hell is this?" Sheldon asked.

"(opening door) Hey Penny, come on in." Leo started.

"Hey guys." Penny started.

"See a Penny, pick her up, and all the day you'll have good luck." Howard try's.

"No you won't. Uh, can I hide out here for a while." Penny answered.

"Sure. What's going on." I asked.

"Well, there's this girl I know from back in Nebraska, Christie, well anyway she called me up and she's like "Hey, how's California," and I'm like "Awesome" 'cos, you know, it's not Nebraska, and the next thing I know she's invited herself out here to stay with me." Penny explained.

"8:08." Sheldon stated.

"Anyway, she got here today, and she's just been in my apartment, yakkety-yakking about every guy she's slept with in Omaha, which is basically every guy in Omaha, and washing the sluttiest collection of underwear you have ever seen in my bathroom sink." Penny carried on.

"Well, is she doing it one thong at a time, or does she just throw it all in, like some sort of erotic bouillabaisse." Howard carried on.

"He really needs to dial it down." I answered Penny nodded.

"So, if you don't like this Christie, why are you letting her stay?" Leo asked.

"Well, she was engaged to my cousin while she was sleeping with my brother, so she's kind of family." Penny answered.

"You know, I apologise for my earlier outburst, who needs Halo when we can be regaled with the delightfully folksy tale of the whore of Omaha?" Sheldon asked.

"Oh, I don't think she's a whore." Leo tried.

"No, yeah she's definitely a whore. I mean, she has absolutely no standards, this one time, she was at... where's Howard?" I asked knowing her from when I stayed in Omaha.

"(voice off) Bonjour mademoiselle, I understand you're new in town." Howard said.

"Oh good grief." I answered. Penny, Alex, Sheldon, Raj and Leonard stand in the apartment doorway. Romantic music plays from Penny's apartment door.

"Ugh, I cannot believe Christie let Howard into my apartment." Penny answered.

"And I cannot believe people pay for horoscopes, but on a more serious note it's 8:13 and we're still not playing Halo." Sheldon stated.

"Okay, fine, we'll just play one on one until he gets back." Leo answered.

"One on one? We don't play one on one, we play teams, not one on one. One on one!" Sheldon exclaimed. 

"Well the only way we can play teams at this point is if we cut Raj in half." Leo tries.

"Oh, sure, cut the foreigner in half, there's a billion more where he came from." Raj says.

"Hey, if you guys need a fourth, I'll play." Penny said.

"Great idea." I answered. I never really played I just watched and sometimes helped Sheldon.

"Uh, no. The wheel was a great idea. Relativity was a great idea. This is a notion, and a rather sucky one at that." Sheldon said as I picked up a controller.

"Why?" I asked for Penny.

"Why? Oh, Penny, Penny, Penny." Sheldon tried.

"Oh, what, what, what?" Penny answered.

"This is a complex battle simulation with a steep learning curve, there are myriad weapons, vehicles and strategies to master, not to mention an extremely intricate back-story." Sheldon answered.

"(picking up a controller, there is the sound of an explosion from the television) Oh cool, whose head did I just blow off?" Penny asked.

"Mine." I answered sitting in-between Sheldon's legs looking at the tv.

"Okay, I got this, lock and load boys." Penny stated.

"It's the only way we can play teams. Since Sheldon and Alex are classed as one person." Leo explained.

" Yes, but whoever's her partner will be hamstrung by her lack of experience and not to mention that fact that sh...." Sheldon tried then there was another explosion.

"Ha-ha, there goes your head again." Penny said looking at me.

"Okay, this isn't at all good sportsmanship to shoot somebody who's just respawned, you need to give them a chance to (explosion) now come on!" I answered. Time shift

"Raj, Raj, she's got me cornered, cover me." I yelled.

"Cover this, suckers. Ha-ha-ha!" Penny said.

"Penny, you are on fire." Leo stated.

"Yeah, so is Sheldon and Alex." Penny answered.

"Okay, that's it, I don't know how, but she is cheating. No-one can be that attractive and be this skilled at a video game." Sheldon said forgetting I was in the room.

"Wait, wait, Sheldon, come back, you forgot something." Penny said.

"What?" Sheldon asked.

"Your girlfriend and this plasma grenade. (Explosion.) Ha! Look, it's raining you!" Penny exclaimed making me laugh as I got up.

"You laugh now, you just wait until you need tech support." Sheldon said.

"Gosh, he's kind of a sore loser, isn't he?" Penny asked.

"Well, to be fair, he is also a rather unpleasant winner." I answered.

"Well, it's been fun." Penny stated.

"Apart from the fact I am not attentive to my own boyfriend." I answered.

"You know, Penny, we make such a good team, maybe we could enter a couple of Halo tournaments sometime." Leo tried.

"Or we could just have a life." Penny answered giving me a high five.

"I guess for you that's an option." Leo answered.

"Good night, Leonard Alex." Penny started.

"Good night." We answered.

"As usual, nice talking to you Raj." She said then leaves.

"What do you suppose she meant by that?" Raj asks.

"She's an enigma, Raj." I answered sitting down.

"And another thing, there's a certain ethic to the game, Penny, a well estab..." Sheldon tried.

"She's gone, Sheldon." I butted in.

"Well she could have said goodbye." Sheldon answered.

"(entering again) Okay, I have a problem." Penny said.

"It's called carpal tunnel syndrome, and quite frankly you deserve it." Sheldon said.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Um, well, Howard and Christie are... kind of... hooking up in my bedroom." She answered.

"Are you sure?" Leo asked.

"Look, I grew up on a farm, okay, from what I heard they're either having sex or Howard's caught in a milking machine. Do you mind if I stay here tonight?" Penny asked.

"No, take the couch, or my bed, I just got new pillows, hypo-allergenics." Leo tried.

"Uh, the couch is good." Penny answered.

"I think I should join you in here tonight Penny can't be around him." I answered.

"Hold that thought, Leonard, a moment." Sheldon tries.

"Let me guess, you have a problem with this." Leo answered.

"Where do I begin?" Sheldon asked.

"It's up to you, crazy person's choice." Leo answered.

"Well first, we don't have house guests, frankly if I could afford the rent I'd ask you to leave." Sheldon stated.

"Your friendship means a lot to me as well, what else? Oh wait your girlfriend." Leo carried on.

"Well, our earthquake supplies, we have a two day, three man kit." Sheldon tried.

"So?" I asked.

"So, if there is an earthquake and the four of us are trapped here, we could be out of food by tomorrow afternoon." Sheldon answered.

"I'm sorry, are you suggesting that if we let Penny stay we might succumb to cannibalism?" I asked.

"No-one ever thinks it will happen until it does." Sheldon carried on.

"Penny, if you promise not to chew the flesh off our bones while we sleep, you can stay." Leo said.

"Hu.. what?" Penny asked.

"He's engaging in reductio-ad-absurdum. It's the logical fallacy of extending someone's argument to ridiculous proportions and then criticising the result, and I do not appreciate it." Sheldon explained.

"I'll get you a blanket and a pillow. You two Alex." Leo states.

"Okay, well since I'm obviously being ignored here, let's go over the morning schedule, I use the bathroom from 7 to 7:20, plan your ablutions and bodily functions accordingly." Sheldon explained.

"How am I supposed to plan my bodily functions?" Penny asked.

"I suggest no liquids after 11pm." I answered for Sheldon.

"Here you go." Leo said walking back in.

"Thanks Leonard." We answered. She started to arranges pillows on left of couch while I arranged the pillows on the floor..

"Hmmph, wrong and Alex please sleep in our room." Sheldon answered I just lay on the floor.

"I'm listening." Penny answered.

"Your head goes on the other end." Sheldon carried on.

"Why?" Penny asked.

"It's culturally universal, a bed, even a temporary bed, is always oriented with the headboard away from the door. It serves the ancient imperative of protecting oneself against marauders." Sheldon answered. 

"I'll risk it." Penny answered.

"Hm!" Sheldon exclaimed.

"Anything else I should know." Penny asked.

"Yes. If you use my toothbrush I'll jump out that window. Please don't come to my funeral. Have a good night." Sheldon said slightly dragging me into our bedroom. The following morning. Sheldon is in the kitchen making breakfast Alex is sitting at their shared desk. He crosses to the couch, sees Penny sleeping there, looks lost. He is about to sit down on Penny when Leonard enters.

"What are you doing?" Leo asked.

"Every Saturday since we have lived in this apartment, I have awakened at 6:15, poured myself a bowl of cereal, added a quarter cup of 2% milk, sat on this end of this couch, turned on BBC America and watched Doctor Who while Alex works but still watches the show." Sheldon explained.

"Penny's still sleeping." Leo said.

"Every Saturday since we have lived in this apartment, I have awakened at 6:15, poured myself a bowl of cereal...." Sheldon tried.

"I know, I know, look, you have a TV in your room, why don't you just have breakfast in bed?" Leo asked.

"Because I am neither an invalid nor a woman celebrating Mother's Day. Since me and Alex are not expecting." Sheldon answered.

"Uh, what time is it?" Penny asked.

"Almost 6:30." Leo answered.

"I slept all day?" Penny asked us.

"Oh, no, it's 6:30 in the morning." I answered.

"What the hell is your problem?" Penny asked.

"Okay, this cereal has lost all its molecular integrity, I now have a bowl of shredded wheat paste." Sheldon said as I picked up his bowel giving him a quick kiss.

"(entering) Ola, nerd-migos." Howard said walking in.

"Why do you people hate sleep? Are you wearing my robe?" Penny asked.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, I'll have it cleaned." Howard answered.

"That's okay, keep it. Where's Christie." Penny asked.

"In the shower. Oh, by the way, where did you get that loofah mitt, yours reaches places that mine just won't." Howard answered I just looked up from the bowel of cereal I was eating.

"Y-you used my loofah?" Penny asked.

"More precisely we used your loofah. I exfoliated her brains out!" Howard said I just chocked on the milk I was drinking.

"You can keep that too." I answered for Penny.

"Ah, well then we'll probably need to talk about your stuffed bear collection." Howard stated.

"(voice off) Howard?" Christie asked.

"In here my lady." Howard answered.

"(entering) Mmmm, there's my little engine that could." She carried on.

"chka-chka-chka-chka-chka-chka-chka" Howard answers and they kiss.

"Well there's one beloved children's book I'll never read again." I answered.

"Hi, Christie." She introduced herself.

"Leonard." Leo answered.

"I'm Sheldon." Sheldon carried on.

"And I'm Alex." I answered.

"Right, you're Howard's entourage." She carried on.

"Uh, so Christie, what are your plans?" I asked.

"Oh, well, Howard said he'd take me shopping in Beverley Hills." She answered.

"Yeah, no, I meant plans to find some place to live. Other than with me, not that I don't love having you, but it's... a little crowded." Penny carried on.

"Penny, you're always welcome to stay with us." Leo said.

"Oh, terrific, now we're running a cute little B&B." Sheldon answered hugging me slightly.

"Let me offer a little outside the box thinking here, why doesn't Christie stay with me." Howard tried.

"For one thing you live with your mother." I answered.

"I do not, my mother lives with me." Howard responded.

"Well then, it's all settled, Christie will stay with Howard, Penny can go back to her apartment, and I'll watch the last 24 minutes of Doctor Who, although at this point it's more like Doctor Why Bother." Sheldon tried.

"Sheldon you just can't dictate..." Leo tried.

"No more talking, everybody go." Sheldon answered.

"So, what do you say, you wanna repair to Castle Wolowitz?" Howard asks.

"What is that, like a Mexican deli?" Christie asked.

"I'm sorry, I should have mentioned this earlier, my last name is Wolowitz." Howard answered.

"Oh, that's so cool. My first Jew!" She responded.

"I imagine there aren't many kosher corn-huskers." I answered.

"But you're still taking me shopping, right?" She asked.

"Anything you want." Howard responded.

"Okay, I'll go pack my stuff." She carried on.

"When they perfect human cloning I'm going to order twelve of those." Howard said.

"Howard, can't you see she's using you?" I asked.

"Who cares, last night she pulled off her blouse and I wept!" He answered.

"Look, Howard, I know her, okay, she'll have sex with anyone as long as they keep buying her things." I carried on.

"Really?" Howard asked.

"Yeah." I answered.

"Yay! If you'll excuse me, I have some Bar-Mizvah bonds to cash." Howard cheered. A Chinese restaurant.

"I'm sorry, we cannot do this without Wolowitz." Sheldon started.

"We can't order Chinese food without Wolowitz?" I questioned. 

"Let me walk you through it, our standard is, the steamed dumpling appetizer, General So's chicken, beef with broccoli, shrimp with lobster sauce and vegetable lo-main. Do you see the problem?" Sheldon explained.

"I see a problem." I answered.

"Our entire order is predicated on four dumplings and four entrees divided among four people." Sheldon said. 

"So, we'll just order three entrees." I answered. 

"Fine, what do you want to eliminate, and who gets the extra dumpling." Sheldon asked.

"We could cut it into thirds." Raj answered.

"Then it is no longer a dumpling, once you cut it open it is at best a very small open faced sandwich." Sheldon tried.

"Hi fellas. Oh, where's your annoying little friend who thinks he speaks Mandarin?" The waiter asked.

"He's putting his needs ahead of the collective good. (Pointing at waiter) Where he comes from, that's punishable by death." Sheldon stated.

"I come from Sacramento." The waiter answered.

"Can we get an order of dumplings, but with three instead of four." Leo tried.

"No substitutions." The waiter answered.

"This isn't a substitution, it's a reduction." Leo  tried again.

"Okay, no reductions." The waiter carried on.

"Fine, bring us three orders of dumplings, that's twelve, we'll each have four." Leo said.

"That works." Raj answers.

"No, if we fill up on dumplings we'll need to eliminate another entree." Sheldon answered.

"No eliminations." The waiter answered.

"If we have extra, we'll just take the leftovers home." Leo tries.

"And divide it how, I'm telling you we cannot do this without Wolowitz." I answered.

"Wolowitz is with his new girlfriend, if you had let me invite Penny then you would have had your fourth." Leo said. 

"Have you seen Penny eat Chinese food, she uses a fork, and she double dips her egg rolls." I answered.

"We don't order egg rolls." Leo answered.

"Exactly, but we'd have to if she was here." I carried on.

"Can we please make a decision, not only are there children starving in India, there's an Indian starving right here." Raj said.

"Here's an idea, why don't we just go out for Indian food." Leo suggested.

"No." Sheldon answered,

"Uurgh." Me and Raj complains.

"You are nice boys. Tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to bring you the four dumplings. When I'm walking over to the table, maybe I get bumped, one of the dumplings falls to the floor, no-one has to know." The waiter pipes up.

"I'll know." Sheldon answered.

"wanders away cursing in Mandarin." The waiter said I understood a bit.

"How about soup?" I asked.

"Yeah, we can always divide soup." Leo answered.

"What about the won-tons?" Sheldon asked. Outside Penny's door. Leonard knocks.

"Oh, hey guys, what's up?" Penny said opening the door.

"It's Halo night." Sheldon answered.

"Yeah. Okay. So?" Penny asked. 

"Well, with Wolowitz spending all of his time with your friend Christie." Leo points out,

"She's not my friend. Friends do not get their friends care bears all sweaty." Penny answered I nodded my head.

"Right, anyway, uh, with Wolowitz occupied elsewhere, we had something we wanted to ask you. Sheldon Alex?" Leo asked.

"Yes. Penny, we would very much appreciate it if you would be the fourth member of our Halo team. I don't think I need to tell you what an honour this is." Sheldon answered.

"Oh, that's so sweet. But I'm going out dancing with a girlfriend." Penny piped up.

"You can't go out, it's Halo night." Sheldon said.

"Well, for Penny it's dancing night." Penny said.

"You go dancing every Wednesday." I pointed out.

"No." Penny said.

"Then it's not dancing night." Sheldon piped up.

"Look, why don't I play with you guys tomorrow?" Penny asked.

"Tonight is Halo night, it's like talking to a wall." I said looking at Sheldon.

"Alright, now Sheldon Alex, you and I are about to have a problem." Penny said.

"Sheldon Alex, remember, we role-played this." Leo piped up.

"Yes, but you didn't portray her as completely irrational." Sheldon answered.

"Alright fellas, I gotta go. Good luck." Penny said before leaving.

"Maybe we should have asked if we could go dancing with her and her girlfriend." Leo said.

"Okay, assuming we could dance, which we can't, there are three of us and two of them." Sheldon said.

"So?" Leo asked.

"It's the Chinese restaurant all over again. I assure you that cutting a dumpling in thirds is child's play compared with three men, each attempting to dance with 67% of a woman." I answered.

"Aaah, for God's sake, Sheldon Alex, you are driving me crazy." Leo said.

"Your anger's not with me, sir, but with basic mathematics." I said smiling.

"No, I'm pretty sure my anger's with you." Leo answered.

"Honestly, this has been like this our whole lives Leo." I stated.

"What's happening to us? We're falling apart." Raj says.

"Who are you calling?" Leo asked.

"The only man who can restore any semblance of balance to our universe." Sheldon answered.

"(voice) Hi this is Howard Wolowitz." I heard Howard say.

"(voice) And this is Christie Van Der Bell." I could barely hear Christies voice.

"(voice) We can't get to the phone right now because we're having sex." It was Howards voice mail.

"(voice) You're not going to put that on your message are you?" The voice asked.

"(voice) No, I'm just kidding, I'll re-record it." Howard says then there was a beep. We all went to Howard's house.

"Sheldon, think this through, you're going to ask Howard to choose between sex and Halo." Leo says.

"No, I'm going to ask him to choose between sex and Halo 3. As far as I know, sex has not been upgraded to include high-def graphics and enhanced weapon systems." Sheldon answered.

"You're right, all sex has is nudity, orgasms and human contact." Leo said.

"My point." Sheldon said.

"(voice from within) I'm just saying, you can take the damned plastic off the couch once in a while." I heard Christie say.

"(voice) Why, so you and Howard can hump on it?" Mrs Wolowitz says making me chuckle.

"(voice): Ladies, ladies, I'm sure there's a middle ground." Howard says.

"Shut up Howard." Christie and Mrs Wolowitz both say.

"(voice) You girl's talk, I'm going to take my scooter out for a little spin." Howard says.

"(voice as Howard emerges through door) Are you happy, you drove your own son out of the house." Christie says.

"(voice) Why don't you stop butting in where you don't belong." Mrs Wolowitz answers.

"What are you guys doing here?" Howard asks.

"It's Halo night." I answer.

"(voice) He's not a man, he's a putz, and don't you take that tone with me, you gold digger." Mrs Wolowitz says. I just laugh into Raj's shoulder.

"(voice) What did you call me?" Christie asks.

"(voice) You heard me, and I'll tell you something else, you're barking up the wrong tree, cos as long as you're around, Howard is out of the will." Mrs Wolowitz answers which makes me laugh harder.

"(voice) You know what, I got better offers, I'm out of here." Christie says.

"(voice) That's right, go back to Babylon, you whore." Mrs Wolowitz says.

"So, Halo night, huh?" Howard asks.

"I thought she was the whore of Omaha?" Raj asks me as I shrug.

"Shhh!" Sheldon answers. We were back at the apartment, Halo night.

"Sheldon Alex, you got him in your sights, fire, he's charging his plasma rifle." Howard says.

"I can't shoot now, I'm cloaking." I answer.

"Now, Raj, kill Sheldon and Alex." Leo said.

"I can't see them." Raj says.

"That's why the call it cloaking, dead man." I say.

"Well then start throwing grenades." Leo says.

"I'm all out." Raj says.

"(entering with three other sexy women): Hi guys, my friends and I got tired of dancing, so we came over to have sex with you." Penny says.

"That will do, Raj, straight for the tank." Leo says.

"We said no tanks." Sheldon says.

"There are no rules in hell!" I exclaimed. 

"Son of a bitch, medpack, I need a medpack!" Howard says.

"Told yah!" Penny says they leave.

"There's a sniper, use your rocket launcher." Leo says.

"All I've got is a needler, and I'm all out of ammo." Raj says.

"And now you're out of life. Why did you hit pause?" I asked.

"I thought I heard something." Leo answers.

"What?" Raj asks.

"No, never mind, alright, go." Leo says as we get back into the game.