Alex Sheldon and Leonard's apartment.

"I've been thinking about time travel again." Sheldon started.

"Why, did you hit a roadblock with invisibility?" I asked looking up at him. 

"Put it on the back burner. Anyway, it occurs to me, if I ever did perfect a time machine, I'd just go into the past and give it to myself, thus eliminating the need for me to invent it in the first place." Sheldon answered. 

"Interesting." I continued and went to my desk that was next Sheldon's.

"Yeah, it really takes the pressure off." Sheldon said coming to sit next to me. 

"Sounds like a breakthrough, should I call the science magazines and tell them to hold the front cover?" Leo asked walking into the living room. We exited the apartment.

"It's time travel, Leonard, I will have already done that."  Sheldon answered.

"Then I guess congratulations are in order." I stated looking at Sheldon holding his hand.

"No, congratulations will have been in order. You know, I'm not going to enjoy this party." Sheldon said.

" I know, I'm familiar with you." I continued.

"At the last department party, Dr Finkleday cornered me and talked about spelunking for 45 minutes." Sheldon stated I tried not to laugh. 

"Yes, I was there." Leo carried on. 

"You know what's interesting about caves, Leonard, babe ?"

"What?" Me and Leo questioned looking at him.

"Nothing." Sheldon answered.

"Well then we'll avoid Finkleday, we'll meet the new department head, congratulate him, shake his hand and go." Leo said stating his plan.

"How's this? Pleased to meet you, Dr Gablehouser. How fortunate for you that the University has chosen to hire you, despite the fact that you've done no original research in 25 years, and instead have written a series of popular books that reduce the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes, each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration of an average bowel movement. Mahalo." I answered looking at Leo. 

"Mahalo's a nice touch." Sheldon said smiling at me. 

"Do you know there are only eight consonants in the Hawaiian language." I said. 

"Interesting, you should lead with that." Leo answered I just laughed. The department party. Alex, Sheldon, Raj and Leonard are at the buffet table.

"Oh, God, Look at this buffet. I love America." Raj said looking at the buffet table.

"You don't have buffets in India?" I questioned looking at Raj.

"Of course, but it's all Indian food. You can't find a bagel in Mumbai to save your life. Schmear me." Raj answered I just nodded and saw Howard. 

"Well here's an interesting turn of events." Sheldon said. 

"What. (Sees Howard with a statuesque blonde) Howard brought a date?" I questioned. 

"A more plausible explanation is that his work in robotics has made an amazing leap forward." Sheldon answered.

"Hey, what up, science bitches? May I introduce my special lady friend, Summer." Howard said and puts arm around her.

"I already told you, touching's extra." Howards date said I just laughed a little.

"Right. Sorry." Howard said giving me a death stare causing Sheldon to put an arm around me. 

"(to Sheldon and Alex) Here comes our new boss, be polite." Leo said to us.

"Hi fellas and women, Eric Gablehouser." Our new boss Gablehouser introduced himself.

"Howard Wolowitz." Howard said introducing himself.

"Howard, nice to meet you, and you two are?" Eric asked I just rolled my eyes.

"Two actual real scientists. (To Leonard) How was that?" Me and Sheldon answered.  The stairwell of the apartment building. Sheldon and Alex are carrying a box of their things.

"I can't believe he fired us." I said.

"Well, you did call him a glorified high-school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts." Leo said looking between us. 

"In my defence, we prefaced that by saying "with all due respect."." I answered.  The apartment, Sheldon is in the kitchen cooking, Leonard and Alex enters.

"Morning" Leo started. 

"Morning." Sheldon answered. I just ignored the boys and started making my breakfast.

"You're making eggs for breakfast?" Leo asked.

"This isn't breakfast, it's an experiment." I said looking up from the bowel of cereal.

"Huh? Cos it looks a lot like breakfast." Leo carried on. 

"I finally have the time to test my hypothesis, about the separation of the water molecules from the egg proteins, and its impact vis-a-vis taste." Sheldon answered I just smiled and kissed his cheek walking to sit on the couch. 

"Sounds yummy. I look forward to your work with bacon." Leo answered I just laughed. 

"As do I." Sheldon said.

"You know, I'm sure if you just apologised to Gablehauser he would give you two your jobs back." Leo started.

"We don't want our jobs back. We've spent the last three and a half years staring at greaseboards full of equations. Before that I spent four years working on my thesis. Before that I was in college, and before that, I was in the fifth grade. This is my first day off in decades, and I'm going to savour it." Sheldon started he knew I didn't want my job back we spoke about it last night. 

"Okay. I'll let you get back to fixing your eggs. And you to eat your cereal." Leo said.

"I'm not just fixing my eggs, I'm fixing everyone's eggs." Sheldon answered.

"And we all thank you." I said looking up.  Sheldon takes his eggs and sits down. Takes a photograph of them. Writes in his notebook, then takes a forkful. Writes in notebook again.

"Use new eggs." Sheldon said. There is a knock on the door.

"(popping her head round): Hi, hey. I'm running out to the market, do you guys need anything?" Penny asked.

"Yeah I will just come with you Penny." I said getting up. Recently me and Penny started getting along with each other.

"Oh, well this would be one of those circumstances that people unfamiliar with the law of large numbers would call a coincidence." Sheldon said when I walked out of my shared room with Sheldon.

"I'm sorry?" Penny asked.

"Baby she has no clue what you are on about."  I said walking up to him eating some of his eggs and smiles.

"I need eggs. Four dozen should suffice. Hey I was saving them." Sheldon answered kissing me.

"Four dozen?" I questioned after I pulled away. 

"Yes, and evenly distributed amongst brown, white, free range, large, extra-large and jumbo." Sheldon said looking at me and smiling. 

"Okay, one more time?" Penny asked from the door. 

"Never mind, you won't get it right, I'd better come with you two." Sheldon said. 

"Oh, yay!" Penny said sarcastically I just started laughing. Penny's car.

"How come you didn't go into work today." She started. 

"We're taking a sabbatical, because I won't kow-tow to mediocre minds." Sheldon said.

"So you got canned, huh?" Penny asked I just nodded. 

"Theoretical physicists do not get canned. But yeah." Sheldon answered. 

"Well, maybe it's all for the best, you know I always say, when one door closes, another one opens." Penny says I just smiled.

"No it doesn't. Not unless the two doors are connected by relays, or there are motion sensors involved." Sheldon answered I turned around looking at him.

"No, no, she meant..." I tried to explain.

"Or the first door closing causes a change of air pressure that acts upon the second door." Sheldon said ignoring me.

"Never mind." I said turning back around annoyed he ignored me.

"Slow down. Slow down, please slow down." Sheldon panicked I turned around again.

"We're fine." I said looking at him. 

"Look, you're not leaving yourself enough space between cars." Sheldon carried on.

"Oh, sure I am." Penny answered.

"No, no. Let me do the math for you, this car weighs let's say 4,000lb, now add say 140 for me, 120 for you, 110 for Alex no offence babe." Sheldon said looking between us. 

"120?" Penny questioned. I was confused to why Sheldon said I was thinner then Penny it hurt since I can get self conscious Sheldon should of known this. 

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I insult you? Is your body mass somehow tied into your self worth?" Sheldon asked us.

"Well, yeah." I answered trying not to show any emotions since I hated using emotions.

"Interesting. Anyway, that gives us a total weight of, let's say, 4,400lb." Sheldon carried on. Penny seemed to notice something was wrong with me since I stopped talking.

"Let's say 4,390." Penny carried on sending a death stare to Sheldon which I seemed slightly happy about since he looked confused to why Penny gave him that look.

"Fine. We're travelling forward at, good Lord, 51 miles an hour. Now let's assume that your brakes are new and the callipers are aligned, still, by the time we come to a stop, we'll be occupying the same space as that Buick in front of us, an impossibility that nature will quickly resolve into death, mutilation and... oh look, they built a new put-put course." Sheldon complained I just ignored him the rest of the way. We managed to get to the supermarket.

"This is great. Look at me, out in the real world of ordinary people, just living their ordinary, colourless, workaday lives." Sheldon said looking around. 

"Thank you." Penny said. I just sighed Sheldon had tried talking to me but I ignored him.

"No, thank you. And thank you, ordinary person. Hey, you want to hear an interesting thing about tomatoes." Sheldon said looking between us I just shook my head walking off to buy things I didn't want Sheldon seeing. 

"(as Penny selects vitamin supplements) Oh boy." I heard Sheldon say from across the isle noticing me but giving me space. 

"What now?" I questioned walking up to them.

"Well, there's some value to taking a multivitamin, but the human body can only absorb so much, what you're buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine." Sheldon answered looking at Penny.

"Well, maybe that's what I was going for." Penny stated I just laughed slightly.

"Well then you'll want some manganese." Sheldon said I noticed he got his own basket for himself and had more then just eggs. On the stairwell of the apartment building.

"That was fun. Maybe tomorrow we can go to one of those big warehouse stores." Sheldon stated looking between us.

"Oh, I don't know Sheldon, it's going to take me a while to recover from all the fun I had today." Penny answered I knew she didn't want to go again. 

"Are you sure. There are a lot of advantages to buying in bulk. For example, I noticed that you purchase your tampons one month's supply at a time." Sheldon started I just looked at him confused. 

"What?" I questioned since it was aimed at me and Penny. 

"Well think about it, it's a product that doesn't spoil, and you're going to be needing them for at least the next thirty years." Sheldon explained.

"You want us to buy thirty years worth of tampons?" I questioned.

"Well, thirty, thirty five, hey, when did your mother go into menopause?" Sheldon asked I was to confused to answer.

"Okay, I'm not talking about this with you." Penny answered looking at him.

"Oh, Penny, this is a natural human process, and we're talking about statistically significant savings. Now, if you assume 15 tampons per cycle and a 28 day cycle, are you fairly regular? (Penny shuts door in his face.) Okay, no warehouse store, but we're still on for put-put golf, right?" Sheldon asked I just started to walk back to the apartment. The apartment, Sheldon has several bowls containing goldfish I was just looking at my computer sitting at my desk eating a bit of eggs I cooked up.

"(entering) Hey, I just ran into Penny, she seemed upset about something." Leo said walking in.

"I think it's her time of the month. I marked the calendar for future reference." Sheldon answered not looking at him.  

"What's with the fish?" Leo asked.

"It's an experiment." I answered looking up from my eggs.

"What happened to your scrambled egg research?" Leo asked Sheldon stealing some of my eggs.

"Oh, that was a dead end. Scrambled eggs are as good as they're ever going to be." I answered for Sheldon.

"So... fish." Leo continued.

"I read an article about Japanese scientists, who inserted DNA from luminous jellyfish into other animals, and I thought hey, fish nightlights." Sheldon explained when I started cleaning up my plate.

"Fish nightlights." I said looking at him.

"It's a billion dollar idea. Shhhhh!" He said looking at me.

"Mum's the word. Sheldon, are you sure you don't want to just apologise to Gablehauser and get your job back. Not you Alex you are not doing stupid things." Leo stated he did make a very good point. I probably am gonna try to get my job back because I am starting to get bored I have read to many comics then normal. I had like 30,000 thousand give and take a few and I have read 100 while I have been off. I might not work in the university full time like part time like have till Lunch time eat with the boys then go work at the chees cake factory with Penny.

"Oh, no, no, no. No, I've too much to do." Sheldon said I was confused to why he enjoyed this. 

"Like luminous fish." I answered walking to stand next to him.

"Shhhhh!" He yelled slightly. 

"Right... I didn't...." I tried.

"That's just the beginning. I also have an idea for a bulk mail-order feminine hygiene company. Oh, glow in the dark tampons! Leonard, we're going to be rich." Sheldon started. 

"I didn't know what else to do, he's lost all focus, every day he's got a new obsession. (They enter the apartment. Sheldon is weaving on a loom. He is wrapped in a poncho Alex sitting on his lap helping him.) This is a particularly disturbing one. Don't mind my sister at all." We hearted Leo say from the door. I knew what he did from the moment he walked in.

"(looking round) Mommy." Sheldon said looking at Leo.

"Hi baby and my future daughter in law." She said looking over to us I just blushed slightly. 

"(mouths) You called my mother?" Sheldon mouthed to Leo I just sat there trying not to laugh.

"Oh, you got yourself a loom, how nice." Mrs Cooper said.

"Thank you." Sheldon answered.        

"Honey, why did you get a loom?" She asked.

"I was working with luminous fish, and I thought, hey, loom! Mom, what are you doing here?" Sheldon asked.                    

"Leonard called me." She answered looking at him.

"I know, but why?" I asked for Sheldon.

"Because one of the great minds of the twenty-first century is raising glow-in-the-dark fish and weaving sarapes." Leo answered I just chuckled slightly.

"This is not a sarape. This is a poncho. A sarape is open at the sides, a poncho is closed, this is a poncho, and neither is a reason to call someone's mother." Sheldon said.

"Really, when was the last time you two left the house." Leo asked

"We went to the market with Penny." Sheldon answered.

"That was three weeks ago." I answered for Leo.

"Well then buckle up, in the next four to eight days she's going to get very crabby." Sheldon started talking about Penny.

"Sweetheart, your little friend is concerned about you and your girlfriend." Mrs copper answered looking at us. 

"Yes, well I'm not a child, I'm a grown man capable of living my life as I see fit. And I certainly don't need someone telling on me to my mother." Sheldon answered we both stood up.

"Where are you two going?" Leo asked.

"To our room, and no-one's allowed in." I answered and we both stated walking off to our room. 

"He gets his temper from his daddy." I heard Mrs copper say.

"Oh. Alex gets her temper from mom." Leo answered I jus laughed slightly. 

"He's got my eyes. And by the looks of it you have Alex's eyes." Mrs Cooper said. I knew what she meant.

"I see. Yeah we get that a lot." Leo answered.          

"All that science stuff, that comes from Jesus." She answered when I just closed the door.  Everyone but Sheldon and Alex is in the kitchen of the apartment.

"Sheldon Alex? Your mum made dinner." Leo yelled to us.

"(off) We're not hungry." I answered since I knew Sheldon didn't want to leave.

"Oh, Leonard, don't trouble yourself, they are stubborn. They may stay in there 'til the Rapture." Mrs copper said.

"Are we so sure that's a bad thing?" Penny asked.

"I'll tell ya, I love the boy to death, but he has been difficult since he fell out of me at the K-Mart. And Alex has been difficult ever since Shelly brought her home to meet us" Mrs cooper said.

"Excuse me for being so bold, but I now see where Sheldon gets his smouldering good looks." Howard tried to flirt.                                                                   

"Oh, honey that ain't going to work, but you keep trying. (To Raj) I made chicken, I hope that isn't one of the animals that you people think is magic? You know, we have an Indian gentleman at our church, a Dr Patel, it's a beautiful story, the lord spoke to him, and moved him to give us all 20% off on lasic, you know, those that needed it." Mrs Cooper explained.

"That is a lovely story, um, are we going to do anything about Sheldon and my sister?" Leo asked.

"Oh, we will, you have to take your time with Sheldon. His father, God rest his soul, used to say to me, Mary, you have to take your time with Sheldon. And Alex she will come around she always did." Mrs cooper explained.

"Sounds like a wise man." Leo answered.

"Oh, not so wise, he was trying to fight a bobcat for some licquorish. So, everybody grab a plate, and a pretty place mat that Shelly wove." Mrs copper answered.

"Has Shelly ever freaked out like this before I know Alex has." Penny asked.

"Oh, all the time, I remember one summer when he was thirteen, he built a small nuclear reactor in the shed and told everybody he was going to provide free electricity for the whole town, well the only problem was he had no, whatchacall, fissionable materials. Anyway, when he went on the internets to get some, a man from the government came by and sat him down real gentle and told him it's against the law to have yellow cake uranium in a shed." Mrs cooper explained.

"What happened?" Penny asked.

"Well, the poor boy had a fit, locked himself in his room and built a sonic death ray." Mrs cooper answered,

"A death ray?" Leo asked. 

"Well, that's what he called it, didn't even slow down the neighbour kids. It pissed our dog off to no end. You know, you two make a cute couple." Mrs cooper said. I was debating leaving Sheldon to join in or stay with him and stay curled up on his lap. Both Leonard and Penny laugh, a little too forced.

"No, we're not, we're not, not a couple, two singles, like those individually wrapped slices of cheese that.... are friends." Leo tried to explain.

"Did I pluck a nerve there?" Mrs cooper asked.

"Oh yeah." Howard answers for them.

"Okay. Alright everybody, it's time to eat. (Everybody begins to do so) Oh Lord, we thank you for this meal, all your bounty, and we pray that you help Sheldon and Alex get back on their rocker. (To Raj and Howard) Now after a moment of silent meditation I'm going to end with "In Jesus' Name" but you two don't feel any obligation to join in. Unless, of course, the holy spirit moves you." Mrs cooper prayed.  Time shift

"Oh my God, this is the best cobbler I've ever had." Penny said. I was getting a bit jealous since I loved Mrs coppers food. 

"It was always Sheldon' s favourite. You know what the secret ingredient is?" She asked.

"Love?" Penny asked.

"Lard." Mrs Cooper answered.  Sheldon and Alex emerges from the bedroom area.

"Hey, look who's come out...." Howard trys.

"Shhh! You'll spook them. They are like a baby deer, you gotta let them come to you." Mrs cooper explained. Sheldon and Alex crosses to the cobbler, takes some and puts it on a plate. Looks round at the group in the matter of a frightened animal. Everyone but Leonard looks down at their meal.

"This is ridiculous. Dammit, Sheldon Alex, snap out of it. You're a physicists, you belong at the University doing research, not hiding in your room." Leo tried. Sheldon scuttles away I just sit at the counter 

"You don't hunt, do you?" I asked since I knew what to do with him. Sheldon and Alex's bedroom. He is building a model of some kind of double helix and Alex was sitting on the bed. There is a knock on the door.

"(entering) Good morning, snicker-doodles." Mrs cooper started. 

"Morning." We both answer I just stand up and sit next to Sheldon.

"Oh, well that looks awful fancy, what is that?" Mrs cooper asked. 

"It's my idea of what DNA would look like in a silicon based life form." Sheldon explained I just lay down and put my head in his lap.         

"But intelligently designed by a creator, right?" Mrs cooper asked.

"What do you want, mom?" Sheldon asked.

"You know how your daddy used to say that you can only fish for so long before you got to throw a stick of dynamite in the water?" Mrs Cooper asked.

"I remember that coming into conversation a few years ago." I answered.

"Yeah." Sheldon answered.

"Well, I'm done fishing. (Throwing a pair of trousers on the bed) You put those on." Mrs copper said after throwing clothes onto the bed.

"What for?" I asked sitting up. 

"Because you two going to go down to your office, you're going to apologise to your boss, and get your jobs back." Mrs cooper explained. 

"No." Sheldon answered. I stood up and made Sheldon stand up.

"I'm sorry, did I start that sentence with the words "if it please your highness?"" Mrs cooper asked.

"I'm not going to apologise, I didn't say anything that wasn't true." Sheldon said. 

"Now you listen here, I have been telling you since you were four years old, it's okay to be smarter than everybody but you can't go around pointing it out." Mrs cooper tried.

"Why not?" Sheldon asked. 

"Because people don't like it. Remember all the ass-kickings you got from the neighbour kids? Now let's get cracking. Shower, shirt, shoes, and let's shove off." Mrs cooper said to both of us. She then exits.

"Wouldn't have been any ass-kickings if that stupid death ray had worked." Sheldon said coming over to where I was standing and kissed me slightly.  The kitchen

"Problem solved." Mrs Cooper said walking into the kitchen.

"Really? That's impressive." Leo said.

"Leonard, the Lord never gives us more than we can handle. Thankfully he blessed me with two other children who are dumb as soup." She explained. Dr Gablehouser's office

"Excuse me, Dr Gablehouser, are you busy?" Mrs Cooper asked.

"Well, actually...." Gablehouser tried to answer.

"Sheldon Alex, he's just doodling, get in here." Mrs cooper said.

"Dr Gablehouser." Me and Sheldon both said after walking in.

"Dr Cooper Dr Hofstadter." He answered. 

"Let's go, babys, we're losing daylight." Mrs cooper said to both me and Sheldon.

"Um, as you know, several weeks ago in our first encounter we may have gotten off on the wrong foot, when we called you an idiot. And we just wanted to say that we was wrong. To point it out." I explained grabbing a hold of Sheldon's hand slightly. 

"(to Mrs Cooper) I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced. Dr Eric Gablehouser." He introduced himself.

"Mary Cooper, Sheldon's mom Alex's future mother in law." Mrs Cooper said.

"Now that's impossible, you must have had him when you were a teenager." Gablehouser answered.

"Stop flirting with our mother Gablehouser." I started realising I called her mother but not wanting to correct myself.

"Oh, aren't you sweet, his father's dead." Mrs Cooper carried on. 

"Recently?" He asked I just sighed and hugged Sheldon.

"Long enough." She answered.

"(indicating chair) Please. Sheldon Alex, shouldn't you be working?" He asked us.

"(leaving) Okay." We both answered.

"Hey, how did it go?" Leo asked.

"We got our jobs back." I answered.

"Really? What happened?" Leo questioned.

"I'm not quite sure. It involves a part of the human experience that has always eluded me." Sheldon answered.

"It came down to Mary flirting wit Gablehourser." I answered Leo nodded his head. 

"That narrows it down." He answers. Sheldon and Alex's bedroom. Mrs Cooper is tucking him in.

"I'm very proud of you honey, you showed a lot of courage today." She said looking between us.

Sheldon: Thanks, mom. Mom?" Sheldon asked when I was taking my shoes off by the bed. 

"Mmm-hmm?" She answered. I knew she approved of me since she stuck up for me when she didn't really need to. 

"Is Dr Gablehouser going to be my new daddy?" Sheldon asked after Mrs Cooper tucked him in. I was just getting into bed. 

"We'll see. Sleep tight you two no cutis." She said I just laughed slightly at her and smiled.

"Hey baby." He said turning over to look at me.

"Hey." I smiled at him since he never really turned over unless he had two moods. It was ether where he wasn't tired and needed someone to talk to or he wanted to do cutis. I couldn't really tell.

"How are you feeling about getting our jobs back." He questioned me. I knew this question would come up somewhere.

"Eh I don't really like our boss so he made it onto my list bu-" I ranted but I was stopped by Sheldon kissing me. So he was in the mood for cutis. I didn't stop him from cutis because I enjoyed it. 

We finished twenty minutes later. It was funny and weird to be doing it in the same house as Sheldon's mother. Sheldon turns over to sleep in the glow of a luminous goldfish.