a/b: for story purposes, timmy & penny's timeline ~

2007 (7th grade) - they meet. i'm changing it slightly & saying they met before laguardia since that's only 9th - 12th grade

2011 (11th grade) - they start dating

2013 - they graduate high school.

2015 (2 years after graduating high school) - they break up. together for just over 4 years, we'll say they broke up after their 4th anniversary.

2018 - when the story starts.
~

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~ third person pov ~

     maybe i shouldn't have tweeted that, penny thinks to herself. but she knows there's no point in deleting because it already has almost 23,000 favorites and she'd bet her life that there are a lot of screenshots.

it's her last day in new york before going back to work, and she can't believe how quickly time has gone by. and for some reason, she's feeling oddly sentimental today. it started when she was thinking about the originals. having played davina for the past five years, and after this last season is filmed, it dawned on her that she won't get to play her anymore.

then once she got was feeling sad about that, she put her headphones on and played her sad playlist which didn't help at all.

the song to love someone else by avery lynch came on and the whole thing is amazing, but one line in particular stuck with her. so of course she had to tweet it.

thinking about it, penny hates how she's been feeling ever since she met up with timothée. she wasn't lying to pauline when she told her that in a way it felt like they broke up all over again. and she hates how she feels so guilty about the way she left things at the bookshop. but she doesn't think she can face him again.

penny knows she's just going to go crazy keeping all of this in her head though, so she does something she hasn't done in years. grabbing a pencil and some paper, she writes out her thoughts.

feeling very inspired by lara jean, she writes her thoughts as a letter to timothée.

dear t,

i don't think i ever told you this, and i obviously never will if it's being written in here, but the first time that pauline and i hung out once you and i started dating, she asked me how i was, and i got the biggest smile on my face. i told her it felt like i was in a dream. i thought i was lucky that you even wanted to be friends with me, and i said that i couldn't believe you asked me to be your girlfriend.

i told her that i had moments where i still couldn't comprehend that out of every girl, you liked me. my self esteem was basically non existent at the beginning of high school, so i had so many moments where i wondered what on earth i did to deserve you.

despite what you might think / how i came across when we met up, i don't regret meeting you, or being with you. i can't believe it's been eleven years since we first met. you were my first love, and i don't think i could ever actually hate you. i just tell myself that i do because it's easier that way.

when you broke up with me, i was so confused. i don't even want to think about the nights where i literally cried myself to sleep because i just wanted to know what i did wrong. you told me now, what the "reason" was, but i didn't know back then and i nearly let it destroy me. i almost didn't go back to work, all i wanted to do was just curl up under the covers and be sad.

my self esteem was shit for so long after we broke up. i overthought and questioned every thing i had to do and every decision i had to make. when i looked in the mirror, my instinct became to look at my flaws. i spent so long trying to figure out what was wrong with me.

i wondered what i could've done differently, spent so much time replaying our breakup in my head over and over and over. last year was brutal because i don't even know how many texts or calls i got about how proud i must be of you for cmbyn. i was, and still am, incredibly proud of you and all that you've achieved, by the way.

you know right after, and even still to this day, so many things were ruined for me. when i'd come home between the originals filming, i'd walk past "our bookshop" and couldn't bring myself to go inside. the first year after when i came home for christmas, some friends wanted to go ice skating. i backed out of the plans when i found out where, because we went there on quite a few dates.

i even hated taking the subway because as stupid as that sounds, just doing that reminded me of you too. i began to hate museums, art galleries, even going to the movies. i hated and got sad about so many things because i still loved you.

i don't want to be angry or sad anymore, so i hope this works. i do still have a lot to thank you for though.

thank you for (after all these years) telling me why you broke up with me. it doesn't make it hurt any less because i still remember exactly how i felt. but at least now i know, i guess? i don't really know where i'm going with this. just trying to get all my thoughts on paper so that after this i might finally be able to let go.

maybe i'll be able to hear your name or hear about a project you're working on, and i won't get sad. i can just be proud of you and all that you've accomplished.

you're an amazing actor and i know you're going to go on and do even bigger things in the future. i once thought i had a place in your future, but i guess i'm also realizing that just because we were together for so long, doesn't mean it's a guarantee that we'll always be in each other's lives.

you were my first love, and i don't want to be angry anymore. i want to be able to smile and remember the good times we had together. so... i guess this is my first step.

i wish time had better timing for you and me.

- penelope

~
a/n: the last line is a poem

~ END OF PART ONE ~

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