Chapter 33

I felt an emptiness in my stomach for the next few days, and not just because I couldn't eat. I had gone over every moment since I had first met Mateo - meeting him the night of the rehearsal dinner, seeing him on the beach when I was out there, feeling sorry for myself, kissing him for the first time. But all I felt now was how much I missed him. How was I supposed to just move on like we'd never met? But, as it turned out, I didn't really have a choice.

   "You really ended it?" Tess asked, that weekend.

   I nodded, though I felt hesitation. "He told my dad that we were dating. Without me."

   "I know. That's not cool, but I -"

   "I ended it, Tess. It's better this way," I interrupted, mostly trying to convince myself this. I just didn't want to talk about it, really.

   She gave me her best fake smile, as she finished packing her clothes from her closet. I watched her toss some sweaters towards her suitcase, which was open on her floor. I envied her, only because she didn't have to worry about any guy drama, or family drama, for that matter.

    Our plan for the next week was to spend time with Clare, basically. I planned to cook dinner for my mom and Paige, one night. I had to keep busy, to keep my might off of the constant reminders that it was over, between Mateo and I.

   He hadn't called or texted, though my dad had. I was avoiding him, for now. I didn't want to hear that he was upset or disappointed in me. I just wanted to pretend it hadn't happened. If I didn't talk to my dad, I didn't have to talk about Mateo. I had been expecting a text, at least, from him. But I guess he believed me when I said it was over. Or maybe I'd just hurt him with the last thing I'd said. Either way, I wondered if he was still thinking about me the way I was thinking about him.

   Tess and I took Clare and her friend Kayla to the fair, a few days later. We rode a bunch of rides, including the ferris wheel, and ate junk food. We laughed and just really enjoyed the day together. I got sun burnt but it was so worth it. The next day, we finished another season of Gossip Girl. 

   On Thursday, I cooked an amazing meal - chicken fettuccine - for my mom and Paige. We had a really great evening. I was so happy to finally feel like we were okay again. I was still keeping a secret, but at least I didn't have to worry about telling them, now.

   "We sure will miss you," my mom told me, sitting across from me at the table.

   A couple of months ago, I would never have believed that. But now? I knew she meant it, which meant a lot to me.

   By Friday, I felt ready. I could do this, be out on my own. I was ready for college, for my next adventure. But it was my heart that was less willing to let go.

   My car was so jammed full that I could barely see out the back window. I hugged my sister, telling that I loved her. She had tears in her eyes as I pulled away. My mom held me a little longer and tighter, and then told me she knew I was going to be great. Things hadn't always been perfect between us, especially that year, but I was relieved that we were in a good place, now.

   "Talk to you soon?" Paige asked, as I stepped back.

   Just a few more steps and I'd be at my car.

   "Of course. Call as soon as you find out if the baby is a boy or a girl," I said. Her appointment was that coming Monday.

   "Call me, when you're settled tonight," my mom told me, looking a bit nervous.

   "I will. And I'll only be an hour away, remember?" I told them both, looking back and forth between them. "I have to go pick up Tess."

   "Yes, Right. Have a safe drive," my mom finished. I saw the tears in her eyes, too.

   "Love you," I finished, then turned to walk the rest of the way to my car.

   The goodbye at Tess' was somehow even harder. Claire sobbed while hugged us, then ran off towards the house. Tess hugged her parents, who didn't seem remotely as upset. But Tess - who rarely got overly emotional - had to wipe her eyes as we got into my car to begin our journey.

   The vibe on the drive was somewhat weird. We were both excited, anxious and scared. We had that day and the weekend to get settled into the dorm - classes started Monday. August was ending. The craziness of that summer would fade away, and my memories with Mateo too, I assumed. My life would soon be consumed with college classes, friends, parties, tests and lectures.

   We had found out that week that Tess and my dorm rooms were down the hall from each other - meaning we both had roommates to meet when we arrived. That made me the most nervous.

   The air was hot and muggy but we kept the windows down and the music loud for the entire drive. When I pulled up to the campus, it was around lunch time. I realized suddenly that I was half way back to South Haven, which made me feel all sorts of things. Not that Mateo was even there. He was over five hours away in the other direction.

   "We're here," I said out loud, even though that was obvious.

   Tess undid her seat belt. "Are you scared? I'm scared."

   "I'm sort of scared," I told her right away. "But we're together."

   She squeezed my hand and I already felt a bit better.

   My dorm room was number 305, Tess' was down the fall, 311. We went to mine first, and I knocked on the door, which was half open. The room was bigger than I expected, for some reason. There were two bed, one of each wall, two dressers and two desks. On one bed, a few bags and suitcases laid. But my roommate was not there.

   "Home sweet home," I said, smiling at Tess.

   "Your window looks right out onto the campus," she told me, walking towards the window, pulling back the curtain.

   "That's good, I guess," I replied, dropping two bags onto the empty bed. "To your room?"

   "Yeah," she nodded, turning around again.

   The door to her dorm was wide open, so we walked in slowly. It was the same room, the furniture in the same spots. But a short, Asian girl with long black hair was standing at one desk, plugging in a laptop. Tess shot me a look before taking in a breath.

   "Hey," she began, which make the girl turn around.

   Her face lit up. "Oh, hi! I'm Anne!"

   "Tess," she said, reaching out to shake her hand. "This is my best friend, Elena. Her room is down the hall."

   "That's so cool," Anne said, smiling big. "You don't mind I picked this side, do you? I arrived like an hour ago, and I just thought, well, I have to pick a side, right?"

   Tess shook her head. "That's fine, of course."

   I watched as she dropped her back pack and other suitcase onto the open bed, then turned back to me. Her face looked overwhelmed.

   "Let's go get more stuff from the car?" I suggested.

   "Yeah," Tess agreed, quickly following me out of the room again.