Chapter 31

It was just when things felt the most calm and good, a few days later, that it all fell apart.

   I hadn't seen it coming, which made it worse.

   It was Wednesday morning. In a week and two days, Tess and I would be leaving to drive to college. We were ready. I felt like it was going to be exactly what I needed. What we both needed.

   I thought things with Mateo were okay. I mean, we had talked a few times since our day together. I knew it would be hard, but we wanted to be together. We could long distance. We would both be on our own, soon. We could see each other on weekends. I had this plan in my head that made sense to me.

   But on Wednesday morning, it all changed in an instant.

   I REALLY WANT TO COME SEE YOU, he texted.

   I had just gotten out of the shower. Paige was on her way over; we had planned a sister day together, since she had the day off. We were going to make cookies and then binge some TV shows. I felt so happy about how she and I had gotten back to a good place and somehow I knew we would be okay, even when I was gone away for most of the next year.

   This text wasn't out of the ordinary. I knew Mateo wanted to meet up again before he left for Penn State, but I wasn't sure we could make it work. I wanted to see him, too. I wanted to spend more time with him, touch him, be with him. But with the three hour drive and our families not knowing about us, it all felt impossible.

   I KNOW. MAYBE WE CAN MEET SOMEWHERE TOMORROW? I sent back, then dropped my phone on my bed to finish getting dressed.

   ELENA, I WANT TO COME TO YOU, TODAY. I WANT TO TAKE YOU ON A DATE.

   I read the text only a few minutes later, and my heart started pounding. Then I took a deep breath and called him.

   "Hi," he answered, sweetly.

   His voice make my heart skip a beat or two, and I knew it was going to be hard to tell him no.

   "Hi," I repeated. "I want to see you, but I can't today."

   He was quiet for what felt like a whole minute. "Why?"

   "I told you, Paige and I are having a sister day together."

   He exaggerated a sigh. "Right. I forgot."

   "She's on her way here. I will call you later, okay?" I told him, feeling my stomach tighten. I could tell by how he was talking that he wasn't going to be okay with it.

   "El, it's not enough. Talking on the phone." He sounded so sad that I almost couldn't stand it.

   "I know," I said, sighing. "But that's what long distance is."

   "When we're at college, yeah. But right now, this week, we can be together. But you don't seem like you want to be." Still, he wasn't angry, just sad.

   "Mateo, I do," I said quickly, as I heard the front door open.

   "Elena?" Paige called out.

   "Mateo," I said again, into the phone.

   "Fine. It's fine," he said, but it obviously was not fine.

   "I have a lot to do here before I leave. And my sister and I -" I went on, nearly in tears.

   "Elena, okay," he sighed again. "Call me later."

   He sounded a bit more relaxed. Was he okay? Were we okay? I had never done this before. I didn't know what was right or wrong.

   "I will," I said, then whispered, "I love you."

   I heard him make a noise and then the call was disconnected.

"This baby is kicking, like, all the time now," Paige told me, grabbing my hand and pulling it towards her belly. "Feel that?"

   It felt like an alien moving around inside her body. "Wow."

   It was an hour later, but I was still feeling overwhelmed by the conversation with Mateo.

   "We go to find out the gender on Monday," Paige went on.

   I had just put the first tray of peanut butter cookies into the oven.

   "That's crazy," I said, wiping down the counter.

   "Yeah. I feel like I just found out that I was pregnant, but it's almost half done."

   I smiled at her. "You are going to have a baby."

   "Right after Christmas," she grinned.

   "I can't believe it." I shook my head, following her to the table to sit down.

   "Keegan doesn't have any siblings. You're be the only Aunty," Paige told me, suddenly serious. "And you have to have babies, so they can be cousins."

   "Paige, I'm seventeen," I told her, than laughed.

   "I know. I just mean... I hope you have kids, someday."

   "Well, I have three years of college -"

   "And you have a find a guy to be with," my sister laughed.

   Again, dread filled my body. Mateo. He was my guy. But I couldn't tell my own sister this, so I bit my tongue. I had gone back and forth about whether I could tell her, but in the end I decided that she didn't need any more reasons to judge me, or our dad.

   When all of the cookies were out of the oven, we settled in on the couch to watch TV. We also had a big bowl of popcorn between us.

   I glanced at her, a strange feeling rushing over me. My big sister, who I'd spent my entire childhood with, looking up to, admiring, was now this completely grown up person, growing a baby of her own.

Paige's dirty blonde hair was pulled back into a messy bun, her thin face with no make up on today. It was that very moment that I realized how much I was going to miss her when I was gone. And I was leaving soon.