Chapter 32

Paige was gone home - well, back to Keegan's - a few hours later. My mom wasn't home from work yet, so I decided to call Mateo. I had been thinking about him a lot throughout the day. His words had lingered in my head - This week we can be be together. He was right. Maybe I'd been too hard on him.

   But when I called him, it rang a bunch of times and went to his voicemail. I tried again a few minutes later, with no luck.

   WANT TO COME OVER AND WATCH GOSSIP GIRL WITH CLARE AND I? A text from Tess came in while I was pondering trying Mateo again, half an hour later. It was now past dinner but I was filled up from eating cookies and junk with Paige.

   The three of us had started the series from the beginning that spring and were a few seasons in. It was our girl time to eat junk and watch it together. Some of the content was a bit too much for Clare, but she was mature for twelve.

   I needed to get my mind off of Mateo, so I agreed.

   "Oh my god," Clare yelled at the TV. "Why is Blaire such a b-"

   "Language," Tess stopped her, while I burst out laughing.

   I was squeezing between them on the couch, a bowl of popcorn in my lap. There were two open bags of candy on the table in front of us. We were already two episodes in. 

   "Well, she is," Clare finished, smiling at me. "Geez, I'm going to miss you two. I can't believe you're leaving in a week."

   Tess looked at me, then shrugged. "We will be back at Thanksgiving. And maybe for a weekend before that."

   "I know, but still. I'm going to seventh grade without you guys," Clare went on.

   She soon turned her attention back to the show, but I felt overall crappy after that. Just hearing her say that she was sad we were leaving was enough to make my heart hurt. I couldn't stop thinking about how I wasn't just going to college, I was leaving everyone behind.

 It was already dark when I left Tess' to walk home. It was still warm, though. It had rained a bit earlier, and the air felt muggy and thick now. I was practically back in my front yard when my phone rang. I had thought about Mateo a few times over the past hour, but watching Gossip Girl had helped me forget that he had been ignoring me all evening.

   I pulled my phone out of my shorts and saw that it was my dad.

   "Hey," I answered, smiling to myself.

   "Hi, Elena," he replied, but instantly I realized he didn't sound quite like himself.

   I held the phone to my ear as I went up the stairs and opened the front door. My mom was home now. The house was cold, because she always blasted the A/C.

   "What's up?" I asked my dad, leaning onto the kitchen island.

   "So... I... I just wanted to talk to you about something," he said slowly.

   My mind was racing. I knew right away it must have something to do with Mateo. What else would it be?

   "Okay." I tried to sound calm.

   "Well, this evening, Mateo came over for dinner," he began. I knew it. And by the panic in his voice, I knew it wasn't good. "He... well, he drank a bit too much and he... told Jenna and I about you and him."

   I sucked in a breath. Not what I was expecting, really. "Dad..."

   "Elena, I know this is weird... but I Just wanted to ask you myself if it's true."

   "What did he say?" I asked, without thinking.

   "Uh, a lot. He just started talking, and I could tell he had been struggling, keeping it all in -"

   "Dad, I'm sorry," I finally said, feeling like it was all I could say.

   "Elena, honey, it's-"

   But suddenly I couldn't think straight, let alone talk to my dad about my forbidden relationship with his wife's son.

   "I can't do this. I have to go," I said quickly.

   I shot through the house towards the stairs, to go up to my bedroom. It took a few minutes before it actually hit me that the secret was out. My dad and Jenna knew that Mateo and I were... what? I didn't even know what Mateo had told them. I hadn't given my dad a chance to tell me.

   I tried calling Mateo for the next half an hour, but he didn't pick up. He really must have been avoiding me. I didn't even know if I was angry or scared or just freaked out - I just wanted to talk to Mateo and figure this out. I needed to know what had actually happened.

   But when I finally got to talk to him, I didn't feel the same anymore. I wasn't just freaked out. I wasn't ready to hear what he had to say. I was mad. And embarrassed.

   It was 8A.M. when my phone rang. The previous morning when I'd talked to him, I'd wanted to see him, be with him. But now I felt annoyance and regret when I saw his name on my phone. He didn't wait, so we could tell our parents together. He lost it, was upset with me, and drunkenly told our secret.

   "Hello?" I answered, sitting up in my bed. I hadn't slept well.

   "Hey..." His voice sounded immediately cautious. "How are you? How was your sister time?"

   I cleared my throat. Was he really going to try to act like I didn't know what he had done?

   "Uh, well, it was good. But then my dad called..."

   Mateo was quiet. I was quiet. I wanted him to say something. I wanted him to tell me he was sorry. But he was just silent, for too long. I tossed off my blanket, moving to get out of my bed.

   "Mateo?" I asked into the phone.

   "So, what did he say?"

   "Seriously? He told me that you got drunk at dinner yesterday and -"

   "Elena, listen. Please," he interrupted.

   "Okay?"

   "I went for dinner. They invited me. But I had been so sad, after I talked to you, I was just really missing you... I didn't mean to..."

   "You told my dad and your mom that we... what? Have been secretly dating? Or that we had sex?" I spat out.

   "Elena, no. I didn't say that."

   "So, tell me what you said. Because right now I'm really -"

   "I... I just told them that we really like each other. That we got really close, when we were together, and we-"

   "Mateo, you knew I didn't want my dad to know. And you told him, without me." Now I was really, really mad.

   "I had four glasses of wine," he said, like this made it okay.

   "I don't fuckin' care!" I yelled, feeling tears behind my eyes.

   "I'm so sorry."

   I didn't know what to say. I was fuming, pacing around my bedroom now. I wanted to take it all back, everything that I'd done since my birthday. Nothing made sense anymore.

   "Sorry doesn't fix this," I told him, trying to sound calm. I wasn't. "I can't do this anymore. You're leaving for school in a couple days, and I'm leaving in a week."

   "Elena, don't," Mateo begged.

   "You messed this up, Mateo," I told him. "I was willing to do it, long distance, but-"

   "We still can."

   "No, we can't. Because how do I know what you might say or do if you get drunk?" I spat out the words and was met with silence. I'd hurt him, now.

   Still, I expected him to ask me to change my mind. I really thought he would beg. But he didn't say anything. I heard the line go dead a moment later.