Chapter 23

Mateo and I drove to the clinic in silence. Awkward silence. Something about the way he was acting now told me not to even try to talk to him. I didn't like to see him so upset, but I knew that I was mostly at fault. I'd sent him away, the night before. He had wanted to stay.

   "Text when you're done?" he said plainly, as he pulled up out front of the clinic. He wasn't going to come in.

   I nodded and got out of the car, holding back tears. Pulling myself together, I went into the clinic. It was busy and after I checked in at the desk, I sat down to wait. When they finally called me in, a new doctor - a woman - introduced herself and read me my chart.

   "You look good, Elena. How've you felt since Tuesday?"

   Well, I felt like crying now. "Pretty good. A few headaches. But yesterday... things started coming back," I told her instead.

   "That is great news. A few days of memory loss is totally normal with concussions. Let's just do one more scan to compare to Tuesday, but I think I can clear you," she went on, writing something down.

   "Okay."

   It took over an hour before the results from the scam came back, but everything was normal. All good, thankfully.

   "So, memories from, say, a week ago, two weeks?" the doctor asked, after reviewing the perfectly normal brain scans.

   "Yep, I have them," I smiled at her.

   "And, say, two years ago? Or four?"

   I nodded. I remembered my dad telling me that he was moving away. I remembered it too well. And my turmoil with my mother. And my pregnant sister.

   "And how's your short term memory? As in, yesterday? This morning?" 

  It was a lot of questions, but I remembered the events from last night and that morning all too well. What had happened with Thatcher and Mateo. My memories coming back. How awkward Mateo and I were now.

   "All good. Clear as day," I replied.

   "Perfect. I'm confident you'll have no long term problems from the accident," she finished, smiling back at me.

   I nodded again. "Thanks."

   I texted Mateo as I walked back out to the lobby. It was still busy, people everywhere, so I sat down on a plastic chair, not sure if he would be awhile.

   IM OUT FRONT, he replied right away.

   As I opened the passenger door and got in to his car, a few minutes later, I held my breath. I knew all the things he had said to me on the beach. He liked me. He had been so sweet to me, about everything. And I had screwed it all up.

   "How did it go?" Mateo asked, pulling out of the parking lot.

   I clicked my seat belt in. "Good. She said I shouldn't have any long term issues."

   He nodded, turning out onto the road, to go back to my dad's. He was quiet for a few minutes, then turned on the radio. I wanted him to say something. Anything. He seemed so different, now. I guess we both were.

   "I'm sorry that I was mad, that you didn't tell me about... Thatcher-"

   "No, don't," Mateo snapped.

   "It was a lot to deal with, when the memories were coming back to me. But I shouldn't have made you leave, last night," I went on.

   "Elena, please. Just don't. I'll drop you back off, then I'll go home, and -" He was keeping his eyes on the road.

   "No, what are you..." I grabbed at his hand, but he pulled it away.

   "You're mom's coming tonight, right? I really don't want to be there, when you go." Now I could tell he was more sad, than angry. Or a mix of both.

   I reached for his hand again, and this time he let me. I wrapped mine around his, squeezing it. He still wouldn't look at me, until he pulled into the driveway, five minutes later. When he looked over, he had tears in his eyes.

   "Please, Elena, just go," he whispered, as a few tears escaped.

   "Mateo, c'mon," I said, but I really just wanted to wipe his tears away. "Come in the house."

   "I can't, okay? I can't do this."

   "Mateo... you said we'd try, remember?" I said, breathing heavily.

   "Yeah, but I'm scared. Really fucking scared." A few more tears fell, as mine own began as well. "You said when your memory came back nothing would change, but it did. I fucked up by not telling you about Thatcher. But thinking about that... kills me. I'm really messed up about this, Elena."

   "I didn't want anything to change. I'm sorry I slept with him, it was so stupid," I whispered. "I'm so that everything is so..."

   He shook his head. "On the beach, after the wedding... I didn't expect that, with us. I honestly thought that I would just tell you that your dad was looking for you, and I'd go back in to the wedding. But staying there with you, talking, sleeping in the sand... those were the best choices I ever made."

   He pulled his hand away then, which confused me. He looked out his side window, leaving me feeling empty. Hurt.

   "I was broken, when I saw you in the hospital. I was terrified when my mom asked me to stay with you. I had no idea if you'd even... like me. And then... all of this happened, in two days..." He was still talking, but if was as if he was already gone.

   "You regret it?" I asked, because that was what it sounded like.

   "Fuck, no. Elena. We can pretend otherwise, but I know what happens now. You have to go home. What we had here..." He looked up at the house. "It's done."

   I couldn't stop the flood of tears, now, because it was not what I wanted him to say. He said we would try. That was what I wanted. But now he wanted to cut it off completely. There was still a part of me that wanted to try to change his mind, but I wasn't going to beg.

   "Fine," I said, pushing open the car door. The hot air hit my face.

   I was mad. I was sad. And I couldn't look back at him without losing it completely. So, I got out and just walked away, towards the house.

   "Elena, wait!"

   I heard him call after me, but he was too late. He told me to leave. He said it was over, between us. He didn't get to change his mind now.