Chapter 19

Tess, I have to tell you something. You have to promise not to judge me. I need your input, I'm freaking out.

I sent this to Tess, half an hour later. I was in the guest room, laying on the bed. My heart wouldn't settle and I felt like crying. If she was really my best friend, this would prove it.

Hey, what's up? You can tell me anything.

So, the guy that I told you about. He's my dad's... wife's son. But he and I are... I don't know. We just met on Saturday. On Sunday after the wedding we talked, alot. Something just clicked between us. We spent all night on the beach. And then on Monday morning, I was in the accident.

I just stared at my phone until she wrote back.

So, then what? It's Wednesday evening. What else has happened? Also, is he cute?

I let out a laugh. He's more than cute. He's nineteen, and he's gorgeous. He staying with me at my dad's house.. because my dad and his wife are on their honeymoon. And I can't remember my life before coming to South Haven, so...

You're alone with him?? And you like each other? So what's the problem?

We've already kissed. A lot, today. I felt weird telling her this.

Omg, Elena! You should have started with that! So, what's going on? Why are you freaking out?

Well, it's weird now, because my dad called to check in, while we were making out. Mateo got all weird and left for a bit. I don't know if he's regretting it.

Wow. Okay, so... just talk to him when he comes back? Also, how's your head doing?

It's fine. I'm still working hard to remember things, but I feel good.

Well, I'm here to talk, always. Miss you Elena.

I went to sit in the back yard again, since it was still hot outside and the sun was just starting to go down. I felt an insane attachment to South Haven, which surprised me. I knew it wasn't home, but it felt like home. All I knew was that I lived in Ann Arbor with my mom, and my dad had moved away years ago. Why did I feel like I belonged there?

As I sat, I thought about everything. My mom. My pregnant sister. How did I feel about them? Currently, I felt a lot of nothing. But I didn't feel hurt or anger, which I knew I had felt before I left Ann Arbor. I decided I was going to make it better with them, even if I didn't have my memory back yet.

It was mostly dark before I went back into the house. I crossed through the living room, which was empty. I kept walking towards the kitchen, which was also empty. I glanced out the window and saw that Mateo's car was back. I felt anxious, thinking about seeing him. Tess was right, though. I needed to talk to him.

As I was on the stairs to go see if he was up there, my phone started ringing. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw the caller ID said Paige. I didn't know how long it had been since I'd talk to her, and that scared me.

I slipped into my guest room and shut the door before I answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Elena, it's Paige. How're you?" Her voice was cheerful, yet nervous sounding. I could picture her in my head now, but it was based off of her Instagram photos.

"Oh, hey. I'm good," I told her, sitting on the bed.

"Good? Really?"

"Yeah, I mean... I feel good."

"Oh, well, that's awesome." She sounded like she'd been expecting me to answer the question differently.

"How's the baby?" I asked, not knowing what else to say to her.

"Oh, um, it's good. Kicking a lot. We can find out the gender in a couple weeks," she answered, but sounded apprehensive.

"Oh, wow. That's great," I told her.

"I really miss you, El. I know things have been weird, even before you left. And then the accident..."

I took in a breath. Her voice wasn't familiar but I knew she knew me. She wanted things to be better, too.

"You're my sister," I began. "So, no matter what, we will be okay."

Right at that same moment, I heard the water running in the shower attached to the room. 

"Yes, good. I know we will be okay," she repeated. "So, you're coming home on Friday?"

My stomach dropped. Going back to Ann Arbor still felt wrong.

"I'm not really sure yet. I will know more after the appointment. I'm good here, for now," I said, trying to make sure she knew I was okay.

"Elena... you really didn't want to go to the wedding. You were mad at me for not having to go. And now you've lost your memory and you want to stay there?" Suddenly Paige sounded upset. She wasn't yelling or anything, but I could tell she was unsure.

"I'm fine, okay? You can tell Mom, too. I'll call her on Friday," I finished.

"Okay, yeah."

"Bye."

The water was still running, so I got up and walked across the room. I turned the doorknob to see if it was locked, but it was open. I didn't know what Mateo would think of me going into the bathroom while he was showering, but I didn't care. I was there, in South Haven, with him. I shouldn't have pushed him away. He was my only landmark - my one thing that I knew for sure about.

I pushed the door open slowly and stepped into the steamy bathroom. He was just behind that curtain, naked. I assumed. I hesitated, almost turning back.

"Uh, hello?" Mateo called out. He sounded freaked out.

"Hey," I said quickly, then cleared my throat. "It's Elena."

"Oh, that's good. I'm glad it's not an intruder," he said, a hint of teasing in his voice.

"Uh, yeah, no, I just..."

He poked his head out around the curtain, smiling. "You couldn't wait until I was out of the shower?"

"Um, no. I didn't want to wait. I wanted to    talk -"

"Talk?" he asked, looking amused.

"Yeah. I'm sorry that I pushed you away. I didn't want you to leave. You're my... like my rock. My safe place."

He had gone back into the shower, but now shut the water off. I waited, nervous.

"Elena... I drove around for awhile... I got a coffee... I went to my apartment.... then I came back. But the entire time I was thinking about kissing you. Like... it was making me crazy. I came back and saw you sitting outside, but..."

"Mateo, I know it was weird after my dad called, but I don't want it to be weird. I want us to be..." I said, but let my voice trail off. What did I want?

"What?" he asked.

I was picturing him there, naked, just a few feet away from me. I was imaging us doing things together. It was obvious what I wanted, but was it possible?

"I don't want to go back to Ann Arbor. Like, at all," I finally said.

"If your memory comes back... you'll want to," he told me.

"Will I?"

He poked his head out again. "Pass me that towel?" I reached over and passed it to him. "Elena, I don't want you to go, either. I want to be with you for every minute... but you have your life, there."

"But it doesn't feel like my life, Mateo. You, here, this... feels like my life." I was crying, suddenly, and he stepped out, the towel around his waist.

"Don't be sad, okay? I'm here." He stepped towards me.

I was scared. Excited. Nervous. "Okay," I finished.

"Hey... you want to watch a movie? We can cuddle?" he suggested, with a grin.

I loved that idea, because for now, that was exactly what felt right. "Yeah," I agreed.

"Okay, meet you downstairs in ten."