Chapter 18

We ate dinner together, like friends. Roommates. It was a good burger and we had some soda, too. We just sat across from each other at the patio table, eating in silence. My heart was pounding, too hard, and it had been all day. I needed it to slow down. I needed to know what was happening.

My phone dinged as Mateo was inside, cleaning up from the barbeque. I was in the back yard, on the deck. It was a beautiful back yard - a huge deck with the table and chairs, then a large green space and the in-ground pool.

Hey, so, uh, you don't have a boyfriend. Senior year was pretty boring in that aspect for us. I dated Mac Mcquire for a few months, but he cheated on me. Uh, you were dating Porter Jennings for most of eleventh grade. You were the cutest couple. You wanted to marry him. Yeah, we were 16. But he was a year older and at the end of the school year he broke up with you. You were really heart broken. So, yes, you dated. You've loved. You've had sex. But you're single now. On Sunday night, you were texting me about a guy? Tell me what happened!

Another message from Tess.

So, I wasn't inexperienced. I didn't feel like I was. I knew love. I knew heart break. I just couldn't remember.

I grabbed the rest of the things that needed to go inside, and went in the back door. Mateo was loading the dishwasher. I went close to him, putting the stuff in my hands onto the counter. He looked at me with just his eyes. It had been a weird day for us.

"I had fun today," I said quickly. "At the beach."

"Good. Me too," he smiled, reaching to put the last few things into the dishwasher.

"I was wondering, though... why the friend zoning today?" I asked, already scared about his answer.

Now, he really looked at me. "What?"

"Mateo... I know we've already, sort of... I don't know... but there's something here, going on. I know what it's like to touch you, hold your hand... but all day you've made sure to keep your distance..." I knew I was starting something, whether it was good or bad, I didn't know.

He cleared his throat, stepping back a bit. "I didn't want to... overstep. Or assume we were... we talked a lot last night, but not about..."

He couldn't complete full sentences. He was flustered. I knew it was up to me, and now it felt like the right time. It felt like even if things went wrong, at least I'd know I had tried.

I grabbed his hand. He sucked in a breath. I bit my bottom lip. He stepped closer, so we were almost touching,

"I've been thinking about touching you since... Monday morning. When you hugged me, our bodies were pressed together -" he began, but I didn't let him finished.

I wrapped myself around him, pressing my body into him again. His hands went behind me, pulling me closer. I was looking up at him, trying to slow my breathing.

Our eyes were locked on each other. He made a noise, which was a mix of pleasure and uncertainty. I felt it, too. But then I took a breath in and nuzzled my face into his neck and kissed him, knowing he would like it. He moaned, his hands now moving up my back to my neck. In one motion he pulled my head up to meet his mouth with mine, and then he was kissing me, hard.

We moved to the living room after a minute or two. He dropped onto the sofa and pulled me down, into his lap. I didn't want any of it to stop. He was careful when he started kissing me again. Slower, more thought out. His eyes were closed but I could tell he was thinking.

I pulled back, if only slightly.

"Oh my god," he breathed out, slowly opening his eyes. He kept his hands on my waist. I bit my lip, waiting. "Is this okay? I mean, are you..."

"Um, yes," I said quickly. "Obviously."

"Okay," he replied, but I could tell he was still torn. "Okay."

"Mateo... what's wrong?" I asked, sitting back a bit.

"Nothing," he said, pulling me close again. Our foreheads were practically touching. I could feel his body against me. Every part of me wanted him. I couldn't remember ever feeling this way, if I had. "I just want you to know... I didn't come stay here so I could... you know... get with you."

My heart slowed down. I started to relax and I smiled at him, shaking my head. "You didn't?" I teased him.

"No. I wanted to help. I wanted to get to know you, to spend time with you, but -"

"I'm teasing you," I told him. "I know you didn't agree to stay here, for that."

"Okay," he said again, breathing out slowly. "Also, you kissed me first." He grinned.

"I guess I did. I sort of wanted you to kiss me last night," I admitted.

"Oh? Really..." He smirked, then leaned in to kiss me again.

I brought my hand to his face and than ran it through his hair. He squeezed my hips, bringing me closer. It was all very hot and fast and I knew we were in too deep when I bit his lip and he groaned, trying to get me even closer.

I don't know what would have happened if my phone didn't start ringing, but I was both annoyed and relieved at the same time. I froze, then pulled back, half smiling at him.

"Should you..." he asked, looking over at the phone, on the table.

"Um, yeah..." I said slowly, climbing off of him.

It was my dad. Of course.

"Hey Dad," I answered, shutting my eyes for a second.

"Hi, honey," he began. I heard some noise in the background. "I meant to call earlier, but, well, we were settling in."

"Oh, no worries. I'm good," I said, too fast.

"Yeah? How was your day?" he asked.

I looked at Mateo, who was looking up at the ceiling. I didn't know if we would tell our parents about any of this, but it definitely was not now.

"Good. Uh, just chilled. Uh, I talked to Tess. She's my -"

"Your best friend. I know," he laughed. "So you think... it's getting better? Your memory?"

I swallowed hard. "Maybe? But you don't have to check in, Dad. I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Okay, that sounds good." He paused, then added, "How's Mateo? You two getting along?"

"Yeah, it's fine. He barbequed for dinner," I answered, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Wow, I'm surprised. Okay, well, good. Have a good night, okay?" he finished.

"Yeah, you too, Dad."

When I dropped my phone onto the sofa and looked over at Mateo, his eyes were full of wonder. He ran a hand through his hair and raised his eyebrows at me.

"So, you think that was a sign?" he asked.

"What?"

"Your dad calling you while we were..." He looked so serious.

"I don't really believe in signs. It was just... bad timing?" I told him.

"Yeah, I guess." He shrugged.

I sat down again, beside him. Was he second guessing this? Did he want to put the brakes on? Pretend our make-out session had never happened? He was quiet, for too long.

"We can just..." I began, but I felt like someone was stepping on my chest. "I'm going to go-"

"No, don't go," he interrupted, reaching for my hand. "I shouldn't have said that, about the sign. I was just feeling... I am feeling... overwhelmed."

"I know. But maybe we should just... separate for a bit?" I suggested.

"No. Wait, you want to?" he asked, confused.

I wanted to climb back into his lap, but I knew that I had to push him away, at least for now.

"I don't..." I said, making sure he could tell that I didn't want to go.

He stood up. "I'll go, for a bit. You stay. I'll be back soon, okay?"

"Yeah," I spat out, not looking at him. "Okay."