Waking up the next day hungover was as brutal as I'd expected it to be. I rolled onto my side and grabbed my cell phone off of my bedside table. Rolling to the other side, I was both relieved and disappointed to find that I was alone. Checking my phone, I saw that I had three new messages. The first was from Dean:

"Wooooooooooo!"

"Well I'm glad someone had fun," I said to myself before moving onto the next one which was from someone called Lisa.

"It was amazing meeting you Steve!"

"Who is Lisa? And why did I tell her I was called Steve?" I groaned, knowing that I'd likely never know the answer. Ignoring that, I looked at the final message and was horrified by what I saw.

"Oh my god! Hahahaha you must be wasted! Hope you don't feel too bad when you wake up! Xx"

I reread back the rest of my text conversation with Melissa and found that I'd messaged her four times last night. Two were random song lyrics, one was some ineligible code and the final one was telling her that I wanted to see her.

What an ass.

Against my better judgement, I replied an apology and pretended that I was ok and wasn't hungover at all. This was kinda like when you see dogs and cats fall over or get stuck but still pretend that everything is fine.

Melissa didn't reply within the next few minutes so I finally willed myself out of bed and went for a shower, hoping that the hot water would somehow jog my memory. It didn't.

I dressed myself and found Eddie on the couch. He clearly was having the same type of morning as me.

"Hey," I greeted him.

"Hey," He said back. "You got any girls in there?" He asked, nodding towards my bedroom.

"Nah. Struck out I guess," I answered. "There is a bit of mystery though. Any idea who Lisa is or why I would've pretended to be a Steve?"

"Pass," Eddie shrugged. "But I've got a better question. Who the fuck is this?" He handed me his phone and I read that he'd also received a strange message from an even stranger name.

"Kiwi German Sarah," I read aloud. "What the hell did you do last night?"

"I don't know man. You seen Dean? How's he feeling this morning?"

"I haven't seen him. I got a stupid text from him last night though so he's probably dying again," I chuckled.

My laughter was quickly interrupted as I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket again.

"Somehow I don't believe you! Don't worry though, at least you made me laugh at 2am!"

My face morphed into a combination of a grin and a grimace as I replied to her once more.

"Who's that? Eddie asked, obviously noticing my face. "Lisa?"

"No Melissa. The girl from the other night."

"I'm surprised you haven't nailed her yet. Normally you're straight off the mark with this!"

"I've got it covered, ok?" I assured him.

What I wasn't telling him though, was that for some reason I didn't just want to have sex with Melissa once and then be done with it. What the hell was wrong with me? Eddie was right, usually I made quick work of a girl who'd given me her number or if I'd gotten the impression that she wasn't willing to just give it up like that then I'd give up on my pursuits and move on to the next one.

I know, I know, that's terrible. I can literally feel you judging me right now. The point is, with Melissa I was willing to play the long game.

"You definitely don't have it covered," He saw straight through me but I raised a warning hand to him to discourage him talking anymore about it.

Thankfully, we were given an automatic change of topic when Dean came stumbling in the front door.

"Hey guys!" He said after straightening himself up. At first we were both too stunned to answer but finally Eddie managed.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Ummm . . . . I woke up at that chick's apartment. You know the one I got talking to from the bar?"

"Wait a minute!" I shouted, diving onto the sofa next to Eddie. We were both on our haunches like two attack dogs, ready to go.

"Tell me you did it?" Eddie glared.

After leaving us hanging in suspense, either deliberately for dramatic effect or because he was trying to hold in his hangover vomit, Dean announced that "I did it!"

We sprung up and began cheering and dancing around him like he was the leader of our tribe.

"So how was it?" I finally asked, sounding like a gossiping schoolgirl.

"It was . . . good!" Dean smiled. "She was very . . . handsy."

We began cheering again at this revelation, knowing from experience what he was talking about. Dean blushed, but we knew he was proud. Finally something good was coming his way.

The good fortune seemed to be with all three of us for the rest of the week. Dean was able to write down a few more ideas but refused to tell us what they were. He wanted to surprise us when we saw what the characters based on us got up to.

Little side note; have you ever been sitting having a conversation with someone when they randomly just start writing stuff down? It's super weird.

We also convinced him to never contact the girl that he slept with again. This was a big hurdle for him to overcome as he really wanted to. But we all knew that immediately falling for someone else after break-up was a really bad move.

Eddie kept being his usual self and was apparently having great sexting sessions with "Kiwi German Sarah", even though none of us could remember her yet.

I, meanwhile, had kept texting Melissa all week and we were now at the stage beyond short texts, and were now sending each other legit paragraphs and having actual real conversations. Our parents would be so lost figuring out the stages of a relationship these days.

In fact, our conversation had been going almost all day, every day until one of us fell asleep. It would have been pretty sweet if it wasn't a little bit lame. I was sitting on the couch with my feet up on the coffee table, smiling like an idiot at her latest message when Eddie burst through the door. He'd been meeting some girl he'd met on Fetch and I wasn't expecting him back so soon. I was so surprised in fact, that I shut off my phone instantly and hid it. I don't know why, because I was still smiling like a goat.

"Hey!" I panicked.

"Hey," He huffed back. "Has the plumber fixed the sink yet?"

"What? What plumber?" I asked. A sudden wave of fear washed over me as I considered that I'd been washing my dishes in a broken sink today.

"In the porno you're watching," Eddie answered as he took off his coat. "The only people that abandon their phone that quickly are people who've just been busted watching porn."

"I'm not watching porn," I sighed.

"Scoot over; I'll watch it with you!" He dropped down onto the sofa quicker than he'd killed the mood.

"I'm not watching porn!" I shouted this time. "If you must know, I was texting Melissa."

"Oh dude come on!" He groaned. He still wasn't supportive of whatever was going on with her. "Nothing is ever gonna happen with her! If she hasn't put out by now then you're probably going to have to wait until you're married."

"Actually, you're wrong," I grinned victoriously. "It's happening tonight! I just got a text from her wanting to meet up tonight." I felt like sticking my tongue out at him.

"Are you serious? That's awesome!" He said, quickly changing his mind and giving me a high five. "Where are you meeting her?"

"Some place down in Capitol Hill. There's this coffee shop that she apparently loves," I answered, silently bracing myself for the avalanche I knew was coming.

"Coffee? You're going out for coffee?"

"Yeah."

"Man you know better than this! Coffee isn't a hook up. Coffee is a date!"

"This isn't a date," I lied. I knew for a fact that this was a date but once again I was convinced that in this situation, the rules we'd been teaching Dean didn't apply to me. "And besides, you know me. I can make anything work to my advantage. Remember that time I nailed a girl that I met in McDonalds?"

"In fairness, anybody could probably have had her."

"Not the point!" I argued. But maybe it was?

Whatever the deal was, I was excited anyway. Of course I wasn't going to let it show though.

I rocked up to the coffee shop wearing just sneakers, jeans and a grey hoody. Giving it my best attempt at casual. When I arrived, I was glad to see that Melissa had the same idea. And she was still as cute as I remembered from my drunken memory.

She was wearing a similar outfit to my own, only her hoody was red and her jeans were much tighter. I have big strong thighs ok! Once again, her dark blonde hair was tied into a sexy bun of sorts.

First dates are always awkward, no matter who you are. Yes I'm a confident guy, but I still get nervous when these things come up, but contrary to what Hollywood movies will tell you, us guys don't turn into a blubbering mess that can't string three sentences together. Quite the opposite actually; we talk too much. I personally, am always far too focussed on making a good impression. I mean, let's face it; guys in general don't have a good reputation about anything.

We did that weird greeting thing where none of you know what to do. We both said hi about six times and had a strange half-hug before taking a seat and giving our order to the waitress. I could instantly see why she loved this place so much. Despite it being a cold, dark night, the place was really warm and bright with sandy walls and quirky light fittings letting as much light as possible shine onto the wooden furnishings.

After the usual how-are-you's, we got into some proper conversation.

"So tell me about yourself, David. What are you into?" She asked me. Just like I remembered, her voice wasn't exactly hoarse or deep, but it was certainly distinguished. It definitely wasn't fluffy. If that makes any sense?

"You know . . . the usual," I shrugged. "Sports, video games . . . sports video games!"

"So cultured!" She giggled.

"I know, right!? We used to do this thing, every Sunday when the Seahawks were playing; we'd load the fridge up with beer and drink all day. You would've loved it!"

I wasn't lying here. Everyone loved it, even if they didn't like football. We'd constantly done it until recently when either Christy ruined it by being a downer or by taking Dean away from it altogether. It gets old pretty fast with just two people unfortunately.

"I think I'd prefer not working hungover," She countered.

"Hey, Monday's suck anyway right? So no matter how hungover you get, it can't get any worse right?" I argued.

"You're a real scholar," She joked before turning serious. "I used to watch the Seahawks games with my dad every weekend. I don't really like football but it was fun. I'd go over to his place and we'd have loads of food and just sit and talk. It was amazing."

"You don't anymore?" I asked, sensing her internal sigh.

"He moved to New York for work," She answered, sounding more upbeat than I expected.

"Aw, that sucks."

"It does and it doesn't," She shrugged. "I do wish he was closer, but at the same time, I get a free vacation every few months. So I can't be too down about it. Did you ever play football? Or just watch?"

"I played in high school but that's it. I mean, I had no skill whatsoever; I'm just really fucking fast!" Probably not what you want to tell a girl on a date . . .

"Why don't you play anymore?"She asked after another sip of her coffee, holding the mug close to her face as if it would bring some colour to her pale cheeks. I let out a huge sigh before answering.

"I just got sick of some people who played too. It's amazing how much fun people can suck out of things. Like, I played for fun. But somewhere along the line, it stopped being fun. It wasn't a hobby anymore and it felt like a job instead. A job that I wasn't getting paid to do. I hate people that ruin things for everybody else."

"Yeah I hate that," Melissa agreed.

"What about you?" I asked, not wanting the conversation to get too serious and depressing. "You ever play any sports?"

"God no!" She laughed. I couldn't help join in; she didn't look the type at all so I wasn't sure why I even asked. "I would've liked to . . . in hindsight. It's just not something I was ever really able to do."

"So what do you do?"

"I dunno," She said thoughtfully. "I like to read . . . I guess,"

"Oh, that's bad ass," I winked.

"Shut up," She replied, blushing now without the aid of a hot mug.

"Oh, I don't mean its bad ass that you read. I mean, it's bad ass that you admit it!"

"You're friends an author! Surely you read too?" She laughed so loudly that the small amount of people sharing the cafe with us gave her a disapproving look.

"That's different!"

"If you say so," She glowered before continuing. "I don't know, I just love getting sucked into a world that's different to my own. I mean I like TV and movies as well but I feel like they are showing me stuff. A book makes me feel like I'm living it. I don't know if that makes any sense."

It did make sense. Though, I decided to leave out the part where I was currently playing out a future book.

"Now that is bad ass," I told her. Her reaction told me that she could sense my sincerity this time. "So has your sister been attacking any more people or is that something that she just saves for me?" I asked after she didn't say anything.

"Oh my god. That was so embarrassing! I am so, so sorry. I swear she's not a psycho."

"Are you sure about that?" I asked, laughing at her sitting with her head in her hands.

"She's just so overprotective. It must be an older sibling thing."

"I wouldn't know. Apparently my parents decided that I was enough work. Any future brothers and sisters were doomed from the start," I chuckled.

"Were you a bad boy, David?" She asked, sounding more curious now than she had before.

"I was fun," I corrected.

"Oh boy!"

"There was one time; me and Eddie were out in the snow. We were throwing snowballs at all the windows in the houses, scaring the shit out of everybody. There was this one guy; he saw us coming down the street and for some weird reason, he decided to open his window to yell at us. But he was too slow and I hit him right in the face with this thing!" I couldn't stop laughing at the retelling of one of my greatest hits. "We were laughing so much we couldn't move. If the guy wasn't so mad, he probably would have had enough time to come down and catch us!"

Melissa was shaking her head but it was accompanied by a wry smile.

"I would have hated you growing up," She told me.

"Yeah, yeah, keep lying to yourself," I teased.

"Maybe we're done here," She joked, but it was pretty obvious that we were just getting started.

*

After another coffee, we decided to call it a night and I was walking her down the street. I'd survived the date and seemed to be doing really well. So well in fact, that I decided to try my luck further.

"How about we head back to my place for a bit? We can have a few drinks and see what happens?"

"As tempting as that is," She began, not sounding tempted at all. "I have work in the morning."

"So do I! We can set an alarm! Or take a sick day. I'm easy," I was begging so hard that I hadn't noticed that she had flagged down a cab and was about to step into it.

"Goodnight, David," She smiled before kissing me and diving into the cab.

I was stunned. Just like that we'd had our first kiss and she'd just disappeared! I thought girls lived for these things? How could she just leave like that?

As confused as I was, I couldn't deny that I seriously enjoyed it, no matter how brief it was.

I didn't even see the cab drive off.

*

I got back from my date that I was still convinced wasn't a date and I found Eddie star-fished on the couch, looking at his phone like it was a difficult math problem.

"You alright?" I asked.

"Yeah," He groaned before elaborating on his confusion. "Did you know that you can get Game of Thrones porn? What's the point in that? If I wanted to watch Game of Thrones porn, I'd just watch Game of Thrones!"

Rather than answer him, I simply nodded and walked to my room. Two minutes later though, he was poking his head round the bedroom door and was asking me how the date was.

"It wasn't a date," I lied again.

"How was coffee?" He un-corrected himself.

"It was good."

"Did you bang her?"

Normally in this instance when your friend asks you this, you tell them that you absolutely did bang her. It's in the rules. Unfortunately, I took too long to answer and Eddie knew straight away that I hadn't.

"God dammit man! What are you waiting for? Her sister to give you permission?" He cried, now bursting through the door and standing completely in the room. There are no boundaries with this man.

"I don't think she's like that," I replied, knowing that it wasn't that helpful of an answer.

"Like what?" Eddie predictably asked.

"You know . . . like that," Somehow this added emphasis made my words much clearer in his head. What I was referring to was a girl who wasn't just going to give it up and put out for just anybody. Normally these are the girls I'd avoid. I have nothing against them, free will and all, but usually we have very different attitudes to sex and relationships.

Some people just can't do casual, and that's ok! Look at Dean? Cutting him off from the "Handsy girl" From the other night almost broke his heart again, and he couldn't even remember her name! While Eddie and I are basically experts at it (although we always seem to be debating whether or not I can actually do it). There can be several reasons for being ok at the casual fling, but I know you all don't really want to get into that. The point is, with these differences of opinion, someone is going to get hurt.

"So why are you even trying?" Eddie asked, sitting on the edge of my bed. Although it seemed rude, it was a valid question, and one that I didn't really have an answer for.

"Why does this matter to you so much?" I countered. "Usually you're all for me fucking up."

Eddie weighed up his answer before releasing it.

"Look, we're all getting older. I mean, we'll be thirty in a few years!" He noticeably shifted in his position. "We've never had that one night where we all, all three of us get laid. I know I joke about it all the time but I seriously want it to happen! It would be the perfect way for us to bow out, you know? The closest we got was Spring Break and I was the one that fucked it up. I need that off my conscience."

I smiled internally as I was reminded of "The incident".

A number of years earlier we all flew down to Daytona Beach for a week of sun, sea and nonstop partying. It was the most epic week ever. Eddie got laid by a different girl on the first two nights and things were looking great.

On the third night, Dean met a girl that used to live down the street from him when he was a kid and they hit it off again and then went back to her hotel to do the nasty. Seriously, he flew halfway across the country, only to sleep with a girl in the same street as him back home. You couldn't make it up.

While he was fulfilling a teenage ambition, I met this incredibly hot Mexican chick. Without getting into too much detail, let's just say your boy David had one wild night! I mean wild. Filthy wild.

But instead of getting the hat-trick, Eddie got way too drunk and stumbled into the line at an ATM. Only by the time he got to the machine, he realised that he didn't actually need any cash, but he did need a piss real bad. And apparently when you've had ten tequilas, an ATM looks a lot like a urinal!

Yup, you guessed it. He pissed all over the machine. I'm surprised nobody in the line behind him tried to kill him, but I think they were all just too shocked! Anyway, after that he saw the hotel we were staying at and decided to just crash. Of course, he lost his key so he ended up sleeping in the hall outside the door. What a guy.

"To be fair, the story we have out of that is much better," I argued.

"Maybe for you!" He bit back.

Before our conversation could go any further, we heard the apartment door slam shut.

"Is that Dean?" I asked. Eddie shrugged so we both left my room and sure enough, Dean was standing waiting for us in the living room.

"What's up?" Eddie asked, noticing Deans agitated movements. He looked like a glitching puppet.

"Guys, I did a thing," He whined.

"What kind of thing?" I asked warily.

His answer shocked me. It shouldn't have, because it was actually kind of obvious. I mean we've all done it. But I still couldn't help gasping when he spoke those three words.

"A Christy thing."