May 17, 2020 edited

Better but not perfect...No plot changes

Black. Black was all I could see. I was surrounded by it but this time it did not give me the comfort that it has over the past couple of weeks. It felt like I was standing in a room with no light. I couldn't move. I couldn't feel. I started to hear murmurs but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I tried to yell and scream but nothing came out but my silence. I tried to move but I couldn't. Was I dead? My fear spiked right before a soothing sensation filled the room.

"You're not dead. We're not dead," a small soft growl of a voice said. She sounded so far away but at the same time it felt like the voice was right beside me.

"Who are you? Where are you?" Although nothing came out of my mouth I heard my words ring though my head.

There was a sigh but nothing else. Finally after a few very long silent minutes she spoke again. I think it was a she. "I'm your wolf. We are healing. You will wake soon but it will take me longer. Our," her growls were getting louder. I started to feel her anger and regret. "Bond is broken. I don't know if I can fix it. Our mate bond is also broken as well. I damaged us. I am sorry."

I didn't have a clue what she was talking about. Her voice was growing so distant. "I don't understand. What bond?" I asked desperately. I felt the urgency but I didn't understand what I was feeling and why. She never answered.

I tried over and over again but she wouldn't responded. I still felt that presence as if someone was with me but it was so faint. I was so tired, my body felt as if it was falling. Even though I stood in a lightless room I felt the blackness consume me once again.

"Come on Mac fight goddammit!" The soft voice of M1 was the first thing I heard when I woke up. Maybe woke up was too strong of a word. I was still in the damn lightless room. I cried out for him to help me but still had no voice.

"I have a right to see her! She is my mate!" Was that Jenson? It sounded like him but it didn't. Why the hell was he here anyways?

There was a couple growls before Corey spoke. "Are you sure about that little cousin?" Corey sounded like he already knew the answer. No one spoke for a minute. "Did you forget that I know what happens when you attack your mate. Sure you may feel a whisper of the bond but that is it. She had practically broken the bond when her wolf attacked you. If she would have succeeded you would have been dead. I am pretty sure it was Mac who got control that last second and that was why she was torn away from you. Her wolf wanted you dead. Not the human. I am honestly surprised the bond didn't completely break." Corey sounded like he was thinking himself.

"I still feel the mate bond!" Yep that was Jenson. He sounded like his angry self again.

"But can your wolf?" Corey asked, sounding tired.

I wanted to scream at them that I was here and to stop talking about me as if I wasn't but all my protests were in silence. Still I had nothing. Even when I tried to reach for my wolf I barely could feel her. I thought that hearing Jenson's voice would spark something especially since I remembered the rage she felt towards him but the spark did not grow.

"I am still her mate and I am the only one that can help her so get the fuck out of my way!" Jenson was on the verge of yelling. He sounded more desperate.

"Son," that was Alpha Alexander. Shit how many people were here with me? Fuck I wish I would wake up already! "Listen to me. Her wolf...I don't know if she will make it. Mac will but her wolf may not. Even though she was enraged with what you did she was also heartbroken and tried to attack you. A new wolf doesn't usually survive that kind of drama. She has been fighting for so long to help Mac but with not being able to shift these past couple of years it has weakened her too much. Your wolf may do more damage than good." Jenson started to say something but Alpha Alexander cut him off. "I know son. I am not happy with the way you handle things and I don't agree with what you did at all but I understand. Unfortunately you now have to pay for the consequences of your actions. That might very well be to leave Mac alone. When she wakes up and after she heals then talk to her if she allows it. But remember what you did...well don't get your hopes up. Physically she will be fine but mentally...I just don't know."

"How is she? What the hell are you doing here?" Nick sounded concerned at first but there was no doubt about the disgust in his voice as he finished.

I felt the bed dip and something warm engulf my hand. Wait I could feel! Come on body fight! I needed to wake the fuck up. I needed out of this damn room!

"Hey Love. Ok so it's time for you to get your ass out of bed. Like seriously a 3 day nap is a bit excessive don't you think? Hell if you don't get up soon you will never be able to get your body back into shape." I knew he was joking and his voice only betrayed him near the end.

My eyes wouldn't budge. It felt like they were glued shut but I started to feel other things. I felt Nick's hand in mine. I felt someone rubbing their hand up my other arm and I felt someone's hand on my ankle. Now if I could only fucking move dammit! Things grew quiet after that for awhile.

"Jenson?" It was Nick who broke the silence and had me fighting the blackness that was about to steal me away again. "I have one question. I know the why's and I will not bring up my opinion about that again. There has been too many shitty ass things that have already gone wrong lately." Nick hesitated before he spoke again. "How did you find out about her past when our Alpha, Beta, and Gamma couldn't?"

I didn't want to go back to this topic but I wanted to know as well. The blackness that I was fighting was now gone. Oh I was still stuck in the damn lightless room but I think I could see a small flicker of light ahead. I kept that flicker in sight but most of my attention was on the voices.

Jenson said only one word. "Drew."

"Drew?!" Nick's voice raised a couple notches. "The asshole who has hated Mac from the first day of school? The Drew that has caused so much shit that I am surprised I haven't killed him yet. That Drew?" Nick sounded pissed.

"Why doesn't Drew like Mac?" Jenson sounded confused.

Nick let out a laugh. "The first day Mac was at our school Drew was his usual dick self, not that I was much better. Anyways he tripped Jason, the human kid that Mac talks to once in a while. It was pretty bad. So later while we were all still on the field doing our laps Mac got Drew back." Nick started to laugh again. "Oh it was priceless. Damn she's good. Drew went down hard and ever since then he has a hard on about getting her back. I understand a little payback but the things Drew has said about Mac...let's just say I haven't spoken to the guy in weeks because I was at the point that I wasn't sure if I could stop myself from permanently shutting him up."

Things got quiet again. "Well that explains a lot. Fuck I should have known. No, I did know but I was so damn single minded that I ignored it." Jenson sounded annoyed and pissed. "It wasn't me...I mean I never spoke to that guy. Drew gave me all the information. I...I just wanted...needed something so I could hate her. I needed something so I didn't care for her." The regret was thick in his voice.

I didn't want to hear any more. I needed to wake the fuck up, I needed to shut them the hell up. I wanted to forget about my past. Forget about Jenson. I was done and wanted everyone to just leave. Instead of using my energy on screaming since it was a waste of effort I focused on moving just my hand. The hand that Nick was holding.

The more I focused on that and nothing else the brighter that small flicker grew. I could almost feel the strength in my hand. I could feel the small circle that Nick was making on my hand with his finger. I knew there were still people who surrounded me and I knew they were talking but I blocked it out and focused on the movement on my hand. I focused on moving my own damn hand. I did hear a gasp but ignored it. The flicker that was growing was turning into a soft light now. It was moving closer and closer to me.

There! I swear my finger moved. I just had to try again. "That's it Mac do it again," I heard the excited voice of Nick. I did just as he asked. I made not only my finger move but my whole hand squeezed his. It wasn't a hard squeeze by any stretch of the imagination but it was a hell of a lot more than I did before.

I felt a warm large hand on my face. It was such a soft loving touch that I froze. A jolt shot through my body and I gasped sitting right up with my eyes flying open. I had to blink a few times before I understood where I was. Sitting in my bed with Nick beside me holding my hand, Corey, M1, and Lola staring down at me and Jenson standing beside me with his hand outstretched moving towards my face.

I looked at that hand and the faces around my room and felt nothing. No happiness, no relief, no pain, no anger. I felt empty and cold. The smiles that were on most of their faces have fallen. I swung my legs off the bed and tried to stand up.

"Wow! What are you doing?" Nick had jumped off the bed when I started to move my legs. He now stood in front of me holding my upper arms, keeping me from swaying.

"Washroom," I stated and went to step around him but he moved again. Now he had his arm around my waist and walked with me to the washroom. "Thanks," I said before shutting the door in his face. I may not feel anything but I see no reason to be rude.

After I did my business I turned on the shower. I was tired but felt gross. I could hear the others whispering frantically but I could care less. Jumping in the shower I took my time letting the hot water relax my body.

When I walked out of the bathroom with a towel securely wrapped around me the bedroom door was left open and the Alpha and Luna were the only ones left in my room. Grabbing some workout clothes I walked back into the bathroom to get dressed. A few minutes later I was back in my room where both the Alpha and Luna still waited. My body was a little weak and I was hungry but I felt good.

"Yes?" I looked at the Alpha and asked. I was assuming him and his Luna stayed for a reason.

"Please sit down Mac," he said. There was no smile on his face but he also didn't seem mad. I sat on my bed and stared at the Alpha. "I don't know who much you know so I wanted to take a few minutes to explain things."

"I know I survived my shift. I know my wolf tried to kill Jenson. I know my wolf is weak and it is her fault that the bonds are practically broken. I know I don't care about any of this or anyone right now. I just want to be left alone," I stated. My voice sounded flat.

Alpha Alexander watched me and said nothing. It was if he was looking for something. "You won't feel like this for long. But the problem is that when your emotions come back online it will be an overload that hits you all at once. When that happens I do not want you to be alone. We will give you as much space as we can but someone will always be close by. Let's head downstairs and get some solid food in that belly of yours," Alpha said the last with a smile.

I stood, reached for my ipod and followed him out. People outright stared at me. Some looked nervous, others held curiosity and a few were hostile. It was those stares that I held with my own blank one. I never looked away first. Another time I would have been amused but now I felt nothing.

I ate in the kitchen as usual. Hushed voices went silent when they entered the room. Tension was high. None of it bothered me. I barely registered anything. While I sat on the stool eating I stared out the glass door looking at nothing. I felt nothing, maybe not nothing but I felt numb. I don't think I liked it but it was better than the pain. Right?

In my own little world of void a dark shape blocked my view. It took a couple seconds to understand why my view went from the woods to a dark blue shirt and tanned large forearms. My eyes slowly travelled up to a wide chest that I was familiar with. Moving up and up I met a pair of warm brown eyes. I raised a questioning eyebrow. "How are you feeling?" M1 asked, his voice guarded.

"Fine," I answered, my voice fell flat. I went back to my food and concentrated on the granite top.

I heard M1 sigh. "It will get better Mac. I promise." I just shrugged my shoulders. He couldn't promise that and I wouldn't hold him to it.

"Mac?" A soft deep voice came from behind me followed by a growl from M1. "Do you have a minute? Alone." The only thing that surprised me was that I did not feel him get close to me. I could feel him coming when he was 20 feet away over the past couple weeks but now nothing. Come to think of it I didn't even know M1 was here till he blocked my view.

"What do you want, Jenson?" Still my voice was flat. I ignored the alone part of his question. I continued to eat with my back to him.

He said nothing for a few minutes. I got up to put my dish in the dishwasher. When I turned around he was right there, less than a foot behind me. I really didn't like not knowing when people were so close to me. I felt a flicker of annoyance but then it was gone.

"Mac...I am so sorry," Jenson said as we stared into the others eyes. His emerald green ones that held so much conflict and my blue ones that held nothing. "I was stupid and scared. It was inexcusable. I am so so sorry for what I did to you. I didn't know. You shouldn't have felt..."

I could see the pain and regret in his eyes but still felt nothing. No hurt, no betrayal, absolutely nothing. "Ok," I didn't know what else to say. I stepped aside and went to walk around him.

"Mac..." Jenson whispered as his hand softly cupped my face. "Please fight. I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you."

I had no impulse to rip his hand off my face. I felt an empty hand and nothing more. Staring deep into his emerald green eyes a single tear slid down his face. When I opened my mouth I spoke the truth. "I'm done fighting. I am just too damn tired to fight which just ends up with the same results." With that said I walked away.